Discussion Topic |
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| Messages 1 - 69 of total 69 in this topic |
Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Original Post - Aug 9, 2012 - 12:45am PT
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Inspired by our elders' wit and wisdom and love of language.
Rancorous guttersnipe
Puerile rube
Sophomoric mountebank
Other quotes and ideas welcome.
If you must name-call, at least try to be elegant about it.
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Srbphoto
climber
Kennewick wa
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Your momma!
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nutjob
Gym climber
Berkeley, CA
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Yo momma so fat when she brake her leg gravy fall out.
... oops, wrong thread. Ahem:
"I've had a really wonder time... but this wasn't it."
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RyanD
climber
Squamish
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MH, are u feeling a little surly?? Classy insult sounds like a bit of an oxymoron but fun idea for a thread.
Good luck with that.
Edit- ^^ that is my weak attempt @ a classy insult.
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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I fail to see how this thread is off-topic for this forum
Suck it Taco fools! Errr...I mean...
Illegitimi non carborundum
Peace
Karl
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Matt
Trad climber
it's all turtles, all the way dooowwwwwnn!!!!!
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not "yo' momma!"
he asked for classy!
"your mom"
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MisterE
Social climber
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MR. WIGGIN: Yes, well, that's the sort of blinkered, philistine pig ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker's cuss for the struggling artist. You excrement! You whining, hypocritical toadies, with your colour TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleeding Masonic secret handshakes! You wouldn't let me join, would you, you blackballing bastards! Well, I wouldn't become a freemason now if you went down on your lousy, stinking knees and begged me!
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Spider Savage
Mountain climber
The shaggy fringe of Los Angeles
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"Are you SURE you know what you're doing?"
"Is THAT how you always tie that?"
"That piece you placed right before the crux... Yeah, that fell out."
"Who taught you how to do THAT?"
"Yeah, that would work for someone like you."
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Nohea
Trad climber
Living Outside the Statist Quo
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"you'd be pretty hot if you just lost a few pounds"
You mean like that?
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Da_Dweeb
climber
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You've got the kind of face only a sledgehammer could love.
AND HAS.
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Marlow
Sport climber
OSLO
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Maybe not classy, but popular some time ago.
Form: simple + -
Example:
Nice thread...
..........NOT!
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Urizen
Ice climber
Berkeley, CA
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Truly all-purpose. From Sherlock Holmes:
"Were you born thus? Or did it come by degrees?"
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Gary
climber
"My god - it's full of stars!"
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Captain Haddock from Tintin is the master:
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Ghost
climber
A long way from where I started
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Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
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Tony Bird
climber
Northridge, CA
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nihilism from a ghost. how nonentical can you get?
check out the cambrian explosion:
you anomalocariac-repellant wiwaxiid! vile priapulid worm! pedunculate!
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Srbphoto
climber
Kennewick wa
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about half the dialogue in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
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StahlBro
Trad climber
San Diego, CA
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"You are an idiot for even the tears of a strumpet"
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RyanD
climber
Squamish
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"If i had a dog with a face like yours i would shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards"
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murf02
climber
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"To your, feet ma'am. They're almost as big as your mouth".
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Marlow
Sport climber
OSLO
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"The words he is in possession of he cannot be deprived of. Their authority transcends his ignorance of their meaning."
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Bowser
Social climber
Durango CO
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Are you an ass by nature or did you go to school for that?
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ydpl8s
Trad climber
Santa Monica, California
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I didn't agree with the man most of the time, but he did know how to throw around an insult - William F. Buckley Jr.
“I won't insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said.”
And then there is of course the great Winston Churchill
Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”
Nancy Astor: “Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.”
Churchill: “If I were your husband I would take it.”
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Marlow
Sport climber
OSLO
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"I will not belong to any club that will accept me as a member"
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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One of my favorite has always been:
He's hit rock bottom, and started to dig.
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Since I see have have "you warthog-faced buffoon" from "The Princess Brides," I would add "you vomitous mass."
John
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Marlow
Sport climber
OSLO
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"Schade nur, ewig schade für die Unze Gehirn, die so schlecht in diesem Schädel wuchert."
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Marlow
Sport climber
OSLO
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Not all-purpose, but covering "most men":
"Other men are oblivious of what they do awake, just as they are forgetful of what they do asleep.
Not comprehending, they hear like the deaf. The saying bears witness to them: absent while present.
Although the account (logos) is shared, most men live as though their thinking (phronesis) were a private possession.
Most men do not think (phroneousi) things in the way that they encounter them, nor do they recognize what they experience, but believe their own opinions."
