Trip Report
Homo Climbtastic's Gay/Lesbian/Trans/Whatever Climbing Convention was better than any climbing trip you will ever have, ever
Friday July 30, 2010 4:10pm
Hi Supertopo!

You asked for a trip report, and oh, you shall receive! A trip report in three parts, even!

But f*#k if I'm going to recopy three blog posts' worth of HTML into whatever lord knows what formatting language this bulletin board system requires, so I'm just going to link to the trip reports, and you can go read them there, and then come back and give us your most pithy responses. Or post them to our comment pages. The photos of me climbing in drag are in part 2, so if you only have time for one, that's probably it.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Homo Climbtastic in front of Waterstone Outfitters
Homo Climbtastic in front of Waterstone Outfitters
Credit: Alex Rowland


Alex Rowland

  Trip Report Views: 3,321
Alex Rowland
About the Author
Alex Rowland is a sport climber from Georgia.


Social climber
  Jul 30, 2010 - 04:15pm PT
Way funny...........Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
  Jul 30, 2010 - 04:19pm PT
Haven't read it yet, but that may be the best thread title of all time!

Rock on Rainbow wariors!

Trad climber
Straight Outta Crafton
  Jul 30, 2010 - 04:31pm PT
It might be tied with the best climbing trip I've ever had, if I could narrow the best one down to just one.

I'm glad you guys had fun!
scuffy b

heading slowly NNW
  Jul 30, 2010 - 04:35pm PT
Man, you really know how to order Drinks!!

I've had to field this one myself, so here goes...
Sure, you can CLIMB in heels, but can you WALK in them?

Just skimmed parts 1 and 2 so far, actually, what I've seen is

Trad climber
Southern California
  Jul 30, 2010 - 04:52pm PT
Awesome job!

Trad climber
San Jose, CA
  Jul 30, 2010 - 04:55pm PT
Super Funny writing. Thanks for the effort.

Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
  Jul 30, 2010 - 06:18pm PT
Toooo funny!!! Y'all know how to have a great time AND crush.

Trad climber
The state of confusion
  Jul 30, 2010 - 06:07pm PT

You guys are CRAZY, Alex!

Glad you had fun!!!!
Bad Acronym

Little Death Hollow
  Jul 30, 2010 - 06:21pm PT
An "anti-comp"? You queens are definitely on to something...

Great trip report!

Gym climber
  Jul 30, 2010 - 07:09pm PT


Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
  Jul 30, 2010 - 07:22pm PT
You guys have too much fun

Sport climber
Boulder, Colorado!
  Jul 30, 2010 - 07:49pm PT
Thanks for sharing! Looking forward to your next TR...

edit: Good Luck taking the Bar!

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
  Jul 30, 2010 - 07:29pm PT
I knew I should have gone. It would be so nice to be with people
who wouldn't give me flak for ordering girlie cocktails.

Rock on, y'all!

Trad climber
Northern California
  Jul 30, 2010 - 07:37pm PT

Excellent, fanf*ckingtastic. Thank you!

Trad climber
Seattle, WA
  Jul 30, 2010 - 07:38pm PT
Do all queer climbers crush 5.13? Damn, girl!

Gym climber
Small Town with a Big Back Yard
  Jul 30, 2010 - 09:51pm PT
Fan-fukking-tastic Trip Report Alex!

My favorite bit:

Just as we stepped outside, Deadpoint Magazine arrived for an interview, so I stood on the street corner within the auspice of a tape recorder. He asked, “Why did you start the club?”

Usually, when confronted with this question, I respond, “I started this club to find tops, remedying social iniquities was just collateral damage.” But I was concerned that DPM’s readership wouldn’t know what tops were (straight male climbing mag readers are usually bottoms) and so I hedged and said something like, “to have fun”

Also liked your Dad's comments - LOL!

Really enjoyed that read - and love the NRG!


A long way from where I started
  Jul 30, 2010 - 11:31pm PT
It's great to be young and insane.

Trad climber
Erik O. Auburn, CA
  Jul 31, 2010 - 12:22am PT
Bump for Rokjox

Thanks for posting!

the last bivy
  Jul 31, 2010 - 12:45am PT
Hell YEAH what a hoot! love'd the pics

Let not go unnoticed, FLAME AND FLASH the Bay Area's LGBT Climbing Club

Gym climber
Small Town with a Big Back Yard
  Jul 31, 2010 - 01:46am PT
Some people just don't get it.

That's OK, though - the rest of us LOVE your originality and deviancy.

It's like a breath of fresh air in a played out scene...we all thought we had covered every base until you showed up!

Thanks again.
Rick A

Boulder, Colorado
  Jul 31, 2010 - 09:48am PT
This thread brings a whole new meaning to the "fellowship of the rope."



Trad climber
electric lady land
  Jul 31, 2010 - 08:27pm PT
dig the levity
in your writing.

yall's are havin'
too much fun.
bring it out to
the wild west, i'd
climb with you
all in a heartbeat.

rokjox (aka pebble wiener)
is both a dick and
an a$$hole.
no wonder he's
a nervous nelly.
Peter Haan

Trad climber
  Jul 31, 2010 - 02:56pm PT
Really fun extensive account here, Alex. Thanks. I think it is breaking the ice even. Tarbaby and I got a message from one of my professional Trendspotters just now.

