OH SCHIST! Do you have OCAS SYNDROM?

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Fritz

Trad climber

Choss Creek, ID

Topic Author's Original Post - Apr 24, 2014 - 10:55pm PT

Heidi suffers it, and Jim Donini has it too!

Do you ever stare at a burning pile of logs and find yourself unable to stop futzing with it? Do you look at a campfire and immediately see one or more ways you could improve it? Are you the guy or girl sitting closest to the fire, always wearing a pair of beat-up leather gloves, or holding a narrow piece of split log, so you can adjust the infrastructure according to your next whim?

If you answered “yes” to any of these three questions, you may have Obsessive Campfire Adjustment Syndrome, or O.C.A.S. Obsessive Campfire Adjustment Syndrome affects one out of every four camping enthusiasts in their lifetime, which means you have a 25 percent chance of developing symptoms. It also means the next time you go camping in a group of four, three of you will enjoy the campfire, contentedly staring into its embers like cave people, and one of you will not stop messing with the goddamn fire.

Ask yourself:

•Are you able to just sit and enjoy a campfire for what it is, a source of light and heat in the dark, cold night? If you answered No, you may have O.C.A.S.
•Do you think you, not the wind, can control the direction that campfire smoke blows? If you answered Yes, you may have O.C.A.S.
•Have you ever put a huge log on the fire, then gone to bed five minutes later, leaving someone else with the responsibility of making sure the fire goes out? This is not a symptom, but it is kind of a dick move, and you should probably stop doing it.
Sufferers of OCAS may not show symptoms until their mid-30s or early 40s. People with OCAS may not know they have OCAS. Symptoms may only surface when someone with OCAS is on a date.

If you suspect a friend may have OCAS, it is your responsibility to confront them. Try saying things like, “Dave, why don’t you sit down and stop f*#king with the damn fire?”

Talk to your doctor about OCAS today. You’re not alone. Many sufferers of OCAS have gone on to enjoy a lifetime of weekend campfires without so much as even adding wood when the fire is about to go out.

Ask your doctor about which OCAS treatment options are right for you. Stop worrying, and start enjoying campfires today. If you have trouble concentrating, or have an erection lasting four hours or more, that probably has nothing to do with OCAS.

http://semi-rad.com/2014/04/do-you-have-obsessive-campfire-adjustment-syndrome/

zBrown

Ice climber

Brujo de la Playa

Apr 24, 2014 - 11:00pm PT

Probably had these as children, too.

John M

climber

Apr 24, 2014 - 11:05pm PT

you mean that you can't control the direction the smoke blows???

:-)

Fritz

Trad climber

Choss Creek, ID

Topic Author's Reply - Apr 24, 2014 - 11:10pm PT

Donini (at left---as is his way) managing the fire! City of Rocks 2010.

Ghost

climber

A long way from where I started

Apr 24, 2014 - 11:17pm PT

Guilty as charged.

I've lived with fire for almost my whole life. It was the source of warmth, cooked food, and comfort for a significant part of my youth. Sitting by a fire remains to this day probably the most comforting thing in my universe.

And sometimes I can just sit. Other times, yeah, there is the need to adjust...

Fritz

Trad climber

Choss Creek, ID

Topic Author's Reply - Apr 24, 2014 - 11:50pm PT

City of Rocks 2012. Heidi at left and Donini at middle, close to the fire where they can control it.

donini

Trad climber

Ouray, Colorado

Apr 25, 2014 - 12:23am PT

I've had it for years but it's morphed. Early on I was the guy who kept the coals in proper distribution by stirring them with...you know what. In later years I stood by the campfire, glass of wine in hand, and waxed poetic about the days climbing. Now, I sit, rumpled not resplendent, in my camp chair muttering incoherently about the good all days.

John M

climber

Apr 25, 2014 - 12:27am PT

LOL, now I just complain that the youngsters don't know nothing about building a proper campfire.

Reilly

Mountain climber

The Other Monrovia- CA

Apr 25, 2014 - 12:28am PT

One out of four? You're either deluded or a denier!

Wayno

Big Wall climber

Seattle, WA

Apr 25, 2014 - 12:40am PT

So, now you know why I chose a career in the kitchen. There is also this thing about knives that I'm trying to figure out. I bet I have cut and burned myself more than most three people on this site. I'm not bragging here, this is a cry for help.

Wayno

Big Wall climber

Seattle, WA

Apr 25, 2014 - 01:11am PT

Yeah Tami, I learned that one the hard way. Letting go of the reaction to grab something when you drop it or fumble it is a problem that all serious cooks have faced at some point.

I have many tales of skill or woe, that would make the squeamish puke.

Spider Savage

Mountain climber

The shaggy fringe of Los Angeles

Apr 25, 2014 - 01:25am PT

Not at all. Sounds like one of those useless DSM classifications.

HOWEVER, I will not permit a campfire in my presence to go unattended.

First it must be built with perfect log cabin structure with progressively larger matterials at the start.

Then all firewood must be abuntantly gathered and carefully sorted by size.

No firewould may be wet or have any bark on it whatsoever. Bark tends to naturally protect a tree from fire and may be resistant to combustion.

