Brutus of Wyde's Greatest Hits

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Melissa

Gym climber
berkeley, ca
Topic Author's Original Post - Jun 17, 2009 - 12:42pm PT
The following posts will include:

1. A list of favorite quotes from Brutus. The initial ones were culled from previous complilations of rec.climbing's greatest hits.

2. Favorite creative writings from Brutus. Again, the intial ones were taken from rec.climbing's greatest hits.

3. His TRs.

Feel free to tack on whatever you've loved by him or e-mail it to me, and I can edit the original post so that the archive at the top is easy to follow.
Melissa

Gym climber
berkeley, ca
Topic Author's Reply - Jun 17, 2009 - 12:42pm PT
Knowledge is one of the lightest, most valuable things a person can
take up a climb. (1995)

Real Climbers (TM) are not defined by the numbers they climb, but rather by the path they take through life. (2001)

Pour about one ounce of Tincture of Benzoin directly on the open wound, preferrably as soon as the injury happens. After you do so, you probably won't be worried (at least for a while) about whether to cover the wound or leave it open. The results may suprise you, and prepare you psychologically for the worst chimneys and offwidths. (2001)


Some folks aren't ready to create their own adventures. Putting them in a real adventure would be like letting your prize chihuahua go play with the coyote pack at sunrise. (2001)

I teach beginners this simple rule: If you are unsure that the rope reaches the ground or the next anchors, let someone else go down first. (2002)

Every time significant tools have been developed in alpinism, making the extant cutting-edge climbs into mainstream classics, there have been those who have decried the developments, claiming that such tools take the adventure out of the sport. Other individuals, with perhaps more vision or imagination, or perhaps just a greater need for the new tools, have taken the tools, developed skills and techniques beyond the old school, and opened up whole new worlds of the possible.

To which of these two camps of thought belongs the greater sense of adventure? That new technology can and will be used to bring the mountains down to a low but democratic mean; Or that enchantment with the improbable, the search for the barely-possible, is furthered with each stride forward into the unknown? (2002)

Backing off a climb is not failure. Not surviving is failure. (2002)

robDotCalm wrote:
> what most male climbers want from their female
> partners is one thing: a good belay.

From above. (2003)

From Guillaume Dargaud’s collection of quotes:

"I've seen 5.11 divided into 11 different grades of increasing difficulty, as follows: 5.11a, 5.10d, 5.11-, 5.11b, 5.11, 5.11c, 5.9 squeeze, 5.11+, 5.10 OW, 5.12a, 5.11d"


Melissa

Gym climber
berkeley, ca
Topic Author's Reply - Jun 17, 2009 - 12:43pm PT
The wall was steep as steep could be,
The ground was flat as flat.
You could not read discussions
Of the uses of Dead Cat:
There wasn't yet a newsgroup
to discuss: Not even that.

The Leader and the Follower
Were cleaning off the moss;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of choss:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be Boss!"

"If three sport weenies with their drills
drilled and pried and chipped.
Do you suppose," the Leader said,
"We'd be no longer gripped?
I doubt it, but let's ask" he said,
As one more beer he sipped.

"O Gymbies, will you post with us?"
The Leader did inquire
"A pleasant post, a pleasing roast,
Atop Slime's roasting pyre:
We must confess that your BS,
would make for splendid fire!

Hardman Knott just looked at him,
But never a word he said:
Hardman Knott just flexed his pecks,
And shook his shaven head--
Meaning to say he'd much prefer
To flash 5.12 instead.

But eight young Gymbies hurried up,
All eager for the talk:
With harness carefully doubled back,
and hands awash in chalk--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They never had touched rock.

A pair of bolters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And Traddies by the score--
And AOLers spraying trash,
All scrambling to the war.

The Leader and the Follower
Talked for three threads or so,
And then they trolled the newbies,
saying "you are climbers, no?"
And all the little lurkers sat
And waited for the show.

"The time has come," the Leader said,
"To post of many things:
Of Friends--and chocks--and cordelettes--
Of climbs called "wings and stings"--
Of Batten's back, Amanda's rack--
And strength of spectra slings."

"But wait a bit," Softbodies cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Leader.
They thanked him much for that.

"A donut, fried" Al Black replied,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Cake or glazed or buttermilk
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Climbers dear,
We can begin to read."

"But don't flame us!" young 'hi' then cried,
Turning a little green.
"After such kindness, that would be
A thing that's downright mean!"
"This thread is fine," the Leader said.
"Do you admire the scene?

"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very good!"
The Follower said nothing but
"Toss on a bit more wood:
These flames seem to be dying out,
Not blazing like they should!"

"It seems a shame," the Leader said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them up so far,
And made them think so quick!"
The Follower said nothing but
"This 'hi' is such a Dick!"

"I pity him," the Leader said:
"I really feel his pain."
With sobs and tears he tossed a rock
That crushed a newbie's brain,
Holding a pen-knife to another's
pulsing jugular vein.

"O newbies," said the Follower,
"You've had a pleasant chat!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But silence answered that--
And this was scarcely odd, because
On all of them they'd shat.

The Disclaimer by Brutus of Wyde

WARNING!!

ALL INDIVIDUALS USING, REFERRING TO, TALKING ABOUT, OR THINKING ABOUT THIS TOPO MUST READ THIS!!!

