Warm thoughts for Apogee..putting his dog down today : /


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Jun 17, 2013 - 10:12pm PT
Sorry to hear about your pooch, I've been there and it sucks.

Mountain climber
Okinawa, Japan
Jun 17, 2013 - 10:19pm PT
I somehow knew when I read your last post on the dog's life thread that I would be seeing this next. It is such a fine line knowing when to give that extra chance and when we are hanging on for ourselves and not them. In my view you made all the right decisions the past few months including this last one. Sometimes love means letting go. May you accept your choices with inner satisfaction and heal your broken heart accordingly.

Jun 17, 2013 - 10:59pm PT
photo not found
Missing photo ID#307329
James Wilcox

Boulder climber
The Coast
Jun 17, 2013 - 11:01pm PT
My deepest sympathy and empathy. The loss of a loyal friend weighs heavy.

Social climber
somewhere that doesnt have anything over 90'
Jun 17, 2013 - 11:31pm PT
Sorry for you and your dog Apogee.

Trad climber
Jun 17, 2013 - 11:33pm PT
Sorry to hear this. Best to you.

Gym climber
It's not rocket surgery
Jun 18, 2013 - 01:30am PT
Dang that's hard, Apogee,
All the best to you during this time.

Technically expert, safe belayer, can lead if easy
Jun 18, 2013 - 02:36am PT
Oh, my word. Thank you all for this support...especially you, Dean.

I took my girl out for a last walk today- it's a walk we've done for years, that she knows too well, but in recent months it's become more taxing, and harder for her to see. Still, she bounded along as though it was any other day. I really wish I could be a dog, in that sense.

My stepfather, who has lovingly provided her with a second home when I was away, was able to join me at the vet. I felt honored & relieved to have him there.

I held her closely as the barbituate was injected into her foreleg- she yelped a bit, but that's not out of character for my girl- she was always something of a princess that way when it came to anything resembling discomfort.

I buried my nose up close to her face, whispering that I love you, and I know. Over and over, as she gradually went limp, and went to sleep. She looked as though she has for months now, when she was napping, or when I would wake her for her late night pee.

Afterward, I spent an hour with her, talking with her and appreciating so many things that were the essence of Maddie. Her beautiful black & white markings, esp. the round spot on her butt that looked like someone had dipped her in ink; her dewclaws that were never removed when she was a puppy (she was a rescue dog from the streets of Austin), her long, distinctive tail, the 'beauty mark' brown spots on the side of her face, her spotted, soft belly, her long 'drumstick' legs, and those fabulous, distinctive, pointed, heavenly-soft ears.

My eyes are raw from tears tonight. This past year has had an unusual number of personal challenges for me, but this one caps them by some measure. I loved Maddie deeper than most people I've ever known...she had the purity of spirit that we all seek, and never find (except in a pooch). Returning to my home was every bit as difficult as I feared: so empty, so lonely. I sat on the front porch with a beer, holding her collar...as I held it, it jangled and I instinctively thought she was walking up behind me to join me on the porch, as she had done so many times before.

I know she's in a better place. I know this was the right decision. I just miss her so very, very, very badly tonight. And forever.

Credit: apogee
Peter Haan

Trad climber
Santa Cruz, CA
Jun 18, 2013 - 02:53am PT
Thank you Apogee. Astonishingly shared; painful and gorgeous all at once.

Social climber
chica de chico, I don't claim to be a daisy.
Jun 18, 2013 - 03:06am PT
apogee...you're making me cry.......
bye Maddie....


Trad climber
Jun 18, 2013 - 03:09am PT
I did this last september.

It was very traumatic, but I have crossed over to fond memories of a best friend and a life well lived.

Peace to you, Apogee.

Social climber
1187 Hunterwasser
Jun 18, 2013 - 03:35am PT
Much love to you right now.

Trad climber
June Lake, California....via the Damascus Road
Topic Author's Reply - Jun 18, 2013 - 07:18am PT
Best to you, Ap....

So this is where we part, My Friend,
and you'll run on, around the bend,
gone from sight, but not from mind,
new pleasures there you'll surely find.

I will go on, I'll find the strength,
life measures quality, not its length.
One long embrace before you leave,
share one last look, before I grieve.

There are others, that much is true,
but they be they, and they aren't you.
And I, fair, impartial, or so I thought,
will remember well all you've taught.

Your place I'll hold, you will be missed,
the fur I stroked, the nose I kissed.
And as you journey to your final rest,
take with you this...I loved you best.
Bill Mc Kirgan

Trad climber
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Jun 18, 2013 - 08:36am PT
Very sorry to hear of your loss Apogee. Think of those wonderful times you shared with your dear pup. You provided Maddie with much more than her basic needs and she had a wonderful life as your companion. Though you are separated now I do believe that you will be reunited as all beings who share life and love will be in heaven. Bless you and may you find comfort in those happy memories of your time on earth with Maddie.

Mountain climber
honeoye falls,ny.greeneck alleghenys
Jun 18, 2013 - 08:47am PT
For Apogee,

a lot of us have been in your shoes,that does not make it any better,but our thoughts are with you.Peace

some eastside hovel
Jun 18, 2013 - 09:51am PT
So sorry to hear this.Sorry for your loss Apogee.As you can see, several people have been in your boat.It's a tough one my friend.I did it last march and it was definitely one of my toughest days EVER.MY dog now resides on Bishop Creek at one of my favorite flyfishing spots.I still fish with him as often as possible.Point is,I feel your pain.It seems you have plenty of support here.Time is the only healer and it takes A LOT of time.Positive vibes from this direction brother.


Trad climber
Jun 18, 2013 - 10:06am PT
I just can't think of words other than to say how sorry I am.

Jun 18, 2013 - 10:06am PT
Made me cry a bit..

Must hurt like a bitch.

Sorry again.
T Hocking

Trad climber
Redding, Ca
Jun 18, 2013 - 10:07am PT
Sorry for your loss,

Technically expert, safe belayer, can lead if easy
Jun 18, 2013 - 01:05pm PT
'A Dog's Life'
Feb 14, 2013 - 10:50pm PT
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson

“I don't know what I would do without the unconditional love from my dog Rosebud.”

I was awake early, and very quickly Maddie was with me, along with the tears. The ‘Dog’s Life’ thread has been the principal place I’ve written about what has happened with her since last fall, so I spent some time this morning archiving these writings for myself. There, I came across jefe’s post, and that wonderful face shot of his pup. Such a familiar face…I just lost it again.

Funny thing is, Maddie came to my home due to the need of another family member, and I was pretty dubious & skeptical about her for some time. Where would she sleep? How will this affect our ability to go places? Our yard is unfenced & open- how is that going to work?

It all did work out, just fine- she slept unobtrusively, we gladly took her everywhere we could, and for some incredible reason, she would rarely wander from the yard. Most significantly, though, I fell deeply in love with her gentle, sweet spirit, and simple desire to just want to be with you.

I’m feeling at a great loss this morning, and not sure how productive I will be at work today. Everywhere around me are bits of Maddie: where she slept, her collar, her food bowls, the medications, the impression near the garden in the sun where she loved to lay, her picture on the fridge….I keep expecting to hear the ‘click click’ of her nails on the floor as she made her regular inquisitive rounds, just making sure of where I was. Anytime she moved in the house, the jangling sound of the tag on her collar let me know where she was- as I clutch it in my hands, that sound now speaks to me as if it were her own voice.

My god, this is hard. I can’t believe an animal has struck me as deeply as just about any human love relationship has ever done. The sorrow is different, though- much more pure, without the reflections of a failed relationship. I just can’t stop crying.
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