Discussion Topic |
|
This thread has been locked |
| Messages 1 - 32 of total 32 in this topic |
Jingy
Social climber
Nowhere
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2010 - 03:38pm PT
|
Why is it that when a farmer F&#ks a sheep he does so at the edge of a cliff?
wait for it......
so the sheep will puch back!
|
|
Ricardo Cabeza
climber
All Over.
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2010 - 03:51pm PT
|
Have you heard about the latest redneck sex aid?
Velcro gloves
|
|
Ksolem
Trad climber
Monrovia, California
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2010 - 06:00pm PT
|
Why do Scottsmen wear kilts?
Sheep can hear the sound of a zipper from a mile away.
|
|
Gene
Social climber
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2010 - 06:09pm PT
|
Favorite Basque tune?
I Only Have Eyes For Ewes.
Baaaaaaaaaad!
|
|
deuce4
climber
Hobart, Australia
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2010 - 06:12pm PT
|
One summer, Billy Joe and Tucker were working as sheepherders, and were roaming their fields on horses, when they came across a sheep with its head stuck in a barbed wire fence.
Billy Joe jumps down and starts having his way with the helpless sheep. After a while he looks up and says to Tucker, still on his horse, "Hey, Tucker, want a piece of this?"
Tucker says, "Sure", jumps down off his horse then sticks his head in the barbed wire.
|
|
Gene
Social climber
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2010 - 06:32pm PT
|
Cosmic,
What a shocking photo. I am offended. Shocked.
Locker wearing a tie. Pleeeeeze take it down.
g
|
|
Fritz
Trad climber
Hagerman, ID
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2010 - 06:54pm PT
|
Gene Wilder and Daisy!
Daisy was hot!
|
|
Scared Silly
Trad climber
UT
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2010 - 07:13pm PT
|
Not a sheep joke nor a joke:
In Montana it is illegal to have a ewe in the cab of a vehicle without another person present.
Sheep joke:
A grad. student is conducting a survey on sheep sex so he travels to Wyoming and asks a rancher about it. The rancher says:
"Front feet on fence and back feet in the Wellingtons."
The grad student then goes to Colorado and asks the farmer the same question. The farmer says:
"Front feet on fence and back feet in the Wellingtons."
Everywhere the grad student travels he gets the same answer: Front feet on fence and back feet in the Wellingtons.
Finally, he gets Utah and asks the same question to a rancher: The rancher says:
"Front feet on my shoulders and back feet in the Wellingtons."
The grad student says, "Wow that is the first time I have heard that response." To which the rancher asks how everyone does it. The grad student says:
Front feet on fence and back feet in the Wellingtons.
The rancher then exclaims - What no kissing????
Ewwweeee!!!!
|
|
Anastasia
Mountain climber
hanging from a crimp and crying for my mama.
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2010 - 07:20pm PT
|
Dude, your talking about my cousins...
AFS
|
|
Ksolem
Trad climber
Monrovia, California
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2010 - 07:24pm PT
|
The pub is crowded, but one man has a table to himself. He downs a pint, and begins a tirade, yelling in a thick Irish brogue.
“I built the bridge in this town with my bare hands, but do they call me O’Donnell the bridge builder!!??
….. Noooo. “
After another pint:
“I built the church in this town with my bare hands, but will anyone call me O’Donnell the church builder!!??
…… Noooo. “
“But f*ck one sheep!! …”
|
|
slabbo
Trad climber
fort garland, colo
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2010 - 07:40pm PT
|
This me and my Love Ewe at my recent 5-0
|
|
Ksolem
Trad climber
Monrovia, California
|
|
|
Jan 30, 2010 - 11:10pm PT
|
A SCOTSMAN walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says...
"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."
The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
"If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep,
Not a cow."
The guy replies, "If you weren't so presumptuous,
You'd realize I was talking to the sheep."
|
|
moacman
Trad climber
Montana
|
|
|
Jan 30, 2010 - 11:39pm PT
|
This takes place in Montucky.
