Trip Report
Self Rescue to the Rescue! Limpingcrab Breaks Both Legs and Crawls Out of Kings Canyon!
Monday October 22, 2018 4:26pm
So I wasn't even there, but I'm going to write the trip report before he can because it's such a bad to the bone story and I want to be part of it. Basically I went fishing for the weekend down near Forks of the Kern while Limpingcrab, Vitaliy and Macronut went into Kings Canyon to put up a proud new line
on this massive hunk of lime stone granitic marblechoss. When I got back to civilization, I saw this post on the Facebooks!

That road sure looks a long, long way away don't it.
That road sure looks a long, long way away don't it.
Credit: micronut/screengrab

Supposedly he peeled off a short ways up the third pitch, clipped a small ledge and broke both feet. OK, I know, I said legs in the title but I think it was his feet, like I said, I wasn't there. You try writing a trip report from third hand knowledge going off of social media. It's not easy. I may be breaking every law of internet forum trip report etiquite, but I don't care, this story has to break and if I gotta scoop it, bring on the hate mail.


Here is a selfie he took immediately after the fall. Macronut told me later "he told us his feet were in a whole lot of burning pain and his shoes started to feel tight." That can't be good......
Credit: micronut


I think he fell off because he's weak. Either that or the rock in that area is some sort of legendary marblefunk and notoriously dangerous and greasy and chossy. Not quite sure which one was at fault, his sloppy footwork, his skinny fore-arms or the geology, possibly all three played a factor in this disaster.

I am typing fast because he is probably typing up the actual trip report as we speak. But here's a couple more photos.
Good lookin piece of choss.
Good lookin piece of choss.
It's a pretty good looking piece of stone. Other than the fact that it...
It's a pretty good looking piece of stone. Other than the fact that it is deathly loose marbleschist and it hurts if you fall off of it and break your legs.

It's my understanding from hearsay and group text slander that they strongly considered a rescue but Limpingcrab would have none of it. He didn't want to put a chopper crew or his buddies lives at stake with a down-canyon,thermal ridden, short-haul helo pluck so he decided to butt-slide, gimp rappel, three-man-hug and crawl out of there.

No lie, he taped up his hands and drug himself out of there gimp style. Putting the "limping" into limpingcrab in legendary style. At one point he allegedly found a deer antler and used that as a tool to drive himself upward. I'm literally so proud of my friend that I got a little tear in my eye as I typed that sentence.
Down the approach gully, across the river, and way, way, way, way back up to the vehicle.... our hero and his compatriots slogged....hours dragging on like weeks....with nightfall approaching.
The boys got down safe and sound "Doug Scott on The Ogre" style and made us all proud. I just couldn't stand the thought of letting him beat me to the trip report and I wasn't going to let not being there or being any part of the trip ruin that for me. His trip report will probably have better details, more truth, and some actual facts so keep an eye out for it. He has nothing else to do for the next few months since he will be sitting around I guess. Should be a good trip report.

Oh yeah, I caught some nice fish too. He should probably come on trips with me rather than with Vitaliy and Macronut for a while. I climb trade routes, car camp and fish a lot mostly these days. Those guys are dangerous.
Nobody breaks bones on my expeditions....
Nobody breaks bones on my expeditions....
Credit: micronut

See you around, Supertopo.

Micronut,

Out.

  Trip Report Views: 2,916
micronut
About the Author
micronut is a trad climber from fresno, ca.

Comments
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Comment on this Trip Report
Cosmiccragsman

Trad climber
AKA Dwain, from Apple Valley, Ca. and Vegas!
  Oct 22, 2018 - 04:33pm PT
GEEZ. Why didn't Macro and Vitaliy make a litter and haul him out?
Vitaliy is so strong he could have carried him out.
Ghost

climber
A long way from where I started
  Oct 22, 2018 - 06:24pm PT
GEEZ. Why didn't Macro and Vitaliy make a litter and haul him out?

