gettin rich. getting strong. getting sober.

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Captain...or Skully

climber
Apr 7, 2013 - 01:01am PT
Right back atcha. Smiles are good, if they are true. All the way through.
You're true. Be all the way through.

Lynne edit: I can dig it.
Lynne Leichtfuss

Sport climber
moving thru
Apr 7, 2013 - 01:18am PT
Skully, I never use the words smiles, peace, joy and love lightly. Mean every letter of them. Learned their meanings by living out my life. Cheers!

Oh yeah, I learned cheers from Bachar. He told me he meant it when he said it to people he posted here...he meant it even when he wasn't feeling it. Miss JB and DBL. Peace
H

Mountain climber
there and back again
Apr 7, 2013 - 03:28am PT
Atta Boy Weeg. It ain't easy but its so worth it. Alcohol is an incredible solvent. It can make anything dissolve. One is too many a thousand not enough. Alcohol is cunning and powerful. There is nothing that alcohol can't make worse.

Its really up to YOU, to decide whether your an alcoholic. You've probably got enough evidence if you are one. But if YOU want to quit, you have to admit to your inner self. Its not a joke or temporary thing. Its the real deal. And there is a ton of support.

I admire you for putting it out there. Thank you. Go for it. Commit to it like you do your awesome poetry, your family and that next move when your climbing. As for the wealth, strength and happiness; I'd take reality over them, anytime. It don't get no more real than sober. You'll see. If you haven't already. I wish you luck but it takes more than that to stay the course. Keep checking in Brother and hang in there. We'll be with you.

Welcome home!
Patrick Sawyer

climber
Originally California now Ireland
Apr 7, 2013 - 06:37am PT
or alcoholic encephalopathy

Jebus, Wernicke–Korsakoff syndrome (also called wet brain, Korsakoff's psychosis, alcoholic encephalopathy, Wernicke's disease). That's my Jennie. But she is stable, or stabilized, and the med pros are happy with her 'progress'.

I only drink on the odd occasion, and never in front of her. I lock any wine in a filing cabinet in the main (locked) shed.

Fortunately, Jennie did not suffer wet brain, more like foggy brain. Vitamin B1 (thiamine) is extremely important to our nervous systems and neurons/brain cells, and Co-Enzyme Q-10 has shown in several studies to help with foggy brain. In fact, the B complex vitamins are extremely important, I have done so much research on it I think that B*sh*t is coming out of my ears.

EDIT

When I first started dating Jen, my then editor, told me that his Aunt's family was ruined by an alcoholic father (his uncle by marriage). I didn't listen.

A colleague at the time, a very intelligent man but a hard alcoholic, told me that there is no such thing as a 'recovered' alcoholic, but 'recovering'.

Weeg, stay strong for your family and for yourself.

I live and I am in love with an alcoholic. It is a battle.
tradmanclimbs

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Apr 7, 2013 - 07:53am PT
The opening poem makes the sobriety gig seem temporary and resented. YOU have to want it. You have to finally get it through your thick head that you want your family more than you want the booze. Once you come to the realization that YOU really do want to be sober it is not so so hard...
Patrick Sawyer

climber
Originally California now Ireland
Apr 7, 2013 - 08:11am PT
^^^^

it is not so so hard...

Tradmanclimbs, I sort of disagree. Alcohol is a strong neurotoxin. It is a tough drug to give up on. But of course, if one wants to really give up, one will, but it is a battle. I know you are not being flippant, but it really is not a matter of saying "No More", perhaps for some people.

But we are talking about a drug that the World Health Organization (WHO), in a report in 2011, says is the worst. Of 30 substances abused, the WHO report, which had two categories - the first the harm to the individual, the second category, the harm to society.

Guess what was number one in both categories.

For a recovering alcoholic, strength, belief and support are key, but yes, it is down to the individual. As one of Jennie's doctors say (to iterate): "Alcohol is sneaky, before you know it, it grabs you."

For many people, moderation is the key, but for the hardcore, total abstinence. I know there is the "Moderation Management" theory/program, but to reiterate: "Alcohol is sneaky, before you know it, it grabs you."

Norwegian, stay strong for your wife and daughters. And for yourself.


(BTW, nicotine is more addictive than heroin).
Norwegian

Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 7, 2013 - 09:26am PT
thank you much for the kind words, encouragement, hard-truths, and empathy.

im fine, still purging the toxins, probably.
so far i've noticed better sleep, and overall more energy, gee who woulda thunk?

i've amazing peers here on supertopo.

i credit my incredibly patient and forgiving wife for this oportunity to climb into hell.

forever? alcoholic. never again. permanent stasis.
i don't know folks. these and all absolutes are silly to me.
the moments beyond me own themselves,
i only visit their domain.
i will crawl in an out of them as necessary.

i've built a few things in my life: a home; skyscrapers; cabins; big dreams.

now i gotta build trust.
that shite is terrifying.
because it requires immediate accountability, and its foundation
is love and courage and other intangibles.
it's wobbly as hell,
there ain't no hard substance in it,
it dissolves without warning
and then magically re-materializes on it's own fleeting accord.

and im not sure that i believe in it.

happiness? eric.
right now im perched quite precariously on the threshold of sanity.

this position mandates of me an involuntary beauty, and
this beauty is a disgusting stab at survival -
happiness is temporarily suppressed
as the utility emotions rise thru my heart,
into my command center
and then scramble thru my ship out into the far reaches of my expressive limbs.

once again i thank each one of you for taking the time to read, process and respond to my self-invented plight.
climbski2

Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
Apr 7, 2013 - 10:32am PT
Very cool to hear you feeling better and healthier.

