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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Topic Author's Original Post - Aug 9, 2010 - 07:32pm PT
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When I first started visiting Tuolumne Meadows, the only guide available was Roper's High Sierra guide. It had written descriptions for a modest number of routes.
One day, my friend John and I stumbled upon a great area that had beautiful routes not in the book. We climbed and relished. Later, we ran into this guy named Alan. He was solo-bolting a new route, Inspiration. We chatted, and he told me of the Underground Guide that he had written, and I of course wanted a copy. So I left him my address. And then forgot about it.
Time passes, and then, the angles came to my mailbox. Within was a copy of the guide, with a letter from Alan (click to enlarge):
In Alan's guide are some gem descriptions. My favorite all-time route description is for The Great White Book:
Below is one of my favorite topo notes, for Sunshine:
Certainly you have your own favorite guidebook descriptions. Any good ones to share?
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Ghost
climber
A long way from where I started
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What I've found is that pretty much any description with the word "obvious" in it is not to be trusted.
"After about a mile take the obvious trail branching left." Is guaranteed to mean one of the following:
a) after about a mile there will be nothing but a solid wall of trees or rock on your left
b) about six trails will branch off left in the 200 yards on either side of the mile mark.
Likewise "follow the obvious corner" means either blank rock, or a choice of three or four corner systems.
Edit: Ha! Pate was posting the same thought at the same time.
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 10, 2010 - 02:06am PT
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Bump, because the letter from Alan Nelson is cool.
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Shack
Big Wall climber
Reno NV
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Aug 10, 2010 - 02:50am PT
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Anything out of the Roper "little green book".
like...
"For some reason this route is very popular"
"The first ascent of this extremely ugly route..."
"This route is quite terrifying from below."
"From here follow a frightening 175-foot jamcrack..."
"walk, slither , or hand traverse across the ledge"
"A nasty, decomposed gulley is followed for two pitches..."
"The next pitch goes up, then right to a belly crawl which leads straight left.."
"This airy climb could become quite popular." (about The Prow)
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martygarrison
Trad climber
The Great North these days......
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Aug 10, 2010 - 10:00am PT
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I always like the Reed Direct description from the Roper green guide.
"The complete route is a very attractive climb and has become obligitory for hardmen"
Boy that was the truth when I was starting out in 72.
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Elcapinyoazz
Social climber
Joshua Tree
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Aug 10, 2010 - 10:06am PT
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My favorites are from the Southeastern Climbers Companion, which later became a one, then two volume set called the Dixie Cragger's Atlas.
But back to the SCC. Why do I like the descriptions? Because most of them are totally f*#king useless. (I don't live/climb down there anymore, so now it's entertaining, before it just pissed me off). You'll have 2 pitch routes with no indication of individual pitch ratings. Descriptions that tell you nothing at all about the route. Things like (made up example): "Whistlepig, 5.10c. Start 15 left of RouteX. You'll be happy as a pig in sh#t as you grunt, snort, and squeal your way up this one. Not for clean freaks."
Great. Now what size is the crack, does it protect, where is the crux, and what kind of climbing is it...stemming? steep crack? overhanging jug haul? Who knows? The guide sure as hell ain't going to tell you.
RobRob seemed like a a superhero to us when we started climbing (guy put up like half the routes in the region). But the descriptions, while lyrical, are about as useful as tits on a boar.
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Steve Grossman
Trad climber
Seattle, WA
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Aug 10, 2010 - 11:22am PT
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Original Lovejoy guide to Granite Mountain...
Magician 5.6-The Magician is the climber that can do this route without being nailed by a cactus. Love that one!
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justthemaid
climber
Jim Henson's Basement
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Aug 10, 2010 - 11:30am PT
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My favorite from above: "clipping your first bolt up while standing on a pile of saltine crackers..." LOL
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franky
Trad climber
Ford Pickup Truck, North America
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Aug 10, 2010 - 11:42am PT
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surprised this one hasn't been posted-
"The Puking Gecko, Grand Wall, *** S9 5.12d/e 712m
An intimidating and salacious climb. The final pitch is so exposed, tricky, and continuously strenuous that it is impossible to even contact the rock at any point. Better than making passionate love on top of a Japanese Bullet Train. Superbly magnificent and grimly brilliant." — Andy Cairns.