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Marlow
Sport climber
OSLO
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"Marry, sir, they have committed false report; moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust things; and, to conclude, they are lying knaves."
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g-tech
Trad climber
Oakland!
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I'm sorry, have you been talking to me this whole time?
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TwistedCrank
climber
Dingleberry Gulch, Ideeho
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You vulgar little maggot.
You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a slug than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.
You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beast who sired you and then killed himself in recognition of what he had done. Your daddy was a bastard, your mamma was a whore, and you wouldn't be here if the rubber hadn't tore. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you.
You have all the appeal of a booger. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood.
May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Sheep won't have sex with you––only trash such as yourself.
You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool.
You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of a used condom. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.
You are a fiend and a coward, and you have toe jam. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away forever.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me.
After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left.
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
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Back when I was in high school, I was sitting in the back row of the auditorium, being a jerk and talking during a program with a guest speaker. Sister MarySomethingOrOther came up behind, smacked the back of my head and said:
"You are a bold piece of humanity."
It was the icy tone in her delivery(and the head smack) that gave the insult it's full value. As you can see, I still remember it, decades later.
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HighTraverse
Trad climber
Bay Area
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Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.” and you will still be ugly.
So much better when it's complete
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RyanD
climber
Squamish
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Wow twisted crank!
You must feel like a shell of a human after that.
Your mother must be proud. Hehehe
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HighTraverse
Trad climber
Bay Area
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Former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau's response to learning that Richard Nixon called him an a-hole:
"I've been called worse things by better men."
A really good page of ripostes here:
http://mindyourownbusiness.com/retorts.htm
Lord Sandwich: Really, Mr. Wilkes, I don't know whether you'll die on the gallows or of the pox.
John Wilkes: That depend, my lord, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.
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mooser
Trad climber
seattle
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"Is that your face, or did your neck throw up?"
From a 7 year old
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justthemaid
climber
Jim Henson's Basement
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"There's a lot I could say in your favor.. but the other is more interesting."
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WBraun
climber
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What a stupid thread of flowery insults ......
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 9, 2012 - 09:04pm PT
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Oh, come on, Werner - you can do better than that.
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LilaBiene
Trad climber
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MH, you're timing, as always, is perfecto!
Marlow: Zur "Schade"...'s aber echt lustig!
I've always been fond of "You're mother was a hampster, and your father smelled of elderberry..."
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ms55401
Trad climber
minneapolis, mn
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"mewling quim" is pretty good. kind of like "poofter's froth" but more anglo and thus classier
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Sierra Ledge Rat
Mountain climber
Old and Broken Down in Appalachia
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I've always been fond of "You're mother was a hampster, and your father smelled of elderberry..."
1+
Yes, but do you know what it really means?...
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Sierra Ledge Rat
Mountain climber
Old and Broken Down in Appalachia
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IMHO...
Hamster = breeds loosely & frequently
Elderberry = wine
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hamie
Social climber
Thekoots
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"Fook off. Strong letter to follow."
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Spider Savage
Mountain climber
The shaggy fringe of Los Angeles
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From Val Kilmer film Tombstone
"Oh... I apologize, I forgot you you were there."
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 9, 2012 - 10:27pm PT
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What is a hampster, anyway? Some sort of beast that lives in hampers?
I've heard of hamsters, and Bellinghamsters, but not these other critters.
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Fritz
Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
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I confess to finding some good material here.
Credit to all, but I do most enjoy one excert from Twisted Crank's long, but uncredited report.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you.
My ex-mother in law actually said this to her youngest son, when he blurted out insider knowledge of a real-estate deal to the seller.
I swear they switched babies on me in the hospital!
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LilaBiene
Trad climber
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You're nothing but a sc#m-sucking, pasty-faced hack...
Can't remember where or when I heard it, but it struck me as pretty darn funny.
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o-man
Social climber
Paia,Maui,HI
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I get it!
You're helping?
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RyanD
climber
Squamish
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Aug 10, 2012 - 12:18am PT
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That's what they all say.
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JOEY.F
Gym climber
It's not rocket surgery
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Aug 10, 2012 - 01:10am PT
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Henry II..,All I want is peace
Eleanor...How about eternal peace?
Twisted, gonna print that post. Handy!
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Wayno
Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
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Aug 10, 2012 - 02:57am PT
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What color is the sky in your world?
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Aug 16, 2016 - 06:25pm PT
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In April of 1961, the inimitable Groucho Marx received a glossy annual report from the Franklin Corporation, a company in which he had recently become an investor. After flicking through the report, Groucho had some concerns, and so wrote the following letter to the company's President, Herman Goodman, to inform him.
