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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Original Post - Dec 8, 2015 - 02:01pm PT
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Finally have come to terms with it. Another work event that left me collapsed on the floor (again), this time with my head split open. Slight convulsions.
Woke up (again) to two EMT's looking me in the face asking me cognitive questions. I failed half of them.
I'm going into de-tox soon, then out-patient therapy, and of course AA. I'm just fed up with being a slave to alcohol, which I am. It's gotten bad and I need to quit forever.
Wish me luck...
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rincon
climber
Coarsegold
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Good luck dude!
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NutAgain!
Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
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Good for you man.
Being vulnerable requires strength and courage which you are presently showing.
I hope you will be able to surround yourself
with people who support you to be the man you want to be.
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overwatch
climber
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Good for you, denial is the toughest one
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dirtbag
climber
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Steve, we haven't met, but if we had I would give you a great big hug.
Good luck on your journey.
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squishy
Mountain climber
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get a skateboard and lots of mary jane...
booze is the devil...
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climbski2
Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
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You have a battle ahead... a marathon.. you will fall down..you will take steps forward.. and occasionally backward... that's ok
cause eventually ..
You will win!
Really really pulling for you Bluering!
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 8, 2015 - 02:20pm PT
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Thanks guys, I don't expect this to be easy. Not looking forward to it, but I need to do it. And my wife and son are the best, that will help a lot.
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squishy
Mountain climber
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best thing to do is go to AA, find the dude everyone wants to talk too, preferably an older guy who has been sober a long time and make friends and pick his brain...you will need him and people like him, very close friends..
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nature
climber
Boulder, CO
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good luck, bluey!
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Tung Gwok
Mountain climber
South Bend, Indiana
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Courage, Steve, for posting. Self-recognition is hard.
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Wade Icey
Trad climber
www.alohashirtrescue.com
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Best to you and yours Blue- safe travels
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Gary
Social climber
Hell is empty and all the devils are here
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Bluering, best of luck to you. It's the best thing you could ever do. Your son will appreciate a sober father. I wish I'd had one.
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Roots
Mountain climber
Tustin, CA
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steve - good luck with your journey.
I helped my brother this year with his drinking addiction. it was rough for me, but rougher for him. he celebrated 100 days sober yesterday.
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Ghost
climber
A long way from where I started
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We've disagreed about more than a few things over the years here on ST, but that doesn't mean you haven't got 100% support and encouragement from me on this.
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Banks
Trad climber
Santa Monica, CA
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Blue,
Props to you for the courage to do this. This is the climb of your life, for your life. You can do it.
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WBraun
climber
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Bluering !!!!!
Good job and good luck ......
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StahlBro
Trad climber
San Diego, CA
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Best of luck to you Blue.
I had an aquaintence literally drink herself to death recently. You don't want to end up there.
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mason805
Trad climber
East Bay, CA
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Steve,
Was just on here looking for the thread about my friend Angela and saw your post.
I'm here to support you and proud that you're taking this step.
You can do this.
Edris
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 8, 2015 - 03:12pm PT
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Locker, the MD recommended it. Plus they can monitor you as you withdraw. I have to do a neurological test too. I may have something causing the blackouts.
EDIT: Thanks, Edris!
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David Knopp
Trad climber
CA
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bluering we can disagree about many things
but in this new chapter
i really wish you all the best.
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Larry Nelson
Social climber
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bluering:
Best of luck on your difficult journey.
More people than you know are pulling for you.
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Steve,
First, well done! It takes bravery to come out publicly like that.
Second, you have a lot of people on this board who know and like you, and want to support you. I hope you count me among them. PM me if there is anything I can do to help. I often wonder if alcoholism or substance abuse generally is, at least in some cases, self-medication for depression. I never had substance abuse issues but, as I think you know, I've had a life-and-death fight with depression and its aftermath.
We know you started a tough route, but we look forward to your triumph over those demons. You have my thoughts and prayers with you.
John
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Binks
climber
Uranus
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Good luck man! I also went thru a bad phase with alcohol. For me, when I was blacked out one time I woke up and had a very clear memory of being a child, before I had every drank alcohol. I realized that I didn't need alcohol at all to be happy, just as I never needed it when I was a kid.
Whatever your journey is, remember that you can get off of alcohol for as long as you need to, or permanently if that's the case. You didn't need it when you were a kid, and you don't actually need it now...
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SC seagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, Moab, A sailboat, or some time zone
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Go Bluey Go!
Your wife and son need the real guy! So do you!
Susan
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 8, 2015 - 03:38pm PT
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Thanks for the advice and support, you all. I will try to not let you down. This will be near-virgin territory for me. My body has had alcohol coarsing through it for a long time, constantly.
I suppose it will be a huge brain-chemistry change too. That will be weird.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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We've disagreed about more than a few things over the years here on ST, but that doesn't mean you haven't got 100% support and encouragement from me on this.
What Ghost said.
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NutAgain!
Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
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A bit of unsolicited advice: if/when you screw up, don't beat yourself up about it, and don't give up. Learn what you can from your mistake, then get up and try again. Failure to forgive yourself can be a spark to continue the cycle, taking you down the dark road. And if/when you falter in your commitment to yourself, think of what a blessing you are passing to the next generation. That is a trick to access the love inside of you that is sometimes hard to directly share with yourself.
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guyman
Social climber
Moorpark, CA.
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Best of luck to you.... hope to see your face at Shuteye next year.
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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All the best to you, Steve, as you embark on a new journey in life that
is sure to bring you more joy and satisfaction.
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philo
climber
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Wow Steve so great to hear. You're couragous to face your dragon directly and to be so open and honest about it here. Inspite of all the forum sparring we've done I honestly and sincerely wish you all the best and great success.
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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The best of luck ....i'm rooting for you!
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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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100% Blue, go for it man!!
Many memorable quotes ahead for you. One that always stuck with me:
The good news is, now you get to feel all your feelings.
The bad news is, now you get to feel all your feelings.
Go for it.
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skcreidc
Social climber
SD, CA
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I'd say it's an X instead of an R on this one. I've lost more friends to this demon than I care to list. Good luck and remember it's just one step at a time each day! You can do this.
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apogee
climber
Technically expert, safe belayer, can lead if easy
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Wow...you're a brave guy, bluering. Best of luck to you on this journey ...it will pay off in your relationships with so many important people.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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I may have something causing the blackouts.
Probably the same thing that caused me blackouts consistently. Mine was cause by consuming massive amounts of booze.
har har har.
But I hope that is what you find to have been the cause too.
Best of luck to you Bluering! It may not be easy, but it's always worth it.
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Chaz
Trad climber
greater Boss Angeles area
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You'll be able to drive now any time you feel like it. Tacos at midnight? Hell yeah!
You'll have more cash in your pocket.
You won't feel like crap in the morning - at least not from drinking the night before.
So it's not all uphill from here. Good lick!
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rick sumner
Trad climber
reno, nevada/ wasilla alaska
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It sounds like your halfway there with the realization that it is either the addiction or your life including your loved ones. Keep it in mind always that it is either/or. Don't fool yourself that you can handle it. That is how I did it 30 years ago.
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drljefe
climber
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
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Good job taking the first step.
You have my support!
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nature
climber
Boulder, CO
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I suppose it will be a huge brain-chemistry change too. That will be weird.
Yeah... you'll be voting for Bernie in no time.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 8, 2015 - 05:26pm PT
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You'll be able to drive now any time you feel like it. Tacos at midnight? Hell yeah!
You'll have more cash in your pocket.
You won't feel like crap in the morning - at least not from drinking the night before.
So it's not all uphill from here. Good lick!
Yeah, It would be nice to jump in a car and take my kid somewhere without wondering how many beers/whiskeys I'd had.
I never did, and that's why I never get to take my son anywhere alone. Like bouldering.
That's a shame. A disgrace.
EDIT; Yeah... you'll be voting for Bernie in no time.
Hehe, touche! (I doubt it though)
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murcy
Gym climber
sanfrancisco
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Wow, Bluering, I can't believe you'd own up, on an internet forum, to the fact that your name is Steve. :-) Send this one.
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Capt.
climber
some eastside hovel
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Proud of you bluering. Those alcoholic seizures are nothing to take lightly. Had a friend years ago die from one. Had another I know that decided he would quit cold turkey. Five days into it he had a seizure at a diner and his heart stopped. Luckily a lady at the next table was a nurse and revived him. It's good you're realizing enough is enough. I don't want to go too deeply into it (at this point) but I've had one as well. Was life-flighted and woke up in Renown. Not cool. I'm positive this is why they want to monitor you initially. Best of luck and again, you're doing the right thing.
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Delhi Dog
climber
Good Question...
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I was just thinking about you yesterday (I know weird) and wondering how you've been.
As Ghost wrote we sure haven't agreed on much of anything over the last few years but damn man I wish you the best! Slay that dragon that's been riding your back.
Seems you have a lot of support here. Keep that in mind.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 8, 2015 - 05:42pm PT
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Thanks, Capt., the seizure/passout is terrifying. That was it for me.
And yeah, until I start the process I am still sipping a beer slowly, I'm working through all the insurance BS. It will be over very soon. Or, I guess it will all begin.
Should be tomorrow or the next day.
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Braunini
Big Wall climber
cupertino
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Quitter!
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pleasantOs
Trad climber
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Just for today. EZ does it!
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Crimpergirl
Sport climber
Boulder, Colorado!
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Maybe a weird thing to say, but this is great news! I am happy you are seeking the help you need to be there for yourself first, and for your family second.
I think you know that though this site has more than its fair share of knuckleheads and knuckle-draggers, you have a lot of support here (and have for many years though maybe it wasn't so clear). Thanks for letting us know!
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nita
Social climber
chica de chico, I don't claim to be a daisy.
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*
Wow.. Wow.. Wow..Good for you Bluey!!!....Think of all the money you will save...... Not only will your wife and son appreciate you quitting alcohol, so will your liver and body.
Good luck on your journey and remember.. you are not alone.
This is an inspiring thread......I look forward to seeing a post by you there.
http://www.supertopo.com/climbers-forum/1087464/Sobriety-off-topic-or-not
Saludos...that means~ best wishes.
Nita..
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Lurkingtard
climber
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Right on Steve. Good luck. There is already a thread for you guys.
Step one.
Try not to be the center of attention.
...
~~~
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Fritz
Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
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Bluering! Glad to see you are going for it. Hope all turns out for the best in your life.