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Alan Rubin
climber
Amherst,MA.
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Aug 10, 2010 - 11:44am PT
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Art Gran's 1964(?) guide to the Gunks (a slim red book)is a true classic, full of wonderful, quirky route descriptions. I don't have my copy to hand for direct quotes, but to paraphrase pretty closely one that I recall--"The Move-5.6--This is essentially a one move climb. It has one difficult move." There were many others. Errol Morris's privately published late '60s guide to Devil's Lake was also a classic, featuring the black humor and morbid obsessions apparent in some of the films he was to direct in later years inclluding a description of a variation to one poorly protected climb as "to the hospital".
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slabbo
Trad climber
fort garland, colo
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Aug 10, 2010 - 12:02pm PT
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Any Ed Webster book that describes- "fingery climbing"
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Auto-X Fil
Mountain climber
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Aug 10, 2010 - 01:14pm PT
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Rick Wilcox's NE Ice guide is full of descriptions including the word "obvious".
I have come to the conclusion that he hasn't the foggiest what that word means.
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Aug 10, 2010 - 01:16pm PT
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Perhaps Andy (MH2) will elaborate on his description of the Puking Gecko.
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rgold
Trad climber
Poughkeepsie, NY
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Aug 10, 2010 - 01:34pm PT
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Here are some quotes from the Art Gran guide to the Gunks mentioned by Al. This style of commentary created a cottage industry of parodies, culminating in a masterpiece by Joe Kelsey.
"The crux is the type of thing that only moving up will solve." (Fat Stick)
"This route involves a very severe pull of the arms. The crux is when you run out of arms!" (Roseland)
"On most weekends, one can go to its base and view an extremely bad example of direct aid technique." (Doug's Roof)
"Upon reaching the belay point, most climbers forearms will be blown up like balloons." (Nosedive)
"All the way up sharp holds can be found. It creates a strain on the climber to decide which bucket to use." (Butterfly)
"It has to be quite a bad day to undertake such a poor climb." (Susie A)
"Yvon Chouinard manages to put in great routes wherever he climbs, but when someone asked him about this route, he said, 'I could put in a hundred such routes and forget them all tomorrow.' For it is only the giant walls which will endure forever on one's mind." (Matinee)
"This easily found route offers a choice of endings, and includes many objects to drop on your friends." (Arch)
"If a climber leads this route and you are with him, you will see an excellent example of calmness on sheer rock, for it will be the only tool that will save him from a fall." (MF)
"The crux requires some planning ahead. A good climb for the sequence climber, that is, one who plans several moves ahead." (Dry Martini)
"This route wanders a bit looking for an easy way up. One must admit it achieves its aim." (Blueberry Ledges)
Less well-known are some of Art's observations on style:
"First Ascent: (no name given) Unfortunately, not put in on the lead."
"There is no major climber in this country who will deny that a single bolt mars the beauty of any route. A bolt in an admission that the route licked a climber technically. In only a few extremely rare cases are they absolutely necessary. Think twice about placing a bolt and thus spoiling a lovely line."
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Aug 10, 2010 - 01:44pm PT
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Although I was raised on Roper's Red Climber's Guide to Yosemite Valley, I loved one phrase from the Green Valley guide: ". . . 'Here we are and where the hell's the belay bolt?'"
John
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 10, 2010 - 01:50pm PT
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Moby Dick, Ahab 5.10b * Pro to 3"
Good Beta, if you're gonna solo through the crux.
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jogill
climber
Colorado
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Aug 10, 2010 - 03:53pm PT
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From Climbing in the British Isles by W. P. Haskett Smith, 1894. Smith is usually acknowledged as the father of British rock climbing. Here's his take on bouldering:
"Bear Rock: A queerly shaped rock on Great Napes, which in the middle of March 1889 was gravely attacked by a large party comprising some five or six of the strongest climbers in England. It is a little difficult to find, especially in seasons when the grass is at all long."