What I heard is that Micronut hired V and that other guy to off Limping Crab, but it went wrong, cuz the Turkish Secret Service had a wire on one of them. So they couldn't finish the job, but they kind of dawdled on the way out, hoping he'd crawl off the edge of a cliff or something.

What I'm hearing from sources familiar with the matter is that Donald Trump is currently saying he believes Micronut. But once this story blows up on the mainstream media, he'll probably change his tune and call for sanctions.
Jon Beck

Trad climber
Oceanside
  Oct 22, 2018 - 04:39pm PT
They bailed because of a couple of broken legs? WTF
NutAgain!

Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
  Oct 22, 2018 - 04:39pm PT
Some people will do anything to get a man hug.
WBraun

climber
  Oct 22, 2018 - 04:44pm PT
Baaaaddd Asssss .....

Bummer getting hurt like that for sure .....
ron gomez

Trad climber
  Oct 22, 2018 - 04:47pm PT
Nice bow!
Peace
T Hocking

Trad climber
Redding, Ca
  Oct 22, 2018 - 04:49pm PT
Dayum,
That sounded badass,
Heal up Limpindude!

Thanks for the preliminary report Scott,
and nice fish. :)
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
  Oct 22, 2018 - 04:55pm PT
Hey, Happy Birthday, Gimping Crab! :0)
kingtut

climber
Jingus Newroutaineer
  Oct 22, 2018 - 04:57pm PT
Jeez bro, try to be more careful!!

really glad you made it home safe and at least it wasn't worse.

TFPU but don't try to be "limpingnut" any more. :D
splitclimber

climber
Sonoma County
  Oct 22, 2018 - 05:01pm PT
oh man Limp!!!
I saw the IG post.

What the hell you guys doing climbing that thing!!!
Fritz

Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
  Oct 22, 2018 - 05:13pm PT
Awesome report grab dooede!

I'll make propriations to various rocks, streams, & trees, asking for a quick recovery by the crabman.
Mungeclimber

Trad climber
Nothing creative to say
  Oct 22, 2018 - 05:15pm PT
Scoop news!


Better than poop news!


I'm am hella glad I'm not climbing on that marble rye crap now. So many trips I just eyeballed that approach gully and then thought about all the new sport climping I could do! Then I thought about how the rock is all friable and that I'd probably need 1/2 inch bolts and I wasn't going to hump halfs up there. :)
limpingcrab

Trad climber
the middle of CA
  Oct 22, 2018 - 06:11pm PT
Hahahahaha!

I don't know if it's the drugs or the fact that you beat me to the press but I found this really funny.

I suppose I should write this up now to fill in some of the details. Not much else to do since I'm not allowed to stand up until after Christmas :/
ec

climber
ca
  Oct 23, 2018 - 02:35pm PT
LC, hope ya have a quick recovery!

I was lucky and did only one ankle once clipping a ledge.

 ec
del cross

climber
  Oct 22, 2018 - 06:25pm PT
Bummer. I hope you heal well.

I've never understood why you are "limpingcrab" but now it seems appropriate.
ec

climber
ca
  Oct 22, 2018 - 06:40pm PT
http://www.supertopo.com/climbers-forum/3136841/Doug-Scott-presentations-in-BC
donini

Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
  Oct 22, 2018 - 07:07pm PT
Good effort with the self rescue...nobody does that anymore! Heel up (pun intended) and consider changing your avatar.
nah000

climber
now/here
  Oct 22, 2018 - 07:21pm PT
k. that was fUcking hilarious...

well, except for the two broken feet...

jayzeus.

so, actually it wasnít funny at all...

i dunno micronut, but no matter what that was, it was one hell of a trip report coup.

kudos.


but more importantly: kudos to the self-rescuer...

bad fUcking ass.
jbaker

Trad climber
Redwood City, CA
  Oct 22, 2018 - 07:30pm PT
Oh, man. I did that on a ledge once at Courtright. I started to do the crawl across the talus field but some other party told me he'd already called in a helo. I wasn't happy, but passed out soon after. Congrats on the burly self-rescue. Heel (heal?) up quickly.
Russ Walling

Social climber
from Poofters Froth, Wyoming
  Oct 22, 2018 - 07:31pm PT
Out f*#king standing!!!
WyoRockMan

climber
Grizzlyville, WY
  Oct 22, 2018 - 08:17pm PT
Well for fvcks sake, just when I thought I had the self-rescue of the year in the bag, you pull this?!? Well played. I hope your disappointment over the non-existence of an award subsides quickly.

