Python's on right now

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climber

NOT Fresno

Topic Author's Original Post - Feb 22, 2006 - 10:53pm PT

Monty Python's Personal Best on PBS right now, don't know if it's local or what.

Two climbing skits so far:

International Hairdressers Association on Everest

And the team climbing the sidewalk ("I've got to make that bustop in an hour or so by laybacking this gutter..."

426

Sport climber

Holy Roller. LRC. TN.

Feb 22, 2006 - 10:54pm PT

"Base Salon™"....up to "Marios"

'Pass the Pitons' Pete

Big Wall climber

like Oakville, Ontario, Canada, eh?

Feb 22, 2006 - 10:58pm PT

No it's not.

426

Sport climber

Holy Roller. LRC. TN.

Feb 22, 2006 - 10:59pm PT

bummer, you don't get GPB (or wherever yo is).

Lotta good stuff, "Georgia Backroads", "Okie Noodlin'". etc,etc, etc.

Ever hear from anyone about Fox (aka Proust), PTPP?

'Pass the Pitons' Pete

Big Wall climber

like Oakville, Ontario, Canada, eh?

Feb 22, 2006 - 11:01pm PT

I told you once.

'Pass the Pitons' Pete

Big Wall climber

like Oakville, Ontario, Canada, eh?

Feb 22, 2006 - 11:03pm PT

{sigh} Of all of the people to chime in. The person who emphatically gets it the most. Sheesh.

Dude, never heard from Jon Fox. I have no idea what he's up to. I'd climb with him again in a heartbeat. Especially on the free pitches.

Toker Villain

Big Wall climber

Toquerville, Utah

Feb 22, 2006 - 11:13pm PT

"What're you going to do, bleed on me?'

"I pee on you from a considerable height."

Jaybro

Social climber

The West

Feb 23, 2006 - 12:40am PT

Nobody expects the spanish inquisition.

climber

NOT Fresno

Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2006 - 01:04am PT

The Greek Philosophy All-Stars (with Aristotle at sweeper) defeated the Germans (Schopenhauer, Nietzche, et al, with Karl Marx coming off the bench as a sub) 1-nil in International Philosophy.

"Archimedes out to Socrates, Socrates back to Archimedes, Archimedes out to Heraclitus, he beats Hegel [who, like all the Germans, is still thinking] . Heraclitus a little flick, here he comes on the far post, Socrates is there, Socrates heads it in! Socrates has scored! The Greeks are going mad, the Greeks are going mad. Socrates scores, got a beautiful cross from Archimedes. The Germans are disputing it. Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, Kant via the categorical imperative is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming it was offside. But Confucius has answered them with the final whistle! It's all over!"

http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/tv-series/sketches/fz-1972/international-philosophy-update.html

climber

NOT Fresno

Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2006 - 01:09am PT

The Hairdressers' Ascent up Mount Everest sketch from Monty Python's Flying
Circus

(Begins with a picture of the sun rising over two mountain peaks)

Announcer (Graham Chapman): Mount Everest. Forbidding, aloof, terrifying.
The mountain with the biggest tits in the world.

(Gong crashes, a disgusted voice interrupts)
Voice Over: Start again!
(A hideous clown in green plaid shirt, 14-inch wide blue polka-dotted bow tie,
red curly wig, false teeth and an ugly mask steps in front of the picture of
the mountain for a second and waves.)

Announcer: Mount Everest. Forbidding, aloof, terrifying. This year, this
remote Himalayan mountain, this mystical temple, surrounded by the
most difficult terrain in the world, repulsed yet another attempt to
conquer it. (Picture changes to wind-swept, snowy tents and people)
This time, by the International Hairdresser's Expedition. In such
freezing, adverse conditions, man comes very close to breaking
point. What was the real cause of the disharmony which destroyed
their chances at success?

(Hairdresser #1 is a snowy, bundled up climber with a very gay voice.
Hairdressers #2 and #3 are even more gay and windswept.)

Hairdresser #1: Well, people keep taking your hairdryer on every turn.

Hairdresser #2: There's a lot of bitching in the tents.

Hairdresser #3: You couldn't get near the mirror.

(Cut to the announcer, a stuffy looking older man, delicately trimming
millimeters off the leaves of cabbages growing in his country garden.)

Announcer: The leader of the expedition was Colonel Sir John Cheesy-Weezy
Butler, veteran K2, Annapurna, and Vidal. His plan was to ignore
the usual route around the south and to make straight for the top.

(next part shows a map of the mountain)

Cheesy-Weezy: We established Base Salon here, and climbed quite steadily up to
Mario's, here. From here, using crampons and cutting ice steps
as we went, we moved steadily up the face to the north ridge,
establishing Camp Three, where we could get a hot meal, a
manicure, and a shampoo and set.
Announcer: Could it work? Could this 18-year old hairdresser from Brixton
succeed where others had failed? The situation was complicated by
the imminent arrival of the monsoon storms. Patrice takes up the
story.