Another jewel:
"Gash Rock: We are indebted to Colonel Barrow for this name, which he bestowed on Blea Crag . . . for no better reason than that he knew a man called Gash, who did not know the name of the rock, or how to climb it."
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 10, 2010 - 03:58pm PT
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John, that Roper quote is hilarious. I wonder what climb he's referring to.
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Aug 10, 2010 - 04:11pm PT
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It's not a reference to an identifiable climb, at least not in context of the guidebook. He's referring to topos, his refusal to include them so as to preserve a spirit of adventure, and refers to topos as reducing or eliminating questions such as "Here we are, and...?"
Though Roper may well have been thinking of a specific climb or incident.
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Scared Silly
Trad climber
UT
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Aug 10, 2010 - 04:41pm PT
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Not from a particular climb but in a discussion of using pitons something to the affect of:
"When using pitons one must remember that the rock, like a good woman can only take the occasional pounding"
Rex Green - Desperate grace: a book of climbs
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adam d
climber
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Aug 10, 2010 - 04:55pm PT
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I don't have it in front of me, but Peter Croft's description of the Mithral Dihedral on Russell says something to the effect that the corner will have you "pulling like Samson and panting like a pervert"
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Aug 10, 2010 - 05:00pm PT
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Anders is correct; it was in the context of why he didn't include topos. The quote as part of a longer sentence that read, to the best of my memory (because I'm not at home, where the guidebooks are): "No more querilous statements such as 'I'll just look around this corner,' only 'Here we are, and where the hell's the belay bolt?'" My partners and I repeated that last question as a sort of mantra for years.
John
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DanaB
climber
Philadelphia
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Aug 10, 2010 - 09:22pm PT
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"Have you ever shoveled while hanging from a rope? No, we were not sober at the time."
"This route was put up by Matt McMillan, the world leader in rejection by females."
"Rick Mix thinks this route is 5.9, but he hasn't been quite the same since eating his feet while on K2."
From the Bellefonte Quarry guide by Jim Bowers.
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HandCrack
Trad climber
Joshua Tree, Cal.
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In the old (1992) Smith Rock guide book, Alan Watts often freely expressed his opinion on less than stellar routes. Though the first pitch of Lion's Jaw is excellent, I never considered doing the next two pitches after reading:
2. 5.7 Battle the miserable chimney above, fighting off pigeons and stemming off crumbly walls slickened with bird guano.
3. 5.7 Fight your way up another tight chimney, tearing up your lycra as you go.
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mooch
Trad climber
Old Climbers' Home (Adopted)
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WARNING!!
ALL INDIVIDUALS USING, REFERRING TO,
TALKING ABOUT, OR THINKING ABOUT THIS
TOPO MUST READ THIS!!!
This inaccurate topo is based on dim
recollections, half-baked guesses, and
outright lies. In NO WAY does it tell
the full story. You would probably be
better off just trying to find your own
way up the mounatin, than you would be
if you used this topo. But that
statement in no way implies that I am
in any way responsible if you don't
use the topo, and something bad happens anyway.
Nature is unpredictable and unsafe.
Mountains are dangerous. Many books
have been written about these dangers,
and there’s no way I can list them all
here. Read the books.
The area depicted by this topo is covered
in steep terrain with loose, slippery and
unstable footing. The weather can make
matters worse. Sheer drops are everywhere.
You may fall, be injured or die. There
are hidden holes. You could break your
leg. There are wild animals, which may be
vicious, poisonous, hungry or carriers of
dread diseases. These may include poisonous
amphibians, reptiles, and insects; insects
to which you have allergies, or whose
multiple stings can cause anaphylactic
shock; mammals which may include skunks,
badgers, marmots, lions, tigers, and bears;
predatory birds, and all other manner of
beasts. Plants can be poisonous as well,
and even when not poisonous, can inflict
serious injury like a sharp stick in the
eye. This topo, and the author of this
topo, will not do anything to protect you
from any of this. I do not inspect, supervise
or maintain the ground, rocks, cliffs,
wildlife, vegetation or other features,
natural or otherwise.
Real dangers are present even on approach
trails. Trails are not sidewalks, and folks
have died and been seriously injured even
on sidewalks when they have tripped on cracked
concrete, plunged into meter boxes with
missing covers, been mugged, hit by cars,
had pianos fall on them... Trails can be,
and are, steep, slippery and dangerous.