This inaccurate topo is based on dim recollections, half-baked guesses, and outright lies. In NO WAY does it tell the full story. You would probably be better off just trying to find your own way up the mounatin, than you would be if you used this topo. But that statement in no way implies that I am in any way responsible if you don't use the topo, and something bad happens anyway.

Nature is unpredictable and unsafe. Mountains are dangerous. Many books have been written about these dangers, and there's no way I can list them all here. Read the books.

The area depicted by this topo is covered in steep terrain with loose, slippery and unstable footing. The weather can make matters worse. Sheer drops are everywhere. You may fall, be injured or die. There are hidden holes. You could break your leg. There are wild animals, which may be vicious, poisonous, hungry or carriers of dread diseases. These may include poisonous amphibians, reptiles, and insects; insects to which you have allergies, or whose multiple stings can cause anaphylactic shock; mammals which may include skunks, badgers, marmots, lions, tigers, and bears; predatory birds, and all other manner of beasts. Plants can be poisonous as well, and even when not poisonous, can inflict serious injury like a sharp stick in the eye. This topo, and the author of this topo, will not do anything to protect you from any of this. I do not inspect, supervise or maintain the ground, rocks, cliffs, wildlife, vegetation or other features, natural or otherwise.
Real dangers are present even on approach trails. Trails are not sidewalks, and folks have died and been seriously injured even on sidewalks when they have tripped on cracked concrete, plunged into meter boxes with missing covers, been mugged, hit by cars, had pianos fall on them... Trails can be, and are, steep, slippery and dangerous. Trail features made or enhanced by humans, such as bridges, steps, walls and railings (if any) can break, collapse, or otherwise fail catastrophically at any time. I don't promise to inspect, supervise or maintain them in any way. They may be negligently constructed or repaired. Some trails in the area are only maintained by Nelson Bighorn Sheep, who have little regard for human life or human safety, or any humans whatsoever. In summary, trails are unsafe, period. Live with it or stay away.

Stay on the trails whenever possible. The terrain, in addition to being dangerous, is surprisingly complex. You may get lost. You probably WILL get lost. The chances of getting lost multiply geometrically after the sun goes down, due to poor visibility. The sun goes down at least once a day in this area. Not to say that you won't get lost during daylight hours. In either event, carry a flashlight, extra bulb and batteries, compass, GPS, altimeter, cellular phone, food, water, matches and first aid supplies at all times. My advising you of this does not mean there are not other things you should be carrying. Carry them all as well, and know how to use them. I am not responsible for the consequences if you fail to heed this advice. In fact, I am not responsible for the consequences even if you DO heed this advice and, for example, end up in an unplanned bivy because you were carrying too much g*dd@mnstuff, stumble into the bivy fire at 2 am whenyou get up to take a p!ss, and severely burn theflesh on your hands. You have only yourself toblame, so leave me out of it.

Rocks and other objects can, and probably will, fall from the cliffs. They can tumble down slopes. This can happen naturally, or be caused by people above you, such as climbers. Rocks of all sizes, including huge boulders, can shift, move or fall with no warning. If you don't believe me check out the talus slopes at the base of some of the rock walls. They didn't just grow there. Use of helmets is advised for anyone approaching the rock formations. As a matter of fact, approaching the rock formationsis not advised. That is pretty stupid too. But ifyou DO choose to risk your worthless scrawny neckby going near rocks, shoulder pads, knee pads, elbow pads, athletic cups and supporters and other body armor may be handy as well. These items can be purchased or rented from mountaineering shops and athletic supply stores. They won't save you if you get hit by or scrape against something big or on another part of your body. A whole rock formation might collapse on you leave nothing but a grease spot. Don't think it can't happen. It does, and it probably will.

Weather can be dangerous, regardless of the forecast. Be prepared with extra clothing, including rain gear. Hypothermia, heat stroke, dehydration, frostbite, lightning, ice and snow, runoff from rainstorms, flashfloods, etc. can kill you. Rain can turn easy terrain into a deathtrap, can drown you if you're looking up into the sky with your mouth open, and vastly decreases traction on pavement. Snow is even worse, the hazards ranging from snowball fight injuries to avalanches.
If you scramble in high places (scrambling is moving over terrain steep enough to use your hands) without proper experience, training and equipment, or allow children to do so, you are making a terrible mistake. Even if you know what you're doing and are the most experienced and safest climber the world has ever known, you are still making a terrible mistake: lots of things can and do go wrong and you may be injured or die. It happens all the time.

Furthermore, scrambling amongst the huge boulders in this canyon, even without exposure of high places, can result in serious physical and/or emotional injury, or death.
This area, and this route, are not provided with any rangers or security personnel on any regular basis. The other people in the area, including other visitors, USFS employees, foreign agents, biologists and nature freaks, and anyone else who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, a religious fanatic, or otherwise dangerous. They may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly weapons and ready to use them. I'm not going to do anything about that. I refuse to take responsibility.

Excessive consumption of alcohol, use of prescription drugs, over-the-counter medications, and/or legal or illegal controlled substances while frequenting this area can and probably will affect your mental state, alertness, and decision-making abilities, and could make an already dangerous situation even worse. Even abstinence won't protect you from the actions of others under the influence of such substances. Tough luck. Not my fault.