Naturally any green wood disposed of and pressure treated building materials and put in the trash. Processed lumber is okay with me.

One must maintain a perfectly balanced Fire Triangle when operating campfire. When done properly a campfire is almost completely smokeless.

The Fire Triangle is used by firefighters to extinguish fires. This can also be used to maintain a perfect fire for any purpose.

THE FIRE TRIANGLE

FUEL - there must be adequate fuel to combust
HEAT - there must be appropriate heat to achieve combustion
OXYGEN - fire is an oxidization process, there must be sufficient oxygen to combine with heat and fuel to create fire

If a camp fire is smoking or suffering in any way it is only necessary to determine which of the above three elements is missing to repair the problem.

It may be necessary to keep a spare leather work glove handy to maintain a campfire.

Maintenance of optimum combustion at all times can usually be achieved with a poker stick OR two poker sticks in combination used like chopsticks.

The teepee fire lay is much less optimum. (drives me nuts)

As wood is reduced to ash, the butt ends must be carefully turned into the fire so they can be consumed and reduced to ash.

Every campfire should include all fuel systematically reduced to ash so as to leave it clean for the next person.

Burning trash is always done after cooking. The fire is stoked to a high temperature with a very efficient burn. Trash, especially if it includes plastics must be carefully burned at high heat so as to reduce it to clear gas and ash as much as possible.

All fire pits should be kept clean of metal, glass, plastic blobs etc before leaving the camp. Larger bits of charcoal would have been reduced as above.

The rocks surrounding a fire pit must be arranged to optimum position using a high level of creativity and qualified dry stone masonry technique. Naturally this would take into consideration prevailing winds and any cooking needs. Consider whether or not meat roasting, pot boiling, coffee, frying, or marshmallow roasting must be done.

Carefully consider the position of people who will be sitting around the fire with the same considerations. Arrange logs, stumps and rocks to ideal positions around the campfire. Consider the comfort of all members of your party as well as future visitors to the site. Carefully remove all bits of trash, no matter how small in a 30 ft perimeter around the fire pit.

If you are planning a fire, also take into consideration the affect of smoke and sparks in relation to tents, tables, and natural vegetation in the area.

If people in the camp wish to jump over the fire after drinking heavily, this is okay with me. Please go at least 50 feet from the camp before vomiting. I don’t mind repairing a damaged fire lay if it was all in good fun. Unconscious bodies will be politely place in a safe position at least six feet from any campfire where no one will trip over them.

Lastly, never leave a campfire unattended even for a few minutes. Let it burn out at night with someone who does not use tents sleeping on the ground not far way (usually me) after preparing the lay so it will not smolder or smoke excessively. When leaving the site pour lots of water on the fire and stir the pit carefully with the poker until you can touch the area with your bare hands without discomfort.

OCAS. pft! Don't be stupid

Captain...or Skully

climber

Apr 25, 2014 - 01:27am PT

A campfire is just caveman TV. Best show ever, too.;-)

Daphne

Trad climber

Northern California

Apr 25, 2014 - 01:31am PT

Oh my god, I had no idea I had a disorder. I thought all fires needed to be treated constantly with adjustments to optimize "the fire triangle" (thanks, Spider Savage, for that term!).

Flip Flop

Trad climber

Truckee, CA

Apr 25, 2014 - 01:36am PT

Hell Spider,
I just burned 3 sets of furniture and some old chainsaw gas. I can't swing dump fees so I just burn everything. I wasn't about to hang out and wait for the cops to show up or the forest to start burning. It was down to 6' feet high and 10' around and the rain was starting. It should burn out in another hour or two. Good enough for the recession.

Wayno

Big Wall climber

Seattle, WA

Apr 25, 2014 - 01:44am PT

Great post, Spidey. You have the campfire thing wired, as I see it.

There is one problem.

Bark tends to naturally protect a tree from fire and may be resistant to combustion.

"anything will burn if you get it hot enough"

Miller's Third Law of Combustion Dynamics

Sometimes you can't get enough "good wood" and some scrappy crap in a hot fire does just fine.

This does not always work for those without enough technical experience.

neebee

Social climber

calif/texas

Apr 25, 2014 - 06:04am PT

hey there say, spider... :)

i'll join daphne, with this:

Oh my god, I had no idea I had a disorder. I thought all fires needed to be treated constantly with adjustments to optimize "the fire triangle" (thanks, Spider Savage, for that term!).

us mommy's, too, tend to keep watchful eyes, :)

thanks for the instructions and humor... i enjoye it a lot...

thanks to fritz, his heidi and donini, too, :))
for being part of the presentation and examples, :)

rottingjohnny

Sport climber

mammoth lakes ca

Apr 25, 2014 - 07:56am PT

I have those symptoms with the urge to frequently urinate...

tinker b

climber

the commonwealth

Apr 25, 2014 - 08:07am PT

i have always thought the spirits of the valley mock a poorly built smokey fire. with that there they probably mock the offenders climbing as well. it is better to skip the fire than to build a poor one.

and yes i admit i have ocas...even worse when there is a dutch oven in the picture. i refuse to get help.