The Duality Of Man. My Personal Duality. The Struggle.

He'd talk to his 4 sons about wars from a historic perspective and the sense of duty he and his generation had and the wars we'd likely have to fight. The Vietnam War created a huge divide in our household. Dinner table conversations would erupt into shouting matches. I feel to this day a sense of regret as to how I treated him during the late 60's and early 70's. People talk about the 60's as some sort of love fest but for me it was all about conflict, not to say I didn't have some fun times :^).

Near the end of his life while visiting we were enjoying a TV show on military aircraft. The program focused on different fighter planes used in various conflicts including the first use of jets in combat which was Korea. I was watching with interest and turned to ask if he had seen them in action? To may surprise dad was crying silently and when I asked him what's wrong he stared me down and said in an almost hypnotic state that they were killing his men. He became animated and angry then shouted out that he had ordered to shoot the "son of bitches" down. The scab that never healed got scratched wide open, it was friendly fire incident that he kept to himself for years.

He was a great man and this incident was just one of three times I ever saw him cry. The first when I told him my wife was pregnant, this incident and when my mom was near her death.