Generator Crack is a Cruel Mistress - A Facelift Tale

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Ricky D

Trad climber
Sierra Westside
Topic Author's Original Post - Oct 1, 2008 - 08:03pm PT
or how Jilli went crack climbing and got eaten for lunch.

Sunday morning broke still and quiet over the sleeping little village of Camp Carnage. The trash had been picked, the rangers had been battled, the booze was mostly gone when the word went forth across the dusty campground that the Most Holy Crack Masters of the Great and Mighty Off-Width were heading towards Generator Crack.



"Come along with us" said Jaybro, "Trust me, what's the worst that could happen?"



So the trusting little ones followed Jaybro and Gary down the road for a day of fun by the river with nary a worrisome thought of the carnage to come.

Once there, our fearless leaders suggested that in the name of gallantry, that it should be the youngest among us who should have the honor of first try for the day. Lo and behold, who should that victim be but Supertaco's own sweet and demure tree nymph - Jilli.



After some words of off-width wisdom from Crack Master Gary -



Jilli roped up, hit the tree approach and jammed that knee into the rock.



And promptly got it stuck!

"Hey guys...guys...I think I'm stuck here."
"HEY GUYS I'M NOT FUKIN KIDDING HERE I'M REALLY STUCK"!!!!!!



LO AND BEHOLD - SHE WAS TOO!

Stuck in that crack from hell Jilli could neither go up nor down, neither in nor out, she slowly barndoored back and forth like a frail autumn leaf hoping that a kind September breeze would break her free from her prison.

First up was the Most Gallant Gary who offered a hand...err...shoulder on which the poor Jilli could rest her only free leg.



Basking in the warm glow that comes from not having to pick up trash for a while, the Tacostand offered their suggestions - "Wiggle left, wiggle right, squirm up, okay now down, that's it babay, right there, oh yeah".



After his fifteen minutes of fame, Gary calls for his partner in crack crime to take over in the aid department and Jaybro steps up to the foot -



Over the next hour, we went through every piece of gear and idea we could muster - cams above, cams below, slings under the butt, jumars up high, aiders down low, ropes from the right, ropes from the tree - even motor oil and suntan lotion were seriously considered...anything but having to call Werner!



How many ropes DOES it take to rescue someone you may ask?

At least three!



As the sun moved slowly overhead and her leg continued to lose feeling, it was none other than our own Sir Lancelot of Sushi, Nature himself who came to her aid. Drawing on his extensive experience with young ladies and their pants, he realized that it was her clothing that had bunched about the knee that was keeping Jilli trapped in granite hell.



A few practiced tugs and...



FREE AT LAST.
FREE AT LAST!
GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY I IS FREE AT LAST!!!!!

WOW you say - what do you do after something like that?

Go climbing of course!

Jaybro attempts to get eaten too -



As does Frisbee Jake -



Even Strider wrestles with the fat bitch -



But is the Grand Poobah of Wide Wednesdays that nails this hell spawned creation - not once - but TWICE -





So the moral of this tale is that while old guys can be cruel, old guys can also rule - just don't trust them when they say "what's the worst that can happen?"








Lynne Leichtfuss

Social climber
valley center, ca
Oct 1, 2008 - 08:12pm PT
Absolutely great story and super pics RickyD! Good on you Jilli for letting it be told ..... to many perfect tr's. Nature, Bravo !
Karl Baba

Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
Oct 1, 2008 - 08:19pm PT
Fun! or something

So many of those pictures would make great photo caption contests.

Peace

karl
bluering

Trad climber
Santa Clara, Ca.
Oct 1, 2008 - 08:20pm PT
kick ass!!!

we shoulda come with you guys, we ended up on swan slab. We couldn't find Munginella....very embarassing.
Ed Hartouni

Trad climber
Livermore, CA
Oct 1, 2008 - 08:21pm PT
I missed the fun climbing slab with Anders up in the Meadows...

looks like a whole lot of fun (at least just like fun, maybe different)...

Crimpergirl

Social climber
Boulder, Colorado!
Oct 1, 2008 - 08:26pm PT
No worries Bluering. Mr. E and I were unable to find the five open books a few days before. It's trickery I tell you.

