Idiot Report™ - I opened a can of whoop-ass on myself!

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Hardman Knott

Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
Topic Author's Original Post - May 20, 2007 - 02:51pm PT
Inspired by Crimpie's intruder thread, I thought it was time for a new addition to my arsenal...


I call it The Extinguisher™ because it's really good at extinguishing hostilities.
REI recently had it on sale for $24.95, so I bought one, and also the velcro -belt-holster.
I was over at my mom's house, and I thought I would practice a little "quick draw"
in the front living room. Here's what the holster looks like:


I flipped up the velcro, grabbed the The Extinguisher, and prepared to pop the safety...
Looking at the photo of The Extinguisher above, you can see how the white safety tab
prevents accidental discharge. It is designed to be operated with one hand.
So I popped the safety off with one hand, visualizing what a dose of Liquid Hell™
could do to a well-deserving scumbag - oblivious to the mighty power of The Extinguisher...

As I pulled the safety off, I accidentally set off The Extinguisher, and it sent a split-second
blast across the room in a cone-shaped pattern. Like in the movies, I turned around
and dove in slow-motion, yelling NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!
I hit the ground rolling, and then quickly shoved the sliding door shut.
My reaction was quick enough that I was only briefly asphyxiated by the choking fumes.
Luckily, the cat was on mouse-patrol in the basement, and was knott in the vicinity.

I waited about 15 minutes, and then cautiously entered the room. Knott smart!!
I was instantly coughing and gagging, and my eyes burned from the lingering mist.
I opened every window in the house, and put a large square fan in the room, and
let in run for several hours. FINALLY, I could enter the room without distress. However,
the smell of pepper remained for a couple days. Thank goodness Mom wasn't home
at the time. I called to warn her and she thought it was funny.

I would still recommend this as a home-defense alternative to a shotgun;
if someone gets a face-full of this stuff, they will be in very bad shape.
All you have to do is hold your breath and evacuate the premises, leaving the
hapless intruder to wallow in pepper fumes while you await the police...
Wild Bill

climber
Ca
May 20, 2007 - 02:54pm PT
Too funny.

Unless you're the mice living in Mom's house.

Way to go, quick-draw. Thanks for the self-effacing laugh.
Indianclimber

climber
Las Vegas
May 20, 2007 - 04:16pm PT
Knott that's funny ,How far does that thing shoot?
I bought a little one that hangs on the outside of my day pack
after getting cornered by 2 pitbulls at RR running ahead of the
redneck owners scared the crap out of me
havent got to test it yet
Crimpergirl

Social climber
Hell on earth wondering what I did to deserve it
May 20, 2007 - 04:39pm PT
Sounds like that is the stuff I need. However, I won't practice using it and will take your word for it.

This story (great one - thanks for sharing!) reminds me a bit of the thread on camp stoves posted about six months ago or so. The stories of "I'll-try-my-new-camp-stove-out-here-in-the-house" had me in tears! It's a must read.

Glad you didn't hurt yourself Knottman.
Crag Q

Trad climber
Louisville, Colorado
May 20, 2007 - 04:45pm PT
In case you missed the stove story click here.
Mimi

climber
May 20, 2007 - 04:54pm PT
Funny tale HK. Glad there were no casualties.

The stove story is great. Thanks for finding it.

HK, don't worry, no real mystery here regarding who the 'well-deserving scumbag' is.
Mimi

climber
May 20, 2007 - 05:00pm PT
Both barrels Matty.
Mimi

climber
May 20, 2007 - 05:04pm PT
Interesting self-reflection, AC. We'll see if you don't delete or change your post later on.
L

climber
A Glass & Granite Tower in Hell-A
May 20, 2007 - 05:39pm PT
Hardman One Tin Soldier Knott,

Verrrrrrry funny story! Glad you didn't pepper yourself too badly...but it is a good warning to anyone thinking about using this form of defense to maybe practice (sans the quickdraw) once with a can just to get an idea of what's going to happen. Outside.

In a pepper-related free association, some years ago in Anchorage, in the winter, my former husband decided to make blackened halibut for dinner one night. First attempt, using a Paul Prudhomme's Louisiana Cookin' 3 Pepper recipe we'd gotten in New Orleans earlier that year.

So the coating's on the fish, the oil in the skillet is hot, we're standing there with mouths watering as he throws those gorgeous fillets into the skillet...

Within the blink of a watery eye the house was filled with pepper smoke--billowing, gray clouds of red, white and black mucus-membrane torture. Two cats, two collies, and two weeping humans ran for the door and out into 15 degree Alaskan balminess. I made him go back in and open windows while the pets and I went down and around to the heated basement--I think he was tearing up for about 2 hours after that.

A direct hit with pepper spray would be about 100 times worse, I would think...just a wiff of the smoke was bad enough to cure me of ever wanting to eat blackened anything ever again.
KP Ariza

climber
SCC
May 21, 2007 - 12:51pm PT
Good thing you've got it and know how to use huh Davo? Now the hard part, getting to the mountains where the bears actually live. Maybe baby steps are in order here. let's start with getting out the front door first, and then perhaps to some of your local stones. Who knows, maybe you could practice on some field mice or something.
Ricky D

Trad climber
Sierra Westside
May 21, 2007 - 01:01pm PT
Hardman is Knott the only Knott who should stay away from weapons -

Kartch

climber
belgrade, mt
May 21, 2007 - 01:02pm PT
Nice story, I caught a whiff of that stuff last year at a Bear Aware type training, that's some rough stuff.

As far as home defense goes it'll probley work 99% of the time. When my bro worked security at the ER he told me about a few guys who were so drunk or hopped up on a variety of drugs that when they started flipping out nothing would stop them besides a lot of man power and physical restraints. He said the pepper spray was useless. Of course I've heard cop stories about the same crazies being full of lead and not stopping either.

I hope you never have to use it.
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