The driveways, freeways, highways, streets, alleys, back roads and unimproved 4WD tracks leading to this area kill hundreds of folks each year. Many of these fatalities are folks who aren't even on their way to this canyon, who in fact have never heard of this canyon, but are simply innocent victims. Not so you. You have been warned. You could get killed driving to the trailhead. Wearing your seatbelt tightly fastened with the lap belt low across your waist improves your chances of survival, in most cases (except that one steep section of road) but does not and cannot guarantee your safety. You might die before ever stepping out of your vehicle at the trailhead, or on the way home. It can happen any time. If you think you are immune from this kind of thing, you're fooling yourself.

This is not a sterile environment. Bacteria, viruses, protozoa, protoviruses, fungi and other forms of life and protolife which may or may not be currently included in either the plant or animal kingdom are capable of causing you serious bodily harm, illness, or death. These kinds of biological agents are both endemic in the area or present in the plant and animal populations; and are also capable of being carried or transmitted by your climbing partners and travelling companions. I'm not going to take responsibility for this, either. My advice for you to treat drinking water, wash your hands before and after going to the bathroom and before eating, and to not indulge in unprotected sex in this area, in no way obligates me to be responsible for the consequences if you fail to do so, nor does it mean that even if you DO take these precautions and something happens anyway, that I am to blame. Not so. Forget it. Nada. Negativo.

If you climb, you may die or be seriously injured. And the longer you climb the greater your risk of bad luck, which may or may not be compounded by hubris, catching up to you. This is true whether you are experienced or not, trained or not, and equipped or not, though training, experience and equipment may help. It's a fact, climbing is extremely dangerous. If you don't like it, stay at home. You really shouldn't be doing it anyway. I do not provide supervision or instruction. I am not responsible for, and do not inspect or maintain, climbing anchors (including bolts, pitons, slings, trees, etc.) As far as I know, any of them can and probably will suddenly fail without warning and send you plunging to your death with a bloodcurdling scream, likely pulling your partner to his or her doom as well. There are countless tons of loose rock ready to be dislodged and fall on you or someone else. There are any number of inobvious, extremely and unusually dangerous conditions existing on and around the rocks, and elsewhere in the canyon. I probably don't know about any specific hazard, but even if I do, don't expect this topo or its author to try to warn you. You're on your own.

Furthermore, the fact that I'm not trying to stop you from being in this area in no way implies, nor should it be inferred, that I approve, recommend, advocate, or otherwise in any way affirm that such action on your part is anything but incredibly stupid.

Rescue services are not provided by anyone near this climb, and may not be available quickly or at all. In fact, if anything really serious happens to you in this area, you'll probably be dead before word ever reaches civilization. Local rescue squads may not be equipped for or trained in mountain rescue. They probably won't be. If you are lucky enough to have somebody try to rescue you or treat your injuries, they will probably be incompetent or worse. This includes doctors and hospitals. I assume no responsibility. Also, if you decide to participate in a rescue of some other unfortunate, that's your choice. Don't do it unless you are willing to assume all risks, and don't blame me when it goes bad and you end up getting yourself sued in the process.

By using, or even just looking at this topo, you are agreeing that I owe you no duty of care or any other duty, you agree to release me, my relatives, heirs, dependents, and anyone else I care to name, now and forevermore, from any and all claims of liability, even though my actions may be grossly negligent and/or be construed as reckless endangerment, manslaughter, or other misconduct up to and including premeditated murder. By consulting this topo, you agree to waive forever any rights that you, your partners, dependents, heirs, inlaws, and others known or unknown to you may have, to legal compensation resulting from anything that has anything to do with this topo, including but in no way limited to paper cuts from the edge of the topo itself. If you try to sue me in spite of all this, you agree to pay my lawyers fees regardless of the outcome of the suit, and you expressely agree to re-imburse me for any loss or injury, be it financial, physical, emotional, or imagined, which I may experience as a result of such lawsuit.

I promise you nothing. I do not and will not even try to keep the area safe for any purpose. The area is NOT safe for any purpose. This is no joke. I won't even try to warn about any dangerous or hazardous condition, whether I know about it or not. If I do decide to warn you about something, that doesn't mean I will try to warn you about anything else. If I do make an effort to fix an unsafe condition, I may not try to correct any others, and I may actually make matters worse! I may have done things in the area that are unwise and dangerous. I probably did, but I don't remember. Sorry, I'm neither competent nor responsible. The topo gives you bad advice. Don't listen. Or do listen. It's your choice, but you face the consequences either way, whatever they may be.

In short, CLIMB AT YOUR OWN RISK. If you, or your heirs, relatives, dependents or others known or unknown to you; your partner or your partners heirs, relatives, dependents, or others known or unknown to your partner, are the slimy kind of lawyer-touting parasites who would try to sue the author of a topo, If you can't take responsibility for your own decisions, knowledge, routefinding and plain dumb luck, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stay far far away from this route and this canyon, give up climbing, and die of some completely natural, painful, and slowly progressive disease.

Thank you, climb safe, and have fun!

