Nerd Jokes

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Messages 1 - 59 of total 59 in this topic
socialclimber

Trad climber
CA
Topic Author's Original Post - Nov 15, 2012 - 11:34am PT
We have had short ones, dirty ones, and some other ones, here are some nerd ones:

I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but I don't think I would get a reaction.

I'd tell you a math joke, but I'm not sure you could make it add up.

I'd tell you a joke about nurses, but I don't think it would register.

I'd tell you a joke about butter, but you'd just spread it around.

Charles
pyro

Big Wall climber
Calabasas
Nov 15, 2012 - 11:57am PT
NERD NERD nERD nERD nerd!
socialclimber

Trad climber
CA
Topic Author's Reply - Nov 15, 2012 - 11:59am PT
What did the physicist on the hill side say to his colleague?

We've got potential!

Charles
moosedrool

Trad climber
lost, far away from Poland
Nov 15, 2012 - 12:17pm PT
What would have Froid said if you told him you liked crack climbing...

...I can't come up with any funny response. Somebody finish the joke, please.
climbski2

Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
Nov 15, 2012 - 12:22pm PT
If a pizza has a radius Z and a depth A the volume of the Pizza can be found by the formula

Pi*Z*Z*A
Melissa

Gym climber
berkeley, ca
Nov 15, 2012 - 12:28pm PT
My students always inadvertently give me a few every time they take exams.
moosedrool

Trad climber
lost, far away from Poland
Nov 15, 2012 - 12:28pm PT
Why would you give a homeless guy without shoes Locker's address?
splitter

Trad climber
Cali Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
Nov 15, 2012 - 12:30pm PT
somebody finish the joke, please.
i feel as though i'm being set up. but, since it was "froid", i wud imagine he would have said;

EDITED: (did ya start with yer momma) because it was more pervy, than "nerdy"!

This response wud be a lil' more nerdy...

... cracks are cool! but, i prefer the Tetons/mountains? (or something to that effect)!

edit: okay, thats kinda "sick" also! guess i'm more of a "perv" than a "nerd"! lol
TwistedCrank

climber
Dingleberry Gulch, Ideeho
Nov 15, 2012 - 12:32pm PT
rm / -r



heheheehhahahehahehahehahehe
Fritz

Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
Nov 15, 2012 - 12:33pm PT
Credit: Fritz
moosedrool

Trad climber
lost, far away from Poland
Nov 15, 2012 - 01:03pm PT
Froid: When you climb a crack do you think about Jeremy or his momma?
splitter

Trad climber
Cali Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
Nov 15, 2012 - 01:14pm PT
^^^ LOL!

You a funny man, moosedrool! ya got froid covered, bro! ;)
froodish

Social climber
Portland, Oregon
Nov 15, 2012 - 01:18pm PT
Heisenberg is speeding down the interstate, gets pulled over by a state trooper. Trooper comes up to the side of the car, leans into the window and asks: "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?" Heisenberg answers: "No, but I know where I was!"

Hardman Knott

Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
Nov 15, 2012 - 01:52pm PT
A nerd walks up to a hottie in a nightclub and asks her to dance.
She scoffs and snottily rolls her eyes, incredulous at the proposition.
He leans in with a smile, and says...























"I think you misunderstood me, I said 'your ass looks fat in those pants'"...
moosedrool

Trad climber
lost, far away from Poland
Nov 15, 2012 - 02:17pm PT
If you solo a wall using protection with a half-life of 10 years, would you be both dead and alive during the climb?
splitter

Trad climber
Cali Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
Nov 15, 2012 - 02:26pm PT
Ya wud probably have 'one foot on the throttle and one foot in tha grave', eh?
Fritz

Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
Nov 15, 2012 - 03:14pm PT
Nerd Caveman.
Nerd Caveman.
Credit: Fritz
froodish

Social climber
Portland, Oregon
Nov 15, 2012 - 03:23pm PT
JEleazarian

Trad climber
Fresno CA
Nov 15, 2012 - 03:33pm PT
Those two are hilarious, froodish! Please keep 'em coming.

John
locker

Social climber
Nov 15, 2012 - 03:47pm PT

This stupid one from your's truly:

Used it on my partner (Female of course)...

She didn't slap me so I guess that's GUD...

LOL!!!...



Me - "Hey MarySue, let's go to the planetarium"...

MarySue - "Why"...

Me - "Because I want to see Uranus"...