Trail features made or enhanced by humans,
such as bridges, steps, walls and railings
(if any) can break, collapse, or otherwise
fail catastrophically at any time. I don’t
promise to inspect, supervise or maintain
them in any way. They may be negligently
constructed or repaired. Some trails in
the area are only maintained by Nelson Bighorn
Sheep, who have little regard for human life
or human safety, or any humans whatsoever.
In summary, trails are unsafe, period. Live
with it or stay away.
Stay on the trails whenever possible. The
terrain, in addition to being dangerous,
is surprisingly complex. You may get lost.
You probably WILL get lost. The chances of
getting lost multiply geometrically after
the sun goes down, due to poor visibility.
The sun goes down at least once a day in
this area. Not to say that you won't get
lost during daylight hours. In either event,
carry a flashlight, extra bulb and batteries,
compass, GPS, altimeter, cellular phone,
food, water, matches and first aid supplies
at all times. My advising you of this does
not mean there are not other things you
should be carrying. Carry them all as well,
and know how to use them. I am not responsible
for the consequences if you fail to heed this
advice. In fact, I am not responsible for
the consequences even if you DO heed this
advice and, for example, end up in an unplanned
bivy because you were carrying too much g*dd@mn
stuff, stumble into the bivy fire at 2 am when
you get up to take a p!ss, and severely burn the
flesh on your hands. You have only yourself to
blame, so leave me out of it.
Rocks and other objects can, and probably will,
fall from the cliffs. They can tumble down
slopes. This can happen naturally, or be
caused by people above you, such as climbers.
Rocks of all sizes, including huge boulders,
can shift, move or fall with no warning. If you
don't believe me check out the talus slopes at
the base of some of the rock walls. They
didn't just grow there. Use of helmets is advised
for anyone approaching the rock formations. As a
matter of fact, approaching the rock formations
is not advised. That is pretty stupid too. But if
you DO choose to risk your worthless scrawny neck
by going near rocks, shoulder pads, knee pads,
elbow pads, athletic cups and supporters and
other body armor may be handy as well. These
items can be purchased or rented from
mountaineering shops and athletic supply stores.
They won’t save you if you get hit by or
scrape against something big or on another
part of your body. A whole rock formation
might collapse on you leave nothing but a
grease spot. Don’t think it can’t happen.
It does, and it probably will.
Weather can be dangerous, regardless of
the forecast. Be prepared with extra
clothing, including rain gear. Hypothermia,
heat stroke, dehydration, frostbite,
lightning, ice and snow, runoff from rainstorms,
flashfloods, etc. can kill you. Rain can turn
easy terrain into a deathtrap, can drown you
if you're looking up into the sky with your
mouth open, and vastly decreases traction on
pavement. Snow is even worse, the hazards
ranging from snowball fight injuries to avalanches.
If you scramble in high places (scrambling
is moving over terrain steep enough to use
your hands) without proper experience, training
and equipment, or allow children to do so, you
are making a terrible mistake. Even if you know
what you’re doing and are the most experienced
and safest climber the world has ever known,
you are still making a terrible mistake: lots of
things can and do go wrong and you may be injured
or die. It happens all the time.
Furthermore, scrambling amongst the huge boulders
in this canyon, even without exposure of high
places, can result in serious physical and/or
emotional injury, or death.
This area, and this route, are not provided with
any rangers or security personnel on any regular
basis. The other people in the area, including
other visitors, USFS employees, foreign agents,
biologists and nature freaks, and anyone else
who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, a
religious fanatic, or otherwise dangerous. They
may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using
illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly weapons and
ready to use them. I'm not going to do anything about
that. I refuse to take responsibility.
Excessive consumption of alcohol, use of
prescription drugs, over-the-counter medications,
and/or legal or illegal controlled substances while
frequenting this area can and probably will affect
your mental state, alertness, and decision-making
abilities, and could make an already dangerous
situation even worse. Even abstinence won't
protect you from the actions of others under
the influence of such substances. Tough luck.
Not my fault.