END of Disclaimer

Melissa

Gym climber
berkeley, ca
Topic Author's Reply - Jun 17, 2009 - 12:43pm PT
Some rec.climbing TR’s linked to Rex Peiper’s site b/c the formatting is much nicer:

Banzai!
http://www.bigwall.com/banzaitr.html

Titan
http://bigwall.com/fofatetr.html

Windhorse
http://bigwall.com/windhtr.html

Psylocybin
http://bigwall.com/magmshtr.html

TR – Grand Teton East Ridge
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/f094d2218358e90a/d/aa17f4a53e50f39

TR - LONG - Mt. Alberta http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/756bbf818172505c/d/3941354931e087f6

TR: Castle Rock Spire, Cinco de Mayo
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/7ffa9d4da25fb67f/d/1bd001141f29deaa

TR: Going Tinkle
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/eef7f4321984eccb/d/ac7be8d7bbf144c3

TR: Planaria, Temple Crag
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/8bbc5716357736ee/d/7f231f79b0c15d5c

TR: South Central Route, Washington Column
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/b86046653c2d7dab/d/18d19ccea985b98c

Mixed Master
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/87cab645568d867c/d/58a3d8505a11e76a

Long Retro TR Washington Column
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/6dba4c57748925a2/d/e28d786bfdbe8086

Ho Chi Min Trail
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/b497054d8fa748dd/d/a96b9cff87dfdd2d

Six on Seven: Tollhouse TR
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/f2a5c2b844048965/d/2e9fc2d272fd4b7e

Mystery Mountain
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/ee41a9078d9298b8/d/2746bb1cf983034b

Retro TR: LA Chimney
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/753f2d8add64c6ce/d/94175aeb9bee78e

RetroTR: Hairline Mt. Whitney
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/59d850d9a34e7297/d/b0ed4b6e194d2b84

TR: Reggie Pole
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/9a12b1810488b3e9/d/5ba9b4f3b98214c8

TR: Red Lake Peak (Ed. note: a poem)
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/8bdd03eb7052bb1e/d/9757e82fd20ce36f

TR: Huge Talent and No Packs
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/6b0a224f4c7e62d5/d/11782e9ac5c54aec

Retro TR: Keeler Needle Blind Date
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/a48967920a004669/d/670321550457cce1

TR: A Day on the Trip
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/e6b60910330980c/d/1ab6834f308c788c

TR: Lucifer’s Hammer, Thor Peak
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/7fdf61087770ac54/d/2b307fccfee23e15

TR: The Day at the Circus
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/ade09c413255926a/d/8475bef705bd8679

TR: Mace
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/a41964e244bd9c03/d/bbaa577b86c12664

The Grudge: Yosemite Point Butress (buried in the middle of this thread)
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/3625caa8530384de/d/3c7d1a7b00f9f1e6

A Royal Arches TR (buried in the middle of thread)
http://groups.google.com/g/2657fef5/t/c743bb350bf87c0f/d/1fb8139545665246


nature

climber
Tucson, AZ
Jun 17, 2009 - 12:58pm PT
The Sierra Roll - Smoked Trout and Watercress.
Mungeclimber

Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
Jun 17, 2009 - 12:59pm PT
"Has to be 5.8+, I don't climb harder than that"

LOL!!
Norwegian

Trad climber
Placerville, California
Jun 17, 2009 - 01:03pm PT
at the heights and depths of our domain, a warrior is made from the inside out.

an enchanted warrior hoarding widsoms and genius borne of satisfied wonder.

the warrior's sleep is seasoned with the riches of achievement, and the loving respect of his peers.
Paulina

Trad climber
Jun 17, 2009 - 01:15pm PT
Thanks, Melissa! I really love both The Disclaimer, and The Leader and the Follower. And the 11 types of 5.11. And...
Matt

Trad climber
primordial soup
Jun 17, 2009 - 01:18pm PT
" ... ... ... "





(silently holding out a six pack, offering me a beer as a greeting without saying a word)
Dingus Milktoast

climber
Jun 17, 2009 - 01:36pm PT
Mel that got me crying again.

"Dingus swings on angel wings
linking turns like serpent strings
while Brutus and the Ratchet Nurse
Crater, biff, and yard-sale curse


Craig free-heels down with master's skill
His upper body quiet, still,
and shouts to us "Just hop and hope!"
The Ratchet shakes and recoils "Nope!"


I think this tour will never end:
Researching ways that legs don't bend:
With fractured skull and twisted spine,
I hear the call "Just SKI that Line!"


Slowly, with a swishing sound
the sky and mountain turn around
I'm shooting headfirst down the slope
a soft runout my only hope. "

You SURE you want to do Red Lake Peak today??? OKAY!!!


This was the descent that inspired the poem (AND the looks they gave me afterward). While it was their idea it was my job to keep us safe and on that score I failed (but we got lucky)

It was easy at the top!


Brutus checking for oil leaks.


We were all damn lucky to get down this one without kicking off the big slide. It really was stupid crazy that day.


Good times!


(that day it was I who brought Em and Brutus the beer, at the EOD)

This is perhaps THE single best pic I ever snapped of Brutus of Wyde:

From the Angora Peak descent


The last time we skied together it was clear to me they were both ready to snatch the tele-pebble out of my hand. Good thing I switched to AT!

DMT
kellie

climber
Seattle
Jun 17, 2009 - 02:04pm PT
Rick Rote:


> I can easily climb 5.6 and I have even done a 5.7 or two, but a new
> climbing place has only 5.10's. I didn't complete any of the routes.
> So what are the techniques I'm lacking?