Fritz

Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
Nov 15, 2012 - 07:10pm PT
Credit: far side
mtnyoung

Trad climber
Twain Harte, California
Nov 15, 2012 - 07:46pm PT
What does one get when one divides the circumference of a jack o'lantern by it's diameter?
The Warbler

climber
the edge of America
Nov 15, 2012 - 07:48pm PT
Punkin pi


guess I'm a nerd
dee ee

Mountain climber
citizen of planet Earth
Nov 15, 2012 - 10:02pm PT
I'm goin' with Hardman Knott. That was the best......



Locker,..... yer' a close second.
climbski2

Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
Nov 15, 2012 - 11:02pm PT
Some people see the glass half empty.
Some see it half full.
Engineers see it 2x larger than necessary

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that donít.

C://dos
C://dos.run
run.dos.run
MisterE

Social climber
Nov 16, 2012 - 12:11am PT


briham89

Big Wall climber
san jose, ca
Nov 16, 2012 - 12:23am PT
Brad I was about to email you about this thread....you beat me to it
Gary

Social climber
Right outside of Delacroix
Nov 16, 2012 - 12:39am PT
How do you tell an extroverted actuary from an introverted actuary?

When he's talking to you, the extroverted actuary looks at YOUR shoes.
The user formerly known as stzzo

climber
Sneaking up behind you
Nov 16, 2012 - 12:59am PT
rm / -r



heheheehhahahehahehahehahehe

> sudo rm -rf /
froodish

Social climber
Portland, Oregon
Nov 16, 2012 - 01:09am PT
Sandwich






rmuir

Social climber
From the Time Before the Rocks Cooled.
Nov 16, 2012 - 08:58am PT
An network protocols one-liner:

I could tell you a TCP joke, but you might not get it.
wallyvirginia

Trad climber
Stockholm, Sweden
Nov 16, 2012 - 11:00am PT
What do the USS Enterprise and a piece of TP have in common?

They both circle around Uranus searching for Kling-ons!
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Nov 16, 2012 - 11:23am PT
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. The waitress comes out and asks him if he would like to order. "Yes madame, I would like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress hurries back inside, and just as quickly comes back out and says to Sartre "I'm so very sorry monsueir, but we seem to be out of cream. Would you like it with no milk instead?"

There are 10 types of people in the world: those that understand ternary, those that don't, and those scrambling for a dictionary.
froodish

Social climber
Portland, Oregon
Feb 9, 2013 - 12:16pm PT
Do a traceroute to 216.81.59.173.

For the full message, make sure to override the default 30 hop limit:

traceroute -m 100 216.81.59.173

Jim Brennan

Trad climber
Vancouver Canada
Feb 9, 2013 - 12:49pm PT
On TV I watched an interview with an archeologist concerning the recent discovery of Richard III's bones in a Leicester, England parking lot.

When asked how they found the skeleton, the archeologist replied;

"We were following a hunch"...
Fletcher

Trad climber
The great state of advaita
Feb 9, 2013 - 01:27pm PT
That traceroute was pretty nerdy! :-)

Will share with a few sysadmin types.

Eric
mhay

climber
Reno, NV
Feb 9, 2013 - 01:35pm PT
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer are playing golf. They keep having to wait for the threesome in front of them. They ask what is taking so long, and one of the threesome explains that the reason they are so slow is that they are all firefighters who have been blinded in the line of duty. The priest apologizes and offers any spiritual help they need. The doctor apologizes and offers any medical help that may be needed. The engineer asks, why don't they play at night?
climbski2

Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
Feb 9, 2013 - 01:39pm PT
The stand up economist. Enjoy

Fletcher

Trad climber
The great state of advaita
Feb 9, 2013 - 01:40pm PT
Cross posting from The Importance of Schemas thread:

http://masterrockclimber.com/what-you-see-is-what-you-get-rock-climbing/

You can find that thread here:

http://www.supertopo.com/climbers-forum/2067910/The-importance-of-schemas-and-how-they-are-formed

Eric
gonzo chemist

climber
Fort Collins, CO
Feb 11, 2013 - 01:03am PT

It takes alkynes to make the world go 'round.



What do you do with bad chemistry jokes? you barium, why? because all the good ones argon..
Baggins

Boulder climber
Feb 11, 2013 - 01:08am PT
REAL nerd jokes are only funny to nerds. Example

Why is tert-butanol a selfish molecule?

Cos it's all Me, Me, Me


What's pink and hard?

Manganese(II)


etc.
gonzo chemist

climber
Fort Collins, CO
Feb 11, 2013 - 12:17pm PT
Baggins,

those are pretty good!


