Trip Report
Kings Canyon Bifecta!
Tuesday July 29, 2014 3:06pm
Ok, if I could somehow work snowboarding in then I would have my perfect trifecta, but I'll take fishing and climbing any day!

Fishing and Climbing!!!
Fishing and Climbing!!!
Credit: limpingcrab

I had a super awesome time last week, so if you too wish to attempt the bifecta, here are your instructions:

Credit: limpingcrab
Pick up a Boyden Cavern tour guide named Nate, then drive towards Kings Canyon and within about half a mile (or less) of Convict Flat Campground locate this drain pipe next to a turn out. (west of convict flat)

Credit: limpingcrab
Credit: limpingcrab
Rap from the anchor by the pipe down to the water. This takes 9 raps with one 70m rope, or you can link a few if you make the mistake of bringing a 60m and a tag line like we did.

Credit: limpingcrab
This is snake sex. Prevent your tag and rope from having snake sex or it will take 2.5 hours to get to the river.

Credit: limpingcrab
Credit: limpingcrab
Arrive at the river where few humans ever visit and begin fishing beautiful pools.

Credit: limpingcrab
Credit: limpingcrab
Catch so many handsome trout that you get tired of taking hooks out. If your name is Nate, catch the first fish of your life!

Credit: limpingcrab
Credit: limpingcrab
Commence refreshing swim.

Credit: limpingcrab
Peer up the route and think, "I hope this climb is better than it looks." And remember that it's your only way home so you better make it.

Credit: limpingcrab
Credit: limpingcrab
Link the first two OK pitches and start to have lots of fun by pitch three, realizing that the underside of the features look gross, but the tops are solid and clean.

Credit: limpingcrab
Arrive at super nasty looking roof on the fourth pitch and try to convince your partner to lead it because it looks like crap.

Credit: limpingcrab
Credit: limpingcrab
Lead through the roof and into a dihedral, all the while be sure to hoot and holler when you realize it's a ridiculously fun pitch! Finish on a right sloping 3rd class ramp and pitch it out to the next anchors to avoid rope drag.

Credit: limpingcrab
Remember that last time you belayed Nate he took a ledge fall and you had to take turns carrying him for 45 minutes and he is working on getting his lead head back.

Credit: limpingcrab
Agree with your partner that the previous pitch was probably the crux and encourage him to lead the next pitch to get his head back in the game. Observe him leading what appears to be much more difficult than expected and be impressed that he is committing to the moves (above a ledge).

Credit: limpingcrab
Watch said partner hang dog a roof and realize that this is in fact the crux. Lower him down and TR up to the crux. Notice that a 5.10b slab is nothing like a 5.10b power move over a roof and accept the fact that you're not strong. Hang once, fall all the way back onto the slab once, stick a dyno and pull to the roof once. Feel like Chris Sharma and smile lots!

Credit: limpingcrab
Lead another pitch of awesome slab and crack climbing!

Credit: limpingcrab
Find two runners that you left while rappelling and wish you had with you on the first 7 pitches. Dummy.

Credit: limpingcrab
Credit: limpingcrab
Credit: limpingcrab
Swap leads on the last two pitches that look dirty from below and yet again turn out to be great climbing. Wonder, "why are there no routes on that thousand foot marble face over there? Come on, there have got to be sport climbers that like long approaches, right? That would be a special kind of weird." Consider Vitaliy and Rudbud as special kind of weird and potential partners.

Credit: limpingcrab
Arrive back at your car and appreciate the fact that if it's a Subaru Forester you're probably awesome (and/or a lesbian).

Credit: limpingcrab
Enjoy the view that never gets old on your drive out.

We both thought the climbing (and fishing) were great and would do this route again in a second. It was cool being down in a river canyon like that and having to climb out, and also a very committing place to be. The route was 9 pitches with about 50% bolts and 50% gear. Doubles up to 2" would be more than enough, we had more because we didn't know. Some pitches can be linked but you can decide for yourself as you scope it on the rap.

There, now you have the instructions for an awesome day! Follow them exactly, or else...

  Trip Report Views: 3,140
About the Author
limpingcrab is me, nice to meet you.

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Trad climber
under the sea
  Jul 29, 2014 - 03:45pm PT
Freaking awesome man! A nice day outside dont get any better than that!
Vitaliy M.

Mountain climber
San Francisco
  Jul 29, 2014 - 03:58pm PT
You lied!!! It is a trifecta, you guys went swimming!

Vitaliy is already planning a trip to that thousand foot wall. :) jk

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
  Jul 29, 2014 - 04:10pm PT
I've looked over that edge and wondered about the possibilities. The
water sure looked inviting and them fishies down there had to be major
n00bs! I would have been leery of touron trundlers though. But I guess
you could always put up a nice sign like:

Dingus Milktoast

Trad climber
Minister of Moderation, Fatcrackistan
  Jul 29, 2014 - 04:24pm PT
Freaking cool, man.


Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
  Jul 29, 2014 - 04:47pm PT
T Hocking

Trad climber
Redding, Ca
  Jul 29, 2014 - 05:24pm PT

Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
  Jul 29, 2014 - 05:39pm PT
Way, cool!

Trad climber
The fake McCoy from nevernever land.
  Jul 29, 2014 - 05:59pm PT
good times, cheers.

Trad climber
Can't get here from there
  Jul 29, 2014 - 06:20pm PT
Looks like a fun day.
Swimming, climbing, fishing. Hey, it was a trifecta.

Thanks for the read and pics.
Ezra Ellis

Trad climber
North wet, and Da souf
  Jul 29, 2014 - 06:27pm PT
Sam E

Boulder climber
  Jul 29, 2014 - 06:48pm PT
Super cool

Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
  Jul 29, 2014 - 07:18pm PT
this just in

Justin Ross from North Fork
  Jul 29, 2014 - 07:40pm PT
That is about the perfect trip. Thanks.

Trad climber
Nothing creative to say
  Jul 29, 2014 - 10:24pm PT
Marble wall trip, ok, fine, I'll go. When?

Gym climber
  Jul 29, 2014 - 10:26pm PT
Holy Schlitz.

Trad climber
  Jul 29, 2014 - 10:50pm PT
if it's a Subaru Forester you're probably awesome (and/or a lesbian).

I have a Forester, I know for a fact that as much as I love it I'm not awesome at climbing, so ... .

except I'm a guy so Dr Science, tell me how.

Oh: marble or actually granite? There is limestone out that way, but it looked like granite to me.

Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
  Jul 30, 2014 - 12:04am PT
I love California....

Climbing, tasty trout, swimming, and awesome slabs.

Well executed, my friend!
Jebus H Bomz

Sacramento, CA
  Jul 30, 2014 - 12:24am PT
Very cool! Your instructions are great. Like, a 1000x better than assembling Ikea furniture.

Trad climber
the middle of CA
Author's Reply  Jul 30, 2014 - 07:08am PT
Munge, I'm in if you pay for the bolts! It's gonna take a lot and they've gotta be big, I don't have much faith in the marble around here.

Scaredycat, you can be regular awesome, it doesn't have to be awesome at climbing! We were climbing on granite but the big blue ridge in that picture is marble (metamorphosed limestone). It's what all the caves form in in SEKI, including Boyden Cavern and Church Cave that are in the same big chunk, just across the river. It doesn't dissolve or build formations as fast as limestone and it's a little more crumbly, but there are still a few decent sport routes on it down by the road.

Trad climber
Southern California
  Jul 30, 2014 - 08:52am PT
I did this route around 2005, it was a blast. I also had a chance to do the slab route near Roaring River falls (Ocean King?) put up by the same guy. Man I miss that canyon. Great TR!

Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
  Jul 30, 2014 - 09:51am PT
This is radness and awesomeness and extreme cooliosity all in one... One of the best mortal adventures I've seen in a while.

bay area
  Jul 30, 2014 - 10:18am PT

super awesome!

Trad climber
Fresno CA
  Jul 30, 2014 - 10:33am PT
Very cool photos and TR. I'm with Vitaly; you went swimming, so it's atrifecta.


Trad climber
Fresno, Ca
  Jul 30, 2014 - 02:17pm PT
Nice work looking like loads of fun as always. Keep on smiling!

Trad climber
Tribal Base Camp (Riverkern Annex)
  Jul 30, 2014 - 02:23pm PT
Sport routes on marble?? You got (2) dozen drill bits and 3 back up batteries, El Jeffe'?

Gym climber
  Jul 31, 2014 - 08:04am PT
Snake sex, how can you beat that?

Trad climber
the middle of CA
Author's Reply  Jul 31, 2014 - 11:18am PT
Thanks everyone!

Sport routes on marble?? You got (2) dozen drill bits and 3 back up batteries, El Jeffe'?

Almost :) I take it you're saying that it's not the easiest to drill into? I've never tried...

Trad climber
  Aug 19, 2014 - 04:58pm PT
i like the way you just stick to the facts,, pionering in california,

Trad climber
Starlite, California
  Aug 19, 2014 - 07:36pm PT
Snake sex, how can you beat that?

“The Squid and his Squirrels, the Rab and their Rabbits
Have certain obscure and peculiar habits.
Male hummingbirds make the most exquisite rockets.
The snake when he walks holds his hands in his pockets..”

  Aug 19, 2014 - 08:25pm PT
How cool!!

Vitaliy M.

Mountain climber
San Francisco
  Aug 20, 2014 - 10:09am PT
I want to bump this because I like looking at photos of Daniel! Hope to see you soon homez!

Trad climber
Central Valley, CA
  Aug 20, 2014 - 10:28am PT

Trad climber
  Aug 21, 2014 - 11:48pm PT
'Twas an awesome day

Trad climber
  Aug 27, 2014 - 05:12pm PT
Dude, how did I miss this TR Daniel. Very nice. That is the one he was telling us about, before or after you lost your keys. Stoked you did. I need to get back up there. Never enough time. Hit you up later
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