Here's a few you may not be familiar width:

Cup-hand bridging
Teacup jams
Chicken wings
Arm bars
3-point arm/shoulder bar in combo with Gaston for double-foot inchworm
Knee locks
Knee bars
Elbow locks
Heel-toe bridging
T-foot stacks
Hip bridging
Kick-throughs
Leavittation
Inversion
Fist/palm-in stacks
Fist/palm-out stacks
Butterfly stacks
Prayer jams
Forearm jams
Uppercut fist jams
Knee jumars
Egyptians
Hurdlers
Palm-toe bridges
Peristalsis
Flab stacks
Inhale jams
Occipital-Mandible bridges
Rack-towing
Pack-towing
Long-bight tie-in knot
Portable top rope


and combinations thereof.


I recommend board-lasted high-top uppers, kneepads or Ace bandages,
elbow pads, and tape for practicing these.


This oughta get ya started...


Brutus


kellie

climber
Seattle
Jun 17, 2009 - 02:09pm PT
From a discussion on the wreck about whether a military jet triggered an avalanche on Whitney:

Dingus Milktoast wrote:
>Held accountable for what exactly??? And who is to be held
>accountable?
[slide]
>Snow often leads to avalanches. Military jets fly low and
>cause loud noises. Loud noises can set off avalanches.
>Climbers ascending avalanche prone slopes often fall victim
>to these slides. These guys *apparently* escaped.
[rumble]
>Context drawn, court is in session. What is the theory of
>your prosecution?


[nodding]
Brutus shuffles up to the stand, parks his walker, and takes
his seat.

DINGUS:
Let's keep this testimony short and simple.


BRUTUS:
Uh, OK.
Am I done?


DINGUS:
Not yet.


BRUTUS:
How about now?


DINGUS:
You're not helping.


BRUTUS:
OK. Sorry.


DINGUS:
First, what are your qualifications
that you can appear here as an expert witness?


BRUTUS:
I thought you wanted to keep this short and simple?


DINGUS:
OK. Sorry.


BRUTUS:
Here's what I got to say. I've read the alleged
post on the all-ledge-ed avalanche allegedly
triggered by an alleged jet that
Laguna 10 S allegedly *thought* might be military.
And this case should never have made it to court.


DINGUS:
Why is that?


BRUTUS:
Those guys were lucky. That jet, flying over
when it did, probably saved their
freakin' necks. Hasn't anyone read the
gawdammm DISCLAIMER? SH!T HAPPENS! Heesus Kristy!


DINGUS:
Please no profanity. This is a family
newsgroup. Why do you say that?


BRUTUS:
Sh!t! Sorry!
I say that 'cause the jet triggered an
avalanche, right?


DINGUS:
That has not yet been established.


BRUTUS:
which means conditions were right for
avalanche, right??


DINGUS:
Well, I guess you could put it that way.


BRUTUS:
No, I'm asking you. Let me put it a little
plainer, MISTER Milktoast: IF an avalanche
occurs, Does that, or does that NOT, in your
opinion, indicate that, immediately prior to
the event, conditions were such that
the liklihood of an avalanche was extremely high?


DINGUS:
Well, yes.


BRUTUS:
So what were those guys doing in an area
where the liklihood of an avalanche
was extremely high? Did they dig any pits?


DINGUS:
I don't know.


BRUTUS:
Did they perform any Ruschbloch tests? if so,
what were the results?


DINGUS:
I don't know.


BRUTUS:
Were they wearing beacons? Did they know how to
use them? Were they wearing Avalungs? Did they
have any prior avalanche forecast training
whatsoever? Did they EVEN BOTHER to check with
Moynier's Eastern Sierra Avalanche Forecasting service
prior to making their climb?


DINGUS:
I don't know.


BRUTUS:
If they knew they were in avalanche prone conditions,
were they not intentionally, deliberately and
capriciously putting themselves at risk?


DINGUS:
Well, I guess so.


BRUTUS:
If they did not know, then the jet alerted them to
the danger, right?


LAGUNA 10 S:
Objection! The witness is, uh, leading the uh...


JUDGE BYRNES: (snickering behind his hand)
Sustained.


BRUTUS:
OK, let me rephrase that.
If they did not know, prior to the pass by the jet,
that they were in avalanche-prone terrain, and an
avalanche occurred when the jet passed, would you
say that the jet-triggered avalanche gave them
an indication they were at risk?


DINGUS:
Yes.


BRUTUS:
What was the end result of the incident?


DINGUS:
This frivolous lawsuit?


BRUTUS:
That's not what I mean. What incident resulted in
Laguna 10 S deciding to abandon his/her climb, and
retreat off the mountain?


DINGUS:
Uh... The avalanche?


BRUTUS:
Was the decision to abandon the climb, in your
opinion, a sound one?


DINGUS:
Absolutely.


BRUTUS:
No further questions. Your witness.


[Dingus, with a look of confusion on his face, gets
up as if to leave the courtroom, looks around, realizes
that he doesn't need to, and sits back down.]


END OF FILE. To be continued? Your witness, Mr. Laguna 10 S!


