Trip Report
Star Date: 41133
Saturday September 21, 2013 12:11pm
Credit: Dr. F.

Me and the intrepid dee e (Dave Evans) were on a scientific exploratory assignment to an uninhabited Class M planet in the TC223021 Quadrant. We had just beamed down from our orbiting Starship with our All Mountain Bikes to the top of this picturesque Mountain at 11,000 ft. elevation. Dee e was equipped with a point and shoot camera, me, with a digital video recording device to capture the flora and fauna for further research. We were planning on a slow ramble down the slopes, stopping periodically to take sensor readings and enjoy our adventure.

Suddenly!!! Three Klingon Warships appear out of no where and have us surrounded!
Wanting to escape disaster, I yell to dee e, follow me! we can ditch those Fracking ugly M-n F-ers if we slip down into that steep rock shielded Couloir.
Credit: Dr. F.

So we rip down the perfect double diamond like ski slope of pumice. At first it was a little tricky, but after a couple of 100 feet, we were speeding down the slope like it was pure powder figure 8s.
Credit: Dr. F.
Credit: Dr. F.
Credit: Dr. F.

Luckily the Klingons disappeared, since we were in the "Neutral Zone", we guessed that they saw further down the slope, and thought that we would either die, or beam back up to our ship, because no one on bikes will make it through that massive cliff band, just below those "stupid hapless humans".
Credit: Dr. F.

Being the ultra advanced expert all mountain bike riders we were, the cliff band was dispatched by developing a new technique that made it possible to negotiate the class 2 slopes by using the bike below you as a mechanical brake.
Credit: Dr. F.

After the cliff band, another section of steep loose rock was encountered, which we had to walk. But fortunately after a little thrashing, we spied a secret passage of pure pumice at about a 50 degree slope that would lead us out of difficult rocky sector.
At the bottom, we took sensor readings with our tricorders to assess our location and physical well-being. Apparently according to our sensor readingx, we were in a better location now for our scientific survey, and the instructions were to proceed in the direction of the valley floor, straight down the steep hills of forested pumice.
Credit: Dr. F.

Dave got a couple of shots of us enjoying this sector, but the images did not capture the 30 degree slopes that we rambled down like giddy school children. We sped through the open forest on a carpet of pine needles, jumped downed logs, and maized our bikes through tricky sections with nary a dab. Over 3,500 of pure cross country downhill, not bad for a casual afternoon.
Credit: Dr. F.


At the bottom, we enjoyed a couple beers then a soak in one of the native hot springs before heading back to the ship above. Only later did we find out that the video recorder malfunctioned (wouldn't you know it) and we had no recording of our planetary survey.

maybe next year, Dr. F will find a willing partner to repeat the adventure, apparently dee e doesn't want to go back for some reason, could be his tricoder readings
but we will do the couloir to the right instead, since there doesnt seem to be any class 2 sections.
Credit: Dr. F.

  Trip Report Views: 965
Dr. F.
About the Author
Dr. F. is a ice climber from SoCal.

Comments
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locker

climber
STFU n00b!!!
  Sep 21, 2013 - 12:15pm PT


...

You MUST be fuking nuts...

That looks DANGEROUS!!!...

What???...

By the time halfway down, terminal velocity and warp 5???...


LMAO!!!...

rick sumner

Trad climber
reno, nevada/ wasilla alaska
  Sep 21, 2013 - 12:16pm PT
Excellent adventure Dr. Any dynamic dismounts?
Dr. F.

Trad climber
SoCal
Author's Reply  Sep 21, 2013 - 03:24pm PT
with this type of riding, a fall is almost like slow motion ride into a soft pillow of pumice.
There were a couple of spills, but no injuries.
L

climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
  Sep 21, 2013 - 01:05pm PT
"Bones, you've got to do something to help these guys. They've gone completely MAD!"

"Damn it, Jim, I'm just an old country doctor. What do you want me to do? Take away their bicycles???"

Great TR, Doc. That you were able to slow to sub-warp speed to get photos is even more amazing than you surviving a decent of that cliff band.

Thanks for the ride!
Mungeclimber

Trad climber
Nothing creative to say
  Sep 21, 2013 - 01:25pm PT
you do realize this violates the Prime Rib Directive?

The directive states, you can only be seen by the indigenous population if you blend in and climb with them. That, or you are supposed to hit Dennys for the prime rib special afterwards.

to mtn bike?

I move for an Article 5.10 hearing immediately!
WBraun

climber
  Sep 21, 2013 - 01:38pm PT
Who's the fat guy in the second photo from the top?
locker

climber
STFU n00b!!!
  Sep 21, 2013 - 01:41pm PT

Just another STUPID AMERICAN no doubt...

;-)
looking sketchy there...