Trust

Think about in the context of a belay. Some things are so fundamental that they have to be done right every time. It's close enough to being absolute as to not be worth considering in any other way.

Perhaps the lesson of the absolute is one worth considering. We all have things left to learn in life.

Some people, especially a lot of em in Kansas are too absolute. But it is also possible not to be absolute enough.
moosedrool

Trad climber
lost, far away from Poland
Apr 7, 2013 - 10:52am PT
“The mind is everything. What you think you become.”

-Buddha

Very true!
happiegrrrl

Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
Apr 7, 2013 - 11:26am PT
right now im perched quite precariously on the threshold of sanity.

OH, how I remember THAT feeling! I felt like I was walking a tightrope and even the very slightest bobble was going to twing me off and send me arcing off into...I don't KNOW where, but it was terrifying.

That lasted 2 or 3 days, for me. I have heard others describe it too, so it may be that you are having a normal reaction, scary as it feels.

For what it's worth, I spent my first week of not drinking, when I was at an AA meeting, introducing myself (when they asked if anyone is counting days) in this way: "Hi. I'm Terrie and I'm an alcoholic, but I don't know if I want to quite drinking. I have 3 (or1,2, 4,5, 6 etc.) days sober."
H

Mountain climber
there and back again
Apr 7, 2013 - 01:29pm PT
Hey Weeg,
Its not forever dude. That's way to hard to wrap your head around. Its one day at a time. Some times its one minute, one breath, one heart beat. Drink tea with lots of honey. Stay busy.

They say that addiction is a disease. Its the only disease that will tell you that you don't have a disease. Talk about cunning. I believe my addiction is in my head and that alcohol triggers the obsession. Hell, I can be, have been, and probably are addicted to all kinds of things. But nothing takes you down like alcohol.

I prefer my Hawaiian shirt addiction or my climbing literature "collection". I can be cunning too. So its safer for me (and my family) to act out in these ways.

What do you really want out of life? Do you think that drinking will help materialize that. I don't know if you have a spiritual practice. Because that can help too. I really need to say that I did not quit drinking by myself nor have I stayed sober by myself. That's why its so great that your checking in here.

Hang in there bro
locker

Social climber
Some Rehab in Bolivia
Apr 7, 2013 - 01:34pm PT

"Alcohol is an incredible solvent. It can make anything dissolve....... Alcohol is cunning and powerful. There is nothing that alcohol can't make worse."...

Ron Anderson

Trad climber
Soon to be Nipple suckling Liberal
Apr 7, 2013 - 02:02pm PT
booze magnifies what ever hidden agendas exist. I learned long ago.. If you have anxieties, booze accelerates it. Ive seen happy drunks go to miserable in ones half of a drink too many. Its tricky stuff. MODERATION of any such is a GUD thing. Some can do that , others wont. I CANT drink anymore really..I get an "instant hang over" if i do consume more than about ONE cognac, or shot of whiskey.. I can nurse a shot of cognac for three hours .And that is just right...
H

Mountain climber
there and back again
Apr 7, 2013 - 02:21pm PT
Ron I wish I could have "just one". I might be able to for a while. And I tried, but eventually would end up out of control or in jail; usually both. For someone who is an alcoholic/addict we can't afford to play around with it. I know I lost the control over alcohol long ago. This is really serious stuff for me. Drugs, and alcohol is a drug, have taken down many fine people I have known. I think that a normal drinker does not realize just how insidious it is. Although in this day its hard to believe that most people have not been touched by its havoc.

Life is just to sweet with out it.
Ron Anderson

Trad climber
Soon to be Nipple suckling Liberal
Apr 7, 2013 - 02:25pm PT
Yep,, i too have been involved in such things. My Dad, after having to retire from the rocket biz, went to work for the state as a comp programmer after retraining. He loathed state service- the waste and ridiculous nature in comparison to his former career. This led him to start drinking nightly- and it got to be a twacker and a half every night. This erupted in a "cold war" between my mom and him. One of the darkest times of their relationship that im aware of. He finally snapped out of it, and reduced his drinking to three beers a night for the rest of his time. All concerned were happy after that.
bergbryce

Mountain climber
California
Apr 7, 2013 - 02:35pm PT
But if I recall, your past experiences with livin' dry were unpleasant, no?
Sobriety is more than just not partaking of a substance. Your soul is bruised and needs more than abstinence, flush bank accounts and exercise to heal.
Good luck to you.
drljefe

climber
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
Apr 9, 2013 - 10:39am PT
Clank your chains and count your change and try to walk the line.
Baby Doll

Trad climber
Squamish
Apr 9, 2013 - 06:59pm PT
Weeg...
Didn't know you had a few troubles of yer own. then again...guess we all have troubles of our own.

Happy to hear you putting it out there to the masses on here to cheer you on! Best of luck with the trials and tribulations. You already shine, but from what others are sayin you may be shining ever brighter on your new path.

And once we get a lamp shade for the lovely lamp you gave to BM (which yes, I'm still working on..haha), you'll shine even more! :)
The Larry

climber
Moab, UT
Apr 9, 2013 - 07:10pm PT
I like turtles!
Scrubber

climber
Straight outta Squampton
Apr 9, 2013 - 09:14pm PT
Power to you Weeg. I hope the encourgement you receive here can help you through the rougher spots. It take so much courage to open up in a place like this. Your respecful dealings with others here are coming back in karmic form.

I've had similar trust issues with my father growing up, but we did eventually get past it and now have a great relationship. There is plenty of opportunity for you to rebuild what it damaged between you and your family.

Be strong. You're not alone.

Kris
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