The driveways, freeways, highways, streets,
alleys, back roads and unimproved 4WD tracks
leading to this area kill hundreds of folks
each year. Many of these fatalities are folks
who aren't even on their way to this canyon,
who in fact have never heard of this canyon,
but are simply innocent victims. Not so you.
You have been warned. You could get killed
driving to the trailhead. Wearing your seatbelt
tightly fastened with the lap belt low across
your waist improves your chances of survival,
in most cases (except that one steep section
of road) but does not and cannot guarantee your
safety. You might die before ever stepping out
of your vehicle at the trailhead, or on the way
home. It can happen any time. If you think you
are immune from this kind of thing, you're
fooling yourself.
This is not a sterile environment. Bacteria,
viruses, protozoa, protoviruses, fungi and other
forms of life and protolife which may or may not
be currently included in either the plant or animal
kingdom are capable of causing you serious bodily
harm, illness, or death. These kinds of biological
agents are both endemic in the area or present in
the plant and animal populations; and are also
capable of being carried or transmitted by your
climbing partners and travelling companions. I'm
not going to take responsibility for this, either.
My advice for you to treat drinking water, wash
your hands before and after going to the bathroom
and before eating, and to not indulge in unprotected
sex in this area, in no way obligates me to be
responsible for the consequences if you fail to
do so, nor does it mean that even if you DO take
these precautions and something happens anyway,
that I am to blame. Not so. Forget it. Nada. Negativo.
If you climb, you may die or be seriously
injured. And the longer you climb the greater
your risk of bad luck, which may or may not
be compounded by hubris, catching up to you.
This is true whether you are experienced or
not, trained or not, and equipped or not,
though training, experience and equipment may
help. It’s a fact, climbing is extremely dangerous.
If you don’t like it, stay at home. You really
shouldn’t be doing it anyway. I do not provide
supervision or instruction. I am not responsible
for, and do not inspect or maintain, climbing
anchors (including bolts, pitons, slings, trees,
etc.) As far as I know, any of them can and
probably will suddenly fail without warning and
send you plunging to your death with a bloodcurdling
scream, likely pulling your partner to his or her
doom as well. There are countless tons of loose
rock ready to be dislodged and fall on you or someone
else. There are any number of inobvious,
extremely and unusually dangerous conditions existing
on and around the rocks, and elsewhere in the
canyon. I probably don't know about any specific
hazard, but even if I do, don’t expect this
topo or its author to try to warn you. You’re
on your own.
Furthermore, the fact that I'm not trying
to stop you from being in this area in no
way implies, nor should it be inferred, that
I approve, recommend, advocate, or otherwise
in any way affirm that such action on your
part is anything but incredibly stupid.
Rescue services are not provided by anyone
near this climb, and may not be available
quickly or at all. In fact, if anything
really serious happens to you in this area,
you'll probably be dead before word ever
reaches civilization. Local rescue squads
may not be equipped for or trained in mountain
rescue. They probably won't be. If you are
lucky enough to have somebody try to rescue
you or treat your injuries, they will probably
be incompetent or worse. This includes doctors
and hospitals. I assume no responsibility. Also,
if you decide to participate in a rescue of
some other unfortunate, that’s your choice.
Don’t do it unless you are willing to assume
all risks, and don't blame me when it goes
bad and you end up getting yourself sued in
the process.
By using, or even just looking at this topo,
you are agreeing that I owe you no duty of
care or any other duty, you agree to release
me, my relatives, heirs, dependents, and anyone
else I care to name, now and forevermore,
from any and all claims of liability, even
though my actions may be grossly negligent
and/or be construed as reckless endangerment,
manslaughter, or other misconduct up to and
including premeditated murder. By consulting
this topo, you agree to waive forever any
rights that you, your partners, dependents,
heirs, inlaws, and others known or unknown to
you may have, to legal compensation resulting
from anything that has anything to do with this
topo, including but in no way limited to paper
cuts from the edge of the topo itself. If
you try to sue me in spite of all this, you
agree to pay my lawyers fees regardless of the
outcome of the suit, and you expressely agree
to re-imburse me for any loss or injury, be
it financial, physical, emotional, or imagined,
which I may experience as a result of such lawsuit.