Heal up fast, glad you made it back to terra firma!
SteveW

Trad climber
The state of confusion
  Oct 22, 2018 - 08:17pm PT
Hopefully he won't be limping after he heals up!
two-shoes

Trad climber
Auberry, CA
  Oct 22, 2018 - 08:48pm PT
I don't know, maybe I'm just not in a funny mood, but find this really sad. Those broken feet can really be a bad thing. Best of luck Limpingcrab with the healing process. Sending good thoughts your way.
Aeriq

Social climber
Location: It's a MisterE
  Oct 22, 2018 - 09:08pm PT
People are harsh these days. Heal up LC!

Seems like the hurr hurr rubbing should be saved for the real campfire.

I suck at foruming, though...
i'm gumby dammit

Sport climber
da ow
  Oct 22, 2018 - 11:25pm PT
i don't know nothin' 'bout no
"law of internet forum trip report etiquite"
but i do know there's no such thing as etiquite

however i do support your decision to slander these good men. and also question why they didn't simply finish the route (obviously limpingcrab would mostly have to follow).
guyman

Social climber
Moorpark, CA.
  Oct 23, 2018 - 08:56am PT
Damm!!
Good job on self rescue.
Way to add to your hardman resume.
Heal up.
Matt's

climber
  Oct 23, 2018 - 09:01am PT
I don't know, maybe I'm just not in a funny mood, but find this really sad. Those broken feet can really be a bad thing. Best of luck Limpingcrab with the healing process. Sending good thoughts your way.

Yeah, I find this whole post to be a bit in poor taste? These sort of accidents can dramatically affect quality of life...
Jim Clipper

climber
  Oct 23, 2018 - 09:24am PT
Oh yeah, I caught some nice fish too. He should probably come on trips with me rather than with Vitaliy and Macronut for a while. I climb trade routes, car camp and fish a lot mostly these days. Those guys are dangerous.

Ha! heal well & hope friends help you get to good places. #dentalmasochist




edit: this is between the crab, micronuts, and a couple of feet. my money is on said feet being placed appropriately if any crab offense occurred. Moreover, who here claims the taco to be a institution founded in taste.
micronut

Trad climber
Fresno/Clovis, ca
Author's Reply  Oct 23, 2018 - 09:43am PT
Hey fellas....just to clear up any internet assumptions of offense.....Limpingcrab and I are buddies. In real life. Like, in person and everything.
Radish

Trad climber
SeKi, California
  Oct 23, 2018 - 09:48am PT
Bilateral Calcaneous is no laughing matter for sure! Both feet! Imagine all of a sudden your busy young life comes to a halt, no driving, no nothing that needs walking. Fortunately time will heal and I'm sure Daniel will be super proactive on his recovery and being a pretty steady poster here we'll get to check on his progress. Really glad that this climb involved Vitaliy, an ER Nurse and Adam, a Physical Therapist. I'm sure they will be around for advice and Daniel's doctor is the same guy who treated Hans Florine I think he told me! Bravo for crawling out! Damn, that was an adventure all by itself! This was actually not in Kings Canyon, which starts alittle further up the road so getting help and a Helicopter would have took time, though our Helicopter was on the pad and would have came with a park medic in tow. Daniels hard core and he's coming back.......
Gnome Ofthe Diabase

climber
Out Of Bed
  Oct 23, 2018 - 09:54am PT
Edit:
Wait
Heel Bones ?
oh NO!
That hurts
I did both at once,
one far worse than the other,
It was the summer of '94, was walking by new years,
But

I was dancing again by . . .




