Topic Author's Original Post - Dec 10, 2012 - 08:05pm PT
It's amazing what we take for granted.
There's a terrible, bullshit song about paving a paradise for a parking lot. You know, you usually hear it in elevators and at Albertsons.
It seems like we can never know what we have until its gone, and we adjust to life without.
I've learned that life is both incredibly simple and infinitely complex. Everything flows to a pattern, each day is fresh and new and each evening dark, cold and full of questions - endless questions filling your head as it lays against a lonely pillow.
There's more room in the bed now, and the cat seems to understand it is his spot. There are our things everywhere, right where we left them. They sit idle, no future just a past that their likeness scream silently as you walk by.
Things come and go, and just as the night has questions they are forgotten by the soft glow of sunrise. Each morning I'm reminded that there never was an answer, things just are. Life laps up onto shore and recedes again, endlessly over and over. For some reason we are the only species pushing against the tide and begging for it to come back again, when we need only ebb and move with it.
I keep hoping that by devoting myself wholly to climbing answers will reveal themselves. I guess I learned that some things aren't meant to be - that there will always be something] slipping through your fingers. Or someone.
Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm climbing rocks or banging my head against them.
Oh well. There's always tomorrow, and it may not be a sunny day but that doesn't matter because life is a full spectrum, and parts of it are so wonderful that losing them can be this terrible.
Climbing is but one path to discovery. Self discovery as well as other kinds. Climbing is a good path, no doubt. Just be careful out there... no need to check your knot when meditating (at least so far for me!).
Sometimes the darkness helps enhance our appreciation of the light. And if you really go deep, even the darkness itself.
Sounds like you are in a challenging and perhaps sorrowful time. I appreciate your reflections. See them for what they are and don't grasp onto them too tightly. You own them but hang on too tightly and they might become your ball and chain. Use them instead to build/create something new and beautiful. The cat is a good start.
GDavis, Thoughtful post. Even if life is not going as you expected,
like you say, " There is always tomorrow."
There will be new people that walk beside you.
Wishing you well...... with the mystery of life.
Sending you this song, good music.. though the youtube uploader has lame visuals to go wtih the song.
Van Morrison...The Mystery http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHbFg1jUlaI
Give Joni another listen... She is the song writer of the song you hate......
Give this song a listen..
Joni Mitchell, Circle game.... and the seasons, they go round & round..
we're captured on a carousal of time.. We can't return, we can only look behind from where we came...
and go round and round in the circle game.
There'll be new dreams, maybe better dreams and plenty,
Before the last revolving year is through.
Thanks Fletch (can I call you Fletch? I know a Fletcher and he's Fletch to all of us). I really appreciate your insight - there absolutely is something inviting and fantastic about the night.
I don't really have 'friends' per say, more co-workers and climbing partners. I've made a habit out of being unattached to people, and attached to my own lifestyle. Oops.
It's weird that this is the avenue I felt to vomit out my thoughts and feelings - maybe something about Supertopo being a petri dish of society and a good reality check.
I dunno. I'm always too busy trying to get a reaction from people or make them laugh, to have any kind of serious discussion about life. Somehow, when I have a keyboard and my fat head reflecting in the monitor I can say what I feel, where there is no specific audience just the general void of the Taco Stand.
As far as the Cat goes, his name is Thor and he is awesome. But I don't own him, and he, too, will leave my life shortly :(
(sorry bluey, stone-cold sober. Seems to be all I am anymore : /)
(sorry bluey, stone-cold sober. Seems to be all I am anymore : /)
Nothing to apologize for. More a badge of honor, actually!
Quit being a bitch and apologizing or surrendering for certain crap. Live life like you see it! And climbing isn't the be-all, end-all! Unless that is your inspiration.
Do what you feel is right for you! Try not to be a commie, but just do what what makes you happy and can support you financially.
