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Standing Strong
Trad climber
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Topic Author's Original Post - Apr 17, 2007 - 09:21pm PT
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sooo... i've been jabbering on and on about exercise and fitness and weight loss, but havn't posted any photos. i finally have some to share!!! so here goes my story...
this is probably going to go over a lot of people's heads. just because you tell someone something doesn't mean they'll hear you. that's okay. i still would like to share. i hope some of you will learn from my story.
the first year or so after my dad died i pretty much floundered. i had no idea what i was doing at all. the whole family was having a hard time. it was like i lost both of my parents at the time when i needed a stable base in order to go start my own life. it was hard for years. i flitted around from nor*cal to so*cal and back again, and kept moving around up here. i lost touch with a lot of people; i lost touch with myself. i had problems with depression... and some health problems.
i started gaining weight. and once you start to gain weight, you lose a lot of confidence. people react differently to you. there is such a stigma against heavy people in our society. i tried to be happy and do my thing anyways, but i was miserable. absolutely miserable. i was totally sad and totally lost. for a long time.
people think, "oh, it's simple: take in fewer calories than you burn". but they don't understand. it's NOT that simple. there are many other things that factor into weight loss like genetics and metabolism. you can stop gaining weight and be totally healthy because you're eating well and exercising, but you're just not exercising the five or six days it takes to lose weight than just four or so to maintain.
people don't understand what it's like to gain a significant amount of weight. once you gain and you get depressed, it's hard to stop, especially when you feel alone. it's not just, "oh, i need to get these ten pounds off" it's "oh sh*t, i am huge, i need to lose more than FORTY pounds and go down several clothing sizes."
and you can pretty much forget about climbing. it's incredibly difficult when you're heavy. it was so hard to lose that because i wasn't bad at climbing before i gained weight. people treat you SO much differently - something that people who have not been heavy will probably never understand. it's hard to block out the stares and comments from people who are insensitive. it's okay if you just want to climb hard stuff with people at your own climbing level - just don't get down on other people. and if someone is out there trying anyways, more power to them! so if you see a big person climbing, do NOT be mean. i say this because there are often comments on this website about "fatties" and i for one will not put up with it anymore. you don't know the things people are going through. like papa roach sings, "i got respect; i don't neglect the people that i really care to protect."
when you're depressed and struggling, you're more vulnerable to people who are insensitive. i wish that people would take better care of eachother. sometimes, people just don't have the guidance they need to succeed.
by the time i realized what had happened, it was too late. i was stuck on survive, working and going to school. i had a hellish commute... some nutrient deficiencies... kept getting injured and having a hard time exercising... i had a big challenge ahead of me.
kinda blurry, but you can see how huge my face is
finally i just decided it was time. i was tired of being such a mess. it was hard to change the habits that made me gain weight in the first place, because you have to overcome your patterns and coping methods. i started working out at the gym more. i started reconnecting with friends and gaining more confidence. the oldest friends are the best friends. i started hanging out more in my old hometown, with kids i've known since i was eleven and accept me no matter what. they triggered memories of who i was before my dad died.
i started doubling my workouts and being easier on myself. once i learned i could love myself again, i gained in confidence what i lost in pounds.
like any twenty something, i get stressed about life stuff and wonder what life will hold, but i know now that i have myself back... for years i buried my feelings and isolated myself. the worst thing is that i was so hard on myself for so long and during some periods of time i didn't surround myself with loving people. i have a lot of anger about the weight stigma in our society. pbs just did a program about the science behind weight loss; you can probably read more about it on their website. it is MUCH MUCH MUCH more complex than people realize.
i have lost about thirty pounds and gone down five clothing sizes. yes, that's how much i'd gained. i would like to go down about two more clothing sizes and then i will feel totally normal again. but i will never ever let myself feel that bad about my body again. i had such a hangup because i knew how much it was holding me back since i couldn't do the things i wanted to do.
i still have a ways to go, but i feel SO MUCH BETTER now!!! i hit a plateau for a couple of weeks there, since my body was getting too used to my routine, but i've switched it up again.
the difference is tremendous. i am happy and eager to share life with myself and others. my climbing skills are improving again, thank god! sometimes my confidence can be a little rocky when i'm tired or worn out, but i'm getting stronger. i'm not afraid now to ask for what i want. i have learned a lot more about how to block out negative energy from people, and to use my sensitivity to my own advantage. in the past i could be too sensitive about some things. now, it's a gift i use to keep blazing my own path and tune out everything else.
these pics were taken two days ago... they are my final photos for this lil' trip report... there will be another in a few months, i'm sure :)
love my belt buckle. i don't think this is the best angle, but i'm not too insecure to post it!
j-lo BOOTY! booty booty booty!
yay cousins!
if you're still reading, thank you.
*many blessings*
luv,
miss new booty :)
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Jaybro
Social climber
The West
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Apr 17, 2007 - 09:41pm PT
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you continue to impress me,
keep on keepin' on,
strong, standing, t(I can't spell it either) meadows.
