Topic Author's Original Post - Mar 14, 2014 - 02:32am PT
Mouse and Ron, thank you that you should have a thought
about me. It is well known in the art world and by artists
that when we are at work we lose all sense of time. I
frequently look up from a drawing and realize a whole
day, and sometimes more, has gone by in what seems to have
been a second. I do not take very good care of myself,
because I also lose the sense and need for food. I started
to feel very bad one day and realized I had not shot my
insulin for three days. But I like that place away from the
world, in part probably because of the great relief it gives
me from what is probably a fairly deep depression with which
I have suffered for a pretty long time now. I love that ethereal
place inside my work, in a world all its own.
For three or four months all I have done is draw. I have
not played a note on my piano. I only go out three times
a week briefly to teach my karate class, and I get some
food sometimes at City Market. I'm not really sure what
happened with Supertopo. It was not intentional. I think
perhaps I reached out at one point, excited about the
best music album I've ever put together. It was
probably my simple and unprofessional approach at
advertisement, but virtually no one responded at Supertopo.
No one seemed to care. I am not vindictive and rather
assumed people are busy in their own worlds. At the same
time it kind of struck me that maybe people are tired of me.
Maybe they have no more need of my knowledge and/or writing.
So I started to connect more with my daughters and other
friends at Facebook. I think that's basically what happened,
though it was not so much a conscious thing. I love
all my friends in the climbing world. They have been
good to me, for the most part, and I suffer because I
have so little to give (that is of value to them)
I still struggle pretty much at the limits of my health
and finances, but I am doing a bit better in certain ways.
I often think I'm at my last hurrah, and I have always
wanted to pursue the medium of charcoal and pencil. I have
done about a thousand drawings in the last three, or is it
four (?), months. Before, it was always fine-line ink
drawings. It feels good to try something new. I always
immerse myself totally in whatever I do. I have found a little
time in between breaths to work at my book again about
climbing. I think it's my best writing ever, and I would
like one day to finish it. Wow this is a long message. Sorry.
I feel somewhat guilty myself of not being able to support your endeavors, like i want to. I too have had challenges of late with the financial and medical issues we all face at times. And for that i can only apologize, and am taking steps to remedy both, but sometimes that can be a slow uphill trudge eh.
But for what is is worth, the vid that Mouse posted the other day i watched riveted to your every word. Sometimes i feel like a thief in that i get feelings and inspiration from someone such as yourself and my own situation not allowing to support those folks like i want to.
My copy of Swaramandal is all but worn out, the cover flopping loosely around the pages of brilliance. Rest assured that you still "have it", and that your inspiration still infects. It infects me to realize and put into place my own goings on and put them into scale. Frankly without a Pat Ament, climbing wouldnt be climbing as it is today for me and many many others.!
I seem to have missed the thread with the video. In contrast to Pat, I have been bogged down in the material world lately trying to get moved from one continent to the other. I would love the luxury of losing myself in a project. I wonder if there was ever anyone who had the right combination of money, time and inspiration? Depending on the personality, sometimes insecurity can give a person's creativity a boost, as they become conscious of limited energy and time. But don't make it more limited than it is Pat, make yourself a little chart with x's on it or whatever, so that you don't forget to take your insulin! Nothing is more important at this stage of your life.