gettin rich. getting strong. getting sober.


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Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 7, 2013 - 09:26am PT
thank you much for the kind words, encouragement, hard-truths, and empathy.

im fine, still purging the toxins, probably.
so far i've noticed better sleep, and overall more energy, gee who woulda thunk?

i've amazing peers here on supertopo.

i credit my incredibly patient and forgiving wife for this oportunity to climb into hell.

forever? alcoholic. never again. permanent stasis.
i don't know folks. these and all absolutes are silly to me.
the moments beyond me own themselves,
i only visit their domain.
i will crawl in an out of them as necessary.

i've built a few things in my life: a home; skyscrapers; cabins; big dreams.

now i gotta build trust.
that shite is terrifying.
because it requires immediate accountability, and its foundation
is love and courage and other intangibles.
it's wobbly as hell,
there ain't no hard substance in it,
it dissolves without warning
and then magically re-materializes on it's own fleeting accord.

and im not sure that i believe in it.

happiness? eric.
right now im perched quite precariously on the threshold of sanity.

this position mandates of me an involuntary beauty, and
this beauty is a disgusting stab at survival -
happiness is temporarily suppressed
as the utility emotions rise thru my heart,
into my command center
and then scramble thru my ship out into the far reaches of my expressive limbs.

once again i thank each one of you for taking the time to read, process and respond to my self-invented plight.

Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
Apr 7, 2013 - 10:32am PT
Very cool to hear you feeling better and healthier.


Think about in the context of a belay. Some things are so fundamental that they have to be done right every time. It's close enough to being absolute as to not be worth considering in any other way.

Perhaps the lesson of the absolute is one worth considering. We all have things left to learn in life.

Some people, especially a lot of em in Kansas are too absolute. But it is also possible not to be absolute enough.

Trad climber
lost, far away from Poland
Apr 7, 2013 - 10:52am PT
“The mind is everything. What you think you become.”


Very true!

Trad climber
Apr 7, 2013 - 11:26am PT
right now im perched quite precariously on the threshold of sanity.

OH, how I remember THAT feeling! I felt like I was walking a tightrope and even the very slightest bobble was going to twing me off and send me arcing off into...I don't KNOW where, but it was terrifying.

That lasted 2 or 3 days, for me. I have heard others describe it too, so it may be that you are having a normal reaction, scary as it feels.

For what it's worth, I spent my first week of not drinking, when I was at an AA meeting, introducing myself (when they asked if anyone is counting days) in this way: "Hi. I'm Terrie and I'm an alcoholic, but I don't know if I want to quite drinking. I have 3 (or1,2, 4,5, 6 etc.) days sober."

Mountain climber
there and back again
Apr 7, 2013 - 01:29pm PT
Hey Weeg,
Its not forever dude. That's way to hard to wrap your head around. Its one day at a time. Some times its one minute, one breath, one heart beat. Drink tea with lots of honey. Stay busy.

They say that addiction is a disease. Its the only disease that will tell you that you don't have a disease. Talk about cunning. I believe my addiction is in my head and that alcohol triggers the obsession. Hell, I can be, have been, and probably are addicted to all kinds of things. But nothing takes you down like alcohol.

I prefer my Hawaiian shirt addiction or my climbing literature "collection". I can be cunning too. So its safer for me (and my family) to act out in these ways.

What do you really want out of life? Do you think that drinking will help materialize that. I don't know if you have a spiritual practice. Because that can help too. I really need to say that I did not quit drinking by myself nor have I stayed sober by myself. That's why its so great that your checking in here.

Hang in there bro

Mountain climber
there and back again
Apr 7, 2013 - 02:21pm PT
Ron I wish I could have "just one". I might be able to for a while. And I tried, but eventually would end up out of control or in jail; usually both. For someone who is an alcoholic/addict we can't afford to play around with it. I know I lost the control over alcohol long ago. This is really serious stuff for me. Drugs, and alcohol is a drug, have taken down many fine people I have known. I think that a normal drinker does not realize just how insidious it is. Although in this day its hard to believe that most people have not been touched by its havoc.

Life is just to sweet with out it.

Mountain climber
Apr 7, 2013 - 02:35pm PT
But if I recall, your past experiences with livin' dry were unpleasant, no?
Sobriety is more than just not partaking of a substance. Your soul is bruised and needs more than abstinence, flush bank accounts and exercise to heal.
Good luck to you.

