Largo
Sport climber
Venice, Ca
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Topic Author's Original Post - Jul 19, 2006 - 08:54am PT
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Don't know why folks are sending me odd e-mails but I got one this morning with the web sight were folks describe the first time they got laid. I think many of the entries (yeah, I read a few) are bogus, but also hilarious. Perhaps a thread to that effect, here, might be an interesting attempt at humor (or something).
JL
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Inner City
Trad climber
East Bay
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Jul 19, 2006 - 09:01am PT
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Well John,
Go Ahead and start us off!
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wootles
climber
Gamma Quadrant
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Jul 19, 2006 - 09:07am PT
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No no IC, you have to buy his book.
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pud
climber
Sportbikeville
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Jul 19, 2006 - 09:18am PT
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How 'bout the last time i got laid instead John?
Definitly more memorable and a hell of lot more interesting!
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Mountain Man
Trad climber
Outer space
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Jul 19, 2006 - 09:21am PT
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Endless repetitions of self abuse, family pets and vinyl companions?
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pud
climber
Sportbikeville
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Jul 19, 2006 - 09:27am PT
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OK MM,
maybe we better stick with first time.
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eeyonkee
Trad climber
Golden, CO
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Jul 19, 2006 - 09:30am PT
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I remember my first time. It was dark...I was scared...I was all alone!
(courtesy of Rodney Dangerfield)
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Piton Ron
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
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Jul 19, 2006 - 09:36am PT
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You're all chickens!
My first was on St Patrick's day with an Irish girl. Needless to say I had a lot to learn. Good thing she knew what SHE was doing.
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G_Gnome
Social climber
Tendonitis City
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Jul 19, 2006 - 09:49am PT
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First time was with a girl named Joy in the ninth grade. I really had no choice in the matter as she decided it was time. I don't think I did very well but I sure had fun. Is there a 10 second rule in sex?
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Piton Ron
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
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Jul 19, 2006 - 09:51am PT
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Ah!
Now I understand your handle.
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NeverSurfaced
Trad climber
Someplace Fucked!
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Jul 19, 2006 - 09:57am PT
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First time I got head was in high school in a storage room behind the political science classroom. It was my first and last (against the advice of multiple friends) sexual experience with a black girl. Head was so horrible it turned me off of chocolate love forever.
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hardman
Trad climber
love the eastern sierras
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Jul 19, 2006 - 10:01am PT
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i remember going to 3rd base on a ledge and the girl started to complain about burning down in her private. so fyi guys don't use chalk
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taco bill
Trad climber
boulder, co
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Jul 19, 2006 - 10:01am PT
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It was the sort of spring day that would impel otherwise heterosexual weathermen to utter "Delightful."
Me-a precocious man-child buouyed by savage good looks and a chiseled physique that whispered, no screamed, anabolic steroids.
She-a down on her luck commodities trader with bad skin and an ass that whispered, no screamed, Mrs. Butterworth's.
Ding-dong.
Yes.
Hello ma'am. I'm selling subscriptions to Grit magazine. Would you be interested in hearing more about Grit.
Why yes I would. Come on in. Have a seat right there. I'll be right back.
I rehearsed my sales pitch and awaited her return.
After seemingly an eternity, she descended the stairs in a badly motheaten, grossly undersized and heavily stained Elvira mistress of the dark costume.
Aghast, I hid my face beneath a sample issue of Grit. A minute passed and then two. I slowly peeked out from behind a profile of Nancy Reagan's love affair with Welsh Corgis and as soon as our eyes met, she pounced. In a split second, she had ripped off my member's only jacket and was searching for the fly of my Jams.
Just then it hit me. What was that smell? Had she been... why yes she had. She absolutely reeked of buttered popcorn.
When I was but seven years old, I surreptitiously espied a midnight showing of Behind the Green Door. Ever since I have associated the smell of popcorn with raw unbridled sex. Unable to contain myself, I surrendered to her middle aged passion.
I'm afraid to give too detailed a recounting of the act itself as it may infringe on the copyright of my original letter to the Penthouse Forum (June 1983). Suffice it to say "Hot buttered."
As we lay sweating in the remains of our love, she whispered, "So, tell me about Grit."
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Piton Ron
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
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Jul 19, 2006 - 10:03am PT
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Now I understand Hardman's handle also.
edit; NeverSurfaced, you gotta clean your fish before you eat it. lol
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NeverSurfaced
Trad climber
Someplace Fucked!
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Jul 19, 2006 - 10:17am PT
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Pretty strong Taco Bill and I like to point out, the first reference to a Member’s Only jacket in 2006. Bonus Point!
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Piton Ron
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
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Jul 19, 2006 - 10:22am PT
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I thought a members only jacket was slang for a condom.
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GOclimb
Trad climber
Boston, MA
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Jul 19, 2006 - 10:26am PT
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It was long, it was hard, she got a bad case of rugburn, and I got a bad case of strep throat, mono, and more (fortunately curable)!
Various ailments notwithstanding, I've been ever since, your loving
Cracklover
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mark miller
Social climber
Reno
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Jul 19, 2006 - 10:50am PT
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On my 16th Birthday I got beat up by 3 freinds and drug into Kittys Guest ranch. Back then you could get half and half for $40.00 US. It was an honorable tradition we continued till it got to expensive.
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NeverSurfaced
Trad climber
Someplace Fucked!
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Jul 19, 2006 - 10:53am PT
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Half and half???
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Dingus Milktoast
climber
NorCal
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Jul 19, 2006 - 10:57am PT
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I was molested by a neighborhood girl, Andrea was ner name. She was quite a bit older'n me. Sorta messed my head up for a while, but I didn't know it at the time. At that time I thought I was just lucky.
I don't want my kids gettin lucky like that, that's for f*#king sure.
DMT
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