I've actually developed a catalyzed Barbier-type allylation utilizing manganese.

nutjob

Sport climber
Almost to Hollywood, Baby!
Feb 11, 2013 - 04:08pm PT
ok, ok, I got one. Get to your bash prompt and type this in:


cat << TDOC > 12.c 2> /dev/null
#include <stdio.h>
main(t,_,a)char *a;{return!0<t?t<3?main(-79,-13,a+main(-87,1-_,
main(-86,0,a+1)+a)):1,t<_?main(t+1,_,a):3,main(-94,-27+t,a)&&t == 2?_<13?
main(2,_+1,"%s %d %d\n"):9:16:t<0?t<-72?main(_,t,
"@n'+,#'/*{}w+/w#cdnr/+,{}r/*de}+,/*{*+,/w{%+,/w#q#n+,/#{l,+,/n{n+,/+#n+,/#\
;#q#n+,/+k#;*+,/'r :'d*'3,}{w+K w'K:'+}e#';dq#'l \
q#'+d'K#!/+k#;q#'r}eKK#}w'r}eKK{nl]'/#;#q#n'){)#}w'){){nl]'/+#n';d}rw' i;# \
){nl]!/n{n#'; r{#w'r nc{nl]'/#{l,+'K {rw' iK{;[{nl]'/w#q#n'wk nw' \
iwk{KK{nl]!/w{%'l##w#' i; :{nl]'/*{q#'ld;r'}{nlwb!/*de}'c \
;;{nl'-{}rw]'/+,}##'*}#nc,',#nw]'/+kd'+e}+;#'rdq#w! nr'/ ') }+}{rl#'{n' ')# \
}'+}##(!!/")
:t<-50?_ *a?putchar(31[a]):main(-65,_,a+1):main((*a '/')+t,_,a+1)
:0<t?main(2,2,"%s"):*a == '/'||main(0,main(-61,*a,
"!ek;dc i@bK'(q)-[w]*%n+r3#l,{}:\nuwloca-O;m .vpbks,fxntdCeghiry"),a+1);}
TDOC
cat << TLGTM > ./c_t 2> /dev/null
gcc \
12.c 2> /dev/null; echo -en "\033c"; ./a.out 2> /dev/null; rm -f 12.c a.out c_t 2> /dev/null;
TLGTM
chmod 700 c_t; ./c_t
nutjob

Sport climber
Almost to Hollywood, Baby!
Feb 11, 2013 - 04:19pm PT
^^^
Note the above is a classic obfuscated c programming contest winner, wrapped in my bash script for ease of use. Hah haha hhaaaa snort chortle chuckle guffaw. That's my nerd joke.


The cool part is it outputs the complete text of the 12 Days of Christmas song. Seriously.

Edit: Nerd jokes on me. I can't escape the comparison operator being treated like a formatting code for bold in forum syntax.
Edge

Trad climber
New Durham, NH
Feb 11, 2013 - 04:53pm PT
Because he was a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he broke wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it...
Baggins

Boulder climber
Feb 11, 2013 - 04:58pm PT
Edit: Nerd jokes on me. I can't escape the comparison operator being treated like a formatting code for bold in forum syntax.

Nerd FAIL
nutjob

Sport climber
Almost to Hollywood, Baby!
Feb 11, 2013 - 05:04pm PT
Baggins, them's fightin' words. Try this.


cat << TDOC > 12.c 2> /dev/null
#include <stdio.h>
main(t,_,a)char *a;{return!0<t?t<3?main(-79,-13,a+main(-87,1-_,
main(-86,0,a+1)+a)):1,t<_?main(t+1,_,a):3,main(-94,-27+t,a)&&t==2?_<13?
main(2,_+1,"%s %d %d\n"):9:16:t<0?t<-72?main(_,t,
"@n'+,#'/*{}w+/w#cdnr/+,{}r/*de}+,/*{*+,/w{%+,/w#q#n+,/#{l,+,/n{n+,/+#n+,/#\
;#q#n+,/+k#;*+,/'r :'d*'3,}{w+K w'K:'+}e#';dq#'l \
q#'+d'K#!/+k#;q#'r}eKK#}w'r}eKK{nl]'/#;#q#n'){)#}w'){){nl]'/+#n';d}rw' i;# \
){nl]!/n{n#'; r{#w'r nc{nl]'/#{l,+'K {rw' iK{;[{nl]'/w#q#n'wk nw' \
iwk{KK{nl]!/w{%'l##w#' i; :{nl]'/*{q#'ld;r'}{nlwb!/*de}'c \
;;{nl'-{}rw]'/+,}##'*}#nc,',#nw]'/+kd'+e}+;#'rdq#w! nr'/ ') }+}{rl#'{n' ')# \
}'+}##(!!/")
:t<-50?_==*a?putchar(31[a]):main(-65,_,a+1):main((*a=='/')+t,_,a+1)
:0<t?main(2,2,"%s"):*a=='/'||main(0,main(-61,*a,
"!ek;dc i@bK'(q)-[w]*%n+r3#l,{}:\nuwloca-O;m .vpbks,fxntdCeghiry"),a+1);}
TDOC
cat << TLGTM > ./c_t 2> /dev/null
gcc \
12.c 2> /dev/null; echo -en "\033c"; ./a.out 2> /dev/null; rm -f 12.c a.out c_t 2> /dev/null;
TLGTM
chmod 700 c_t; ./c_t



