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| Messages 1 - 76 of total 76 in this topic |
toyon
climber
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Topic Author's Original Post - Jun 4, 2012 - 12:45pm PT
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A buddy of mine is headed up the nose and I plan to meet him in top.
Last weekend we moved his custom built +300 lb chicken coop to a different house, which entailed an incredibly sketchy manual lift over a 6 foot fence - think 3 yahoos military pressing this thing with the obligate (smarter) woman standing by with phone in hand ready to call 911. Afterward over beer, the summer climbing implications of a catastrophic failure led to a more important question:
If a chicken gets tossed off of el cap, will it survive?
Which led to some crucial planning questions:
What's the best way to get a chicken into the park?
How do you get the chicken from your vehicle to the TH without getting noticed?
Once you're hiking, how long can you hang a chicken upside down without it dying?
Advice is welcome. As are odds on the chicken making it to the base, alive.
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karodrinker
Trad climber
San Jose, CA
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They can flutter. I think a chicken could pull off the drop.
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Kalimon
Trad climber
Ridgway, CO
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Why do you hate chickens so much?
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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My friends chickens actually like to be held.
Get a small heirloom breed and put it lovingly in the pig.
You'll have eggs every morning and then you can toss that sucker when you top out.
Godspeed, and good luck.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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That slut.
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karodrinker
Trad climber
San Jose, CA
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My chickens like to be held. I can throw em up in the air and they flutter across the yard. Then they come back for another ride.
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WBraun
climber
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A live chicken getting tossed off the El Cap will most likely get taken out by the peregrines.
Then the rangers will show up and cite you for feeding the wild life and cruelty towards animals ......
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Whatever, tape a glowstick to it and do it after sundown.
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Crimpergirl
Sport climber
Boulder, Colorado!
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Seriously hope you are joking too. If not, look forward to Planet of the Chickens. They won't be so nice when they are in charge.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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I'm joking.
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Tfish
Trad climber
La Crescenta, CA
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Strap a go-pro on it and huck it off!
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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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They won't be so nice when they are in charge.
No sh#t eh?
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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An African or a European chicken?
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skywalker
climber
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The chicken will get proper f*7ked, followed by you.
S...
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ß Î Ø T Ç H
Boulder climber
bouldering
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Make a little wingsuit for it.
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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I refuse to toss myself off El Cap, or let others toss me. And that's final. Bwaaaak!
ps Make sure that Tom Evans gets photos!
pps If you tossed a Republican off, then you could find out if chickenhawks can fly.
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karodrinker
Trad climber
San Jose, CA
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The real tragedy is all the chickens "living" in tight smelly cages at commercial farms. At least a chicken tossed off el cap would have truly lived! for a while at least...
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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If said chicken pops out an egg on the way down what comes first the chicken or the egg?
If you must try this, please use a rooster. That way at least he gets to impress the chicks.
If the chicken survives the descent why would it cross to the other side of the park?
To climb super slide.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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That looks like a New Hampshire Red, minus the fangs...
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Texplorer
Trad climber
Sacramento
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I would be more concerned with the chicken getting tased after a safe landing.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
merced, california
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Did someone say Planet of the Chickens?
"PULL, dammit!"--Charlton Heston
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
merced, california
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Why did the chicken cross the King Swing, aside from the obvious?
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Niels
climber
Denmark, formerly Sacramento
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C, that's the way you begin,
H, the next letter in,
I, is the third,
C, what a wonderful bird,
K, we're gettin' near the end,
E, the next letter is
N
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climbski2
Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
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You could just drive to the top of Glacier Point. Same effect I'm sure.
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toyon
climber
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Topic Author's Reply - Jun 4, 2012 - 05:33pm PT
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Let's attempt this in thought-space:
What is the terminal velocity of a rubber chicken?