El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
Apr 9, 2013 - 10:39am PT
Clank your chains and count your change and try to walk the line.
Baby Doll

Trad climber
Apr 9, 2013 - 06:59pm PT
Didn't know you had a few troubles of yer own. then again...guess we all have troubles of our own.

Happy to hear you putting it out there to the masses on here to cheer you on! Best of luck with the trials and tribulations. You already shine, but from what others are sayin you may be shining ever brighter on your new path.

And once we get a lamp shade for the lovely lamp you gave to BM (which yes, I'm still working on..haha), you'll shine even more! :)
The Larry

Moab, UT
Apr 9, 2013 - 07:10pm PT
I like turtles!

Straight outta Squampton
Apr 9, 2013 - 09:14pm PT
Power to you Weeg. I hope the encourgement you receive here can help you through the rougher spots. It take so much courage to open up in a place like this. Your respecful dealings with others here are coming back in karmic form.

I've had similar trust issues with my father growing up, but we did eventually get past it and now have a great relationship. There is plenty of opportunity for you to rebuild what it damaged between you and your family.

Be strong. You're not alone.


Social climber
Greensboro, North Carolina
Apr 9, 2013 - 09:35pm PT
Hey man, when alcohol starts interfering with your relationships, especially your most important ones, it's time to kick that sh#t to the curb. Just put your wild side into climbing. It's so much cooler and more fulfilling anyway.

El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
Apr 9, 2013 - 09:53pm PT
dee ee

Mountain climber
citizen of planet Earth
Apr 10, 2013 - 12:17am PT

Gym climber
A dingy corner in your refrigerator
Apr 10, 2013 - 01:39am PT

been a lurker to your prose. Sometimes I wondered where the hell you were coming from. Time heals wounds so they say, and I realized a great value to your discourse. I can offer no good advise in this thread (although I want to give you blanket support). I have a non similar choice in life that will affect people I care about deeply. I have no good answer in my own situation. As Doc Norwegain can you shoot one from the hip for me?

Love to you a kindred spirit here obviously !

Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
Apr 10, 2013 - 01:53am PT
What a drama queen.

of the First and Most Relevant Order.

I see they question your integrity

as is they should.

You mock what they would rightfully see

as that which is Providential.



Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 10, 2013 - 07:24am PT
pensyl come out of the damn refrigerator.
it's too cold in there. your gonna live forever.

throw a coming out party.
thaw out.
huck some eggs at the wall, and appreciate the mess-art.

life thrashings are stellar, though trying experiences.
i believe that we must encourage them within ourselves,
otherwise we just domestic dilutions of our original genetic intent.

i spilled sour milk on ya'll's blanket,
me and my drama show...

apologies, i guess.
i'm just bored of being a drunk.
the journey was compromising my destination,
so i took off those wretched socks and
folded them nicely and put 'em in the back corner
of my drawer.

later on, when sobriety gets to be a bore,

(read: when my daughters grow up and fly the coop)

i'll find those old socks,
and wet 'em with saliva,
and dirty my brow once again
with horrid wrinkles to match
my disaster smile.

for me,
i can't endure too much well being,
i must murder it with disease when
my train begins to coast.

cyclically, when i tire of walking the disease,
i jump back on the the tracks and bum-ride
a life of wellness for a while.

i apologize if i mock and make
lite of what for some is a serious matter.

...totally ten days dry. and diggin' it.

Captain...or Skully

Apr 10, 2013 - 09:21am PT
The only ruts in Life should be the ones you navigate on the way where?
Anywhere. That's where. Groove on, Chuck.

Social climber
Apr 10, 2013 - 09:26am PT
hey there say, norwegian...

thanks for checking in...
many of us been thinking about you...

prayers and god bless...

and happy good ten days, good job, :)

Social climber
Apr 10, 2013 - 12:40pm PT
When yer daughters grow up & fly the coop they'll still need a sober Papa.I'm all grown up, flew the coop thirty-plus years ago, Dad is still alive at 92 & I'm super glad of it.

Hang onto sobriety Chuck. Fer them, for you.........just dooooo ittttt!!!!!

Oh, and, fer the record? I also strongly believe that your art, your amazing words ..........will only be enhanced by sobriety. Despite the hype - that booze and art are bedfellows - I believe that booze is toxic to creativity.

Love your poetry. Great stuff.

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