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Tom Hanson
Trad climber
Castle Rock, CO
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Topic Author's Original Post - Mar 13, 2007 - 09:38am PT
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Climbers are famous for indulging in revisionist history. Any area pioneer can tell you that when a guidebook is eventually published to an area that they have been climbing at for years, it will inevitably include new names and FA info for lines that had been done years before by people who are not listed in the new guide.
This revisionist history is illustrated by the modern day ethnocentric accounts of recording the first ascents of various grades.
We like to think that climbing is a sport that was invented by modern man, who was able to free himself from hunting and scavenging with his new found free time to pursue climbing as a recreational activity.
This is far from the truth. The truth is that man has been climbing for tens of thousands of years, and at a surprisingly stout grade.
Below is a more realistic record of when routes of various difficulty, were first ascended.
We have kept the record simple by only including ascents by hominids who no longer possess a tail.
1st 5.0 / 10000 BC by Unk, leader of Neanderthal tribe in Verdon, France
1st 5.1 / 9998 BC by Guk, who was Unk’s younger more talented brother
1st 5.2 / 9998 BC by Guk’s wife, who went out looking for Guk, thinking he was having an affair with Unk’s wife.
1st 5.3 / 1998 AD by Tom Hanson at Castlewood Canyon. Yes, it’s true. Up until 1998 no one had ever done a 5.3 Somehow, this grade was passed over in pursuit more ambitious objectives.
1st 5.4 / Who cares?
1st 5.5 / 142 BC by Moses. He cranked a few hard moves between the burning bush and receiving the tablets.
1st 5.6 / 325 BC by Fred Becky
1st 5.7 / 918 AD by an Arapaho warrior of Cozyhang on The Dome in Boulder Canyon
1st 5.8 / 1007 AD by Tlichit Twofeathers from the Nez Perce tribe in Idaho. Tlichit’s ascent was to the summit of The Grand Teton to collect eagle feathers. He built an “enclosure” on the upper saddle to spend the night on his descent.
1st 5.9 / 682 AD by Babajoe Samarandanandadevi in northern India. This pivotal climb was centuries ahead of its time. Babajoe was scared up the route by a hungry tiger.
1st 5.10 / 682 AD also by Babajoe. His friend did not believe he has climbed a 5.9, so he took his friend back to the rock to prove he could. He broke off a crucial foothold, making the route more difficult, but continued and made it to the top
1st 5.11 / 1102 AD by Clive Cloddington. He scaled a heinous line on The White Cliffs of Dover. He was also the first to use chalk to aid his ascent.
1st 5.12 / 1923 by film star Harold Lloyd. Harold pulled off a 5.12 dyno while buildering on a New York skyscraper. The move was acknowledged to be solid 12c when Spider Dan repeated it in 1986
1st 5.13 / Undone. A 5.13 has never been done. 5.13a/b is really 5.12c/d and 5.13c/d is really 5.14a/b
1st 5.14 / International records unclear. Reportedly, the first 5.14 in the U.S. was by J.B. Tribout on To Bolt or Not to Be at Smith Rocks, but Bob Horan likely did it a long time before that.
1st 5.15 / Erroneously claimed by Chris Sharma on Realization. New findings show that it was really a cleverly staged hoax by NASA, filmed in a studio.
1st 5.16 / 2005 by unknown climber. Yeah, it was already done two years ago by some guy who no one ever heard of. He did not report his ascent.
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TradIsGood
Happy and Healthy climber
the Gunks end of the country
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Mar 13, 2007 - 09:57am PT
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Actually the first 5.16 was reported to both Rock and Ice and Climbing. Neither ran the story. The editors insisted that such a story would need a picture. The photo editors objected to the picture on aesthetic grounds - the guy was really ugly. High physical development in the forearms and calves, and looked like a malnourished poster child for starvation elsewhere.
Officially - He was too ugly to get a sponsor. If he did not have a sponsor, he could not have been a professional. Only a pro could send 5.16.
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