(Source: The Groucho Letters; Image: Groucho Marx at 85, via.)
April 24, 1961
Dear Mr Goodman:
I received the first annual report of the Franklin Corporation and though I am not an expert at reading balance sheets, my financial advisor (who, I assure you, knows nothing) nodded his head in satisfaction.
You wrote that you hope I am not one of those borscht circuit stockholders who get a few points' profit and hastily scram for the hills. For your information, I bought Alleghany Preferred eleven years ago and am just now disposing of it.
As a brand new member of your family, strategically you made a ghastly mistake in sending me individual pictures of the Board of Directors. Mr Roth, Chairman of the Board, merely looks sinister. You, the President, look like a hard worker with not too much on the ball. No one named Prosswimmer can possibly be a success. As for Samuel A. Goldblith, PhD., head of Food Technology at MIT, he looks as though he had eaten too much of the wrong kind of fodder.
At this point I would like to stop and ask you a question about Marion Harper Jr. To begin with, I immediately distrust any man who has the same name as his mother. But the thing that most disturbs me about Junior is that I don't know what the hell he's laughing at. Is it because he sucked me into this Corporation? This is not the kind of face that inspires confidence in a nervous and jittery stockholder.
George S. Sperti, I dismiss instantly. Any man who is the President of an outfit called Institutum Divi Thomae will certainly bear watching. Is he trying to impress stockholders with his knowledge of Latin? If so, why doesn't he read, "Winnie ille Pu"? James J. Sullivan, I am convinced, is Paul E. Prosswimmer photographed from a different angle.
Offhand, I would say that I have summed up your group fairly accurately. I hope, for my sake, that I am mistaken.
In closing, I warn you, go easy with my money. I am in an extremely precarious profession whose livelihood depends upon a fickle public.
Sincerely yours,
Groucho Marx
(temporarialy at liberty)
PS:
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apogee
climber
Technically expert, safe belayer, can lead if easy
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Aug 16, 2016 - 06:39pm PT
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In the context of the subject, I think it's quite classy.
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Peater
Trad climber
Salt Lake City Ut.
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Aug 16, 2016 - 11:40pm PT
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Marx introducing game show players:
And Mr Johnson tell us about yourself:
Well I live in Detroit with my wife and 11 children:
Marx: Hummm, you know I like a good cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in while.
Robert Krumb comics
Zippy is sitting on a rock in the classic thinker pose:
I was just Thinking: ...................... hummm, hummm, hummm,
There it happened again.
Calvin and Hobbs:
Girls are kind of like slugs; they must serve some purpose but it's just hard to imagine what.
(women please don't take offense, or do if you want, just quoting)
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Skeptimistic
Mountain climber
La Mancha
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Aug 17, 2016 - 06:04am PT
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When you were born, the doctor said, "Slap it, and if it doesn't cry, it's a tumor."
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Ricky D
Trad climber
Sierra Westside
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Aug 17, 2016 - 08:36am PT
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You, my Dear, are the pestilence of my life.
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Gunkie
Trad climber
Valles Marineris
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Aug 17, 2016 - 08:42am PT
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I'm a right to the point kind of guy...
F%^k you, a55hole
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rbord
Boulder climber
atlanta
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Aug 17, 2016 - 11:18am PT
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I know you are but what am I?
Oh wait, that's not the output, that's the algorithm.
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WyoRockMan
climber
Grizzlyville, WY
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Aug 17, 2016 - 11:28am PT
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SH!TGIBBON
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Aug 17, 2016 - 12:03pm PT
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From a 1973 Ray-O-Vac commercial:
"You're lower than a snake in snowshoes, and your father didn't smell any better!"
John
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eeyonkee
Trad climber
Golden, CO
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Aug 17, 2016 - 12:22pm PT
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I was always partial to ignorant churl.
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Lorenzo
Trad climber
Portland Oregon
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Aug 17, 2016 - 12:45pm PT
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I find the ass in compound with the major part of your syllables
The bard - Coriolanus
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Aug 17, 2016 - 12:48pm PT
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Your great-great-granny was a rotten potato in Ireland and she took up with another one and emigrated to the USA.
[Click to View YouTube Video]I've always tolerated ignorant churls. Especially on the Taco!
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Gary
Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
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Aug 17, 2016 - 01:50pm PT
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Lower than a snake's belly in a wagon wheel rut. -- Jed Clampett
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| Messages 1 - 69 of total 69 in this topic |
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