Anyone want to buy an 80% complete PhD dissertation (OT)?

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Messages 1 - 77 of total 77 in this topic
mechrist

Gym climber
South of Heaven
Topic Author's Original Post - Feb 5, 2013 - 04:14pm PT
Cheap!

"I, T, IT! Sometimes we writers take hours finding exactly the right word." Snoopy

"Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt." Snoopy
crock

Trad climber
The Windiest Mountain, Wyoming
Feb 5, 2013 - 04:56pm PT
Get away from the Taco and finish it.
CalicoJack

climber
CA
Feb 5, 2013 - 05:19pm PT
No, but I'll trade you mine!

Andy
mhay

climber
Reno, NV
Feb 5, 2013 - 05:23pm PT
I'll trade you two MS theses, mostly done, for a PhD dissertation.
Brandon-

climber
The Granite State.
Feb 5, 2013 - 05:31pm PT
Will it make me a better carpenter?
Jan

Mountain climber
Okinawa, Japan
Feb 5, 2013 - 05:32pm PT
Just finish the thing. Don't let the quest for the perfect get in the way of the good enough.
High Fructose Corn Spirit

Gym climber
-A race of corn eaters
Feb 5, 2013 - 05:38pm PT
Dr. Mechrist... Like.
SCseagoat

Trad climber
Santa Cruz
Feb 5, 2013 - 05:39pm PT
30 years too late. Finish it. It really can be finished as long as you don't mind sacrificing your sanity and coming to the brink of being a homicidal maniac when your advisors "suggest" "have you considered". I kissed so many arseholes you would have thought I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I finally had to accept finishing it was the objective, not changing the world with some new discovery. Plenty of time for that when you become a post doc. Plus you get seated quicker when you put in your reservation under "Dr." Other than that be humble.

Susan
madbolter1

Big Wall climber
Denver, CO
Feb 5, 2013 - 06:05pm PT
One of my advisors said, "The essential quality of a dissertation is its doneness."
matisse

climber
Feb 5, 2013 - 06:18pm PT
^^^^^ that's fantastic-must inflict that on my grad student
Jan

Mountain climber
Okinawa, Japan
Feb 5, 2013 - 06:33pm PT
"The essential quality of a dissertation is its doneness."

Priceless. Should be the mantra of every Ph.D. candidate.
klk

Trad climber
cali
Feb 5, 2013 - 06:37pm PT
think of it the way you think of training.

it's the last 5% that kills ya. but without that last five percent, there's sort of no point.
SCseagoat

Trad climber
Santa Cruz
Feb 5, 2013 - 06:57pm PT
++++++1 for the "done-ness" plus you have to keep paying tuition ...

GET IT DONE...

Susan
Ricky D

Trad climber
Sierra Westside
Feb 5, 2013 - 07:41pm PT
So...when do plan on getting an actual job?
Ed Hartouni

Trad climber
Livermore, CA
Feb 5, 2013 - 07:49pm PT
what I was told was:

"The only thing a thesis has to be is done."
stunewberry

Trad climber
Spokane, WA
Feb 5, 2013 - 08:03pm PT
I get a chuckle when I hear people say: "I have all the data, I just need to write it up!" That means they are hopelessly floundering. I remember, I was there, too. Managed to thrash and dangle to completion, though.
TwistedCrank

climber
Dingleberry Gulch, Ideeho
Feb 5, 2013 - 08:10pm PT
My office mate used to say "Yeah, I'm almost done with my dissertation. I just have to write it."


hehhahehaheheheaheh


ABD theoretically means "All But Dissertation". Actually it means "All But Done".



Stupid letters-after-a-name. You can get em off the back of a matchbook with a stamp anyway.
Some Random Guy

climber
San Franpsycho (a.k.a. a token of my extreme)
Feb 5, 2013 - 08:16pm PT
i just made mine up. worked for me. i went through the uc system :)
eeyonkee

Trad climber
Golden, CO
Feb 5, 2013 - 08:34pm PT
If you were me, would you buy it?
Mungeclimber

Trad climber
the crowd MUST BE MOCKED...Mocked I tell you.
Feb 5, 2013 - 08:39pm PT
Only if I can get the extended warranty.

do it mang. there was a reason you started, hang onto that.
Srbphoto

climber
Kennewick wa
Feb 5, 2013 - 08:47pm PT
No thanks,




I've already worked for Starbucks
klk

Trad climber
cali
Feb 5, 2013 - 08:53pm PT
suck it up, cupcake.


btw, this advice:

"The only thing a thesis has to be is done."

is clearly discipline specific. my advisor would smack any student who referred to the "dissertation." "You are writing a book," N used to say.