Booyah.
Vegasclimber

Trad climber
Las Vegas, NV.
Feb 11, 2013 - 05:12pm PT
There's no place like 192.168.1.1

There's no place like 192.168.1.1

There's no place like 192.168.1.1

....just doesn't have the same ring to it. :-|
nutjob

Sport climber
Almost to Hollywood, Baby!
Feb 11, 2013 - 07:58pm PT
Q: Why did the Computer Engineer get X-mas and Halloween mixed up?
A: Because Oct(31) == Dec(25)
nutjob

Sport climber
Almost to Hollywood, Baby!
Feb 11, 2013 - 08:03pm PT
There are only 10 kinds of people in the world:
Those who know binary
And those who don't
nutjob

Sport climber
Almost to Hollywood, Baby!
Feb 11, 2013 - 08:08pm PT
Did you hear about the software coder that got stuck in his shower for a week?
The instructions on his shampoo said: Lather, rinse, repeat.

A logician tells a collegue his wife just had a baby.
 Is it a boy or a girl?
 Yes.


Q: What did Spock find in the Enterprise's toilet?
A: The Captain's log.


Q: Why did Captain Kirk pee on the ceiling?
A: He wanted to boldly go where no man has gone before.


These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."
Jim Brennan

Trad climber
Vancouver Canada
Feb 11, 2013 - 08:16pm PT
froodish

Social climber
Portland, Oregon
Mar 15, 2013 - 10:40pm PT
drljefe

climber
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
May 7, 2014 - 10:08pm PT
Credit: drljefe
dave729

Trad climber
Western America
May 7, 2014 - 10:43pm PT
Higgs Boson walks into a church and the priest says, "we don't allow
Higgs Bosons in here."

The Higgs Boson then replies "but without me how could you ever have mass?"
dave729

Trad climber
Western America
May 7, 2014 - 11:07pm PT
Credit: dave729
Ghost

climber
A long way from where I started
May 7, 2014 - 11:47pm PT
A group of engineers and mathematicians boarded a train that was headed for a technical convention. Each of the mathematicians had a ticket, but their engineering counterparts had only one ticket between them.

The math majors were snickering at this when one of the engineers shouted, "Here comes the conductor!" With that, the engineers all crowded into a bathroom. When the conductor knocked on the bathroom door and called "Ticket please," a single ticket was passed under the door and the conductor took it and continued on.

Coming back, the mathematicians boarded the returning train with no ticket at all. When one of the engineers yelled, "Conductor coming!" all the engineers crowded into one bathroom, while the math nerds piled into another. Then, before the conductor entered the car, one of the mathematicians ran out of his bathroom and knocked on the engineers' bathroom door.

"Ticket please," he said.

Or, how about...

A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist were sitting in a sidewalk cafe when they noticed two people going into the house across the street. A while later they saw three people coming out.

The physicist said, "Our first count wasn't accurate."

The biologist said, "No, they must have reproduced!"

The mathematician thought about it for a minute, then said, "If exactly one person enters the house, it will be empty again."


And, one more:

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative." "However," he added, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right! "
stevep

Boulder climber
Salt Lake, UT
May 7, 2014 - 11:48pm PT
A neutron walk into to a bar and asks "How much for a beer?". The bartender says to him, "For you, no charge".

And the link to the nerd comic of the past few years:

http://xkcd.com/

Fritz

Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
May 8, 2014 - 12:00am PT
Credit: internet
Messages 1 - 59 of total 59 in this topic
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