Mass of 2 lb rubber chicken: 0.91 kg
g = 9.8 m / s2
Vt = sqrt((2*m*g*) / (p*A*Cd))
= 18.5 m /s
= 41.3 mph
Assumptions:
A rubber chicken is shaped like a 20 cm x 6 cm cylinder
Air density during freefall is constant (1.23 kg / m3)
Drag coefficient = 0.82
Seems like there would be a whole lot for flapping going on, which affects surface area twice, and also makes the drag coefficient the most unconstrained variable.
I dunno people, I think it'll go. I’d say the girl has a better chance of making it to the bottom than I do making it up the trail with her. We’ll see…
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Ricky D
Trad climber
Sierra Westside
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Don't overlook the possibility that the chicken will be snagged out of her plummet by some lonely Big Waller who will spend the rest of the night sexually abusing the poor thing.
My advice - don't drop the chicken anywhere near Canadians.
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Capt.
climber
some eastside hovel
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If it lands in C4,I'm sure it will be consumed.Real quick too..
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nature
climber
CO
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oh so now you're onto using a rubber chickens? them's fighting words.
go near my rubber chickens and yer so gonna die.
best of luck!
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apinguat
Trad climber
kingfield, me
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yeah, what happens if Caldwell is just moments from freeing the final 5.14d moves on an El Cap wall route...when he suddenly gets struck by a passed-out chicken?
That is one of the many risks of climbing.
We all manage them so I'd expect him to do the same.
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nick farley
climber
bishop
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Anders said..."if you toss a republican off"
Just be careful...could result in Dick Chaining.
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KabalaArch
Trad climber
Starlite, California
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Sorry Charlie, people wants chickens that taste good, not with good taste.
You've plagerized an earlier Post of mine, unintentionally or otherwise.
BITD, when Hutchings ran a Lodge in a 19th century Valley, tourists did indeed huck hens off of Glacier Point. I've no idea if Book were made, but this is a matter of fact.
Cite my sourses - Barcroft Library, U.C. Berkeley.
Go Bears!
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
merced, california
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I'm gonna cleckt them chickens. Un-yah.
'N I'm gonna take 'em chickens, take 'em alla way up on Geek Towers,
'n eat 'em up. Yep. Un-yeh.
Yumm.--Biggy Jeek, prefers them raw but dead
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nature
climber
CO
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you know.... if you put a Da Brim™ on the victim... I mean chicken... it stands a better chance of sailing all the way to the meadow. or beyond....
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Ricky D
Trad climber
Sierra Westside
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What if you dressed the chicken in a BASE jumpers wing suit?
Would it survive?
Would it soar like an eagle?
Would it elope with a flying squirrel?
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Wretchedalan
Social climber
Wisconsin
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You'll need Les Nessman reporting from the meadow...
Can't be skydivers... I can't tell just yet what they are, but - Oh my God, Johnny, they're turkeys!! Johnny, can you get this? Oh, they're plunging to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! Oh, the humanity! The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Not since the Hindenburg tragedy has there been anything like this!"
With a followup by the OP doing his best Art Carlson...
"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!!!"
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toyon
climber
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Topic Author's Reply - Jun 5, 2012 - 12:23am PT
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FanCat! Yes! Oh how I have missed thee.... straight up thiswebsiterules.com stupidness. pre-pre YouTube. Good stuff.
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splitter
Trad climber
Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
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Just read the OP's first post and nothing else, although i'm sure this whole thread would be a stimulating learned experience and fascinating read but, sigh, unfotunately i don't have the time. Regardless, i will attempt to shed some light/help with the questions he poses.
1). Foster Farm chickens are NOT what they are cracked up to be(smarts wise). Yeah, they might taste pretty good, but IQ wise, well, they all have about the same IQ = bird brains! So don't get suckered into springing for/paying extra bucks for a FF chicken.
2). If you have any down items(parka/puffy/vest)don't let the chicken see it. Lock it in your trunk, out of sight. They aren't THAT dum!! They know that it is filled with, FEATHERS! Just put two and two together...how would you feel if it was kin of yours in every pillow/puffy/down vest, etc.?