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Bushman
Social climber
Elk Grove, California
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It takes great courage to take the first step and admit to yourself and others that we are alcoholics. I took this first step with great difficulties, but stuck with it and have had a second chance at life. You can do it too, Bluering, and this experience can be a light at the end of the tunnel and a beacon of hope. Recovery only comes to those who can recognize that they need it the most and you have already crossed the threshold with your admittiing that you have a problem with drink. Best of luck to you, man.
-bushman
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Edge
Trad climber
Betwixt and Between Nederland & Boulder, CO
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Steve, I have walked this same path that you described in your original post. It took me three stints in rehab over the course of two years, and a lot of work once I left that facility for the last time: 135 AA meetings in 120 days when I got out, then 3x week for a year (substitute "spirituality" for "religion" in the AA dogma and work with whatever that means to you. The former stands alone, but the latter does not.) Many stay in AA forever, but I went a different way after a while; same goal, personalized path to get there. Don't ever get stagnant or complacent.
Work hard, and reclaim your own power-I got mine back 5 1/2 years ago and life surpasses anything I could have imagined.
You need to be SELFISH! Tell your family that you need to focus 100% on yourself for as long as it takes, because distractions lead to unwanted thoughts, and once that thought is planted it will grow into an action eventually. Those actions can take away everything you ever have or will love and leave you with no soul.
Don't be afraid to stumble, just be honest with yourself and keep getting back up. The summit is a long ways away, but the views from there are great. Best wishes.
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Contractor
Boulder climber
CA
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Please do Steeve, don't hesitate!
My sister started drinking and using at the age of 15. She continued through her adult life with the occasional stay at a cushy rehab center. The only sobriety and peace she ever knew was due to her AA family and sponsor. They were the only people that saw through the con game, called her out, kept her close and accepted her unconditionally- they were amazing and they fought for her!
Sadly she turned from us, her 16 year old son and her AA family last year and hung herself on Mother's day.
Peace...
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Ed Hartouni
Trad climber
Livermore, CA
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best of luck to you bluering
wishing you the best as you make this very difficult journey
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Steve Grossman
Trad climber
Seattle, WA
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We're all pulling for you Steve and you will come through this a stronger, clearer and more present person.
Keep us posted and don't hide out if it gets tough.
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couchmaster
climber
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I agree with everyone else. Congrats on both recognizing you have a problem and also seeking to fix it. I wish you nothing but the best, hang in there and life will get better. You might even start voting democrat.:-)
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 8, 2015 - 07:49pm PT
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Edge, thanks! That helps.
Contractor, sorry for your loss.
I did start this thread for selfish reasons. I figure if I let my fellow climbers know what I'm planning, it will give me more inspiration to not let people know I failed. I hope it will inspire me. So, it is a bit selfish.
I just know this is the right thing to do right now for me. I know it.
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pyro
Big Wall climber
Calabasas
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good call
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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I suppose it will be a huge brain-chemistry change too. That will be weird.
Naw,,, what's weird is some of the spew you've let fly around here.Lol
Not funny really. You had to have been drunk.Seriously, your gonna have some physical changes, but thats the easy part really. Remember your body reproduces all new blood in your body every 28 days. So essentially you are a new person every month. Also you wake up everyday with a clean slate of a mind. Take hold of addiction and leave it in yesterday. Try taking a new trail today. That part should be fun.. The hardest part is the spiritual warfare. Because it has everything to do with YOU,Steve. And not your body, or family, friends , job, climbing, etc. What's wrong in you? That's where addiction gains momentum. i found curbing the momentum through forgiveness. Being sober, experiences soon started wallowing up that left a feeling that things just weren't right. i hit the streets to try and make amends with those who i had said or did wrong to. That felt great, and took alot of weight off my shoulders.But the greatest lift came when i could search within my ownself and find those i needed to forgive. My dad comes to mind. He was a drunk and liked to beat my mom. At 7 i tried to stick him with a knife and told him i hated him. Over the years i said it more times. Our relationship was always headbutting. Since i offered him forgiveness we both have been sober. And the times we've spent together been amazing beyond anything i could have ever imagined, while i was drunk anyway. Today i can hardly wait to see him next. Anyway, this is all jut me,Blue, to you Bluey.
Now you can start by forgiving me for the boot to the teeth ;^)
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Gary
Social climber
Hell is empty and all the devils are here
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This is a good selfish, bluey.
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martygarrison
Trad climber
Washington DC
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Good move Steve. If you fall, just get up and move on.
In my prayers tonight.
Marty
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BluntMan
Gym climber
Wild Omar, CA
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Good call Steve. I came to the same conclusion almost 30 years ago. If it contained alcohol or chemical, I was all in. Like many of us, I hurt everyone in my life. Bridges were burned at will. By all accounts, I was hopeless and yet.....I found a way. It sounds like you have a plan. Stick to it. I don't know you but if you ever want to chat, shoot me a message off-line.
Bob
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Jim Clipper
climber
from: forests to tree farms
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wishing you safe journeys bluey
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PAUL SOUZA
Trad climber
Central Valley, CA
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Good luck dude!
Be sure to bookmark this thread and come back to it if you begin to stumble.
The common denominator in all of my clients who have relapsed with any addiction, is thinking that they are all good and can handle whatever their poison is "in moderation."
Sorry, but never a drop again.
Again, good luck dude and you have a lot of people here rooting for you!
Cheers,
Paul :)
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Srbphoto
climber
Kennewick wa
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I suppose it will be a huge brain-chemistry change too. That will be weird.
Clarity can be weird, and a little scary.
Good luck Blue, your son needs you!!!
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PAUL SOUZA
Trad climber
Central Valley, CA
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Cold turkey on the sauce is the way to go,
Dude! Going cold turkey with alcohol can kill a person.
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Gearhead
Trad climber
Novato Ca
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Good luck Bro!
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Trad climber
Will know soon
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bluering, Steve, you are a super special human being. When I first came to the Taco it was you and your friends that invited me to Thanksgiving at JTree, gave me friendship and a place to stay and turkey to share.
It was wonderful when "little John" was born and so great to meet your darling wife at Face Lift.
Steve, nearly every human has some demon in their life to deal with. Recognizing this is the most important and first step of the process to getting rid of it and moving on to wholeness.
Everyone else has said this so very eloquently on this thread, but I'll just try it in my own words. Steve, never give up. Years ago when my sister was struggling with trying to quit smoking this phrase came to my mind, "Not Quitting is Winning". We try, there may be set backs, but if we don't quit and continue to find the path even when it's faint and we think we've lost it, we will get to where we are going. You Will Win, Steve.
You have the prayers, best wishes and the love of the campfire with you.
lynnie
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ß Î Ø T Ç H
Boulder climber
ne'er–do–well
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Glad to know you are still on this side the dirt.
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Outside the Asylum
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Good luck, Steve! There's a challenging FA ahead of you. I'm sure that you can manage it, and see you at FL 2015!
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micronut
Trad climber
Fresno/Clovis, ca
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Proud of you for the bravery it took to post this. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Hoping for strength and wisdom and clarity in the days ahead for you. Your wife and son and friends deserve to have the "real you" around, not the one dulled and fueled by poison. Stay brave.
Scott
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susu
Trad climber
East Bay, CA
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We'll be pulling for you, Steve, for your sake, your wife's, and especially your son's. Time moves so fast. He'll be full grown before you know it.
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nah000
climber
no/w/here
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all the best on your path...
and kudos for taking the first giant step of acknowledgment.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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hey there say, bluering... sorry i am so late to join in and wish you and pray for you--great success...
i just been on and then off, here, fast... very busy, but i stopped here,
in case there was any serious needs and i SAW THIS...
we are all in your corner...
i remember a few years ago, hearing actor james drury share this:
he said he drank like a fish (expression)... day and night, and continual...
when he met the wife that he has now--she would not go out with him,
unless he stopped...
he stopped just like that for her and never drank again...
(he does smoke, he said)...
but--to hear him share this, was a great testimony to what
a person can do, if they seriously SET themselves to do it...
some folks have a harder battle and some folks don't...
JUST like smoking... folks are all different...
and TACKLE these things, in different ways...
there IS A WAY for you...
and whichever it is, YOU WILL find it...
GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!
keep it up!!!!
god bless and prayers...
and, for some, yep:
love of a good woman, or good wife, sure does help... :)
along with a huge supply of friends, :)
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patrick compton
Trad climber
van
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From what I've seen with family members, Naltrexone works very well.
AA, not so much, especially if you aren't into the whole God thing.
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phylp
Trad climber
Upland, CA
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Best wishes, Blue, on the tough road ahead.
Day by day, you can do it.
Phyl
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HighDesertDJ
Trad climber
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Wow, Steve. That's probably the most honest thing ever posted on the Taco. Good for you, man. All my best and please keep us updated as it serves your recovery.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Good on ya, Steve!
A difficult step, but it makes everything in life that much richer.
Good luck, and you kno where to look for help encouragement & support!
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canyoncat
Social climber
SoCal
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ALL the luck to you Steve. All of it, and respect. There's a great thread on here with posts from some folks who've been there, done that, and many years sober. My Christmas wish for you is that you enjoy sobriety, always.
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jonnyrig
climber
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Good luck. Don't give up, and never ever take the first drink. That's the one that gets you.
My grandfather had 45 years sober when he died, and continued to go to AA during the entire time; because he always wanted that first drink. Whatever ends up working for you, keep at it.
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The Lisa
Trad climber
Da Bronx, NY
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I admire your courage, Steve. You have a lot of support on here.
Lisa
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GDavis
Social climber
SOL CAL
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All the best brotha. Hope to see you around this season.
Life is a struggle, but that's a good thing. It's what makes it life. You can send your newest project, I know it :)
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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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The cool thing is, when your head clears up, you will see how awesome all humanity is, and you can become a liberal!!
For a lot of people, when they clean up, they go from knowing they were right about everything, to realizing how little they actually know. Happened to me, except I was already pretty clear about not knowing that much....
SWEET!!
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Splater
climber
Grey Matter
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Good Luck Bluey!
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Barbarian
climber
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Bluey,
Good on you for making this decision. It's a long road, but well worth it. You will thank yourself on the other side as will all your loved ones.
Stay strong and committed.
Most importantly do not be afraid to ask for help. There are many here who care about you and want you to succeed.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 9, 2015 - 12:05pm PT
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You know what's really f*#king frustrating? I WANT to do this right now, I think I really do.
The 2 hospitals I'm contacting, referred by my primary care doc, keep sending me to voicemail so they can contact me LATER. WTF???
I still haven't heard from them today. I want to get this thing started. I'm as mentally prepared as I've ever been to tackle this. Still waiting...
I'm directly contacting their addictive services ward too in their Behavior Health Services programs.