A man walks up to another man who is carrying two sheep under his arms. Are you going to shear those sheep he asks nope I'm going to screw them both myself.
Stevo
|
|
SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
|
|
|
Jan 31, 2010 - 03:54pm PT
|
ewe!!!!!
|
|
apogee
climber
|
|
|
Jan 31, 2010 - 04:35pm PT
|
|
|
slabbo
Trad climber
fort garland, colo
|
|
|
Jan 31, 2010 - 04:40pm PT
|
At my farm, the sheep wear the stockings !
|
|
Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
|
|
|
Jan 31, 2010 - 05:58pm PT
|
Okay, here is a cheap joke...
What do they call a sheep tied to a post in New Zealand?
A leisure center.
Australia, where men are men and the sheep are afraid.
Of course NZ could be replaced with Wales or Australia with Scotland or...
(Actually to the first one it was a Co Wicklow joke. What do they call a sheep tied to a post in Enniskerry?)
|
|
Haggis
Trad climber
Scotland
|
|
|
Jan 31, 2010 - 05:59pm PT
|
what do you call a sheep duck taped to a lamp-post in wales?
a leisure center.
|
|
Haggis
Trad climber
Scotland
|
|
|
Jan 31, 2010 - 06:01pm PT
|
beet me too it :P
Why do Welsh sheep farmers like to screw sheep on the edge of cliffs?
because they kick back more.
|
|
Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
|
|
|
Jan 31, 2010 - 06:01pm PT
|
I beat you to it Haggis.
I mean, I mean, I beat you to the joke.
^^^^^^
Just saw your post Haggis, yeah, I did bleat you to it.
|
|
Haggis
Trad climber
Scotland
|
|
|
Jan 31, 2010 - 06:05pm PT
|
ahhh its begun!!!
Whats the second fastest thing in Wales?
The last virgin sheep's shepherd.
|
|
Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
|
|
|
Jan 31, 2010 - 06:10pm PT
|
Haggis, on a slightly different note...
Who is the fastest person in a Louisiana family?
The daughter, so she can outrun her father and brothers.
I know, I know, sick.
|
|
Fritz
Trad climber
Hagerman, ID
|
|
A young lad gets a summer job as a sheepherder in Montana.
The owner shows him around the high meadow the sheep will graze and tells him he will be back in a month to resupply him with food.
As part of the lads orientation: he meets the sheepdog Victor.
The owner explains that Victor takes care of all sheep-herding, and also keeps them safe. All the lad has to do is take care of Victor the sheepdog.
As the owner is leaving he leans over and says softly: “Lad, Victor thinks he owns those sheep. Don’t ever try to have sex with them, or he will bite the heck out of you.”
The blushing lad stammers out that he is not, nor will he ever be attracted to sheep.
The owner nods knowingly, and departs for one month.
The next couple weeks go be very slowly as Victor herds the sheep each day and the young lad feeds and grooms Victor.
Of course the more comely ewes start finding opportunities to get up close to the cute young human. Towards the beginning of the third week the lad is out for a walk and finds a stray ewe.
Aha he thinks, the damn mutt isn’t around, and I’ve never been so horny in my life.
Just as his pants drop: Victor springs on him, bites at his hands, growls with great menace, and drives the ewe back to the herd.
The lad is now obsessed with having sex with an ewe. None of his ploys work. Victor always shows up in time to thwart him. On one occasion he ties the dog up, but Victor chews through the rope and thwarts the lads plans.
Another week goes by and the owner is due back the next day.
However, late that afternoon a small prop-plane flies over the meadow trailing smoke. After a tight circle around the meadow, it lands hard and flips over. The brave lad runs to the now-burning plane and drags the sole occupant to safety.