3). Put some farm music on your CD player(if you have one). I'm not talking about "Old MacDonald Had a Farm." that would be a dead giveaway. Any respectable chicken would pick up on that before you could say cockle doodle do(no pun intended). Something with typical farm/animal sounds. A rooster off in the distance would be a big plus. This would set the chicken at ease, feel at home.
4). At the gate, tell the guard yer going to visit Werner. Hey, hopefully you will get to see him off duty, around C4, etc.! So you won't be lying, eh? That will do it. Yes, the ranger at the gate will look at you, look at the chicken, hear that the both of you are going to visit WB, and that's that. Everyone knows that WB is a vegetarian and has equal respect for all life, so, the guard will not want to insult WB...end of story. He will let you and the chicken in the gate.
5). Same goes for any rangers you run into on the way to the trailhead. WB is legend in Yose, and they don't want any trouble.
6). Tell the chicken it is not smart enough to be a FF chicken. It will do everything you tell it to after that(try to impress you/show how smart he is). i have watched every one of those FF commercials with the phoney FF chickens, and i have them(chickens)figured out pretty well.
7). Tell it that you will be right behind it, and it will jump off of El Cap on its own. It will think it is the fastest way down and the fastest way to the FF chicken ranch(where it thinks you are taking it).
I hope this was helpful! Good luck! And TFPU!!
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kiwi
Trad climber
Bozeman, MT
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back in WWII there was research being done on ways to disperse wheat rust spores onto german crops, you know what was the most effective way to kill the kraut wheatfields? douse a chicken in rust spores and throw it out of a plane at 1000 feet. with all the flapping the chicken outperformed all the man made devices.
This project never went into effect though.
chuck the chicken, it'll survive the fall.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
merced, california
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I wake up to this crap. After getting drenched yesterday, I gotta go on the so-called defensive.
First, the Foster Farms Company is one of our largest employers here, in Merced County. The mom & pop outfit started in Modesto in the thirties as a turkey hatchery. The big plant in Livingston, the breeding and raising facilities all rely on pretty smart people to outsmart chickens, you bet.
Though the operation is centered in Livingston, one probably finds the shareholders living in Maui or Ouray. It depends on which corporate bosses' skiing you want to support, Californians or Arkansans.
And Splitter, have you never heard of the amazing ripstop geese, a vintage 1970s spoof of synthetics and "natural" fillers? The Amazing Throwpie, they were his idea and his artwork. No doubt chickens recognize contents, but like anyone else desiring to look totally cool while being totally warm, they like to appear stylish, hence geese wearing apparel that is filled with ma and pa. Add a pair of Ray-Bans or Nays and the goose is worth a gander. Geese might like to be tossed off the Schnozz, but let's not go over by Iron Hawk. Comparing geese and chickens is like comparing something to hardly anything.
And let's not for get "My Little Red Rooster" or "Chicken in the Straw" which could be switched to "My Little Free Faller" or "Chicken in the Wind." Of course, "Turkey in the Straw."
Tell the Schmegly that you are a practitioner of Santeria on your way to a service at the gate. Hint that you are ordained.
On the trail, it is on its way to your intended summit for sacrifice. Be very solemn.
Once the bird is your bitch, it should not be necessary to toss it. It should do the lemming. Bird psych 1a. I took that at Merced College. The aggies are taught skills that they cannot use to find work. Fine institution. My a.m. Turkeys, especially, run in "waves," like sheep.
Of course, domestic turkeys might prove more camera-worthy than chickens, though they weigh more and are likely harder to pack. You could run them up to the summit in a herd. Really, now. It would be like the old days when Muir ran sheep or Clarence King watched the Pikes herding swine in the foothills.
There is no Foster Farms "Chicken Ranch." That is an Indian gambling establishment near Jamestown, Chicken Ranch Bingo& Casino. They are known as hatcheries and they don't take them back, it's not a chicken orphanage; and who do you think you are to promise those poor birds paradise? Mullah Splitter? :)
I prefer egg tossing.
Or egg cream.