Very frustrating too because I'm off work until I get this going. Ugghh...
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Roughster
Sport climber
Vacaville, CA
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Hey Steve,
My thought from reading this, Good on you! Then as I read a little longer I can see that control is something that you are also struggling with.
In order to get ahold of this, you need to stop getting worked up, relax, surrender to your decision and let it happen. Being stressed out about the hospital not calling you back is putting you closer to where you were, not where you want to be.
Honestly, get a big cup of coffee. Go sit in your backyard and soak in some nature. Forget about what will happen and focus on the now.
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Hey Steve,
My thought from reading this, Good on you! Then as I read a little longer I can see that control is something that you are also struggling with.
In order to get ahold of this, you need to stop getting worked up, relax, surrender to your decision and let it happen. Being stressed out about the hospital not calling you back is putting you closer to where you were, not where you want to be.
Honestly, get a big cup of coffee. Go sit in your backyard and soak in some nature. Forget about what will happen and focus on the now.
Bull sh#t. He wants to begin and is being stalled. A cup of coffee is not the answer. You have no clue.
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MikeL
Social climber
Seattle, WA
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My wife just got back into circulation after 14 days at Schick Shadel in Seattle, and then 5 days in a private retreat. This is the second time in 28 years that she put herself into a recovery program. When she decided to do it this time (for reasons that I didn’t quite agree with), we were both excited by the changes that could show up in her, me, and us. We’ve gotten much out of challenging immediacies that seem to force us into states of groundlessness. They have been discovery processes with lives of their own. These days we just marvel how things come out.
Becoming anything is not something that one can control. Spiritual realizations show up on their own. There appears to be nothing one can do to become spiritually realized--and that seems to include sobriety. It seems one must let go, and let the universe do what it does. Control is an illusion. Instead, go with the flow. Intentions may be influential, but they are not means of control. There is no control; one must bow to the staggering intelligence of the universe.
Just before Naropa’s left on his trip to introduce the dharma to Tibet (11th C), Tilopa gave him six guidelines expressed in single words. Essentially, they were:
Don’t recall (let-go of what’s happened);
Don’t imagine (let-go of what could happen);
Don’t think (let-go of what’s happening now);
Don’t examine (quit trying to figure things out);
Don’t control (quit trying to make things happen).
Rest, relax, right now.
Be well, and best,
.
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Roughster
Sport climber
Vacaville, CA
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Johntp: And I am sure he wants to be cured THIS F*#KING INSTANCE as well. What are the chances of that? The point of my post is it will be a long road where patience and acceptance of the process will be key to success. Eh just my $0.02. Maybe you are a pro at this?
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GDavis
Social climber
SOL CAL
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Don’t recall (let-go of what’s happened);
Don’t imagine (let-go of what could happen);
Don’t think (let-go of what’s happening now);
Don’t examine (quit trying to figure things out);
Don’t control (quit trying to make things happen).
Rest, relax, right now.
Strong advice
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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Strong, but maybe not so good.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Blue - You can go to AA meetings today, even though you are not yet started with the medical detox. Tell someone there what's going on, and almost assuredly you will find support until D Day(Detox Day).
This link can help you locate a nearby meeting: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
I agree that you need to keep a wee bit of it in your system until you go through the detox. You've drank many a year and many a beer. Your body is used to it and would likely not be a happy system if it got jolted out of it's usual. Don't worry though - it has been the way for others too, that though they were ready to commit themselves (to detox), the medical system wasn't yet ready to take them in. The important part is that YOU HAVE committed to sobriety.
You are going to have one hell of an awesome "What It Was Like Dude."
EDIT: Oh yeah...and you are going to get a LOT of advice. Take what you need, and leave the rest. Including if something I suggested doesn't ring true for you - just ignore it.
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PAUL SOUZA
Trad climber
Central Valley, CA
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Steve,
Glad to see that you're getting pumped up. Change can be exciting and can also be scary.
One thing to be mindful of as I have observed in others with addictions, is that addiction can transfer giving the illusion that they've conquered it. It's just a matter of time before they come to realize their dealing with a different face of the beast.
For example, a drug addict may become an alcoholic, a sex addict, spend their entire life savings away, start soloing even though they don't have the head for it, etc.
Generally, be careful if you begin to feel yourself having anxiety to go do something else to the point it becomes compulsive.
Good luck Steve. We're all rooting for you! :)
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climbski2
Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
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Whatever it takes.. sometimes means waiting and doing nothing.
It's a Marathon and this is just one of the steps along the way...
Truly my best wishes to you Steve.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 9, 2015 - 04:18pm PT
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D-day is Friday morning. I go in at 9am and come out 3-5 days later. Then I join the out-patient program.
I'm still nervous about this, but stoked that it's underway. I'll need to bring some good reading material. No electronics, no tobacco allowed. Doh!
They say I can wear a patch for the tobacco. One addiction at a time...
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Studly
Trad climber
WA
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The sooner you realize that alcohol is a f*#king poison, poison to your mind, poison to your body, poison to your soul, and that it spreads its poison to those you love, then the sooner you will be able to say no to it.
You can and you will do this Bluey. You will prevail, as the alternative is not to be considered. All the best man!
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 9, 2015 - 04:38pm PT
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You're correct, Studly, and that's why I'm fed up with it all. I will go Honey Badger on this.
My secret weapon is my wife. She REALLY is happy about my decision, and we've fought about this over the years.
She is a remarkable f*#king warrior, despite her slight physique. She has stayed with me and dealt with my stuff for years. Her voice lit up when I told her my plan (over the phone). She is all-in supporting me, and is already being a great help.
I'm glad I bought this up with the TacoStand, you all are the best. Thanks!
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PAUL SOUZA
Trad climber
Central Valley, CA
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I'm glad I bought this up with the TacoStand, you all are the best. Thanks!
The power of vulnerability. ;)
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Trad climber
Will know soon
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Bluey, I am so praying for yo. As for reading material....along with other stuff it wouldn't hurt to BYOB (bring your own bible) Your best friend jesus will talk to you. Quiet yourself and listen.
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H
Mountain climber
there and back again
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Hey Steve, right on for putting it out there; it takes the power away from it. Addiction is insidious. Its a disease that tells us we don't have a disease.
My worse day sober is way better than my best day drunk, Steve. I have been sober for a couple 24 hours now and been through all kinds of dilemmas.
Take it easy and be kind to your self, your worth it. And when you get the urge hang in there, it will pass. Nothing is so bad that drinking will make better.
I applaud your courage Steve. Let me know if you ever want to talk.
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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
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take some video of yourself now so a year later you can look at it and say "wtf, over"
hey you bust a leg you go to the surgeon, your car breaks down you take it to the mechanic, you have the booze thing you go to AA.
no big, you were born that way so blame it on your folks,
i gotta write out my first step for my new sponsor tonight - "my life and alcohol" ought to be a hoot, did i tell you about the time i took a crap in the bird bath at the senior's center cuz i got caught short?
15 percent of the people who start shaking die, so good thing you made it!
don't think, just go to meetings and chill for a while, you still have coffee and cigs, and ravioli,
as your temporary sponsor i want you to read the following:
We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of moral psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholics, but its application presented difficulties beyond our conception. What with our ultra-modern standards, our scientific approach to everything, we are perhaps not well equipped to apply the powers of good that lie outside our synthetic knowledge.
Many years ago one of the leading contributors to this book came under our care in this hospital and while here he acquired some ideas which he put into practical application at once.
Later, he requested the privilege of being allowed to tell his story to other patients here and with some misgiving, we consented. The cases we have followed through have been most interesting; in fact, many of them are amazing. The unselfishness of these men as we have come to know them, the entire absence of profit motive, and their community spirit, is indeed inspiring to one who has labored long and wearily in this alcoholic field. They believe in themselves, and still more in the Power which pulls chronic alcoholics back from the gates of death.
Of course an alcoholic ought to be freed from his physical craving for liquor, and this often requires a definite hospital procedure, before psychological measures can be of maximum benefit.
We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve.
Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves, if they are to re-create their lives.
If any feel that as psychiatrists directing a hospital for alcoholics we appear somewhat sentimental, let them stand with us a while on the firing line, see the tragedies, the despairing wives, the little children; let the solving of these problems become a part of their daily work, and even of their sleeping moments, and the most cynical will not wonder that we have accepted and encouraged this movement. We feel, after many years of experience, that we have found nothing which has contributed more to the rehabilitation of these men than the altruistic movement now growing up among them.
Men and women drink essentially because they like the affect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many people do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
On the other hand- and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand-once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.
Men have cried out to me in sincere and despairing appeal: "Doctor, I cannot go on like this! I have eveything to live for! I must stop, but I cannot! You must help me!"
Faced with this problem, if a doctor is honest with himself, he must sometimes feel his own inadequacy. Although he gives all that is in him, it often is not enough. One feels that something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change. Though the aggregate of recoveries resulting from psychiatric effort is considerable, we physicians must admit we have made little impression upon the problem as a whole. Many types do not respond to the ordinary psychological approach.
I do not hold with those who believe that alcoholism is entirely a problem of mental control. I have had many men who had, for example, worked a period of months on some problem or business deal which was to be settled on a certain date, favorably to them. They took a drink a day or so prior to the date, and then the phenomenon of craving at once became paramount to all other interests so that the important appointment was not met. These men were not drinking to escape; they were drinking to overcome a craving beyond their mental control.
There are many situations which arise out of the phenomenon of craving which cause men to make the supreme sacrifice rather than continue to fight.
The classification of alcoholics seems most difficult, and in much detail is outside the scope of this book. There are, of course, the psychopaths who are emotionally unstable. We are familiar with this type. They are always "going on the wagon for keeps."
They are over-remorseful and make many resolutions, but never a decision.
There is the type of man who is unwilling to admit that he cannot take a drink. He plans various ways of drinking. He changes his brand or his environment. There is the type who always believes that after being entirely free from alcohol for a period of time he can take a drink without danger. There is the manic-depressive type, who is, perhaps the least understood by his friends, and about whom a whole chapter could be written.
Then there are types entirely normal in every respect except in the effect alcohol has upon them. They are often able, intelligent, friendly people.
All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.
This immediately precipitates us into a seething caldron of debate. Much has been written pro and con, but among physicians, the general opinion seems to be that most chronic alcoholics are doomed.
What is the solution? Perhaps I can best answer this by relating experiences.