The pilot soon awakens unharmed and turns out to be a beautiful young woman. The lad tells her he dragged her from the burning plane and she realizes he saved her life. She tell him she is very grateful and will be in debt to him forever.
The evening after dinner: the lad, the beautiful pilot, and Victor are all sitting around the campfire. After a while the woman moves close to the lad, puts a hand in his lap and repeats how grateful she is. Finally she looks deep into the lad’s eyes and tells him she would do anything, anything at all, for him this night.
The lad thinks for a while, and then smiles and says: “Lady, could you hang onto Victor for a while? I need to go check on the sheep.”
|
|
moacman
Trad climber
Montana
|
|
Well there ya go. That just proved why there are more sheep than people in Montana.....
Stevo
|
|
Hawkeye
climber
State of Mine
|
|
i liked that fritz, bust it just doesnt seem right that someone from ida-hoe teases montana!
|
|
Fritz
Trad climber
Hagerman, ID
|
|
Hawkeye: Re i liked that fritz, bust it just doesnt seem right that someone from ida-hoe teases montana!
I feel "right close" to montana, here in Idontno.
Seriously, my great-grandfather ran a butcher-shop in Gardner in the late 1800's. He eventually became the contractor for the hotels in Yellowstone and supplied them with meat.
He retired to Livingston, bought a big ranch and checked out from a botched operation in the 1920's. In the 1960's we would go up to Livingston from Idontno and visit his last wife. For a teenager: she was a old lady wonder! She lived in a nice house: and taught me to play poker and drink bourbon when I was 14.
Since 1984, I have been visiting Montana as a "Outdoor Gear Salesrep."
In the early days of "sales-repping" I traveled with my pet-sheep Daisy. Gave her up when I married Heidi in 1988.
Ah-----Daisy! I left her with a friend in Montana.
Damnit! I can tell Montana sheep stories. Daisy is still there!
|
|
MisterE
Social climber
Across Town From Easy Street
|
|
I once said something I felt sheepish about afterwards - does that count?
|
|
Jay Wood
Trad climber
Fairfax, CA
|
|
The city folks are out for a drive in the country. They are enjoying the scenery- rolling hills, farms, fields, and so on.
They stop at a rise to admire the view, and notice some activity in the field below.
As they look closer, they are disturbed to see a man among the sheep, with his pants down, f##king one of them.
"This is terrible, we've got to do something." Says the woman Let's go down to that farmhouse and tell them what's happening.
They make their way to the house, and in an agitated state ring the bell.
A young man answers the door, and they tell him- "Sorry to bother you, but we thought you would want to know, someone's out in the field, abusing your sheep"
The young man leans out to see what they are pointing at, and then says-
"Oh, that's just Daaaaad."
|
|
Fritz
Trad climber
Hagerman, ID
|
|
Sheridan Anderson knew that "full utilization" of your sheep pals was "where it is at!"
|
|
Fritz
Trad climber
Hagerman, ID
|
|
Come-on now. Most of you have needs. Out in the mountains----sheep are obviously a healthier choice than the other alternatives.
Sheep don't tell or sue! And you never know who that rubber-chicken has been with!
|
|
Fritz
Trad climber
Hagerman, ID
|
|
A few years back I spent a night at a friend’s house in Jackson, Wy.
He was working his way up in the fly-fishing world. He had gone from fishing-bum, to guide, to year-round retail fly-shop employee, to master fly-tyer, and was now staring on the fishing lecture circuit.
The other house-guest was a New Zealand fishing guide traveling “the states.”
Of course we had to drink and tell stories.
After a while: it was “sheep stories.”
The New Zealand Guide had heard every one of mine, and I had heard every one of his.
It was a “sheep story” stand-off.
Mt10910: Your last story is a new one to me.
Guess ----------I’ll have to celebrate tonight!
Woohoo! A new sheep joke!
|
|
| Messages 1 - 32 of total 32 in this topic |
|
SuperTopo on the Web
|
Let us know!