At the end of this song, pretend you are approaching the ground faster and faster.
[Click to View YouTube Video]
CREAM!
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KabalaArch
Trad climber
Starlite, California
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"Old MacDonald Had a Farm."
In Poland we spell "farm":
E I E I O
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ground_up
Trad climber
mt. hood /baja
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Toss that chicken yet ?
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Phil_B
Social climber
Hercules, CA
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3 pages and nobody has mentioned chicken bingo yet?
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toyon
climber
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Topic Author's Reply - Jun 5, 2012 - 06:20pm PT
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Still planning. I'm pretty damn sure the li'l girl will be fine. The issue remains how I get it up the trail - kinda hard to explain that one away to other tourists.
As far as karma goes, well... it's a chicken. Most of my fellow chicken owning friends have at least one they'd like to get rid of.
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splitter
Trad climber
Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
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toyon- "The issue remains, how I get it up the trail - kinda hard to explain that one away to other tourist."
Dood, have you NOT watched at least one of those FF commercials? Once again, tell it your taking it to the FF Ranch and it will gladly follow you up the trail. As far as the other tourist go, who gives a damn? And Yosemite IS located in Kali(as Roxjok would tell ya)where anything goes! They'll simply think "Oh yea, Yose is in Kalifornia...no wonder!"
Listen, if there is a problem with one of the tourist, look them straight in the eye and just bring up WB's name again. I tell ya, the dood is legend in Yose, even the tourons talk about him around their campfires at night.
Really, bro, yer making waaaay to big a deal about this. Get yourself a chicken and go for it. Be sure to do a TR on it, AND, don't fergit the pic's...take a lotta pic's!
edit: Mouse- "There is no Foster Farms 'Chicken Ranch'."
Duh! Us peeps know that, but tell that to a chicken! If ya wanna be the one responsible fer startin' a riot in every chicken coop across America then go ahead, tell them just that, d00d!!
The FF chicken ranch is what all chickens aspire to. What they dream about at night and have been hearing about from the OG rooster's & chickens since they were chicks. With all due respect to you(since you hail from "Foster Farm Country Central/Merced"), but, yer skating on thin ice my friend. Watch yer lip(around chickens ayway). PEACE!
And furthermore, just ask any respectible chicken, they wouldn't be caught dead in a puffy, down vest, etc! The ones, you speak of, seen around Merced wearing goose down and sportin' "Raybans & Vuarnet's" are on the take(Mob)...be careful, bro!!
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nature
climber
CO
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feed the little hen a half a valium and drop it in a grade six haul bag.
when she comes to.... HEN FALCON!!!!111111169
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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Jun 23, 2015 - 04:25pm PT
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How do you get the chicken from your vehicle to the TH without getting noticed?
Well hiking around the back is no issue. 8 miles in a backpack. If you have to ascend the ropes on the side then it's the same thing the chicken would be in the backpack but he would also be wearing a little harness. And the chicken would be backed up. Basically you'd be carrying a chicken but if anything happened to you the chicken is backed up. It's not like I've ever done it, that just seems like the obvious solution that comes to mind.
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climbski2
Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
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Jun 23, 2015 - 04:36pm PT
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Now my screen is covered in beer...
You just won the intardnet for today.
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clinker
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
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Jun 23, 2015 - 06:18pm PT
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What are you going to do if the chicken ends up stranded on a ledge? Rescue it?
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Jun 23, 2015 - 06:24pm PT
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The peregrines will deal with it.
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Jun 23, 2015 - 06:54pm PT
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The peregrines? Hell, PTPP could take it along and use its eggs.
Hell, by the time he gets up the damn thing would have full-grown chicks!
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toyon
climber
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 25, 2017 - 10:52pm PT
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The quest, and question, remains
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ß Î Ø T Ç H
Boulder climber
ne'er–do–well
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Feb 25, 2017 - 11:42pm PT
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I vote we toss OP off el cap
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toyon
climber
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 26, 2017 - 09:00am PT
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See? That's why super taco is the best. You can always rely on a beeyatch to play their role.