About one year prior to this experience a man was brought in to be treated for chronic alcoholism. He had but partially recovered from a gastric hemorrhage and seemed to be a case of pathological mental deterioration. He had lost everything worthwhile in life and was only living, one might say, to drink. He frankly admitted and believed that for him there was no hope. Following the elimination of alcohol, there was found to be no permanent brain injury. He accepted the plan outlined in this book. One year later he called to see me, and I experienced a very strange sensation. I knew the man by name, and partly recognized his features, but there all resemblance ended. From a trembling, despairing, nervous wreck, had emerged a man brimming over with self-reliance and contentment. i talked with him for some time, but was not able to bring myself to feel that I had known him before. To me he was a stranger, and so he left me. A long time has passed with no return to alcohol.
When I need a mental uplift, I often think of another case brought in by a physician prominent in New York. The patient had made his own diagnosis, and deciding his situation hopeless, had hidden in a deserted barn determined to die. He was rescued by a searching party, and, in desperate condition, brought to me. Following his physical rehabilitation, he had a talk with me in which he frankly stated he thought the treatment a waste of effort, unless I could assure him, which no one ever had, that in the future he would have the "will power" to resist the impulse to drink.
His alcoholic problem was so complex, and his depression so great, that we felt his only hope would be through what we then called "moral psychology," and we doubted if even that would have any effect.
However, he did become "sold" on the ideas contained in this book. He has not had a drink for a great many years. I see him now and then and he is as fine a specimen of manhood as one could wish to meet.
I earnestly advise every alcoholic to read this book through, and though perhaps he came to scoff, he may remain to pray."
peace out- and enjoy the journey as it is one hell of a ride,
Doctor Sprock Silkworth MD
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Chris Cunningham
Trad climber
San Francisco
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"Work Event"?? Where do I get a job like that?
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JOEY.F
Gym climber
It's not rocket surgery
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Bluey
it took a lot of courage to post up, You've got this!
All the best to you.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Dec 10, 2015 - 02:30am PT
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Best wishes Bluey/Steve.
EDIT
Alcohol is the worst drug.
My best friend, the love of my life, Jennie, is in a nursing home for the foreseeable future due to her alcoholism which led to her Korsakoff's Syndrome (Vitamin B1/Thiamine deficiency, common in alcoholics). Dementia sucks.
Alcohol is a neurotoxin and a depressant. In moderation it is okay, but like one of Jen's GPs (Anita) told me several years ago, "Patrick, alcohol is sneaky, it creeps on you and grabs you."
Almost happened to me Steve. A week after Jennie went into the nursing home (November 5 2014), that Wednesday (November 12) I looked in the recycling bin and saw four empty wine bottles and a vodka bottle, all in the week after she left. Whoa, I told myself, no more.
Good luck on your journey, Bluey. You are saving your liver, heart, brain and wallet.
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doughnutnational
Gym climber
its nice here in the spring
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Dec 10, 2015 - 05:18am PT
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Good luck Steve. My advice is to not fall for the AA belief that nicotine is ok. Your in a fight for your life so defeat all the enemies at once.
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Flip Flop
climber
Earth Planet, Universe
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Dec 10, 2015 - 05:24am PT
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I'm going to wait until you're really suffering to remind you of all the shitty, hate-filled stuff that you've been spewing. I hope you succeed but I hope it hurts.
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Rankin
Social climber
Greensboro, North Carolina
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Dec 10, 2015 - 07:45am PT
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Hey bluey. Wishing you all the best buddy. Some of my best friends, lovers, and family members have made the same decision. Find a good sponsor and listen, learn, and grow. Turn your tenacity towards kicking that disease's ass!
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Dec 10, 2015 - 07:45am PT
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"To thine own self, be true" - Another Bill, who wrote some stuff
In about another 24 hours, you'll be at the center getting started on the detox. Probably going to be a hell of a long 24 hours. Just think - you may very well be having your first sober Christmas is a number of years. Pretty spectacular.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 10, 2015 - 07:46am PT
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Thanks, Dr Sprock. That's a helpful read. We need to get back on the boulders sometime.
Flip Flop, I don't really intend to offend people. Sorry if I offended you. It'll be interesting to see how no alcohol affects my persona, and politics.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 10, 2015 - 08:52am PT
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TheMaster, sorry about your friend. I was that way for a long time, denial.
You can't fix a problem until you identify/recognize it. Alcohol has negatively pervaded many aspects of my life. I'm the kind of person that just cannot do alcohol in moderation. The older I get, it seems, the more I drink everyday.
It's not getting better for me, and attempts to 'regulate' my drinking only prove that there's a problem. A problem that has given me a couple of scares in the past year. The latest event was pretty terrifying, especially after talking to my good work-friend. He knows I drink a lot, but I usually appear to have it under control.
He said,"Dude, this time was bad, you were flopping around on the floor with blood coming from your head, we had to hold you down until the EMT's got there".
The look in his eyes said everything, he was very concerned and troubled by what he saw.
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apogee
climber
Technically expert, safe belayer, can lead if easy
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Dec 10, 2015 - 09:01am PT
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Crap, blue...that sounds incredibly frightening. How much drinking has been happening in recent years?
I just want to reiterate how impressive it is that you are stepping forward like this- both for yourself, and here in this community. As much as a lightning rod as you have been here at ST, it really magnifies how courageous and openly honest you are being about yourself. My sincerest best wishes to you in this.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 10, 2015 - 09:23am PT
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Apogee, the past 3 years have gotten bad, especially the last 2. I was averaging 8-12 drinks/day that also included at least 2 8% malted drinks during the work-day. Usually 3.
I constantly had alcohol coarsing through my veins. This will make quitting pretty challenging to my head and my physiology.
Prior to that though, I was a daily drinker of at least 6 drinks/day. That was the prior 15 years.
Enough.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Dec 10, 2015 - 09:56am PT
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Forget the negativity that some have posted.
If AA doesn't suit you, there are other avenues. AA is not for everyone, in my opinion. I went to some "open" sessions with Jennie. I wasn't impressed, but it matters what group and people you rub elbows with.
Good luck dude, I mean that sincerely, if you are determined you'll find a way.
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dirtbag
climber
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Dec 10, 2015 - 10:47am PT
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You definitely have the strength to do this.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 10, 2015 - 11:34am PT
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Paddy and Dirt, thanks guys. I will try my best, I promise.
I'm getting nervous as D-day approaches, but a successful outcome will be priceless I think.
EDIT: Oh yeah, and no smoking in there either. They recommended wearing patches, which I'll do. I've been smoking since I was 12!!! Longer than drinking.
One thing at a time though, one addiction at a time....
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Dec 10, 2015 - 12:55pm PT
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Hang tough Steve. We are with you.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Dec 10, 2015 - 06:17pm PT
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Stick with it Bluey, if you falter, get back up.
Paddy
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 10, 2015 - 06:52pm PT
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stay after it, treez. I'll try to do the same.
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Dec 10, 2015 - 07:15pm PT
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No, Bluey, you will KNOTT try, you WILL do it!
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Daphne
Trad climber
Northern California
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Dec 10, 2015 - 07:23pm PT
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Congratulations! This is wonderful news.
Good luck in your detox and recovery. Glad you came here for support.
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Trad climber
Will know soon
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Dec 10, 2015 - 08:05pm PT
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Flip Flop, enough. Think of Grace and Forgiveness. We, each one of us, have things we have done and said that need those two words.
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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
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Dec 11, 2015 - 03:33am PT
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the past is past, ain't nothing you can do about that,
but you can change the future, that choice is yours,
man i was tore up from the floor up when i quit, found a new bunch of friends who actually care about each other,
let nothing stand in your way,
steps 1-3
i can't
He can
so let him,
we are searching for a spiritual experience when we drink, and it works, every time, up to a point,
problem is that it is a synthetic spiritual experience, when you wake up, your problems are still there only worse, i had a great time at the party and i am having a great time now, two lives for the price of one, but the price i paid to get there was steep, like 5.17
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dirtbag
climber
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Dec 11, 2015 - 05:15am PT
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Best of luck as you begin your new life today, Steve!!!
We are all pulling for you!!!
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nita
Social climber
chica de chico, I don't claim to be a daisy.
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Dec 11, 2015 - 08:11am PT
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*
Best of luck as you begin your new life today, Steve!!!
We are all pulling for you!!!
+
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Dec 11, 2015 - 08:32am PT
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Best of luck as you begin your new life today, Steve!!!
We are all pulling for you!!!
+1
Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work he goes! Fare well, Blue and looking forward to your posts post-detox.
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Jon Beck
Trad climber
Oceanside
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Dec 11, 2015 - 08:54am PT
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Good luck Steve, no hard feelings for the spew and slander here, that is just superfluous BS in life. Now you are dealing with reality and your family. Ironically I was reading this thread as I listen to a substance abuse continuing education course I need to complete once every three years. For a long time this course went in one ear and out the other as I do not drink. However as I get older alcohol has taken more than a few friends and the material seems much more relevant.
The fascinating topic I am listening to now is mindfullness as a tool in conquering addiction. Might help you or someone else.
http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/can_mindfulness_help_stop_substance_abuse
Hope you find the key to sobriety
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Capt.
climber
some eastside hovel
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Dec 11, 2015 - 05:01pm PT
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What always blows me away was my thinking when I heard "alcohol kills". I always thought "yeah, drinking and driving,bad decisions,etc." Alcohol itself does kill. I've related the story about my friends and I with the alcoholic seizure deal earlier in this thread. I now(in my forties), know several people whose liver just gave way. Alcohol,in and of itself, does kill.
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hobo_dan
Social climber
Minnesota
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Dec 12, 2015 - 06:37am PT
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Great support from this post. Now it's time to grind
All the best
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overwatch
climber
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Dec 12, 2015 - 07:22am PT
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Agree with losing the f u c k e d up ciggys at the same time.
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rick sumner
Trad climber
reno, nevada/ wasilla alaska
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Dec 12, 2015 - 08:27am PT
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You know some where deep down that there has to be a last drink. By not making it the one before your blackout you are just fooling yourself. No person or program is going to fix your problem. It can only be you.
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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
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Dec 12, 2015 - 11:19pm PT
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no it can't be me, that's the whole point of AA,
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MikeL
Social climber
Seattle, WA
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Dec 13, 2015 - 07:39am PT
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^^^^^^^^
+1. Dr. Sprock is wise.
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Heisenberg
Trad climber
RV, middle of Nowehere
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Dec 13, 2015 - 08:53am PT
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Alcoholism is a double edge sword.
Going to AA isn't enough. That will only deal with the addiction side of the problem.
One really needs to address and deal with the coping mechanisms ( or lack of ) If you want to get off the sauce. Obviously how we/you deal with stress is the issue which brings you to the bottle.