Mungeclimber

Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
Jun 17, 2009 - 02:21pm PT
LOL!!! that's a sweet one!!
Ed Hartouni

Trad climber
Livermore, CA
Jun 17, 2009 - 02:28pm PT
on our Sunday soirée on Generator Crack Gary and I were trying to recall all of the manoeuvres that Brutus had for ascending in an OW... we have only our memories of the definitions, usually stated names with the appropriate pantomime...

mooch

Big Wall climber
The Immaculate Conception
Jun 17, 2009 - 02:43pm PT
Has to be 5.8+, I don't climb harder than that

HAHAHAHA!!!

Countless times fo sho! Remember him keeping me in check on the "Numbers Chasing Game" one afternoon while FA'ing. I grew up a bunch yet stayed young when we hung out.
crøtch

climber
Jun 17, 2009 - 03:17pm PT


.....

Brutus, chewing his cud, ruminates on the porch of the
Old Climbers' Home, spits toward the spitoon in the corner,
then shuffles off into his room, returning an hour later
with a fist full of soiled, wrinkled papers from writings
of long ago...

Well, I've got a few notes written down here...

Reasons for seemingly mis-rated routes:
1. The route has changed since it was rated.
2. You have changed since the route was rated.
3. Ratings have changed since the route was rated.
4. Equipment has changed since the route was rated.
5. Climbing styles, techniques, preferences, and
popularity have changed since the route was rated.
6. The universe has changed since the route was rated
7. The route was originally mis-rated
8. The first ascentionist had poor self-esteem
9. The first ascentionist had delusions of grandeur
10. The first ascentionist had a huge ego, coupled
with a twisted sense of humor and a large dose of
false humility, and fists 12" in diameter.
11. The first ascentionist was off-route.
12. You were off route.
13. The guidebook was off-route.
14. East Coast climbs are harder for a given rating.
15. West Coast Climbs are harder for a given rating,
except in Black Velvet Canyon, Red Rocks, Nevada,
which we shouldn't use as an example since it isn't on the
coast anyways, and on Cloud Tower, but no one really
believes that Toni Bbub soloed Chrimson Chrysalis
round trip from the Visitors' Center in 23.584 seconds
so that doesn't really count either
16. The route is located in the California High Sierra,
and was rated 4th Class 50 years ago
17. The route is located in the Bernese Oberland, and
was rated 4th class 90 years ago
18. The route was first ascended by John Bachar, who
(as he later confessed) at the time had
no clue as to what grade inflation was taking place
in the world outside his own first ascents.
19. The route is an Offwidth.
20. The route is not an Offwidth.
21. YES, THE ROUTE IS A D*MN OFFWIDTH!!!
22. Bullsh*t. If you say that, you're not a Real
Climber (TM). If you'd shed a few pounds, you would
see that the route is obviously a squeeze chimney.
Stupid IDIOT!
23. Oh. Well, I laybacked it. Seemed casual 5.7, not 5.12
24. The route actually needs 3 ratings, and the rating
system does not take this into account:
4th, 5.7x, 5.12f [Guidebook shows route as
4th class, climbed in 1950 by Koontz and Hayes in
work boots... Modern guidebook would place the difficulty
at 5.7 x because there is no place to protect, hence
the original 4th class rating, but there is one section
that is 5.12 if you have the wingspan of a finch.]
25. The first ascent party climbed the route in mountaineering
boots with tricouni nails, an alpenstock, and 60 pound packs.
26. In winter.
27. During a drought.
28. With helecopter support, for a movie about Hugo Hardcore
and the Master Monk.
29. The route has not yet been climbed.
30. Coffee.
31. No coffee.
32. The route was first climbed by Tobin Sorenson and Gib Lewis.
33. The route was not first climbed, today, by r...@chartist.com,
and hence was rated differently than what rob and his partner
would rate it.
34. The rating is based on an intricate sequence worked out
by Chris "Speedy" Gonzales of RMRU on top rope over many
months, and if you place pro in the only viable location,
you've just clogged up a crucial jam. Shoulda soloed it.
35. John Bachar worked out the sequence on a top rope prior
to leading the climb, something the guidebook failed to
mention, and they left out the R/X rating too
36. The route description, rating, and topo have the following
text etched in the lower right hand corner, visible only
with electron micrograph when held over an unlit candle under
a full moon on the 6th of July. [All routes have this
disclaimer, by the way. If you don't believe me, get your
own scanning electron microscope and check it out
for yourself!]
"Summary and Disclaimer:
This rating, this description, and this topo, are based
on dim recollections, misguided conscenses,
half-baked guesses, and outright lies, and in NO WAY do
they even ATTEMPT to tell the full story. Loose rock, weather,
and excessive consumption of alcohol are among countless
factors that will KILL you when attempting this route. If you
can't take responsibility for your own safety, for your
own decisions and knowledge, if you can't climb at your own
risk, if you or your survivors are the kind who would try
to sue the author of a topo or a guidebook, PLEASE stay
far far away from this route, give up climbing, and die of
some completely natural, painful, slowly progressive disease.
Thank you."

Hope this helps clarify things...
crøtch

climber
Jun 17, 2009 - 03:18pm PT
...