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hobo_dan
Social climber
Minnesota
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Feb 26, 2017 - 10:31am PT
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I heard that Jim Madsen kicked a small dog off of Glacier Point--about the same size as a chicken. Find out what happened to the dog.
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madbolter1
Big Wall climber
Denver, CO
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Feb 26, 2017 - 10:51am PT
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Portage at least a hundred of them to the top. Herd them to the edge and set them on fire. Push 'em over the edge in your own recreation of the firefall.
Return to the bottom. Feast.
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Edge
Trad climber
Betwixt and Between Nederland & Boulder, CO
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Feb 26, 2017 - 10:56am PT
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What's the best way to get a chicken into the park?
How do you get the chicken from your vehicle to the TH without getting noticed?
Richard Gere might have some thoughts on this. Substitute 'chicken' for 'hampster.'
Or was it 'gerbil'?
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GDavis
Social climber
SOL CAL
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Feb 26, 2017 - 12:32pm PT
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I would never do it, but I also willfully eat chopped up versions of said birds, so feels kind of weird to say I wouldn't give 'em a final ride before said feast.
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madbolter1
Big Wall climber
Denver, CO
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Feb 26, 2017 - 02:37pm PT
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Oh, they need the ride. The last hurrah.
They like it, I believe.
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EdBannister
Mountain climber
13,000 feet
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Feb 26, 2017 - 08:14pm PT
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Tell the Chickens to open chutes early and land on the far side of the river at a predetermined spot where they can hide the chute and the rest of the rig, and run to a car going back into the valley, rather than getting cited for Peregrine habitat invasion.
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pb
Sport climber
Sonora Ca
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Feb 26, 2017 - 09:35pm PT
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My buddy tossed his kippers on the Leaning Tower. Not pretty.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Sep 14, 2017 - 02:45pm PT
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They can flutter. I think a chicken could pull off the drop.
A visitor to the Glacier Point Mountain House, operated on a lease from the commissioners by James McCauley,
Derrick Dodd concocted this classic story, too good to pass up for inclusion here.
Derrick Dodd's Tough Story
(reproduced from "100 Years In Yosemite")
As a part of the usual programme, we experimented as to the time taken by
different objects in reaching the bottome of the cliffe. An ordinary stone
tossed over remained in sight an incredibly long time, but finally vanished
somewhere about the middle distance.
A handkerchief with a stone tied in the corner was visible perhaps a thousand
feet deeper; but even an empty box, watched by a field glass, could not be
traced to its concussion with the Valley floor.
Finally, the landlord appeared on the scene, carrying an antique hen under
his arm. This, in spite of the terrified ejaculations and entreaties of
the ladies, he deliberately threw over the cliff's edge.
A rooster might have gone thus to his doom in stoic silence, but the sex of
this unfortunate bird asserted itself the moment it started on its awful
journey into space. With an ear-piercing cackle that gradually grew fainter
as it fell, the poor creature shot downward; now beating the air with
ineffectual wings, and now frantically clawing at the very wind, that
slanted her first this way and then that; thus the hapless fowl shot down,
down, down, until it became a mere fluff of feathers no larger than a quail.
Then it dwindled to a wren's size, disappeared, then again dotted the sight
a moment as a pin's point, and then--it was gone!
After drawing a long breath all round, the women folks pitched into the
hen's owner with redoubled zest. But the genial McCauley shook his head
knowingly, and replied:
"Don't be alarmed about that chicken, ladies. She's used to it. She goes
over that cliff every day during the season."
And, sure enough, on our road back we met the old hen about half up the trail,
calmly picking her way home!
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Fossil climber
Trad climber
Atlin, B. C.
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Sep 14, 2017 - 06:10pm PT
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Has your bird had his wings clipped? If so, give him a wingsuit.
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| Messages 1 - 76 of total 76 in this topic |
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SuperTopo on the Web
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Small cat is absolutely OK after such fall.
Let us know!