Jay-not as skinnyasbeforebutdoesn'ttalkaboutit-bro
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Mimi
climber
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Apr 17, 2007 - 09:53pm PT
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Very impressive and a brave post SS.
Most overweight people can't do what you did. Right on!
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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Apr 17, 2007 - 09:56pm PT
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You are an attractive woman, whether you are "fat" or knott. If you don't like the way your
body feels, that is way, way, way more important than what you think some bozo perceives you to be.
Love yourself - be yourself (at all costs).
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
Hell on earth wondering what I did to deserve it
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Apr 17, 2007 - 10:14pm PT
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I am certain that this wasn't easy on many levels. So a major congratulations! I'm psyched that you are accomplishing the things that are meaningful to you!! And you are doing so with such a great attitude. :)
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Raydog
Trad climber
Boulder
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Apr 17, 2007 - 10:20pm PT
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Way way cool.
An impressive and sincere post about a subject mired in stigma -
brave?
Very.
Right on SS.
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MisterE
Social climber
RimDweller, AZ
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Apr 17, 2007 - 10:26pm PT
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Really well done.
Isn't getting new smaller sized clothes FUN???
Erik-who-is-20-pounds-lighter
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tradmanclimbs
Ice climber
Pomfert VT
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Apr 17, 2007 - 10:27pm PT
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One thing that may not be socialy populer and not easy but when i quit drinking that helped with a lot of health issues as well as helping to lose weight. You really have to want to quit though... It took me about 3 or4 weeks to kick the booze....
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jbaker
Trad climber
Redwood City, CA
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Apr 17, 2007 - 10:45pm PT
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Great post. I've got some weight to lose, and this is very inspiring.
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Gary
climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
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Apr 17, 2007 - 10:55pm PT
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So cool on many levels, SS. Keep with it, sister.
Being of an, ahem, advanced age I've had to concede that my metabolism has gone through some serious changes. Exercising and big hikes were no longer doing the job for me. It came down to some changes in old habits. No fast food. No more having a beer or wine with dinner. (ouch!) Oatmeal for breakfast, soup or salad for lunch and dinner. No ice cream!
Fortunately, I can still splurge on the weekends, but that may change in the coming years.
It was either make these changes, or forget about climbing, peakbagging and hiking. That's just not an option.
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Gene
climber
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Apr 17, 2007 - 11:00pm PT
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Much love for you being you.
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Apr 17, 2007 - 11:14pm PT
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Thanks for posting that, S*S. I too have extra weight, and it's been a long, low-level struggle, dealing with the emotions that are tangled with it.
Good for you for....standing strong, and posting your journey.
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Chaz
Trad climber
So. Cal.
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Apr 17, 2007 - 11:33pm PT
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Good Work!
It ain't easy, I know from experience. Actually, I don't have any experience LOSING weight, that's how I know it isn't easy.
But I have new fat pants now. And bigger snowshoes.
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Blowboarder
Boulder climber
Back in the mix
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Apr 17, 2007 - 11:35pm PT
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Cheers to you.
Hard work but worth the effort.
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Euroford
Trad climber
chicago
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Apr 17, 2007 - 11:53pm PT
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wow tahnks for sharing with us! good job, keep at er and WOW, isn't it awsome to have a little virtual community to share with?
proud of ya!
thats a major send!
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creetur
climber
CA
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Apr 17, 2007 - 11:55pm PT
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hey SS,
i couldn't help but notice (after that long excursus someone posted about your kaleidoscoping "From:" locations) that for this post you didn't list anything.
it seems appropriate, huh? doesn't matter where you're from now--just where you're headed. and that seems you're headed right into the heart of light.
congrats on being so brave. i think you look beautiful in all of those pictures.
k
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crusher
climber
Santa Monica, CA
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Apr 18, 2007 - 12:35am PT
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Hey Strong Sister (your new name!) - good for you. What you've undertaken and accomplished is one of the hardest things to do - changing behaviors, habits, things we fall back on in tough/stressful times. I've been there and it is HARD!!!
The best part is finding yourself again and finding that you ARE really, really STRONG - mentally, emotionally, physically. You are very brave too.
Thanks for sharing something uplifting during these troubled times.
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Zander
Trad climber
Berkeley
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Apr 18, 2007 - 12:51am PT
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Hi SS,
Right On! I come from a family of good northern european stock, which means we all have to watch are weight all the time. In my case 35 years of needing to pay attention, all the time. So I know it's hard.
You are doing it. Awesome. Congrats. All the best.
Zander
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Melissa
Gym climber
berkeley, ca
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Apr 18, 2007 - 01:50am PT
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Congrats, SS. Best wishes on the rest of your journey.
I once climbed with a gal who lost 50 lbs. because she wanted to climb that badly. I thought that was very cool.
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