Fortunately, wes in the natural sciences, and it sounds like you folks pretty much just mail it in.

heh
eeyonkee

Trad climber
Golden, CO
Feb 5, 2013 - 09:23pm PT
i'd like to see your 70% complete for 25% percent less than the 80% asking price (respectfully).
mechrist

Gym climber
South of Heaven
Topic Author's Reply - Feb 5, 2013 - 09:57pm PT
Wow, this is easier than I thought. I already have 10 pages. Should be done by Friday... but I'm climbing tomorrow and Sat... so first thing Monday.
Curt

climber
Gold Canyon, AZ
Feb 5, 2013 - 10:08pm PT
Anyone want to buy an 80% complete PhD dissertation?

Well, then I'd only have to rewrite 80% of one.

Curt
mechrist

Gym climber
South of Heaven
Topic Author's Reply - Feb 5, 2013 - 10:15pm PT
Totally worth it Curt... trust me.
Jan

Mountain climber
Okinawa, Japan
Feb 5, 2013 - 10:16pm PT
Do you have a formal dissertation / thesis defense?

If you do, then it has to at least be sufficiently obscure that you can defend it with a straight face.
You know the old maxim, "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with BS".
mechrist

Gym climber
South of Heaven
Topic Author's Reply - Feb 5, 2013 - 10:57pm PT
Exit talk, but no formal defense. The QE's were the most intense (required) grillings I got.
Jan

Mountain climber
Okinawa, Japan
Feb 5, 2013 - 11:34pm PT
So all you have to do is come up with the right number of pages and explain it in some way that makes sense. You can do that.

mechrist

Gym climber
South of Heaven
Topic Author's Reply - Feb 6, 2013 - 12:12am PT
Thanks. You guys are swell.

I'm up to 106 double spaced pages without figures. About 15 more to go before I turn in the first draft. Hopefully that will do it.
Jan

Mountain climber
Okinawa, Japan
Feb 6, 2013 - 12:15am PT
You can get away with a hundred page dissertation?

Three hundred is the minimum in most social sciences.

See how easy you have it?
mechrist

Gym climber
South of Heaven
Topic Author's Reply - Feb 6, 2013 - 12:22am PT
"I didn't have time to write a short [dissertation], so I wrote a long one instead." -Mark Twain
Delhi Dog

climber
Good Question...
Feb 6, 2013 - 01:02am PT
I found a buyer!!!

http://edition.cnn.com/2013/02/06/world/europe/german-minister-plagiarism/index.html?hpt=hp_t3
rgold

Trad climber
Poughkeepsie, NY
Feb 6, 2013 - 08:22am PT
My dissertation is 79 pages total. Not an unusual length for mathmematics. Title: Geometric Realization of Homotopy Systems. There is plenty in there, believe me. Think density as opposed to volume.

Years ago while driving around the country, I stayed for a day or two in a Cistercian Abbey in France. The sisters belong to an order of nuns who have taken a vow of silence, except for participation in religious ceremonies. They farm, and partially support themselves by taking guests. A few sisters are given dispensation to speak so that the guests can be accommodated, which included serving breakfast and dinner. As you can imagine, it is a very quiet place, with little to do for a guest except perhaps talk (in subdued tones) to the other guests at meals. Surprisingly, I found out that there was always a full complement of guests (there was no room for me, but they allowed me to pitch a tent). Why so many guests? The place was full of grad students who came to escape the distractions of their normal environments in order to write their dissertations.
Ed Hartouni

Trad climber
Livermore, CA
Feb 6, 2013 - 08:28am PT
I think mine was a couple of hundred pages when all was in it...
...probably have a copy around here somewhere, don't remember the exact title of that but I submitted a Physical Review Letters manuscript about a month or so after completing it which boiled the 200 odd pages down to 4...


"Inclusive Production of Ω- and Ω̅ + by KL0-Carbon Interactions in the Energy Range 80-280 GeV/c"
http://prl.aps.org/abstract/PRL/v54/i7/p628_1

DonC

climber
CA
Feb 6, 2013 - 08:32am PT
I was in the lab one day and a friends draft dissertation (not yet submitted) was sitting on a table. His major professor walks in, see's it, picks it up and hefts it up and down a few times like he is weighing it. He said "it's getting there".

TwistedCrank

climber
Dingleberry Gulch, Ideeho
Feb 6, 2013 - 08:42am PT
Mine was 175 pages and four distinct chapters (earth science). The four chapters gave me opportunities to grind down the committee by cycling though review and update cycles. Finally they just gave up and I won. I published two chapters and gave up on geophysics as a career because there are so many other interesting things to do out there.

My goal was to go field work in the Andes, which I did. Had a picture on the cover of GSA journal to boot. I've got the galley proof in a frame somewhere.

