I need some help here, please check this out.

Discussion Topic

Return to Forum List

This thread has been locked

Messages 41 - 60 of total 64 in this topic

<< First | < Previous | Show All | Next > | Last >>

i'm gumby dammit

Sport climber

da ow

May 27, 2018 - 01:48am PT

nutagain!, I don't know enough about your situation but as a divorced dad with three daughters I do know that all three of them became estranged (not entirely) from their mom during their teen years and ended up living exclusively with me until they finished high school (one is almost done).
They are all now very close with their mom again, even though she is still just as crazy. Ironically, she just posted this on Facebook; "By the time you realize your mother was right, you have a daughter who thinks you're wrong".

Happiegrrrl2

Trad climber

May 27, 2018 - 03:14am PT

...I don't get his drift either other than ...

Interesting; I completely understood it. I think the key lay in reading the words and then paying attention to the space between them.

Maybe that's too cryptic for some. Can't help you there.

And Lynne - When you made your OP, I read it as that you were a person who enjoyed a very close relationship with your family and friends, and did not understand how others could not also realize the joy of that.

In one of your recent posts, (it seems to me that)you write about how you experienced a drifting apart within your own family.

So - are you trying to come to some understanding within your own personal experience of the distancing some members of your family have chosen? Because that is an entirely different scene than the one which I felt from your first post(which, as I said, I felt was coming from a viewpoint of someone who knew the joy of close bonds and was befuddled by those who do not).

If the former, than please do tell us of your own feelings as it pertains to your own situation. That will probably help you process what you are feeling better than reading the posts of others, in my opinion. The other posts will just serve as cues within yourself; a mirror. Keep your eye on the girl in the mirror, and tell us what it is you are feeling, and know that who you are writing to is actually yourself.

johntp

Trad climber

socal

May 27, 2018 - 04:34pm PT

Interesting; I completely understood it. I think the key lay in reading the words and then paying attention to the space between them.

Maybe that's too cryptic for some. Can't help you there.

Care to enlighten us less agile readers?

Happiegrrrl2

Trad climber

May 27, 2018 - 05:51pm PT

As I said, "can't help you there."

pud

climber

Sportbikeville & Yucca brevifolia

May 27, 2018 - 07:48pm PT

Happygirl, I met you a couple of times. Both times you seemed aloof and distant, completely wrapped up in some current campground drama.

When I met Lynne she came across as genuine and caring.

It may be hard for you to relate to someone like this.

SC seagoat

Trad climber

Santa Cruz, Moab, A sailboat, or some time zone

May 27, 2018 - 09:08pm PT

^^^^. We seem to know two completely different Happiegirrrl.

Susan.

Lynne Leichtfuss

Sport climber

moving thru

May 28, 2018 - 11:38am PT

I agree with Susan. Besides I don't think we should compare humans. We all have our good points and our flaws. I couldn't create a piece of jewelry or a chalk bag to save my life among so many other things Happiegrlll2 is gifted at.

I'm very sad the last poster deleted their post. It was meaningful and encouraging on so many levels and so to the point. A great example to all that if you choose life, good things can happen. "Not Quitting is Winning." If you read this, thanks poster!

ECF

Big Wall climber

Ridgway CO

May 28, 2018 - 12:11pm PT

Reposted for you.
I was crying as I typed it, and I have a habit of letting my emotions get the best of me.
I’m a guy, we are supposed to be tough...

Sometimes we respond poorly, in our lack of wisdom.
For me, it was a retreat into the darkness, a self imposed exile to punish myself for being human and not being who I wanted to be. Obsessive and idealistic but faced with the realities of mediocrity and lack of discipline, I slithered off to die alone.
Couldn’t even do that right...

15 years went by, spiraling into the pit.

Then one day you find yourself holding the means to end it all, staring down the tube of oblivion, longing for a release from the pain of existence. It is at that moment when one must choose to either end the pain, or end the existence. One choice is easy, and the other quite hard, for the path is unknown and could lead to more pain.
Apparently, I like suffering.