Best of luck but don't just look at the bottle as the sole problem. It's a bigger demon than that
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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Dec 13, 2015 - 11:20am PT
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the past is past, ain't nothing you can do about that,
but you can change the future, that choice is yours,
i disagree with the first part immensely. Some things we've done in the past are regrettable. Which most times we try to hide in the back of our mind. When these thing's go unreconciled they've been known to fester and corrode the soul. And you can do somethin about that!
i believe before one can have a real choice in their future, they must console their own conscious..
Standing here right now the 0nly thing i do own is the past ;)
vvv "capt" you've made a similar jab toward me once before. You must have me confused with someone you think you know? i sure don't know you. In my civil attempt through PM's to rectify your thinking, you have not replied. So if you think you have a legitimate beef with me, PLease stand up and show me the beef.
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Capt.
climber
some eastside hovel
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Dec 13, 2015 - 11:54am PT
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^^^ So I can only assume you paid my friend the rent and bill money you walked on, right??
edit- ^^Blueblockr,thanks for being cordial.PM sent. And yup, not the correct place for our "beef".
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Scrubber
climber
Straight outta Squampton
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Dec 13, 2015 - 03:04pm PT
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C'mon folks. Keep the support on focus.
Good for you for your commitment to this difficult journey. I've never been through it, but I hear it can be brutal. I know you're in there right now, and I hope you'll come through the experience with even more motivation and coping tools in your arsenal. The rewards will be proportional to sticking it out, despite the fact that you may stumble.
Back to your request for reading materials. Too late for this weekend's sobriety lockdown, but an amazing and powerful read about one man's journey through the death or sobriety battle is called "A Million Little Pieces". I would highly recommend it.
Kris
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Heisenberg
Trad climber
RV, middle of Nowehere
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Dec 13, 2015 - 04:02pm PT
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Kris.
Just keep'n it real. Not negative at all. If someone really wants to lick the booze you need to look at the entire battle. Not just a piece of the situation.
And that book " Million little pieces " Compete sh#t. The fak'n dude made it up!
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Dec 13, 2015 - 04:17pm PT
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As a recovering alcoholic, May I suggest we let the poor guy go through detox and get some sea legs before we start bombarding him with too much?
If Bluering is anything like the dozens of freshly scrubbed drunks I have met, even something as seemingly simple as getting dressed in the morning with matching socks can be difficult to manage.
Man, I remember when I was right around 90 days clean. I went through a short phase where I felt like the air I was breathing was too harsh, and as if my legs couldn't stay coordinated enough to walk. This was just in my imagination, when sitting down and thinking. In reality I breathed and walked fine. But it FELT like I was actually going through some sort of spiritual birth channel. Pretty amazing really.... but yeah, it felt like I was walking on a tightrope and any bit of loss of focus and I would plummet.
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feralfae
Boulder climber
in the midst of a metaphysical mystery
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Dec 13, 2015 - 06:03pm PT
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Bluering, glad to see the support you are getting here, and just want to add a word to say that I know you can succeed. And you are going to have all the support of Creator as well, as you make this new life something beautiful.
You are headed in a good direction, and the finer points will work themselves out as you go, as you build this new way of living for yourself. The past is over, and you have your entire wonderful future ahead of you.
Good for you. We are all wishing you well.
feralfae
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Chugach
Trad climber
Vermont
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Dec 13, 2015 - 06:33pm PT
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Good luck and BIG STRENGTH. One simple day at a time.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 14, 2015 - 12:52pm PT
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I'm out!!! And I feel f*#king fantastic!!! 3 days 3 1/3 days without a drink.
I start my after-work outpatient program tomorrow, but the awesome folks at the Mills Health Behavioral Services, where I did my my time, suggested I go to an AA meeting today. Which I'll do. I just was anxious to let my Taco friends know that things are going super-spectacular.
After readting, "The Addictive Mind", while I was there, my eyes were opened to a bunch of stuff that I kinda already knew, but was explained in a more enlightening way with examples to seal the points. Very good read.
One thing that was made very clear, however, was the the de-tox is the relatively easy part. Once you're thrown to wolves (real world), things get more stressful, more tempting, and you are challenged in a very real manner.
Where the rubber hits the road. I think this is why they stress AA meetings so much. Being with similar people.
I'm nervous about it, but I'll go today. I'll shop around and find a group I'm comfortable with.
But things feel good!!!
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apogee
climber
Technically expert, safe belayer, can lead if easy
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Dec 14, 2015 - 12:55pm PT
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Congrats on the first step, blue. That's one of the hardest steps down that long trail. Best of luck to you on your journey.
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SC seagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, Moab, A sailboat, or some time zone
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Dec 14, 2015 - 12:57pm PT
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Good for you Bluey....^^^^^
Thinking of you and your family....lots to be proud of!!
Susan
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dirtbag
climber
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Dec 14, 2015 - 01:18pm PT
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Wonderful, Steve. Thanks for checking in.
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Norton
Social climber
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Dec 14, 2015 - 01:22pm PT
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everyone is pulling for you, Steve
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Elcapinyoazz
Social climber
Joshua Tree
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Dec 14, 2015 - 06:12pm PT
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Good for you, and I sincerely wish you the best.
It's not fun, it's not easy and won't get easier for a while. Don't let your guard down, there will be days when you think you've got it licked, only to have intense cravings pop up days or weeks later.
It sounds silly, but the rubber band bracelet thing helped me when quitting booze (std rubber band around your wrist, start thinking about a drink, snap that band..it's like someone slapping you.) For me, snapping myself with the rubber band nipped any incipient cravings. Sounds dumb, but dumb was better than relapse. I was willing to try most anything by then.
I'm trying to get myself off yet another substance right now (been off the alcohol for almost 6 years), and this is the second time in the last year of going cold turkey off this particular drug.
First time was awful - night sweats, couldn't sleep, nausea, fits of rage anxiety and depression, vivid crazy dreams. Lasted a couple weeks, and was sleeping nornally by about 6 weeks. I am on day 2 right now of a cold turkey, knowing days 3 and 4 will be the worst. Already afflicted with nausea and buttwater, intense mood swings, anxiety, depression. You buy your ticket, you take the ride. Nobody to blame but myself, and I'll get through it.
If I can do it, you can do it. Really looking forward to waking up tonight about 1:45am drenched in sweat while freezing, crying and trying not to go kick holes in my walls from the anger. Week three felt like an ascent out of the depths last time around, so only another 15 days or so of misery for me. Yay!
Wise decision for you and your family, best of luck.
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climbski2
Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
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Dec 14, 2015 - 06:20pm PT
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Keep up the good work Steve!
You too ElC
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NutAgain!
Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
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Dec 14, 2015 - 06:27pm PT
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A lot of people going through recovery are stuck in environments with people who expect the old patterns and throw wrenches (intentional or not) in their efforts to change. Aside from whatever supportive resources you have in your life, and access to AA meetings, you are lucky to have this forum as an additional support layer when sh!t hits the fan. Lots of people here who can support you.
I'm sure that goes for anyone else here who is taking charge of their life and dealing with their issues. For all the funky negative threads and comments, there is a real gem of humanity and positive feedback in this forum. You find what you come looking for.
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Edge
Trad climber
Betwixt and Between Nederland & Boulder, CO
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Dec 14, 2015 - 06:31pm PT
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I'm nervous about it, but I'll go today. I'll shop around and find a group I'm comfortable with.
Sometimes the best support comes from the meetings that make you uncomfortable. Just sayin'.
You're new to the program, try all different types of meetings, but owning a penish and popping in on an all women's group is considered bad form.
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StahlBro
Trad climber
San Diego, CA
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Dec 14, 2015 - 06:33pm PT
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Stay strong Blue. This is something you can't give an inch to. Eyes on the prize.
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nita
Social climber
chica de chico, I don't claim to be a daisy.
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Dec 14, 2015 - 06:42pm PT
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*
*
Elcap..Rooting for you to get past the 15 day mark .... beyond & for good.
Good luck.. and take care..
Saludos
Nita...
ps..Congratulations on your 6 years of sobriety .
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MikeL
Social climber
Seattle, WA
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Dec 14, 2015 - 07:02pm PT
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That’s wonderful, Steve.
My wife has been with it now for maybe 7-8 days. Going to meetings. She has become a more attractive person. She is a little wobbly.
Keep the faith.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Dec 14, 2015 - 07:38pm PT
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Really good to hear Blu!!
Elcapinyoass, wtf? Good thing you're as strong as they come! Stick with it, you have my intact info
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jstan
climber
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Dec 14, 2015 - 07:49pm PT
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Life is a process wherein one avoids a long series of addictions. In 1958 at band meeting our Pipe Major suggested to the band they "Get John a nice 19 year old." My luck held good once again and they did nothing. I am not good when some assembly is required.
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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Dec 14, 2015 - 08:34pm PT
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^^^HaHaHahahahahahhahhahhahahhahahahahahahahahhhaa
think i peed my pants
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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Dec 14, 2015 - 08:35pm PT
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stick to it man. you've got this!
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 14, 2015 - 09:16pm PT
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Alcoholism is a double edge sword.
Going to AA isn't enough. That will only deal with the addiction side of the problem.
One really needs to address and deal with the coping mechanisms ( or lack of ) If you want to get off the sauce. Obviously how we/you deal with stress is the issue which brings you to the bottle.
Best of luck but don't just look at the bottle as the sole problem. It's a bigger demon than that
I understand what you're saying, but that's how a person with an addictive personality deals with sh#t. We are a wild and crazy bunch, our personality type, but we have our demons. I've been OCD all my life, and when it comes to abusing drugs/alcohol, I'm a master. Unfortunately...
El Cap!!! 6 years!!!!! Congrats, man. Good luck shaking your new friend. Hope the withdrawals end soon.
MikeL - Maybe have your wife read this thread? Tell her there's another person going through the same thing, and wishes her the best.
My biggest, smartest thing I did was finally admit that I was an alcoholic. Once the problem is identified, a solution can be planned.
Just got back from my first AA meeting. I felt good, albeit nervous at first. When asked if there were any noobs that wanted to introduce themselves, guess what I did? (read the thread title)
Thanks for the support, my bruthas, it helps.
Happie, how many years you got?
While I was in the 'joint', which totally reminded me of One Flew Over The Cuckcoo's Nest, I read an eye-opening book called,"Addictive Thinking - Understanding Self-Deception", by A. Twerski, M.D. He really digs into the subject. And the more of it I read, the more I realized that I am indeed that personality type. Goes deep on how people use rationalization, denial, projection to get what they want. Even how this type of person has a slightly different perception of time.