I've seen 5.11 divided into 11 different grades of increasing
difficulty, as follows:

5.11a 5.10d 5.11- 5.11b 5.11 5.11c 5.9 squeeze 5.11+ 5.10 OW 5.12a 5.11d
Paulina

Trad climber
Jun 17, 2009 - 03:36pm PT


This should get rid of the boldface...
Mungeclimber

Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
Jun 17, 2009 - 03:37pm PT
Maybe not his greatest hits, but routes that he released to the public...

http://www.sonorapassclimbing.com/Content%20Pages/New_Routes_Page.htm

Red Herring 5.8* FA Brutus of Wyde and Nurse Ratchett

Low Balls 5.10R FA Brutus of Wyde, Nurse Ratchett

Lactation Corner 5.7 FA Brutus of Wyde, Dingus Milktoast, 9/27/03, so named for a torn shirt and some bare breasted action.

Midas 5.10 FA Dingus Milktoast, Brutus of Wyde 10/26/03

Wagon Train, FA Brutus of Wyde, trad, 5.9 pro to 12 inches (seriously, nothing smaller than 6 inches used on FA). Take some smaller pro for the belay.


Big Gulp- 5.8 FA Bruce Bindner Em Holland July 16, 2005.

The Ramp- 5.8* 2 bolts to a hand crack thru a roof. 2 bolt anchor. FA Bruce Bindner Em Holland June 7, 2005.

Shredded Cheese- 5.9ow Direct start to A Carton of Milk. FA Bruce Bindner Em Holland June 11? or 12? 2005.

Girl Howdy: 5.6 FA Bruce Bindner Em Holland June 11? or 12? 2005.

Rodeo: 5.8. (variant "Rodeo Sex"- direct is hard 10) FA Bruce Bindner Em Holland June 11? or 12? 2005.

My Little Pony: 5.4 FA Bruce Bindner Em Holland June 11? or 12? 2005.

Pony Espresso: 5.8. FA Bruce Bindner Em Holland June 11? or 12? 2005.

Mungebagged Chimney FA Brutus and Nurse Ratchet
Brian in SLC

Social climber
Salt Lake City, UT
Jun 17, 2009 - 04:16pm PT
Here's some snippets from the AAJ's...

-Brian in SLC

Issue 149 1995 AAJ

P 13,040+, Third Needle, Trail Cun~p Crag, Lone Pine Peak, The Duck, The
Turret. P l3,040+ lies just north of Mount Powell. On the right side of the east
face is a straight-up crack that goes from the ground to the summit ridge,
finishing north of the summit (III, 5. lob). The third (crux) pitch goes through
three small roofs. Eric Tipton and I climbed it in 1994. In June, Ken Kenaga
and I followed the first pitch up the east buttress route of the Third Needle and
headed left onto the south face via a third-class pitch. We then went up a
right-facing orange corner in the center of the face. (III, 5. lOc, 5 pitches.) In
June, Kenaga and I climbed a two-pitch route on Trail Camp Crag (I, 5.8). As
you look north from the solar outhouse there is an obvious crack that goes
through two roofs. In September, Bruce Bindner and I completed the “Summer
Ridge Route” on the south face of Lone Pine Peak in a two-day push (V, 5.9).
It follows the Winter Route for 1 l/z pitches and then takes the gully on the left
side of the serrated ridge mentioned in Roper’s guide, After some pitches. we
actually climbed on both sides of the riclge, following the easiest way. We
rejoined the Winter Route in the notch at the top of the 17th pitch. We then
followed for six more pitches to the top. In July, Bindner and I climbed a
right-facing dihedral with a large crack on the east face of The Duck. We then
climbed the left-facing dihedrals left of the prow (III, 5. I Oc). In July, Bindnet
and I followed a double-crack system on the right sicle of the east face of The
Turret to just above halfway and then went LIP dihedrals and cracks to the top
(III, 5.9). Having encountered some bolts, we believe that the route had been
previously climbed but not reported.
PAT BRENNAN

1997 AAJ

Mount Chamberlain, North Face, Hot Damn Variation. In August, 1995. Bruce Bindner and I
free climbed the North Face route (V. 5.10d) on Mount Chamberlain (Harrington-Fiddler, 1983)
via a major variation. (A topo of the original route can be found in the book Sierra Clas.Gcs by
John Moynier and Claude Fiddler.) At the top of the eighth pitch we moved left and climbed four
pitches straight up to avoid the aid climbing they did. Tbe crux eighth pitch is part of the original
line and was done free by the first ascent party.
PAT BRENNAN, unqffiliated

Peak 3985m, Red Baron Tower; First Free Ascent. In August, Bruce Bindner and I climbed the
old Fred Beckey-Barry Hagen route on this wall west of the south face of Lone Pine Peak, making
what we believe to be the first free ascent (III, 5.10a). The route generally follows a rightfacing
comer system. although the first pitch starts to the right and traverses up and left into the
comer. Cruxes are found on the second and third pitches of this eight-pitch route. This is an
excellent backcountry climb.
PIT BREUNAN. Unufiliated

Little Slide Canyon, Regge Pole, The East Face Dihedrals. Pat Brennan and I completed The
East Face Dihedrals (III 5.11) on Regge Pole on September I. The route ascends the spectacular
system of dihedrals visible from the Barney Lakes Trail. The climb ends dramatically at the
very top of the spire. Start in the huge right-facing comer on the right side of Regge Pole, as
viewed from the east in Little Slide Canyon. After several pitches (5.lOR face and 5.10+
offwidth), step left into a crack that splits a 40-foot rotten headwall (5. IO+) to a ledge. The slightly
overhanging comer above (some 5. I I) continues directly to the summit of the pole in two
more wild pitches. The climb involves wide cracks, tricky route-finding and sometimes bad rock.
This is without a doubt one of the most incredible lines in the area. Double ropes and lots of runners
are essential. Take clean protection from tiny to 12”.
BRUCE BINDNER