So I cut the ties to my current pains and went off in search of new ones.

Along that journey, I hid from my friends and families. Telling myself I did it for their benefit, to not burden them with my ennui. I thought no one cared.
I was wrong.

For the last two years I have been climbing back out of that pit. Sending timid feelers out to see if I got any responses. I expected very little.
I was shocked by what happened next.
The best I was hoping for was a hand back into the lifeboat, what I got was a Fulton skyhook evac from my personal hell.
Some members of this forum saved my life, and have given me back my will to live.
Our friends are the most precious thing in this existence, as we help each other to navigate through uncertain passages.
When we retreat from them, we rob not only ourselves, but them as well.

Family is a different matter, we never chose them as our companions, we are stuck with the luck of the draw on that front.

Mountain climber

there and back again

May 28, 2018 - 12:48pm PT

Thought provoking post Lynne. I do not know who you refer but it makes me reflect a great deal about who I am in relationship to others. I don't think any of us have had a perfect past. That our personal history shapes who we are from the very beginning.

My sister and I are estranged. Its my doing. I am cordial but since my mothers passing and her behavior around it I just don't want to be around her. It actually is a drag because my disregard for her or anyone actually hurts me. I know I will make an attempt to tell her how I feel about that and some other issues I have with her. But it is a process and I am not ready.

I too have been estranged.

I think the best anyone can do around this is to take care of themselves and allow others the same courtesy whatever process that takes. People can be hurtful with their words and actions. Retaliation doesn't make it right or better. I think we all forgive and heal in our own way.

People can be judgmental around these things. But unless your a saint.......I am not sure the story is ever clear on either side of the fence. In my case its probably best not to build fences in the first place.

Lynne it was great to see you at the Bridwell memorial. I appreciate you sharing with me what is happening with you and your family. Family; biologically, created or extended have an effect on us. There is a lot of things I could have handled better in this life. Its my cross to bear however. I hope that I will have as much grace as you do in handling adversity.

Happiegrrrl2

Trad climber

May 28, 2018 - 01:20pm PT

Pud, If I knew who you were, I might be able to understand the aloofness you refer to, but I will say this - If I am interacting with a person or persons who are acting in a way I find unattractive, I absolutely raise a barrier. I wouldn't call it aloofness; but more an emotional backstep in certain situations, allowing me to better keep an eye on what is happening.
If they are aggressive, I will step right up to it and may even raise the ante. Some men are uncomfortable with women who aren't going to defer to them. Perhaps that is what you experienced.

Something makes me think our "meeting" might be when a man came to the Pit on a bicycle, looking for Phil. In that case, it is absolutely true I wasn't rolling out the hospitality rug. We'd had people stealing things, and I didn't know that man, and I wasn't about to point him in the direction of Phil's personal belongings or give an indication as to where he might be found. I DID, if I remember correctly, offer to take a message to be relayed to Phil, if the person desired. For what it's worth, the person then took a pretty obnoxious attitude with me, a sort of "don't you know who I am/I've been climbing/local here since forever" kind of thing. Why would I want to be friendly with someone like that?

If that was you - I wonder if you have the balls right now to admit it.

The only other person from the Pit that comes to mind is the one who was passed out in a car with the hatch up, and his ass showing out of pants dropped down to his thighs. I guess it must have been hot and he did that to cool off.... I guess.

I happened to show up and they guys at the pit were wondering how to get rid of what they thought was a crashed tweeker, and I said "I'll show you how to deal with it, and walked over to the car, woke the guy up and told him to get lost. The man didn't take kindly to a chick telling him to cover his bare ass and leave.