It was kind of chilling actually, he has me nailed better than I thought I did. Must read if you have this personality type. Blew my mind.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Dec 14, 2015 - 09:39pm PT
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Yeah, good on ya ,Steve! That's an awkward. situarion, especially the first time!
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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
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Dec 14, 2015 - 09:49pm PT
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there are about 1000 meetings a day in the bay area,
try different meetings til you find find one you like,
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John M
climber
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Dec 14, 2015 - 09:58pm PT
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Steve.. I'm really grateful that you figured out you needed to quit alcohol. You and your family deserve a better life. Stopping alcohol will help you create that.
I have not read the whole thread. I did read Radicals post and he is right on. It took me 4 times to quit alcohol. I wasn't in as deep as you, but still had my issues. You can do it Steve. God Bless..
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 14, 2015 - 10:00pm PT
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there are about 1000 meetings a day in the bay area,
try different meetings til you find find one you like,
Roger that, doc!
Thanks, John.
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MikeL
Social climber
Seattle, WA
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Dec 14, 2015 - 10:11pm PT
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Steve:
I’ll see if she wants to read anything.
Getting some sort of handle on why you’re in the shape you are, I’ve found, is very helpful. It seems to give a person an anchor. From there, one can range but always come back and find the center. I did that with PTSD and some dysfunctional behaviors.
We all need ground. We can get a little lost on our own.
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Trad climber
Will know soon
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Dec 14, 2015 - 10:11pm PT
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Still here with you, bluering, love and prayers, lynnie.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 14, 2015 - 10:24pm PT
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We all need ground. We can get a little lost on our own.
Yep.
If your wife would read it, I can ship my copy of the book to her. Even has my highlights in it!
Thanks, Lynne!
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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Dec 14, 2015 - 11:33pm PT
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And the more of it I read, the more I realized that I am indeed that personality type.
how old are you dude? It's time to grow upppppppppppppppp
Edit; BEFORE YOU GO DOWN
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Dec 15, 2015 - 08:22am PT
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Happie, how many years you got?
19 years.
I remember my "first" meeting..... I had decided to seek therapy, at the suggestion of a friend, because I felt there was something wrong in that I seemed unable to form connections with others. During that first therapy session, I was asked to "tell my story," and when I was done, the therapist said, matter of factly, "Oh, why didn't you say you were an alcoholic!?"
She said "We can do therapy, but if you aren't sober it will be a waste of your time and money." She then suggested I go to AA. Since I am NOT a person to ask for help, and when I DO, I take it seriously, I felt I had better do as she says if I am going to continue.
So.... I called up the number she gave me, for the New York City Intergroup office, and the guy gave me the info on a meeting that he said "sound perfect for you." It was supposedly a "hip meeting full of friendly younger people like myself."
I was REALLY excited. For the meeting, I changed into a nice outfit and put on make-up, something I rarely did(the make-up part). I was ready, willing and able.
The moment I closed the front door to my apartment, fear edged in.
As I walked down the stairs, the dread mounted. Four floors of dread accumulated and by the time I reached the ground floor, I was feeling major discomfort. I looked at the front door and didn't know how in hell I was going to open it and walk through. But I did it.
It would be a wonderful story to say that the early evening sun hit my face and I found renewed energy, but that wasn't the case. The "outside world," my busy Chelsea street bustling with after-work people on their way to wherever, only made it worse.
I felt the tears welling in my eyes, and a feeling in my stomach of complete dejection, and turned around. I walked back up those four flights of stairs and collapsed on my bed in tears. Never in my life have I felt so alone as I did at that time.
So - kudos to you, Bluering, for getting to that first meeting!
My second, or first "actual" meeting, went a lot better. It surely helped that I had the next therapy session coming up the next day and, if I went to the AA meeting, I would be able to tell the therapist I had done as the suggested. I was still absolutely terrified, but I made it through the door. The relief was immense, when after the meeting women came over to me to introduce themselves. That became my home group, the West End Group on the Upper West Side.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 15, 2015 - 08:36am PT
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Blueblocr, I know how that sounds. I'm 47, BTW, and I've known that I have this addictive personality type since college. I just went with it and tried to tame/control it for a long time. I did pretty well for a long time, but alcohol is just too insidious for me. I cannot tame it.
What the book did was confirm everything I already knew, but didn't want to recognize. It woke me up in a very clear, methodical manner. I could no longer deny it. It was better than a therapist.
EDIT: Happie, 19 years is awesome!! I know exactly what you mean about the first meeting.
Remember we met at the Facelift that one year? I undoubtedly had a beer in my hand constantly....No more!
You're an inspiration, Happie!
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Scrubber
climber
Straight outta Squampton
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Dec 15, 2015 - 09:20am PT
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Strong work Steve. One day at a time. Hopefully we'll clink (root) beer bottles together one day.
Kris
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Trad climber
Will know soon
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Dec 15, 2015 - 04:38pm PT
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Hi Friend, just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and prayed for you and your wonderful family today. If I can do anything let me know. You are loved and you are an incredible creation of God. You can do all things because our best friend, jesus, will give to the strength to do it. Cheers, Lynnie
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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Dec 15, 2015 - 05:17pm PT
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Pulling for you man. I lost my grandfather to alcohol long before I was born. I'm glad to see you getting that monkey of your back. Stay strong.
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Norton
Social climber
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Dec 15, 2015 - 05:30pm PT
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think Stevie Ray Vaughan, Blue
he knew he was hopelessly addicted and it was killing him and so he quit, period
you can go to Utube and watch/listen to Stevie talking at AA meetings
be strong, Steve
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Elcapinyoazz
Social climber
Joshua Tree
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Dec 15, 2015 - 08:44pm PT
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Hey man, I hope you're hanging in there. Lots of folks rooting for you.
One thing about this cold turkey kick I'm on, it's one helluva diet plan. I've been so nauseated for the last few days, I've eaten maybe 200-300 cal/day. Once this is over, I'm going to train for a couple weeks, then go climb something hard. I should have a superb strength:weight by then.
I don't know if you're having sleep issues, but for me tart cherry juice has helped a lot with the withdrawal insomnia (the tart cherry triggers melatonin, which in turn regulates your sleep patterns). Last time I didn't have any sleep aids and got maybe 3hr/night during the detox, this time the tart cherry is working great, getting more like 6-7hr. You could probably just take some melatonin OTC product, but then you don't get the other benefits of the tart cherry juice.
Thanks Nita and Jay, I appreciate it. My family are all 3000mi away, and my support network is a little thin. A couple friends here in the IE have stepped up and stand ready to help. I'm quietly confident that I'll get through this one, today were the worst cravings as I expected. Nausea seems to be tapering off a little, I just ate a cup of quinoa with a handful of cranberries for dinner...only thing I've had all day aside from a cup of coffee at dawn.
Knowing what to expect makes it somehow better and worse at the same time. It can be a kind of adventure the first time. Second time around, it's a grind. You know what's coming, you know it will suck.
Three days down for me. Two more really bad days, then it gets much easier. I know reading about other random peoples' withdrawal stories on the 'net has helped me a lot with getting through the hard parts. It makes you feel not alone in what you're going through, and it distracts me for an hour or two at a time, by which time the craving has usually passed.
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overwatch
climber
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Dec 15, 2015 - 08:49pm PT
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Pardon me if I missed it or if you don't want to say but what are you detoxing from, Ecap?
Best of luck to you and Mr. Ring
vvvvvvvvvv understood, thanks for the response
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Elcapinyoazz
Social climber
Joshua Tree
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Dec 15, 2015 - 09:08pm PT
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I'd prefer to keep that info off the internet.
Despite my best efforts over the years, we have a few d-bags around this place now who think "outing" someone by addressing them by their full name, when they specifically use an avatar for privacy/employment reasons, is a cool thing to do while they play their little games of internet police.
I will say this, it's not one of the common culprits (i.e. not benzos, opiates, amphetamines, or coke).
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 15, 2015 - 09:09pm PT
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Three days down for me. Two more really bad days, then it gets much easier. I know reading about other random peoples' withdrawal stories on the 'net has helped me a lot with getting through the hard parts. It makes you feel not alone in what you're going through, and it distracts me for an hour or two at a time, by which time the craving has usually passed.
ElCap, I know exactly what you mean on both parts; knowing you're not the only one suffering makes your own pain somewhat less painful. And the distraction is welcome.
I had a super-shitty day today (if it makes you feel better). I ran out of my sleeping meds and slept 2 hours last night, then went to see a therapist and got super-lost. I was an hour late because I got head-spun from anxiety and was stressing.
The therapist waited for me (was really cute too!) and we went through their program guidelines. I ended up telling her thanks, but no thanks. AA is free, I can go just about anytime I want, and I can leave anytime I want. They have meetings just about everywhere.
AA is really a great program. I'm gonna stick with them.
Good luck, Elcap, it sounds like while things suck right now, you have a good handle on the situation. Hang in there, and good luck!
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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
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Dec 16, 2015 - 01:21am PT
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Fremont and Hollenbeck use to be a good meeting,
first 30 days you get your body back, then a year later your brain starts acting normal, the ego turns problems into emotions, so you let the old man handle fear, guilt, shame remorse, bewilderment, terror,
just like climbing,
didn't like Chuck C?
try Clancy>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6Wcbw-EvHo
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Yury
Mountain climber
T.O.
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Dec 16, 2015 - 04:44am PT
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AA approach seems irrational, however Charles Duhigg in "The Power of Habit" explains the logic behind AA approach.
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Mike Bolte
Trad climber
Planet Earth
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Dec 16, 2015 - 08:15am PT
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Steve - I'm pulling for you!!
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 16, 2015 - 09:18am PT
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I'll check that out Sprock, is it a church at Fremont/Hollenbeck?
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 19, 2015 - 04:49pm PT
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ElCap, you doing better? Hope so. How about your significant other MikeL?
I'm doing pretty good. Feel great actually. Day 9, no booze.
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climbski2
Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
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Dec 19, 2015 - 05:01pm PT
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There comes a point where retreat, or going back...is unf*#kingthinkable..were you would rather die than fail...where you know nothing can make you go through this again...
Hope you are there Steve.... Think about it.
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Elcapinyoazz
Social climber
Joshua Tree
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Dec 19, 2015 - 05:03pm PT
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Solid work Johnson.
Doing well myself, has been much easier for me this time around. No idea why it's been easier, but don't look a gift-horse in the mouth, ya know? The queasy stomach was way worse this time, but all other symptoms were milder. Finally able to eat more than a few hundred calories a day now (lost a LOT of weight, over 5lb in a week).
