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Tvash
climber
Seattle
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Jul 15, 2014 - 08:47am PT
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Who will be the first woman in history to utter this pick up comeback?
"I would, but you're just not drunk enough."
Along the same lines, I once saw a woman sporting a button that read
"Sorry, only with humans"
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ydpl8s
Trad climber
Santa Monica, California
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Jul 15, 2014 - 08:56am PT
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When I was in college, I went out to the local bar one evening and had way too much to drink. I sauntered up to a blonde and asked her to dance and was subsequently rebuked. I said "that's ok, I had to go take a sh&t anyway!"
That response got me a drink dumped on my head but, my buddies bought me numerous rounds for my effort.
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crankster
Trad climber
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Jul 15, 2014 - 09:05am PT
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"Chicks"?
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Wayno
Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
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Jul 15, 2014 - 09:16am PT
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When I was sixteen I was a busboy in an all-nite diner. Ken's house of Pancakes. It was during the 2AM bar-rush and an older gent was sitting next to this young gal. His t-shirt had SOMF on it.(sit on my face) The young gal casually asked what it stood for. Sad old mother-f**ker?
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Tvash
climber
Seattle
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Jul 15, 2014 - 09:42am PT
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One thing women do appreciate is your letting them know that you're an abusive as#@&%e up front.
Saves time.
Remember: the drunker you are, the more the woman you're slurring over deserves to be insulted.
"When I was in college, I went out to the local bar one evening and had way too much to drink. I sauntered up to a blonde and asked her to dance and was subsequently rebuked. I said "that's ok, I had to go take a sh&t anyway!"
That response got me a drink dumped on my head but, my buddies bought me numerous rounds for my effort."
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ydpl8s
Trad climber
Santa Monica, California
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Jul 15, 2014 - 10:51am PT
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Just to be clear, that post of mine above was referring to an incident that happened 40 yrs ago. I'd like to think I've become a bit more genteel and caring since then....
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Bruce Morris
Social climber
Belmont, California
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Jul 15, 2014 - 10:56am PT
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"No girl ever called Pablo Picasso an ass'hole."
Boy, you're really smooth, aren't you?
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Jul 15, 2014 - 11:47am PT
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Picking up women at bars never seems to work out in the long run, personally.
It's a total paradigm shift for me. After years of being happily single and celibate, my girlfriend of one year is moving in with me. It's a whole can of worms, but I'm developing a taste for worms. I've quit the booze, and life is totally different in a very pleasant way. At 35, I say 'better late than never'.
Salud, Weedge.
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Gunkie
Trad climber
East Coast US
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Jul 15, 2014 - 11:53am PT
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...i was good and drunk. so this extremely striking women sits next to me. i mean extremely stiking. solid.
Beer goggles.
Good thing nothing happened; you may have had to chew your own arm off.
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Gunkie
Trad climber
East Coast US
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Jul 15, 2014 - 11:57am PT
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Picking up women at bars never seems to work out in the long run
Met my wife in a bar. Three kids and 23 years later, things are going just swimmingly and probably getting better.
I can't say I'm climbing any better. But I am probably surfing better. YMMV.
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Tvash
climber
Seattle
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Jul 15, 2014 - 11:59am PT
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Insulting a woman for not wanting to be bothered by some slurring stumblef*#k is just about as funny today as it was 40 years ago.
Sorry, but the 'bitch deserved it' schtick never flew, then or now.
Sure, lone women know they'll probably be molested but some shitfaced jaggoff puttin' on a show for his pals at her expense, and they also know they'll probably get a similar psycho insult when they invariably have to tell the drunk to take a walk in no uncertain terms.
They shouldn't have to put up with it, but hey, "I gotta be me", right?
Ah, well, that's what being a drunk is all about - its funny to you, anyway.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Jul 15, 2014 - 12:02pm PT
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Gunkie, I did say personally. Life works differently for all of us. Congrats on living and loving in the long term. I aspire to it.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 24, 2014 - 05:16am PT
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I've been brushing up on my skills
incase my comeback from hell falls short...
so i went to the back of my closet,
where the good shirts hide;
the ones with no sawdust in them,
or greasy gashes
and i pulled out a nice
button-up by gap....
then i put on my faded
pink cords....
i've actually worked the piss out of these dutiful threads...
i'm the only logger in town that shows
up to a jobsite in a prius, wearing pink pants....
"where'th the tree, boy'th?"
anyway, back on track,
i'm headed out soon to do some public
engineering, the girls always gaggle
over beam diagrams and such,
"what are you working on?" says hottie.
i delay my glance up and response because
what i'm doing is high,
"oh, just checking members for sufficient section modulus..."
it's gets em all capitalistic
and they begin to dream
of that expensive brunch
on the tail-end of satin-sheet
wrestling, with me.....
and my asse looks so good in these
pink pants but the damn shirt
hangs down too low and covers up my show;
i never tuck in shirts. i just don't.
so i wield some scissors and go about
gutting the shirt, cutting off excess
like a devout alpine-style prodigy
and now the shirt affords good
view of my working section....
but, and here's the hidden skill set
rearing up on its own...
i accidently cut two teeth into
the material on the front side trim;
these two teeth face inward,
like towards my target.
so now, when the girls eyes drift down
and lock in on the sharp line of my shirt
hem, i say...
"they're barbs. that way when i lock into you,
i can't escape."
the only problem with this,
i have to leave my shirt on
which strips me of the immense advantage
afforded me by my absolutely beautiful upper body...
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clinker
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
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Nov 24, 2014 - 05:54am PT
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beautiful upper body
Where are you going with this.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 24, 2014 - 06:00am PT
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where am i going with this?
to hell, of course.
i'm actually thinking of starting a guide service.
i've been there and back so many times
i got it wired.
i garuntee a one and a half way trip:
there and almost back for each customer.
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clinker
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
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Nov 24, 2014 - 06:16am PT
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where am i going with this?
to hell, of course.
i'm actually thinking of starting a guide service.
i've been there and back so many times
i got it wired.
i garuntee a one and a half way trip:
there and almost back for each customer.
Classic.
Especially the Garuntee.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Reply - Jan 5, 2015 - 06:48am PT
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a beautiful brunette
with steely blue-gray eyes
and a voice to hypnotize
audibly farts two stools
away from me,
and within 5 seconds i'm
suffering.
"hot chicks aren't allowed
to do that.
your job is to win the affection
of men, and that shite doesn't help."
luckily our engagement leading up
to this crass statement
qualified my sexism as
a mere joke and she giggled
and then laughed,
and all the men nearby hittin on
her were taking notes
on my prose.
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apogee
climber
Technically expert, safe belayer, can lead if easy
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Apogee, thanks for that clarification. I thought I was seeing those because I just got
'friended' by some of my old Russian climber pardners.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Reply - Jan 5, 2015 - 09:04am PT
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riely and apoogeee i cannot take
responsibility for your internet
habits.
the cookies run deep, man.
right in to your's and mine secrets.
i only see adolf in the periphery of my supertopo dream.
and i'm not talking hitler.
that episode in humankind is unfathomably grim.
i'm speaking of mr. coors.
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