Ed, it rained the day after you and Anders climbed in TM. Glad you went when you did!
MisterE

Trad climber
My Inner Nut
Oct 1, 2008 - 08:27pm PT
This has all the good stuff:

Damsel in distress

knights in shining board-lasted shoes fighting for her release

The rescue by the victorious battle-worn veteran

The king bestowing his grace upon the admiring crowd

Just awesome!!!
Jaybro

Social climber
wuz real!
Oct 1, 2008 - 08:32pm PT
It was a high gravity day, no question about it.



back to photobucket, anything better for video?
Strider

Trad climber
one of god's mountain temples....
Oct 1, 2008 - 08:46pm PT
I could not believe what I saw when I walked down the trail with nature and tim to meet up with you guys. At first I thought you were joking that she was stuck in the crack but lo and behold, it was the truth! Alls well that ends well and Jill was definitely a sport about the whole situation. Would liked to have seen her give it a second go I fully understand the reluctance! I struggled with the beast myself, the whole while coming up with "colorful" names for the crack that was my tormentor. Didn't make it to the top, but there is always next time.

Thanks to Gary and Jaybro for encouraging this wide fetish I seem to be developing now and thanks especially to Jill for a memory and story that will stay with me until the day I die!

-n

Dingus Milktoast

climber
Oct 1, 2008 - 09:43pm PT
AAaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Great story. Loved the pictures and the 'suspense.' VERY WELL TOLD!

Killer pics too.

THANKS!

DMT
SteveW

Trad climber
The state of confusion
Oct 1, 2008 - 09:54pm PT
And of course, MisterE hisself puts words to
the pictures--pure poetry!!!!
Pennsylenvy

Gym climber
Fannie's Crack, AZ
Oct 1, 2008 - 10:25pm PT
Let's see what this does, sorry if I fuk it up. That's your
































problem.
Pennsylenvy

Gym climber
Fannie's Crack, AZ
Oct 1, 2008 - 10:28pm PT
Here we go again
fattrad

Mountain climber
GOP Convention
Oct 1, 2008 - 10:29pm PT
You guys could have used up one of the rescues that Werner owes me.


Jody's evil twin..........Emperor of Yosemite.
Jaybro

Social climber
wuz real!
Oct 1, 2008 - 10:31pm PT

Earlier that morning,



Jilli, warmed up.

While others,



pre-visualized.

After much coffee swilling, shlttalking and other sorts of stalling a crack of 11? start was achieved. Arriving at the objective,



Gary seemed to anticipate the carnage to come.

"You only get one chance to onsite, youngest first," i thought it was an inspired bit of stalling...

"This one seems too small"




"But this one is just right,"



The afore mentioned epic insued;



When you are stuck for extended time it pays to have a type B personality, and know that one of the few but mighty has you (or gives you their) back.

IT became clear that we needed to work together to resolve this, odd situation, Gary ran to the summit to drop another rope and I added my shoulder to the effort



Ricky D was right there in an adjacent tree to facilitate the second rope.



We figured if we got it complicated enough it would come out good.



Fortunately Nature™ appeared, liebacked the lower crack, and, while I spotted him while still providing a stance for Jilli's right foot was able to down-scrunch her encumbering pants while pushing up on her lower appendage.

Free at last!

So the rest had to go up there too,



Looks scary, take no chances ware a cranial prophylactic!




More Wasabi!

Gary then onsite cruised the tree start.



and



took it to the top.

I went last made the others look good by getting the direct, second try and lowering after experiencing the Camus like 'Morocan' sun near the top.

Videos to follow.

A Calm, balanced view like Jilli's, is what you want your climbing partner to have in any epic..





Pennsylenvy

Gym climber
Fannie's Crack, AZ
Oct 1, 2008 - 10:31pm PT
One more
Pennsylenvy

Gym climber
Fannie's Crack, AZ
Oct 1, 2008 - 10:34pm PT
I think this is the middle sequence shot. Like I said if I fuked it up, that's not my problem you better just relax.............



Eddie

Trad climber
San Francisco
Oct 1, 2008 - 11:09pm PT
ahhh, yes. I got stuck in that same wonderful crack, in that same exact spot. It definitely was not my favorite climbing moment. And I was only stuck 20 minutes or so, though without a taco crowd to keep me entertained with amusing gear systems...

well done everyone!

Pete
rhyang

climber
SJC
Oct 1, 2008 - 11:41pm PT
Nice ! Gonna have to put my JB's on and embarass myself on that one :)
murcy

climber
San Fran Cisco
Oct 1, 2008 - 11:44pm PT
Awesome--the rare top-rope epic.

I believe that one is best climbed internet-side in.
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