A few months ago a friend went through a horrible break-up. Everyone chose sides, because things were said that couldn't be un-said, etc... everything was being painted black-and-white and facts and dates became the talking points amongst the circle of friends. I just remember feeling like a wonderful thing they had was gone and that it was just sad, not frustrating or angry but genuinely sad that two people I liked couldn't make it work.
It's so awesome when you enjoy doing something and your partner does, too... really hard to find those, ya know? Mebbe I should learn to enjoy Sex and the City and drinking Long Island Iced Tea (actually that sounds awesome!)
So, when you've burned yourself out on a long, hard pitch, and can't make it to the belay, you use what you've learned, and you let go.
funny enough...
Yesterday I was out at Joshua Tree trying (lol) to lead Rubicon, got to the crux and hoorah! A fixed stopper! If nothing else, aid climbing has taught me that fixed=BOMBER so I clipped it and gunned through the difficult section only to noob up and pump out placing gear in fingerjams. Looked down at the fixed stopper, pretended I was in a Gym, and yay! Enjoyable short swinger onto mystery metal.
So yeah, learning to fall is fun! I'm quite enjoying it, but I think next time I'll fix my own gear :)
Don't know if this helps, but I'm right there with you. Don't be afraid to access the stuff that really hurts...it's in processing this muck that you heal and become stronger.
Many very wise folks have urged me to write. It helps to get the stuff out of your head and on to paper, where it holds less of an emotional charge. (Horrifying putting it all out there, but it's like jumping into frigid water, I suppose. The faster you take a running leap, the sooner you're back on dry land.)
My best advice (and I used it myself!) is to start a list of all of the things you've missed out on doing, have always dreamed of doing, etc. Write something or more things on it every day. (It is a nifty trick to fool your brain into switching gears and looking forward.) At some point, pick the things you really want to do and start making them happen. It feels great because you are living the life YOU want to live...
When it comes to job future, think about your prospects for the future economy. For me, in the 90's, it was elec manufacturing. We saw that go to China...
Thanks for the advice, lila. Wasn't much I missed out on, though. Best year of my life, which I guess is a good thing. I'll always have those experiences and I guess some places will mean a bit more, which again seem like good things.
Wow, Locker, thanks for the post. Ekat sang and played this song on her splendicious guitar in Yellow Pine at the Facelift several years ago. At least I think this was the song. Jingy was there. Actually I think she sang it at Jingy's request.
Good soul thoughts, GDavis. Worthy of reflection.
Today was today. Tomorrow may be one that gives unexpected joys....or not. Sometimes life is such a gradual uphill to joy, peace and love that as you walk the path you don't even notice you've arrived until you run smack dab into it. Then sometimes a short burst places you in Joy's lap. But Life is and we are blessed to breathe. Smiles, Lynne
Fletch is fine... reminds me of Chevy Chase and all those funny movies he made.
In order to be courageous, it appears that you need to also be vulnerable in order to get there. Climbing is a good example of this (especially hard leads, soloing), but there are many other examples. People who have shared very traumatic experiences (epics, hostage, and other survival situations) are known to really bond if they get through it. In a way, in those situations, you are at your most vulnerable right in front of others.
Eric
Edit: Joni Mitchell is a long time favorite of mine. I don't always like everything she does, but a lot of it. She's a good example of a musician who grew and took risks, rather than sticking to the same old thing that worked at the start.
Gdavis-- Happiness is a choice so choose to be happy with whatever hand your dealt--being unhappy won't change it.
sounds like you lost someone...Forgive them for not being the way YOU wanted them to be...
forgive yourself while your at it...
Find something that you can do for someone else and feel good about it. Being a giver is COOL maybe not as lucrative as being a capitalist but way cooler than being a capitalist.
Have you ever checked out the synonyms of "to capitalize" I doubt most would want to call themselves an "exploitationist"
Hi back at ya Lynne! All is well and I'm enjoying it all (even when the kids are pushing all the buttons!). Good to see you here again!
Speaking of the night, there seems to be a night shift on the Taco Stand. You know who you are! I'm definitely part of that. Sometimes that extends into the Dawn Patrol!