Social climber
Lassitude 33
  Sep 21, 2013 - 02:17pm PT
While those photos seem vintage (pre-disc brakes, steel framed, old forks, etc.) I don't think they are as old as: Star Date 41133 (which is equal to June 30, 1963 at 1:48 p.m.***)

I'd guess closer to Stardate: 75144


__

*** If using Next Generation Calculations, 41133 is way too futuristic: Tue, 18 Feb 2364 16:16:19 GMT
Ward Trotter

Trad climber
  Sep 21, 2013 - 02:22pm PT
The photos and the entire TR has been faked on an indoor sound stage somewhere in Las Vegas.
Mike Bolte

Trad climber
Planet Earth
  Sep 21, 2013 - 02:34pm PT
wow and L caught the spirit perfectly
Dr. F.

Trad climber
SoCal
Author's Reply  Sep 21, 2013 - 03:21pm PT
8/12/2012 = 41133.00 in excel number format
Ron Anderson

Trad climber
Relic MilkEye and grandpoobah of HBRKRNH
  Sep 21, 2013 - 03:22pm PT
do the words alluvial and delicate enter here?
hashbro

Trad climber
Mental Physics........
  Sep 21, 2013 - 03:30pm PT
hopefully you two bad boys didn't violate


the roadless rule
Dr. F.

Trad climber
SoCal
Author's Reply  Sep 21, 2013 - 08:23pm PT
There were no roads
so we couldn't violate any laws or treaties

We got a thumbs up by the inter-disciplinary ethical committee chairman on the topic of cross country downhill all Mt. Bike Riding.
As long as you ride a different path every time, you don't create any trails or divots.

I ride the brake extra soft, with extra fat tires with low pressure,so you don't dig any ruts.
Rick A

climber
Boulder, Colorado
  Sep 21, 2013 - 06:25pm PT
That looks incredible and amazing.

But really. It doesn't hurt to fall because the rock is so nice and soft?

I am not buying it.
MH2

climber
  Sep 21, 2013 - 06:35pm PT
Haha!

And OMG.
Dr. F.

Trad climber
SoCal
Author's Reply  Sep 21, 2013 - 10:21pm PT
me and dee e will have to compare sensor readings
my tricodor could have been malfunctioning

like any Mt. activity, there are many instances that are encountered where a fall would be highly unadvisable, yet other times, a slow motion flight over the handle bars isn't so bad.

I should say, that the speed is slower than you might think, this is 5.11d Mt. biking, you have to stay in control, and make every turn.

What makes the difference between night and day is seat height, you put the seat all the way down! And your butt hangs out past the seat, your worst injury will be the back tire rash on your thighs.
anyone who say's they won't put their seat down might as well stay home.
Nohea

Trad climber
Living Outside the Statist Quo
  Sep 21, 2013 - 10:34pm PT
Looks like a fun ride, you folks are old school, are those hard tails? And I didn't know they sold anything but disc brakes for the last decade.

Hung on to my old stump jumper hard tail for the longest time but now I have been set free.

Aloha,
Will
T H

Boulder climber
extraordinaire
  Sep 21, 2013 - 11:18pm PT
Who's the fat guy in the second photo from the top?
Credit: T H
Dr. F.

Trad climber
SoCal
Author's Reply  Sep 22, 2013 - 10:51am PT
My bike is old pre-disc, 2000 ish, full suspension GT LTS. 2.5 front tire, 2.3 back that ride like a dream, old style brakes work fine.

Dave always rides the latest and greatest equipage. But he was taking the photos of me, and we have no record of his exploits.

The last photo of me was by Bill Freeman, who beamed down to the planet with me in 1997, I was riding a hard tail back then.

But it's not about the Bike!
It's all about skills and the willingness to go do it, most bikers have no desire to tread into the realm of Mt. Couloir sweet pumice riding.
phylp

Trad climber
Millbrae, CA
  Sep 22, 2013 - 02:46pm PT
Unique!
dee ee

Mountain climber
citizen of planet Earth
  Sep 24, 2013 - 10:21pm PT
Unfortunately "Dr. F" and I neglected to synchronize our temporal sensory devices prior to our departure so I am unable to comment on the actual stardate relevant to this event.

I would report an encounter with an ALF (Alien Life Form).

This life form was basically a brain that could transport to any time space coordinate.

I was fortunate to get fairly good photos to document this new (to earth) species..


Credit: dee ee

Credit: dee ee

Dr. F.

Trad climber
SoCal
Author's Reply  Sep 25, 2013 - 11:05pm PT
My Tricoder reading on the brain like material on the carbon life form read the code: "PBF"
which, according to the Ship's logs, PBF refers to "psychedelic brain fungus", and it comes in many psychedelic colors, and is somewhat common at that particular elevation in the uninhabited "Neutral Zone"


Dee e, do you have any comments to add on the "Cliff Band"
Star Fleet has questioned my account, and I need verification that the actual cliff band was dispatched as claimed.
I said it was the best part, they say it looked like it may have of sucked.
dee ee

Mountain climber
citizen of planet Earth
  Sep 25, 2013 - 10:24pm PT
The cliff band was class 4. Thank god it was doable without injury! A climb back up from there would have been mega grim.

The falls did hurt as we were off route and in a gully the Dr. had never been in. I took more than one, even with my extensive experience in such terrain. The soft gully was the next one over. This one was 50% rocks and 50% pumice, not really that sweet.

It was every bit as steep as my photos indicate.
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