Peer group stuff like AA can be good if it works for you, but I wouldn't cast aside the idea of individual counseling/therapy by a professional. For me, and probably most, there are deep seated issues that got me there in the first place. Without dealing with those things, long term recovery seems risky at best. Keep on keepin'on, you takin' the boy to the new Star Wars flick?
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nita
Social climber
chica de chico, I don't claim to be a daisy.
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Dec 19, 2015 - 06:02pm PT
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*
*
Bluey, Day 9..Good for you. Keep up the good work.
Elcap,. I have been thinking about you the last couple of days....Happy to hear the process this time around was easier. ...Cheers..
Stoked for you guys...*Merry Christmas....And a.. Happy *NEW* Year!
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ruppell
climber
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Dec 19, 2015 - 06:55pm PT
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1 year, 1 month, and 3 days.
That's how long it's been since I quit cold turkey. No AA and no therapy. Just a strong realization that I wanted to be back in control of my own life. Like most others the idea of truly quitting had floated around in my head for years. Being strong willed I always came back to it with the thought that I could "have just a few". My few would always turn into a few to many. It was hard for me to realize that I truly wasn't in control of it. I'm a bit of a control freak, so realizing I couldn't control this was the only way for me to finally commit to a life free from booze.
After speaking to a few people who have quit, one thing stood out to me. Almost all had a catalyst that started the road to sobriety. For me, it was a DUI. I was looped and decided driving was a good idea. Turns out it actual wasn't. Like many things in life that suck this was my catalyst. After returning home I dumped every beer in the house. Well, except for two very good ones that I gifted to a friend.
Since my last drink I have been able to be a better person. A better husband. I feel better. I have more spare cash. I climb better. I think better and make better decisions. So, those are all things to look forward to. However you get there, be it AA, therapy, online support groups, or just flying solo, you'll thank yourself in a short time. Best of luck to everyone going through the process.
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Elcapinyoazz
Social climber
Joshua Tree
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Dec 19, 2015 - 07:03pm PT
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Thanks Nita, it really does help to know people are in your corner. Happy holidays to you and Andy.
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hossjulia
Trad climber
Carson City, NV
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Dec 19, 2015 - 07:52pm PT
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So glad to see this post! Way to go bluering, Elcap and others.
I have a very weird relationship with alcohol. I loath people who drink too much, but yet I can be affected by a cumulative effect of 1-2 drinks a day just like an alcoholic. 4 nights ago I had 3 beers in a night with a friend who was visiting. Ate plenty of food. Also smoked a bunch more than I have in a while. I woke up sick, with flu like symptoms, and have been groggy in the head since. Cranky, ill. Just now feeling better.
I'm ready to give them BOTH up completely, and alter my relationship with how I think about folks who I think drink too much. The alcohol will be much easier than the smoke, since people tend to give it to me all the time. I'm like a magnet or something when it comes to ganga. (Stop it people!) Now coffee, that one is going to be hard too, but it just makes me ill anymore as well.
So keep it up Steve, and don't try to hide from the emotions that come up.
Rooting for you all!
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 19, 2015 - 08:31pm PT
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ElCap, nice!!!!! Glad to hear it. I did some therapy in my inpatient treatment that was good. I'll hit the AA meetings every so often though, they're really helpful and not what most people think they are. My wife and kid are the best though, especially my wife. She's pleasantly surprised that I sprang this at her, pretty much out of nowhere (in her mind).
Failing would devastate her, and I would be letting myself down as well.
Climb2ski, I'm totally picking up what you're laying down and that is kinda my mindset. My goal is no more booze, ever.
Ruppell, nice job! Hang with it.
Hossjulia, from my experience alcohol is far worse than the occasional toke at night.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 20, 2015 - 06:38am PT
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BJ, that's mind-boggling to me right now. Good for you!
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Dec 20, 2015 - 07:00am PT
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i remember when I first got sober, that there were several people in my home group that had 18 years. They seemed like demigods who had some superpower. Well, it turned out they did! It was the power to not take that first drink, one day at a time....
When I got 18 years I was like "Ohhh, THAT"S all there was to it. No wonder they got a sheepish look on their face whenever we showed awe over their accumulated time."
One day, 10 days, 90 days, a year - Much more impressive than the double digits, from a purely "don't drink, one day at a time" perspective. (There are certainly impressive things about long term sobriety too - not knocking that!)
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 20, 2015 - 08:25am PT
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Happie, I think it may be easier for us noobs in the beginning because it feels so good and new, and we're unusually motivated by our new found lifestyle.
Also may be becoming easier after 10 years or so because you've gotten everything dialed.
From attending a couple of AA meetings, it seems like all the relapses occur within the 1-6 year range, where you THINK you have everything under control, but have forgotten that you're an alcoholic and one drink ALWAYS leads to more and more and more, until you're a drunk again.
It something for us noobs to keep in mind. We have to give it up. Forever. At least I do. I cannot have just one drink or one glass, I am powerless to it. So I just have to say, "No thanks"
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Elcapinyoazz
Social climber
Joshua Tree
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Dec 20, 2015 - 10:39am PT
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I'd encourage you to do a little reading in the "Sobriety: off topic?" thread. Lots of people sharing their experiences, and it definitely helped me when I quit the booze. If nothing else, it will let you know what to expect and that you're far, far from alone in these things.
I was similar to the above story, decided I was going to quit and skipped the therapy/AA/etc. Luckily, I'm REAL hard-headed, and made it stick. BUT, and this is a big one, I didn't really address the underlying problems at that time. And that just led me to eventually substitute other substances in place of the booze. So if I had it to do over again, I'd have gone to some kind of therapy.
While you're here, Blue, question for you:
I put a new set of pickups in an SG recently, swapped the old shitty stock 490R/490T combo for a '57 Classic/'57 Classic Plus pair. I'm not good at soldering, but managed. But now, my bridge pickup randomly fades in volume after playing it a bit or cuts off altogether. Neck pickup is fine. Seems totally bizarre, and before I yank all the pots and caps and start with fresh ones (didn't upgrade the pots when I switched pups), any idea what would cause that? Bad caps? Doesn't seem to be a stray ground touching the hot, toggle switch seems fine and makes/breaks contacts as it should. Kinda perplexed on this one. Only thing I can think is maybe I melted through the insulation on the pickup lead when soldering the mesh outer sleeve part to the back of the pot and maybe the lead wire is shorting itself?
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Dec 20, 2015 - 04:30pm PT
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hey there say, all... just stopped by to say...
keep up the great work...
keep the trail towards the good meadow of fresh new things!!
:)
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 20, 2015 - 05:09pm PT
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ElCap, I'd rule out the pots themselves. I'd re-check all the wiring and make sure it's solid. Check your solder connections, pull them around gently and see if the point of contact moves, you can do this while it's on, probably best to proceed that way. Strum a note/chord as you move each connection. Listen for cracks/pops, that's a bad connection.
If all that is good, replace the caps, if they appear soldered in properly, make sure they're not intermittent either.
EDIT: Re the therapist and underlying issues? I know where/why my addiction problems started. It was from elementary and high school daze. We moved around a lot including overseas, like every 1 or 2 years. I always had to make new friends, re-socialize myself, adapt to the culture of where we landed.
In retrospect it was pretty traumatic for a guy at that age. I resorted to drugs initially, and it stuck with me for a long time. Alcohol came when I quit all drugs. But I don't see going back to drugs, I never liked them. Except maybe pot, but that is pretty manageable, especially with a full time job and a family.
With a solid family now, and a steady life, I should be able to cope. I still go to AA meetings though, just to remind myself of who/what I am.
I hope that doesn't sound too arrogant or know-it-all-ish.
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scuffy b
climber
heading slowly NNW
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Dec 22, 2015 - 01:02pm PT
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Great to see you taking this step, Steve.
I think you'll really enjoy it.
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scuffy b
climber
heading slowly NNW
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Dec 22, 2015 - 01:04pm PT
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Elcap, wishing you the best.
I'm confident, you're tough, driven, clear headed.
Also, you're one of the main reasons I drink less than 1% of what I used to do.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Dec 22, 2015 - 01:08pm PT
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How are you doing Bluey?
Steven, this can be a tough time of year, with celebrations and such, keep strong brother.
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661climber
climber
Central valley
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Dec 22, 2015 - 02:24pm PT
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Good luck on your journey to sobriety!
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 24, 2015 - 08:13am PT
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2 weeks of sobriety today. Woot!!!
Hope everyone has a great Christmas. ElCap, you doing alright? Get your guitar pickup fixed?
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dirtbag
climber
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Dec 24, 2015 - 08:38am PT
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Fantastic, Steve! It's hard to imagine a better Christmas gift to you and your family.
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Elcapinyoazz
Social climber
Joshua Tree
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Dec 24, 2015 - 08:45am PT
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Good job Steve. When I quit, someone told me to tape a pic of the family to your dashboard or near the speedometer and if you ever find yourself driving to the beer store you'll have to face that pic and remember why you stopped in the first place. I didn't do it (not married, no kids), but sounds like a good idea to me.
I'm going good, thanks. Tried a little more trouble shooting on the pickup, but I need to wire it direct to the jack to make sure it's not the pickup or its lead that's the problem (rather than pot/cap/solder) and I don't have any spare wire laying around. Need to swap some 'bucker sized P90s into one of my other ones, so I may just drop it at the guitar shop and let them mess with them, save me a lot of time and frustration.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 24, 2015 - 09:10am PT
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ElCap, not a bad idea with the pic in the truck. I will try that.
Hope yer guitar gets better! Cheers.
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kev
climber
A pile of dirt.
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Dec 24, 2015 - 12:02pm PT
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Good job Steveo! I think this is great for you John and Stace - plus next time we go climb there will be much more time for climbing!
Merry Xmas!
kev
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 25, 2015 - 06:36am PT
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Merry Christmas to you and Jules, kev! Hope you guys have been well.
It'll will definitely be weird climbing without beers, but as you said, it should only be better!
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Dec 25, 2015 - 06:52am PT
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Merry Christmas Steve, hope this one is great. And congratulations, you and your family deserve all of who you are.
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Larry Nelson
Social climber
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Dec 25, 2015 - 09:18am PT
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Merry Christmas Steve,
Wishing you success in your difficult journey and a great 2016
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SC seagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, Moab, A sailboat, or some time zone
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Dec 25, 2015 - 09:27am PT
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Merry Christmas Steve! May this be the first of all the Christmases to come when you gave yourself and your family the very best of you.
Susan
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Big Mike
Trad climber
BC
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Dec 25, 2015 - 02:25pm PT
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Merry Christmas Steve. Good to hear you are taking care of yourself. We all have our vices and none of them are easy to overcome. My best to you and yours for the holidays!! :)
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murcy
Gym climber
sanfrancisco
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Dec 25, 2015 - 08:20pm PT
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Hey partner, hang in there.