(cut to Patrice (Eric Idle) in a salon, very effeminately brushing and blow-
drying a customer's hair.)

Patrice: Well, we knew as well as anyone that the monsoons were due. But the
thing was, Ricky and I had just had a blow dry and rinse, and we
couldn't go out for a couple of days.

(Picture of mountaineers climbing down mountain)

Announcer: After a blazing row, the Germans and Italians had turned back,
taking with them the last of the hairnets. On the third day, a
blizzard blew up. Temperatures fell to minus 30 degrees
centigrade. Inside the little tent, things were getting desperate.

(Ricky (Michael Palin) and John Cleese are crowded inside a little tent,
sporting beards, hairnets, and curlers. They sit beneath stationary
hairdryers. Cleese is reading, Ricky is buffing his nails.)

Ricky: Well, things have gotten so bad that we've been forced to use the last
of the heavy oxygen equipment just to keep the dryers going. (A woman
hands him a cup of tea.) Oh, she's a treasure.

Cleese: Shhh!

(another mountain climbing scene)

Announcer: But a new factor had entered the race. A team of French
chiropodists, working with brand new corn plasters and Dr. Scholl's
Mountaineering Sandals, were close behind. The Glasgow Orpheus
male voice choir were tackling the difficult north part. All
together, fourteen expeditions were at the scene. This was it.
Ricky had to make a decision.

(back to Patrice at his salon)

Patrice: Well, we decided to open a salon.
Announcer: It was a tremendous success.

(the following is accompanied by pictures of great mountaineering
heros upon whom are pasted elaborate Marie Antoinette style hairdos)

Announcer: Challenging Everest? Why not drop in at Ricky Pule's, only 2400
feet from this cinema. (A huge pink neon sign reading 'Ricky's'
appears on the mountain.) Ricky and Maurice offer a variety of
styles for the well-groomed climber. Why should Tensing and Sir
Edmond Hillary be number one on top, when you're number one on top?

http://bau2.uibk.ac.at/sg/python/Scripts/TheHairDressersonMtEverest

climber

NOT Fresno

Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2006 - 01:15am PT

Cut to mountain climbers, with all the accoutrements: ropes, carabino's, helmets, pitons, hammers, etc. They are roped together, apparently climbing a mountain.

Voice Over: Climbing. The world's loneliest sport, where hardship and philosophy go hand in glove. And here, another British expedition, attempting to be the first man to successfully climb the north face of the Uxbridge Road. (Pull out to reveal that they are climbing along a wide pavement; a shopper pushing a pram comes into shot) This four-man rope has been climbing tremendously. BBC cameras were there to film every inch.

Cut to a BBC cameraman clinging to a lamppost, filming. He is wearing climbing gear too. Cut to papier mache model of the Uxbridge Road, with the route all neatly marked out in white, and various little pins for the camps.

Chris (voice over): The major assault on the Uxbridge Road has been going on for about three weeks, really ever since they established base camp here at the junction of Willesden Road, and from there they climbed steadily to establish camp two, outside Lewis's, and it's taken them another three days to establish camp three, here outside the post office. (cut to a pup tent being firmly planted on the side of a large post-box; it has a little union jack on it.) Well they've spent a good night in there last night in preparation for the final assault today. The leader of the expedition is twenty-nine-year-old Bert Tagg - a local headmaster and mother of three.

Cut to Bert crawling along the pavement. The interviewer is crouching down beside him.

Interviewer: Bert. How's it going?

Bert: Well, it's a bit gripping is this, Chris. (heavy breathing interspersed) I've got to try and reach that bus stop in an hour or so and I'm doing it by... (rearranging rope) damn ... I'm doing it, er, by laying back on this gutter so I'm kind of guttering and laying back at the same time, and philosophizing.

Interviewer: Bert, some people say this is crazy.

Bert: Aye, well but they said Crippen was crazy didn't they?

Interviewer: Crippen was crazy.

Bert: Oh, well there you are then. (shouts) John, I'm sending you down this carabiner on white. (there is a white rope between Bert and John)

Quick cut to Viking.

Viking: Lemon curry?

Cut back to the street.

Bert: Now you see he's putting a peg down there because I'm quite a way up now, and if I come unstuck here I go down quite a long way.

Interviewer (leaving him): Such quiet courage is typical of the way these brave chaps shrug off danger. Like it or not, you've got to admire the skill that goes into it.

By the miracle of stop action, they all fall off the road, back down the pavement. Passers-by, also in stop action, walk by normally, ignoring the fall.

http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode33.htm#2