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StahlBro
Trad climber
San Diego, CA
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Sep 24, 2014 - 10:35am PT
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Beautiful Jeje.
Very glad you chose to share it with us.
Rob
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10b4me
climber
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Sep 24, 2014 - 10:55am PT
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Very nice, and poignant. Condolences to you, drljefe.
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atchafalaya
Boulder climber
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Sep 24, 2014 - 11:31am PT
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Jefe,
Beautiful writing and an amazing story.
Hope your well and climbing all the time brother.
Tex
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Lollie
Social climber
I'm Lolli.
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Sep 24, 2014 - 12:37pm PT
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Beautiful and heartrending. So sorry for your loss, jefe.
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micronut
Trad climber
Fresno/Clovis, ca
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Sep 24, 2014 - 12:48pm PT
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Jefe,
Your story has struck a chord with all of us. Your journey sincere. Your path one that we can all relate too. Your writing has drawn us in and shared this special corner of your life. Thank you. We mourn and smile with you. Strangers. But friends. What a sweet tale. made my day. Thank you. Let your healing take its sweet time.
Scott
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RyanD
climber
Squamish
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Sep 24, 2014 - 01:38pm PT
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Bump
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drljefe
climber
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
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Topic Author's Reply - Sep 24, 2014 - 05:48pm PT
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Thanks again.
Sharing a very personal part of yourself online can be liberating.
Hang loose supertopo
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Leggs
Sport climber
Made in California
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Sep 24, 2014 - 05:58pm PT
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I love that hat, Jef.
:)
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Kalimon
Social climber
Ridgway, CO
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Sep 24, 2014 - 07:08pm PT
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"Flight of the seabirds . . . scattered like lost words . . ."
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Rugged
climber
Berkeley
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Sep 24, 2014 - 08:16pm PT
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Thanks for a beautiful post.
Bob
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steelmnkey
climber
Vision man...ya gotta have vision...
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Sep 24, 2014 - 08:40pm PT
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Hey Jefe - sometime in October, we should try to get together for a trip up to Granite Mountain for a few pitches. I'm rehabbing a bad shoulder, so I might not be able to do anything too hard, but I'll get up something. To borrow a line from a 20+ year old climbing video, "It's a healing place...a restorative place!"
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Studly
Trad climber
WA
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Sep 24, 2014 - 08:49pm PT
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Wonderfully written and very moving, and a cool tribute.
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Peter Haan
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, CA
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Sep 25, 2014 - 12:14pm PT
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mike m
Trad climber
black hills
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Sep 26, 2014 - 10:25am PT
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FRUMY
Trad climber
Bishop,CA
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Sep 26, 2014 - 11:27am PT
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Thanks for Posting that. Best to you.
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Seamstress
Trad climber
Yacolt, WA
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Sep 26, 2014 - 11:56am PT
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Beautiful.
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Dibs
Trad climber
Hobart
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From your simple and apologetic opening paragraph this is a compelling read. Thanks for sharing your feelings and thoughts through a hard time. A strong sense of connection comes through your writing and it feels like healing when reading it too. I am sorry for your loss Jefe.
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pk_davidson
Trad climber
Albuquerque, NM
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Oct 12, 2014 - 08:36pm PT
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Rough road life leads on us sometimes Jefe.
How we handle those washboards says much about our characters.
Thanks for exposing and sharing a deep part of yours.
I know this resonates with me and I suspects anyone else who has lost loved ones.
I feel for you man.
May your healing continue as peacefully as it has started.
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drljefe
climber
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
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Topic Author's Reply - Oct 12, 2014 - 09:24pm PT
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Thanks Paul and everyone else too.
"Look for me under your boot soles"
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drljefe
climber
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 23, 2014 - 04:52pm PT
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So this story left off a few months ago, shortly after my sister's death. I was riding high after such a therapeutic day in the mountains.
Betsy's memorial came soon after and it was a beautiful outpouring of love and emotion from family, the arts community in Phoenix, and the many students she impacted as a teacher and mentor.
Then, just like that, POW!...time to get back to work and life and being "normal". Right, easier said than done.
One way I've tried to stay positive through this loss is to try to "Listen to Betsy". In the last two years of her life I watched her truly live, even through all the fear. She was spontaneous, she had fun, traveled, connected and reconnected with friends, and didn't worry about money. She was not about to curl up in a dark ball and let what life she had left pass her by.
So that's what I was going to do, I was going to live like Bets.
I took my first proper road trip of the year. I visited favorite places, I saw live music, stayed in nice hotel rooms, went surfing. I splurged in my own way and had a blast.
It was a great break but the road trip could only last so long, unfortunately I had to return to work, and life, and working through the grieving process in a more mundane fashion.
Again I felt the loss, every day. Occasionally I would smell my sister's smell, or hear her laugh, or think about our last talks.
Fortunately, Tucson hosts the All Souls Procession, a Dia de los Muertos celebration with 100,000 participants all remembering, honoring, grieving, and celebrating their loved ones who have passed. It's a tradition for me but this year was special.
One thing I wasn't doing was climbing, save for a day here and there, and the clock was ticking.
Ticking because the area where I climb all summer is accessed by a road that closes when the first winter storms arrive. At the beginning of the season I carry loads down to the spot and cache my gear all summer.
Well my gear was still down there, ropes and draws hanging on projects, and the polar vortex making its way south.
I was dreading the task of hauling out my gear, and going there alone.
It's strange.
The spot that I think about all winter, the climbs I focused on all summer, the area I've spent so much time alone...I was dreading returning to. I procrastinated. I bailed on myself multiple weekends. I just couldn't get myself to go.
Finally, I had to go. Holiday obligations, impending weather, I had one last chance.
I was happy to see the gate still open and once we were hiking the dread faded, beauty and familiarity reigned.
It was so great to be back and alone. Well, Rosie's always with me.
The weather was absolutely perfect. I scampered around, rounding up gear and pulling ropes.
But the thought of hiking, packing up, and hiking out without climbing something would just end the season on a lackluster note, especially after such a heavy summer.
I've never considered myself a soloist but again this year, to end the season on a special note, I found myself unroped hundreds of feet off the ground...
...and the route happened to be Heavens to Betsy.
Needless to say, it was an emotional experience, at least once I topped out.
While I was climbing I've never felt so free. Focused but free.
I guess sometimes to affirm life, we do things where the consequence of failure is death.
And my wee little partner was waiting for me on top!
A final goodbye, til next year
Then came the brutal hike out.
I call these the
"Tricks of the Trudge"...
Music and caffeine!
So I guess this ends the saga of Heavens to Betsy, the route, but the good memories of my sister will never fade.
This year has been the toughest of my life.
My journey has played itself out through my relationship with this out-of-the-way climbing area and the climbs I've found, focused on, failed on, and found healing through.
I want to thank leggs, all my friends, and all of you here for the support and encouragement through all my ups and downs.
Even if I don't know you, it's meant the world to me.
Thanks for reading.
And for those of you so inclined, get your asses down here next year. There are projects waiting!!!
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