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ß Î Ø T Ç H
Boulder climber
ne'er–do–well
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Dec 25, 2015 - 08:54pm PT
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You and Sprock seem to cross paths.
A source to bounce things off of maybe?
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Gearhead
Trad climber
Novato Ca
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Dec 25, 2015 - 09:16pm PT
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Been following this thread. Keep up the good work my friend
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 26, 2015 - 07:51am PT
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All is well, and yeah, Dr. Sprock and I used to go bouldering and climbing up at Castle Rock State Park all the time. I'd usually tow a handful beers with me. He always declined my offers.
He moved up north (Chico area?) so I don't see him anymore, but I do have the memories;
Had a dream last night about somebody handing me a beer and I was getting stoked on cracking it, then I asked myself, "Dude, what the f*#k are you doing?!!?"
I woke up at like 3am thanking God that it was just a dream...
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 26, 2015 - 07:56am PT
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He's a photocopy of Joe Walsh, especially when he speaks. Seriously.
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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
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Dec 31, 2015 - 12:40am PT
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using dreams are great!
like a free relapse,
having marathon meetings tonight, club open 24/7,
amateur nite tonight, projectile vomiting, erectile disfunction, dui's, wrecks, running out of booze at 2 am, jail instead of drunken sex, been there done that,
might whoop it up with a 4 pack of red bull,
almost relapsed over Lemmy, why can't i party til i drop?
because i'm not Lemmy, simple as that,
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 31, 2015 - 07:41am PT
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"Here me callin'....DR. ROCK!!!"
I know, Sprock, sucks about Lemmy. Take care, brah!
I got 3 weeks today. Next week? My first chip! 30days.
Be sure to let me know if you're in my perimeter down here, you can crash at my place.
Cheers!
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dirtbag
climber
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Dec 31, 2015 - 08:15am PT
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Three weeks! Wonderful news, Steve.
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Gary
Social climber
Where in the hell is Major Kong?
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Jan 20, 2016 - 07:12am PT
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Hey, bluering. How's it going, man?
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Jan 20, 2016 - 08:11am PT
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I'm doing great, thanks!
I'm at about 40 days in right now. I received my 30-day chip from my weekly AA meeting. I miss some of the meetings, just go when I feel like it. I think what helps me in particular is being a family man.
I have a great wife and wonderful son that help keep things real and in perspective. It would be much more difficult if I did not have this 'anchor' to keep me moored in realsville.
I'm a blessed man.
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Gary
Social climber
Where in the hell is Major Kong?
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Jan 20, 2016 - 08:13am PT
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That's good news, bluey. What you're doing for your son is immeasurably good.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Jan 20, 2016 - 09:05am PT
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Thanks for the update - glad it has been an easy path for you, Bluering. I got it that way too. We are two of the lucky ones.
Relapse dreams - I have had a few and they are usually that I have been drinking all the whole time and somehow didn't "realize" it. Freaky stuff. But I am always glad when I wake up and think - really hard - DID I drink?" and finally realize that no, I didn't. It was just a nightmare. I like the dreams where I am flying, or able to hover walk. I SO wish we could do that in real life.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Jan 20, 2016 - 09:15am PT
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Cheers, Happie! I'm glad things are well with you too.
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Scrubber
climber
Straight outta Squampton
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Jan 20, 2016 - 09:52am PT
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Proud of you Steve.
Keep it up, and don't let your guard down. The reward of your family will be immeasurable.
Kris
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Trad climber
Will know soon
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Jan 20, 2016 - 10:26am PT
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Relapse dreams are Weird. I smoked cigs heavily when I was in my twenties. Even now I wake up once in a while thinking.....oh no, after 40 years of no cigarettes I blew it. Crazy!
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Norton
Social climber
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Jan 20, 2016 - 10:33am PT
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I'm at about 40 days in right now
Steve, my sincere congratulations sir !
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nature
climber
Boulder, CO
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Jan 20, 2016 - 10:43am PT
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Good Job Blue!
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Jan 20, 2016 - 11:02am PT
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Thanks all. And thanks, Gary, for thinking of me. Means a lot. Thanks.
Moose, it's up to you, but I have found that I feel much better having quit. I wasn't really getting much of a 'reward' anymore from drinking, in fact, it was quite the opposite for me. Drinking became a burden, a potentially dangerous one for me.
I really had nothing to lose by quitting, and quite a bit to gain as I have found out later. My extended family (Mom/Dad, brother, and many friends) had written me off as a lifer. Needless to say, they are blown away that I have quit for this long so far. They're stunned.
I could be a poster-boy for, "if he could do it...you can too".
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Jan 20, 2016 - 11:31am PT
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hey there say, steve!!! wow, i been thinking about you... so very happy to hear this!!!
happy good cheers to the wife and son, too!
keep up the great work, and keep that success going in this good
stable way... :)
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Gary
Social climber
Where in the hell is Major Kong?
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Jan 20, 2016 - 01:32pm PT
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blue, my Dad was an alcoholic for most of his life. We both missed out on a lot. It's hard, but it's worth it.
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nature
climber
Boulder, CO
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Jan 20, 2016 - 02:07pm PT
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I have a friend that I had to say something to in this regard. I've not heard from him since.
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ruppell
climber
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Jan 20, 2016 - 04:27pm PT
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I could be a poster-boy for, "if he could do it...you can too".
There's a lot of us here that could probably fit on that poster. My nickname used to be "drunk Matt". Now it's "as#@&%e Matt". I like the second one much better then the first. Congrats on sticking with it.
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GDavis
Social climber
SOL CAL
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Jan 20, 2016 - 07:03pm PT
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Just had a long phone conversation with Mom.
Alcoholism runs through my family - or better yet, IS RUNNING through my family. A few years ago all the kids grew up, now all the kids have grown up problems and are medicating...
Had a realization that I had been drinking about 28 out of 31 days a month back in October. Took a few days off, back to 28 again. Took a day or two off, back at it again.
I woke up late again for a climbing trip. Slept in, hung over, felt like sh#t. The big day turned into a lazy afternoon at the gym, again.
There's a lot of those "I need to get better about this shit" things I get hit with every so often, usually in winter. I need to stretch, I need to be friendlier, I need to eat healthier. This drinking one is a new one, and with a few family members fully addicted with no end in sight with a laundry list of issues stemming from their disease, I can't be obtuse or playful with how dangerous this sh#t is.
I have a half a bottle of Crown Royal in the cupboard. I want it to be there when I move out. I never drank so much as to say I have a problem that I can't control on my own, one to three beers per night, but it would be great if I stopped drinking by myself. So, that's the new rule.
We might have to make more rules later. I have my demons, we all do. It's best to shine flashlights on them and scare them out of the corners so we can experience life to the fullest rather than let them wallow in the dank recesses of our mind, poisoning every experience with their overbearing presence.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Jan 21, 2016 - 08:01am PT
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Greg, it is good to be aware if addiction/alcoholism runs in your family. My mother's identical twin sister was afflicted, died prematurely as a result.
You don't strike me as the type, and it doesn't sound like you drink excessively. Just keep an eye on it and never let it dictate the terms to you.
Not drinking will not harm you though. It's that whole moderation thing really. Most people can do that, but people like myself cannot.
Cheers, brah!
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Jan 21, 2016 - 08:10am PT
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Good Luck, GDavis! See how it goes and keep us posted.
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GDavis
Social climber
SOL CAL
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Jan 21, 2016 - 01:13pm PT
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Not drinking will not harm you though.
Exactly. I could probably do some coke and be fine, but do I need that in my life?
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micronut
Trad climber
Fresno/Clovis, ca
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Jan 21, 2016 - 01:56pm PT
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Solid post Greg. Yeah bro, thats a lot of drinking. I'm stoked for anybody who is willing to look at his life and desire change. Proud. I've always enjoyed your wit and persona here on the Taco. Hope you navigate this thing bravely and efficiently. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step! See you in the hills.
Scott
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nature
climber
Boulder, CO
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Jan 21, 2016 - 03:07pm PT
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Greg - I could have written a lot what you posted.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Jan 21, 2016 - 05:24pm PT
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REgarding cocaine.... In NY AA, there is a saying. "You know when they (the person qualifying, or sharing their story formally as the speaker at a meeting)bring up coke, the part of their story where they hit bottom is coming soon."
Seen plenty of professionals who started doing coke and found themselves getting clean off a horrible run on crack.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Feb 16, 2017 - 03:46pm PT
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hey there say, folks... just saw this film clip coming out of the
community of south texas...
were i used to life, for about half my life...
drinking, sadly, is an abused past time, down there,
in certain areas...
here is a gal, after her mistakes, getting out INTO
the community, to speak to these kids...
just thought it would be nice, to pass her message,
along, somehow...
so thought, this spot, might be good...
if any of you have kids, or, even family members that
this might help...
here it is:
good for her, to use her mistake to help
that others might live:
[youtube=zsarPXvYfRM&feature=em-subs_digest]
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsarPXvYfRM&feature=em-subs_digest]
hmmm, couldn't get it in there, right...
but, you can SEE THE BLUE LIKE...
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hobo_dan
Social climber
Minnesota
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Feb 16, 2017 - 05:50pm PT
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Wouldn't say that I was/am an alcoholic but I noticed that I had less patience after I had a beer or two, so I am trying an experiment of no booze. After a month I've noticed some weight loss and I feel more coherent in my thoughts. When I think about drinking, right now I'm not craving the feelings of dizziness- more to follow.
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Gary
Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
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Feb 16, 2017 - 09:23pm PT
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BTW, bluey, hope all's well with you.
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monry
Gym climber
Sydney
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Feb 17, 2017 - 06:18am PT
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After suffering a particularly vicious three-day hangover from drinking too much cheap vodka in Moscow (during a business trip, oh the shame), I now drink as much water on a night out as alcoholic drinks (one beer, one water) and if it's a long night, I'll switch to water by the end of the evening. I've not had a hangover for three years. Sometimes wake up feeling a bit dry and hungry (coconut water to replace the electrolytes and some fried eggs set me right within an hour!)
Actually, after the hangover-from-hell, it was a good three months before I could even stand the whiff of booze, let alone drink again. And, It was more the fact that I woke up with a cut on my head, and vast blank patches from the previous night than the three days of feeling like a horse was stamping on my head and liver (whilst trying to work) that put me off the booze...Oh god. By the way, its true? http://natadviser.com/best-essential-oils-for-hangovers/ Found this article
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