Great article by Beth Rodden

Search
Go

Discussion Topic

Return to Forum List
This thread has been locked
Messages 81 - 100 of total 122 in this topic << First  |  < Previous  |  Show All  |  Next >  |  Last >>
hacky47

Trad climber
goldhill
Mar 8, 2019 - 09:21am PT
geez..that hit close to home...ok i dont watch fox news
JLP

Social climber
The internet
Mar 8, 2019 - 09:38am PT
I can not imagine going on vacations with my ex-wife and her husband knowing they had a sexual affair behind my back for six months.
That's the great thing about having your wife cheat on you - instead of looking in the mirror and realizing you're the pitiful d#@&%ebag you present yourself here as - you have the option of blaming it all on her for the rest of your life - and Beth - and everyone else too! Have fun with that!
Largo

Sport climber
The Big Wide Open Face
Mar 8, 2019 - 09:42am PT
I can not imagine
---


Not even true. We can all imagine anything. Whatever you can't you're afraid of. That's the problem.

Whatever lives in the shadows will get you. It always got me, anyhow.
AKDOG

Mountain climber
Anchorage, AK
Mar 8, 2019 - 09:55am PT
You always deserve it when you get cheated on. No exceptions.

Nice logic, Tommy deserved it…..

Not sure, anyone deserve their depressed x-wife/husband writing an article about how f’d up their marriage was.
Degaine

climber
Mar 8, 2019 - 10:08am PT
donini wrote:
I never take sides in relationship issues...no one is privy to what goes on behind closed doors

Exactly. Unless you are one of the two protagonists in the couple, you just have no idea of what exactly is going on.
Personally, I don't judge.

@both Jims (Brenan and donini)- honest question, why do you think the person being cheated on sometimes/always deserves it?
EdwardT

Trad climber
Retired
Mar 8, 2019 - 10:26am PT
You always deserve it when you get cheated on. No exceptions.

Wow. This is right up there with blaming rape victims.
couchmaster

climber
Mar 8, 2019 - 10:35am PT

I'm with Largo. Climbers, but more specifically Dirtbag climbers (apologies to poster dirtbag) tend to be non-monogamists. Pretty much leave it up to folks to figure out their own personal loves and lives. If they want me to be getting my nose in their business they have but to ask me and I'll help if I can. Otherwise generally since it's not my business and they're not asking my my opinion, thoughts or requesting that I butt in on their fidelities or lack thereof, I'm out of their business.

I think we humans put people who don't deserve to be up there onto pedestals all the time for the wrong reasons. Look at any "movie star" as example. They're often simply messed up half wits who have but a single skill: the fantastic ability to imitate another person and have us believe in it. Yet people kiss their feet and talk highly of them all day long.

Toe Jamb

Trad climber
CA
Mar 8, 2019 - 11:52am PT
I am completely with donini and EdwardT on this one. Tommy certainly did not deserve six months of Beth lying, sneaky around, and having a sexual affair with Randy behind his back. If Beth was that depressed about her marriage then early on she should have just told Tommy things were not working out, she had fallen in love with someone else, and wanted a divorce. It was not like Tommy was either verbally or physical abusive with Beth in fact quite the opposite. He had just spent a year building their dream house in Yosemite that Beth insisted on. Tommy unconditionally loved her and worshiped the ground she walked on. He loved her so much that he was willing to leave her for two months, at her request, so she could think about her life only for her to jump in bed with Randy as soon as he left. The only excuse Beth gave in her article was that she wanted more romance and more “lovers stuff”. Perhaps, instead of sneaking into Berkeley to hook up with Randy she could have sneaked into Berkeley, gone to Victoria Secrets, buy a cute teddy and may be some naughty underwear, booked a hotel, and then call Tommy to meet her at the hotel for a big surprise. Love and romance takes two persons to be involved and it does not appear from what Beth wrote in her 2017 article that she tried very hard. Remember that at the time she was only 28 years old so it was not like some kind of mid-life crisis.
JLP

Social climber
The internet
Mar 8, 2019 - 12:47pm PT
Perhaps, instead of sneaking into Berkeley to hook up with Randy she could have sneaked into Berkeley, gone to Victoria Secrets, buy a cute teddy and may be some naughty underwear, booked a hotel, and then call Tommy to meet her at the hotel for a big surprise.
You have what appears to be near zero emotional awareness - like roughly that of a 9-14 year old. Good luck with adulting, bud.
fear

Ice climber
hartford, ct
Mar 8, 2019 - 12:48pm PT
I keep seeing shirtless "Randy" from the Trailer Park Boys..... Oh... the humanity!
Degaine

climber
Mar 8, 2019 - 01:08pm PT
Jim Brennan wrote:
Because no one is perfect. Read Largo’s post, LOL !

Thanks for the reply, I perfectly understand that no one's perfect and and understood Largo. Just don't get using the term "deserve." A bit too strong and "judgy" for me.

I'm more in line with what caughtinside wrote:
You seem to put it all on Beth. Takes two to tango.