If that was you, I sure don't expect you to say so, but if it was...well then, you just go right ahead and consider me to be aloof and jacked up on dealing with the dramas that happened pretty regularly at the Pit.

johntp

Trad climber

socal

May 28, 2018 - 02:44pm PT

I had friend from college through age 48. We lived in different cities and visited each other frequently. It wasn't unusual for us to have hour long phone calls several times a month. One day out of the blue I get a letter saying his therapist told him he needed to place boundaries on me, not saying the reason or anything else. Try as I would whether by voice mail or email, he never responded to me again. WTF?

climber

Just livin' the dream on the California coast

May 28, 2018 - 02:54pm PT

ECF-Some members of this forum saved my life, and have given me back my will to live.

That story just made my day.

Lynne Leichtfuss

Sport climber

moving thru

May 28, 2018 - 08:23pm PT

ECF, thanks so very much for reposting. One of the best I have read in all my years on ST. I may be in Ouray this summer. Maybe we grab an ice tea or beer.

Lynne Leichtfuss

Sport climber

moving thru

May 28, 2018 - 09:00pm PT

Just watched the musical "Newsies" it has flavors of what this topic is about.

Bushman

climber

The state of quantum flux

May 28, 2018 - 11:11pm PT

Though urged to socialize more often by friends and family, some prefer to keep to themselves. I limit getting together with friends and family to a minimum. It’s not so much that I don’t like other people, it’s just that I prefer keeping my own company. Somehow there’s plenty of room in this head of mine to never be bored nor does a day go by that I wish weren’t four hours longer.

Lately more often the than not I’ve found some satisfaction in the decision to not respond to comments online that used to elicit some kind of knee jerk response. But the platitudes live and let live or live and let die come to mind when reading the opinions and stories told on this thread. I can absolutely respect a person’s decision to be an island unto themselves. It doesn’t alway mean they aren’t giving or contributing to the world in other ways

Then there’s the fact that some of us have difficulty putting opinions and feelings into words in such a way that isn’t offensive to others or doesn’t come off as sanctimonious. I have a very close friend who is an expert at placing his foot squarely in his mouth at social gatherings. This person always inadvertently insults someone every time. I’m not talking about myself, of course.

ECF

Big Wall climber

Ridgway CO

May 29, 2018 - 06:22am PT

Lynne, I would be honored to buy you a beer if you come to Ouray. The aspens turn in early September, and the hoards of Jeep enthusiasts have abated somewhat. Perhaps you could instigate a ST gathering of locals, you have the social clout that I do not to pull some people out to the local brewpub. (Red Mountain has better food...)
I rent an apartment in Ouray, but have a large house between Ridgway and Montrose that could host a fiesta del Taco...
-Christian George

Bushman, I built a Floydian “Wall” around myself, with bricks of disappointment, fear, and self-doubt. It was a comfortable little courtyard of self pity and piety, isolated from this sea of tumult of interaction.
One day you realize, you are the only on laughing at your jokes.
Introspection is a tool, not an ends.
I prefer solo adventures to test my limits, but they are never the fodder of my best stories. It is with friends that the funny and surprising memories are made.
When I woke up the morning after Bridwell’s memorial, my abs ached from laughing so hard the night before, from telling and hearing of such memories.
We aren’t dead yet, there is time to make more.

SC seagoat

Trad climber

Santa Cruz, Moab, A sailboat, or some time zone

May 29, 2018 - 06:42am PT

Lynne, if you’re going to be in Ouray give a shout out. Moab isn’t that far away and I love camping in Ridgeway to get away from Moab heat. It’s also a sailing year for me but I’m hopeful that we would still find time to connect....and actually sit down and converse and not just end up with a few hugs and “howdies” that seems to have been happening over the past couple years.

I love following your adventures of heart, mind and body. I always think of you as on a road trip of the soul.

See you soon....hopefully before Facelift!

Susan

Lynne Leichtfuss

Sport climber

moving thru

May 29, 2018 - 03:01pm PT

ECF and SC seagoat, you have made my day. There is nothing I look forward to more than a fiesta! I plan on being in the area most of August. Start looking at your calendars, please. :)