Nothing sucks anything quite so hard as a break up.
I find breakups to have changed subtly from life stopping quagmires to mild heartburn. This attitude has more to do with age than passion for the one and only, only.
As stated above, life is full of sh#t. How you take the resonance and pain going forward is a REALLY good exam !
Really great words there, GDavis. Thanks for putting that up. OK, I'll look for an appropriate musical choice now.
Keep expanding on that original post. I'm right there with you as well wondering what is going on. Did someone see a manual in the box? Sh#t, got thrown out!
Today was today. Tomorrow may be one that gives unexpected joys....or not. Sometimes life is such a gradual uphill to joy, peace and love that as you walk the path you don't even notice you've arrived until you run smack dab into it. Then sometimes a short burst places you in Joy's lap. But Life is and we are blessed to breathe. Smiles, Lynne
Beautifully said, LL LL.
GDavis, what I'm going to say has been said many times before:
"When one door closes, another opens." Let the other open door be one you walk thru, one foot in front of the other, with hope. You never know what the future holds.
“Where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure.”
~Rumi
As for turning to the Taco during a tough time... I did the same thing in August. What came out of it has been two fantastic relationships with two beautiful, thoughtful human beans who I feel I've known my whole life.
You hang in there, G. (May I call you "G"?) :)
I'm not especially good with words but lately some of the ST postings have been astoundingly moving and I fail in many ways to express how they have touched me. Anyway, they have! This one included. I think as we move into winter, Christmas season, end of year, shorter days, longer nights, whatever, it stirs a type of self reflection...thank you brave folks that can share it....it resonates tremendously with many of us that can't quite figure out the words.
"walking along in the mission in in the rain"
we walk a beautiful life between the mountains and the sea, the highs being so high and the
and the wipe outs so deep. but when you stare out at the ocean and it stares back so mad and
confused, build a fire wait out the storm and watch the ocean turn that chaos into clean
pealing lines, spitting barrels and long glassy walls.
"be you in the sun or be you pack your bags and run, be there another swell coming your way"
My friend Nick had a monkey... Fred I think... made one of the climbing mags way back... wouldn't recommend it.
Chicks are crazy and next to impossible to deal with on a daily basis. Problem is, they have all the pussy and way better tits than dudes. Stay cool, do what you love, be open, and someone will come along... but just remember, they are ALL crazy... just make sure it is nice crazy, not psycho bitch crazy. Remember, if they climb 5.12, they are most likely psycho bitch bat sh#t crazy... although the standards have changed, so the cut off could be 5.14 these days.
Yeah, my comments ruined this thread. Sorry Greg. I should have stuck with posting photos of used blow up dolls or bitching about being married or posting videos of lame ass love songs.
There's a terrible, bullshit song about paving a paradise for a parking lot. You know, you usually hear it in elevators and at Albertsons.
G Davis..... you should really go get that girls first 3 records and listen to what she has to say about life and things. A lot of wisdom in
her songs.
Go climbing.... get over it, it's part of life and one day you might just look back and think: "The best day of my life was the day she split town"
^^^^^they should carve those words on Washington's forehead on Mt Rushmore
lissen, GDavis, snap out of it! you gotta FOCUS this winter on leading HOT ROCKS at JT...make HOT ROCKS yer only purpose in life for the next 2 months! send that fukker on THE LEAD, bro! if you run out of submen send me a PM and I'll set up all comfy at the base and shriek beta while giving a casual hip belay
& if a buncha weenies are toproping it Ill fire some warning shots w/ my 9mm machinepistol and send them fleeing
Sorry to hear about this Greg, but one lesson I have learned at 50:
Good things take time. I did not meet the love of my life until I was 48.
I like to think that all of that other stuff was the learning that I needed to meet the one that was right for me and NOT blow it.
If I had stayed with them, i would not have been open to that one that was the right match.
Keep the faith and have no fear of love and loss. We all feel it, it's how we choose to deal with it and how open we remain through the suffering that defines us and our future prospects.
...
Let us know!