The idea of shared responsibility in a relationship. Everyone participates in making the situation what it is.
Toe Jamb

Trad climber
CA
Mar 8, 2019 - 01:09pm PT
caughtinside may be right. Perhaps Tommy could have taken Beth out to more romantic dinners and done more lovey-dovey stuff but at least he tried. After spending 40 days helping Beth climb 70 foot Meltdown (hauling gear everyday, setting anchors and ropes, shoveling snow, chalk marking her steps) when they finished he gave her his most romantic and big hug then whispered softy in her ear how proud he was of her and when he went to kiss her she just turned away with not so much of a thank you. Sad since it was on Valentine's Day. To make it sadder, seven months latter when Beth is in the middle of her marital affair she gives all the credit (see Beth Rodden Local Hero) for Meltdown to bouldering with Randy.
apogee

climber
Technically expert, safe belayer, can lead if easy
Mar 8, 2019 - 01:44pm PT
Toe Jamb, who are you? What is your relationship to Tommy & Beth?
dhayan

climber
culver city, ca
Mar 8, 2019 - 01:52pm PT
Hey Toe Jamb, are you perfect? I’d be curious to know why you are so triggered by this and have such an axe to grind. Like someone else already asked - what is your relation to this story?

From the little I know of Beth I have a ton of respect for her even if she did do all of the things you allege. Role models to me are not people who can do no wrong, they are people who have the courage to face life as it is and and as it comes, and use these opportunities to grow and learn about themselves. What is your shadow’s name?
donini

Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
Mar 8, 2019 - 03:55pm PT
Degaine....I said that I didn’t agree with Jim Brennan on that issue. Certainly, some people deserve being cheated on but I believe that a good number of them don’t. Human behavior is extraordinarily complex and when sex is involved everything becomes more explosive and less predictable.
Largo

Sport climber
The Big Wide Open Face
Mar 8, 2019 - 04:43pm PT
It's an interesting thing to see people obsessed with A) finding a "reason" why something untoward happened, and B) placing blame on the "guilty" party.

Granted, I put a huge effort into trying to do the right thing - not a simple task for someone who is basically selfish - but I've gone astray and still do so often that the idea of castigating others for less than idealized behavior is not something I can do without feeling like a fraud.

We're all winging it, man. We try and limit the carnage but life is chaos and it will never be anything but an adventure.

Generally, people do as well as they can. Seemingly ugly behavior is often a efort to escape a desperate situation. It's unlikely this will go smoothly.
Marlow

Sport climber
OSLO
Mar 9, 2019 - 01:43am PT

Largo talks about himself and Jim Brennan applauds...

:o)

There's a Norwegian proverb: På seg selv kjenner man ingen andre...
Degaine

climber
Mar 9, 2019 - 03:04am PT
donini wrote:
Degaine....I said that I didn’t agree with Jim Brennan on that issue. Certainly, some people deserve being cheated on but I believe that a good number of them don’t. Human behavior is extraordinarily complex and when sex is involved everything becomes more explosive and less predictable.

Thanks for the reply and clarification. Apologies if my post wasn't clear - I understood you to be "sometimes" and Jim Brennan to be "always".

There was no intention to impugn or judgement on my part, just wanted to understand where you both are coming from.
Degaine

climber
Mar 9, 2019 - 03:10am PT
Jim Brennan wrote:
Degaine, I came up with "deserve" not from a point of judgement. Inexperience in human nature is something everyone confronts at the early stages of adult life.

There's no rehearsal and if you choose through youthful idealism to not see what is writ large about how other people treat you, you're up for a lesson in life. You deserve it because it's good for you in developing mental fortitude.

Naturally, it hurts.


Thanks as well for the reply and clarification. Pretty sure we're in agreement.

"Deserve" at face value feels pretty harsh and accusatory to me, but it sounds like we agree that two people are responsible for what happens in a relationship. When one person in a relationship cheats, the other definitely needs to look and see what role they played in that happening.

Also, have watched the video you posted, but the title is spot on: staying in a relationship longer than one should because one is "invested" (like continuing to pay for repairs in a car that you should probably junk).

Cheers.
Degaine

climber
Mar 9, 2019 - 03:17am PT
Largo wrote:
It's an interesting thing to see people obsessed with A) finding a "reason" why something untoward happened, and B) placing blame on the "guilty" party.

Indeed, and with regard to B, I've come to realize that placing blame has no purpose and is usually counterproductive.

But as you write, I'm only human, and subject to all the conditioning and ingrained expectations that comes with it (the process is a long one to untie yourself from all that), which means that sometimes the knee-jerk reaction to blame gets the upper hand.
Messages 81 - 100 of total 122 in this topic << First  |  < Previous  |  Show All  |  Next >  |  Last >>
Return to Forum List
 
Our Guidebooks
spacerCheck 'em out!
SuperTopo Guidebooks

guidebook icon
Try a free sample topo!

 
SuperTopo on the Web

Recent Route Beta