I promise you nothing. I do not and will
not even try to keep the area safe for any
purpose. The area is NOT safe for any purpose.
This is no joke. I won’t even try to warn
about any dangerous or hazardous condition,
whether I know about it or not. If I do decide
to warn you about something, that doesn’t
mean I will try to warn you about anything else.
If I do make an effort to fix an unsafe condition,
I may not try to correct any others, and I may
actually make matters worse! I may have done
things in the area that are unwise and
dangerous. I probably did, but I don't remember.
Sorry, I'm neither competent nor responsible.
The topo gives you bad advice. Don’t listen.
Or do listen. It's your choice, but you face
the consequences either way, whatever they may be.
In short, CLIMB AT YOUR OWN RISK. If you,
or your heirs, relatives, dependents or others
known or unknown to you; your partner or your
partners heirs, relatives, dependents, or
others known or unknown to your partner, are
the slimy kind of lawyer-touting parasites who
would try to sue the author of a topo, If you
can't take responsibility for your own decisions,
knowledge, routefinding and plain dumb luck,
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stay far far away from this
route and this canyon, give up climbing, and die
of some completely natural, painful, and slowly
progressive disease.
Thank you, climb safe, and have fun!
END of Disclaimer
- Brutus Of Wyde
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Clint Cummins
Trad climber
SF Bay area, CA
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Kelly,
I always liked that Sunshine topo, too, with "Take Rat Poison here, then climb up."!
I also liked the description of Bard's Coffin. And the equipment list for many routes included "bolt kit"!
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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I've always loved the way Jim Erickson wrote this in his
Rocky Heights, the guide for Boulder, CO area 1980. . .
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bjj
climber
beyond the sun
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"I like the guide to Owens when it was 5 pages stapled together folded in half and that was the guide."
The one with the blue "cover" (or was it yellow)? Or an even older version? Somewhere here I have guides for Owens, Buttermilks, Clark Canyon and other Mammoth areas that all look like this but with a different color of the first layer of construction paper. I bought them all my first year climbing, in 94/95
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maldaly
Trad climber
Boulder, CO
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Best route description from Jim Erickson's Rocky Heights Guide:
Who Cares? (5.5) This route in not worth finding.
Rocky Heights is a mega-classic when it comes to route descriptions. Not only are the descriptions funny and classic, they are accurate and routes are easy to find.
Climb safe,
Mal
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Aya K
Trad climber
New York
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"The worst route you'd ever want to climb" on a route (I think it was the cooler at poko) that gets a star in the Adirondack Rock book
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Brian
climber
California
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"Overhanging off-fist combat."
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justthemaid
climber
Jim Henson's Basement
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Mooch- the intro to the new Sedona guide is somewhat similar with some splattering of warnings about "down-rating difficulties to avoid being mocked by other climbers".
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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I'm fond of Beckey's advice on the N Face of Index' N Peak.
I don't have it in front of me but but it is close to this:
"Imitate a gorilla going through the brush..."
Yes, this does apply to much in the PNW.
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Gene
Social climber
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How many FAs did Roper credit Vic Tishous?
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Sep 10, 2010 - 12:38am PT
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Bump - everyone should read through Brutus' classic warning, about ten posts back.
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Seamstress
Trad climber
Yacolt, WA
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Sep 10, 2010 - 01:06am PT
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"Holds magically appear"------yeah, right.
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Steve Grossman
Trad climber
Seattle, WA
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Sep 11, 2010 - 04:58pm PT
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Here's a plum for the adventurous climber in Ecuador...
Circa 1977.
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mark miller
Social climber
Reno
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Sep 11, 2010 - 07:40pm PT
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Yeah Roper is at the top for sure followed closely by Steve Miller's green Tahoe guide. Move left a little bit then continue Left, then left a little more until an unpassable area above leads to the belay. Quality Shite there folks.....
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Steve Grossman
Trad climber
Seattle, WA
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Sep 19, 2010 - 05:43pm PT
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As per Kevin's request...from the Roper red guide, 1964.
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| Messages 1 - 41 of total 41 in this topic |
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