1996 AAJ

Peak 12,960+. South Face, Zig-Zag Dihedral. This peak has also been
referred to as Peak 13,016 and Peak 3985 meters. Its large south face, about
one mile west of the South Face of Lone Pine Peak, already had two long
routes, done by Rowell, Jones and Faint in 1970 and Kearney, Nelson and
Foster in 1976. Our route goes up between these routes starting with the easy
approach climbing of the left (Rowell) route. Where that route goes left, we
went straight up, following a right-facing zig-zag dihedral for several sustained
pitches. Higher up, the other two routes converge into our line, and all
three routes finish with the same easy pitches. Bruce Binder and I climbed
it in July, rating it IV 5.9. It would be a Grade V if you went all the way to
the summit of the peak.
PAT BRENNAN, wmfiliured

Whitney Portal Area, Mushroom Tower; NeMt Routes. This attractive formation
is about one mile west of Whitney Portal Buttress. It is recognizable
by a boulder on its summit. Approach it from the Mount Whitney trail by
going up the drainage before (east of) the drainage leading to the Boy Scout
Lakes and the east side of the Mount Whitney massif. A tree-covered ledge
runs along the bottom of the formation. From the high point of a ‘hill’ above
this ledge the route Spark (III 5.8) wanders up the center of the formation
for seven pitches. Eric Tipton and I climbed it in August 1995. Roper’s
Vagueness. Previously unreported is a route (III 5.7 A2) Bruce Bindner and
I did on this formation in June 1979. Starting from the right side of the treecovered
ledge climb a comer, then move left to another corner. Higher, a
gully is reached. Go down and right a bit, then climb more corners up until
one can walk off the right side of the formation. This climb does not go to
the summit, and we climbed it mistakenly thinking we were doing the old
Fred Beckey route called Wrinkled Lady.
PAT BRENNAN, unqfilliated


2003 AAJ

Castle Rock Spire, Cinco de Mayo. Bruce Bindner and I completed a 12-pitch route (V 5.10+ A3)
on Castle Rock Spire, slightly to the right of the north arête, over May 3–4. The route parallels
the north arête, 150' away. It features excellent, mostly moderate climbing up steep features, with
less than 200' of aid. The quickest descent is off the south arête, down Spike Hairdo.
BRANDON THAU, AAC

1998 AAJ
Thor Peak, South Face, Lucifer’s Hammer. In September, Bruce Bindner, Em Holland and I
climbed Lucifer’s Hammer (III, 5.10a) which starts from Odin’s Wrath, a route we climbed
the previous year (AAJ 1997, p. 142). From the flake ledge on top of the first pitch above the
Pink Perch, Odin’s Wrath goes up and left. Lucifer’s Hammer goes straight up for six more
pitches. There are six bolts, three at belays and three for protection.
PATBRENNAN, unaffiliated

2000 AAJ
Sierra Nevada, Various Activity, Previously Unreported. Although there was little coverage
in the 1999 AAJ, route development and freeing of old aid lines continues at a frenetic pace
in the California High Sierra. Unreported from August, 1997, Craig and partner
completed Milktoast Chimney on the south face of Peak 12,960’+, a stunning 1,200-foot
line starting just five feet east of Beckey’s Red Baron Tower route. In spite of its intimidating
visage, the pair found the classic eight-pitch chimney system surprisingly easy at
5.8. This route ranks as one of the best and most continuous chimney climbs in California
outside Yosemite Valley.
In August, 1998, Em Holland and partner completed the first free ascent of the old
Hechtel Southeast Face route on Columbia Finger, climbing a steep offwidth/stem problem
to free the aid pitch at 5.9. They found several of Hechtel’s old aid pitons on this pitch, some
of which they were able to remove by hand, belying the current view that such items are “permanent
installations.”
Also unreported from August 1998, Bob Harrington and I completed the first free ascent
(and second overall ascent) of Planaria on Temple Crag in the High Sierra, first climbed 21
years earlier by Gordon Wiltsie and Jay Jensen. The first two (aid) pitches were bypassed by
establishing a two-pitch variation to the right of the original line. Higher, we climbed the left
side of “The Flatworm” via the same offwidth that had ejected Wiltsie and Jensen with a
30-foot fall during the first ascent. After climbing the route, we continued to the summit via
the upper buttress. rating the entire climb V 5.10R.
BRUCE BINDER

Lone Pine Peak, Windhorse.
In August, Em Holland and I established a new route on
the South Face of Lone Pine Peak. Windhorse (V 5.10
A3) ascends the huge, left-facing crescent dihedral
several hundred feet west of the Direct South Face route.
After 16 pitches, the route crosses the Direct South
Face and finishes via five free pitches climbed in the
late 1970s but never reported. Six days were required
to complete the route, which ascends 2,400 feet of some
of the most varied and spectacular climbing we have
ever encountered.
BRUCE BINDER
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