"97,



sorry if no one else said anything,
Are Plates & screws Needed?



micronut

Trad climber, Fresno/Clovis, ca
Author's Reply Oct 23, 2018 - 09:43am PT
Hey fellas....just to clear up any internet assumptions of offense.....Limpingcrab and I are buddies. In real life. Like, in person and everything.

um? really !
I'd have never assumed such a thing could be so,

I gnow my choss
the jointing and gaps portend disaster
way to get after it !
I'm jello of the Cali sun, that sort of adventure climbing and all yooz having so much fun.
Dan it is I think
You get after out doing this userper then you can get more hugs
NTTAWWT
Don Paul

Social climber
Washington DC
  Oct 23, 2018 - 10:03am PT
Excellent report - get well soon.
AP

Trad climber
Calgary
  Oct 23, 2018 - 10:13am PT
I had a 5 hour crawl in 1981 with a destroyed knee. I crab crawled down a steep slope and rough trail with a sling attached to my harness to stabilize the knee and keep it off the ground.
16 years later I met Joe Simpson at a party and we swapped knee stories.
We figured that the post surgical recovery was even more painful than the accident.
Matt's

climber
  Oct 23, 2018 - 10:40am PT
Hey fellas....just to clear up any internet assumptions of offense.....Limpingcrab and I are buddies. In real life. Like, in person and everything.

Yes, I understand. It still feels like it's all in poor taste, especially since you still don't know what the outcome of his injuries are going to be.

Maybe I'm traumatized by my friends that didn't get so lucky with their climbing injuries...

i'm gumby dammit

Sport climber
da ow
  Oct 23, 2018 - 10:51am PT
Or maybe they do know the prognosis already.

Either way.
hellroaring

Trad climber
San Francisco
  Oct 23, 2018 - 10:56am PT
Good on you, & your team for the self rescue. Now the important part of healing up strong begins. Good luck with that. Motivation, or lack of it, doesn't seem like it's going to be problem. Seriously though, I hope you get through this, and back to your passion asap! Sounds like you have a strong team helping you out. That's great! Never met you, however, I have a sore spot for anyone having to deal with having "clipped wings", no matter what those wings are. Heal up good...
matty

Trad climber
under the sea
  Oct 23, 2018 - 11:18am PT
Damn that sucks, but proud job on the self rescue and tenacity to crawl out. I once broke a leg and had a 3hr crawl from the base of leaning tower to the car in the snow (my boot slipped on a wet mossy rock while wearing the pig), no fun, but would have been even less fun with two broken ankles. Heal up bro!

Matt
Roots

Mountain climber
Redmond, Oregon
  Oct 23, 2018 - 12:09pm PT
Teach the selfie-crew how it's done! Great job (entire team) on being self sufficient!!
moosedrool

climber
Andrzej Citkowicz far away from Poland
  Oct 23, 2018 - 12:18pm PT


Well done, Micro!

Heal fast, LC!

Moose
tradmanclimbs

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
  Oct 23, 2018 - 12:29pm PT
Heal well and put up G rated climbs ;)
limpingcrab

Trad climber
the middle of CA
  Oct 23, 2018 - 01:45pm PT
If you want the fully factual and historically accurate details, they can be found here: http://www.supertopo.com/tr/How-Vitaliy-and-Macronut-Broke-Both-of-My-Ankles-and-Left-Me-for-Dead/t13359n.html
PinkTaco

Mountain climber
Utah
  Oct 23, 2018 - 07:25pm PT
Jeezus I am swollen after reading that!
Awesome job!!!!
WTF

Trad climber
The spawning grounds.
  Oct 26, 2018 - 05:11pm PT
Just sad how they made him crawl out. Iím just saying those are some bad assed climber dudes not in the death zone. This might of been a test to see if Crab was as hard as he sprays.

Prove me wrong.
doughnutnational

Gym climber
its nice here in the spring
  Oct 26, 2018 - 08:35pm PT
I hope both your heals heal as well as my one. I broke one heal and drove out from the middle of bald mountain jeep trail. I thought it was hard and I had one good foot (clutch side).
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