This is what they are seeing moving forward:

A signature line of designer haul bags: copious use of peau de soie for friction-free hauling; we will see patent leather make an unexpected return too with cutting-edge finishes and hues. No longer digging down through one big ugly jumbled bag what with the new fold-open steam-trunk style with brushed nickel accents and a pair of smart airport wheels and extendable handle! Swarovski crystals prove vital in reducing hauling damage to these new designs and cause a corresponding longlasting shortage of bedazzler tools results.

Real improvement in webbing colors, patterns and finishes for Fall with a Greco-Roman-Southwest theme. Versace finally puts its toe in the outdoor fashion pond. Dynel works its way into foundation garments.

Thin finger cracks severely downrated due to the new fashion in pointy-toed shoes. Heel hooking becomes trivial and expected of everyone (de rigueur). Petzl’s new high-strength nail applique tips open vast possibilities for free climbing even the thinnest of aid routes.
Road trips no longer grungy and untoney slogs, but borrow deeply from a Priscilla Queen of the Desert palette, graphics and roof ornamentation, promising months of thrill as the high numbers fall nation-wide, pitch upon pitch. An “endless summer” approach begins to be preferable to rain, snow and mud.

Airports begin to accommodate with separate specially decorated lounge areas. Plane menus forced to change, incorporating at minimum 4 choices of yogurts and 2 choices of mineral water on domestic flights.

Manicure/pedicure boutiques spring up in the prinicipal climbing venues like Yosemite, Red Rock, NRG, Josh and many get work for the first time in years.

A considerable portion of Back-In-The-Day articles get rewritten as the wave of excitement and personal revelation takes over, everyone wanting to share their personal stories from scouting days.

Aquanet comes out with a sprayable ANSI hard hat in designer colors. Kryolan ponies up their competing product out of Germany.

Ballistics-grade L’Eggs pantyhose prove vital in maintaining fashion and turnout in the toughest offwidths.

A distinct move is seen away from the dull older vintage vans to smart little convertibles in bright metallic colors.

Fish quickly redesigns his portaledges to accomodate these new trends. Heavily featured but still easy to erect in a snap. Persian carpets get strengthened for the mat and polished titanium for the frame moving forwards. Fish also debuts his triple ledge due to pressing demand. The Fish-Net hammock makes a comeback, not seen since the early Glam Eighties.

Some couples begin to flat-out remain on the walls that have viable water sources, preferring the new environment over the dowdier one on the ground where dirt is and difficult parking.

Vodka surpasses scotch, bourbon, and whiskey for the first time in climbers' bars. Mixers begin to be stocked in heavier amounts in the nearby markets. Beer and ales drop out of the scene almost completely. The Mint Julep, the Fuzzy Navel, Side Car, and Mimosas are seen everywhere, even in the hands of hunkier types grunting away at the pub.

Climb names take a turn. Words and phrases like Brunch, go-girl-go, OMG, Her-rr, Grrl, I-can’t-believe-it, begin to work their way into beta parlance. Even stallwarts like Powell, Robbins, Steck, Reed begin to develop an attractive “with-it” slang in a higher voice register, saying volumes about the new season’s exciting lines and beta.

Naps start to get integrated in sport climbing; Everyone is far friskier. Wrinkle cream appears in newly added compartments on harnesses. Chalk takes a back seat to Kryolan’s spray-on glitter which proves to produce far more grip and cache.

When climbing partners break up, much more is entailed, usually involving the entire local community, the police, and sometimes far beyond--- everyone has to hear about it and their anatomical particulars. Friends and bloggers often are called in to decide who keeps the Bichon Frise, who the heels collection. Climbing photos and history suffer as past beaux are torn out of favorite photographed scenes from record-breaking ascents.


Jim Henson's Basement
  Jul 31, 2010 - 12:19pm PT
Totally funny- thanks for posting!

Peter: Great post. I think you are onto something there.
Jay Wood

Trad climber
Land of God-less fools
  Jul 31, 2010 - 01:19pm PT
A rockin' trip report

on a rockin' trip.

The writing, the sending, the screwing around, the world creating- excellent.

The Desert Oven
  Jul 31, 2010 - 01:47pm PT
Great writing. Hilarious trip report! My wife and I would climb with you guys any day! The logo with the horned beasts buggering each other is awesome! where can i get a t-shirt like that?!?!?

BTW... RocFuk, please accept this as my personal invitation to go f*#k yourself. the only people who get offended at stuff like this are either totally prude or sheltered (based on your numerous posts on this site, you are neither), or latent homosexuals who deal with their repressed urges and self hate by lashing out at what they really want. again, if you missed it the first time, f*#k off!

  Jul 31, 2010 - 04:51pm PT
genius! What a great writer you are!
rich sims

Social climber
  Jul 31, 2010 - 06:02pm PT
I guess I can bring my swami out of the closet.

Fish I will need matching legs loops, why not throw in a chest harness. I will send spec’s for added toy loops.
Roy I will need to borrow the pink wind breaker to go with the harness. You know the one you wore at IC Sushi Fest

Some of you may need to switch to boxers so yer panties don’t get all bunched up.

Trad climber
  Jul 31, 2010 - 08:21pm PT
Seriously funny sh!t. You nailed it on the head right here:

"It was an expression of humor’s centrality to meaning."


Trad climber
The pitch of Bagalaar above you
  Aug 2, 2010 - 02:42am PT

Great writing, classic fur sure!

Best line:

The head guide was kind of a d#@&%e, and totally not rolling with our faggotry,



Trad climber
Hustle City
  Aug 2, 2010 - 10:32am PT

It looked like a 24-7 party. Cool TR, and thanks for posting!!!