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Gnome Ofthe Diabase
climber
Out Of Bed
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Apr 10, 2016 - 03:14pm PT
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Q
Tarbuster climber, right here, right now
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 8, 2013 - 03:43pm PT
Tarbussier Profiles™: Identifying The Genuine Trad Climber
Start from the bottom, carry gear on a sling, protect as you go, top out, pound chest and yell like Tarzan.
Fall on the way up? Lower down, pull rope, try again. Three strikes and your out.
At the worst, yoyo.
As well as
Age:
irrelevant (see: perpetual adolescence)
Clothing:
knickers
painter' s pants
blue jeans (cuffs optional)
Chouinard standup shorts
rugby shirt
faded Hawaiian shirt
faded & torn t-shirt
your shirt
your girlfriend' s shirt!
no shirt
footwear:
Kronies
Cortinas
Spiders
Blue Meanies (RRs)
RDs
PAs
EBs
FeeRays
anything that edges
JapFlaps
Huaraches
Coiffure:
kooky pointed felt hat
terswary cap
balaclava (not to be confused with baklava)
headband
unkempt curls (see: dirt & leaves)
Smell
tincture of benzoin
sweat
loose pussy
Disposition:
abstruse
haughty
disingenuously competitive
obsequious, if you are a holdin’
thoroughly and completely unrepentant
shiftless
way, way stubborn
Behavior
no beta
sleep in the dirt and like it
makes own gear
never quite sure of the outcome, but doesn't give a sh*t and goes anyway
shares food, stash and adventure with complete strangers
Occupation:
perpetually unemployed
opportunist
itinerant mooch
Income Stream:
minimal to nonexistent
no visible means of support
canning
bangin' nails
temporary girlfriend
Diet:
cafeteria scraps (see: scarfing)
bunk weed
cheap beer
sarcasm
Career Aspirations:
nil to none
hand cracks, rurps, hauling
seasonal girlfriend
Love Life:
only two women in the whole wide world would/could possibly love him: his mom, his grandma
Hobbies:
eat, sleep, sex*, drink, dream
*see: chronic masturbation
Precepts:
training is for cheaters
stretching is for girls
yoga is for sport climbers
sport climbers are neither
a drop knee is something that occurs when your knee replacement goes bad
flagging is what happens to you on every approach
deadpoints are the arguments made by sport climbers
a high ball problem is a testicular condition induced by cold weather, or simply the lack of a fresh drink
a knee bar is a thing you have to wear to keep your leg from buckling
a dynamic move is...a move
a static move is...a failure to move
chains are something used to lock up your bicycle
Quotes:
"I am trad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!!!"
Defining Characteristics:
defensive posture
stoned
well acclimated to downtime
thoroughly misunderstood
fit, lean, bricked (see: lats)
boldly goes where no man has gone before!*
*...and where no one in their right mind would ever in their wildest dreams even consider going.
**no, not for any amount of money, loose p$ssy, fame, adulation or more m$ney ... Get Real!
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A Essex
climber
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Dec 11, 2018 - 10:13am PT
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Trad is neither
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 11, 2018 - 10:21am PT
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Nice bump, Essex.
Admittedly, I did leave breadcrumbs just recently.
Okay, here's the r00les: no posting to this thread unless you've read every last damn little itchy bitchy comment from start to finish!
[I say that with tongue planted firmly in cheek.]
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Dec 11, 2018 - 11:06am PT
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Fuk Q, Gnome: ain't no one gonna tell a traddie how to or what to or such like.
It's all spur of the mo shhit,
A Go with the flow bit.
Glad to see this thread resurrected.
It sure beats political BS threads and dorky ones like The Flames.
Street shoes no less. And that obnoxious pink rope.
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