Credit: TwistedCrank
Some Random Guy

climber
San Franpsycho (a.k.a. a token of my extreme)
Feb 6, 2013 - 09:26am PT
when i was in grad school a girl i knew had her prof delete her whole work. he called her into his office and made her bring her laptop that had her dissertation on it. he proceeded to call it all a piece of sh#t and then deleted the whole thing off her computer right in front of her. told her to start all over again. f*#kin' dick!

she was a smart girl too.
gonzo chemist

climber
Fort Collins, CO
Feb 6, 2013 - 10:11am PT
Mechrist,

knuckle-down and finish it.

I believe it was Winston Churchill who said, "if you're going through hell...keep going."



Roxy

Trad climber
CA Central Coast
Feb 6, 2013 - 11:13am PT

The only way off a wall is up, right?

So the only way out of PhD program is to punch out that dissertation.

Don't bail now bro, summit is within view.




mechrist

Gym climber
South of Heaven
Topic Author's Reply - Feb 7, 2013 - 07:00pm PT
I need an acronym for "average seasonal stream flow"

The obvious choice is "ASS flow" but I think I might have to use "ASSF"
klk

Trad climber
cali
Feb 7, 2013 - 07:03pm PT
stream flow, seasonal average (SFSA)

a cutesy acronym is fun until random googlers are finding it linked to your name

u sure there isn't already an acronym? i'd be really surprised if the austrians or the swiss dont already have one
jogill

climber
Colorado
Feb 7, 2013 - 07:57pm PT
. . . is clearly discipline specific. my advisor would smack any student who referred to the "dissertation." "You are writing a book," N used to say. Fortunately, wes in the natural sciences, and it sounds like you folks pretty much just mail it in

That (80%) would be 37.6 pages of mine (1971). Boiled it down further for the Transactions of the American Mathematical Society.

Hang in there.

;>)
Gal

Trad climber
a semi lucid consciousness
Feb 7, 2013 - 08:31pm PT
Hey Mechrist, clearly you are doing good things with your time, so continue on and finish the thing up! You got this!
RP3

Big Wall climber
El Portal/Chapel Hill
Feb 7, 2013 - 08:39pm PT
I think the real questions are:

What percent of committee members actually read their students' dissertations?

Of that subset, what percent of the dissertation do they get through?
phylp

Trad climber
Millbrae, CA
Feb 7, 2013 - 08:49pm PT
Just skimmed this and wanted to add my encouragement to you to finish writing the damn thing.
I wrote mine in Spring of 80 in Boston. With ADD and after a hard winter all I wanted to do was go outside and play in the fresh air. I managed to write it by writing in the nude (so it would be a real conscious effort to go outside) and be setting a clock for 15 minute intervals and allowing myself to get up and run around the apartment for 2 minutes and then sitting down, setting the clock to write again.

Look it wan't pleasant but it was by far not the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. Take heart!
phyl
Srbphoto

climber
Kennewick wa
Feb 7, 2013 - 08:56pm PT
I'd stick with ASS Flow.

I have to do a weekly Human Resources report. It's the T&A audit. That's right, my HR requires me to audit the T&A on a weekly basis.


Call me immature, but I chuckle every time we discuss it on a conference call.
Kupandamingi2

climber
Feb 7, 2013 - 09:06pm PT
Seriously and having been there just hanker down and finish. Phd dissertation is an el cap route; sounds attractive in the abstract, hard but doable in the first few pitches, serious doubt sets in in the middle with thoughts of bailing, two thirds up you want to be anywhere else, another few pitches and it's actually more scary to go down than up, final pitches revive the spirit, topping out is a life's accomplishment. Don't bail from the changing corners pitch, only a few more to the top. As with el cap, no crowd will be there to greet you and your future pay has no correlation to the accomplishment, but the doneness - the having completed the ultimate education big wall - soothes the soul. As with wall climbing its about you and what your made of. Plenty of good people bail, but not people like you. You don't want to have to drive into that metaphorical valley and always wonder what if. You came to conquer, now do so. I imagine th bail rate on el cap and dissertations is about the same. As for ABD - it's about as meaningful as bailing from the third pitch of free blast and hauling your heavy sh#t back to your car to drive out of the valley.
Bruce Morris

Social climber
Belmont, California
Feb 7, 2013 - 11:46pm PT
Wake me up when it's over!
mechrist

Gym climber
South of Heaven
Topic Author's Reply - Feb 8, 2013 - 12:02am PT
phylp, that 15 min clock thing might work. I'll wait until we get curtains before I try writing in the nude.

srb, my subject is hydrology... I write about head measurements all day long!


Thanks for the encouragement. Another week or two before I summit this El Crap.
Dr. Christ

Mountain climber
State of Mine
May 30, 2013 - 10:37am PT
Yeah, so, it was a couple months rather than a couple week. But I'm done!

Anyone want to buy a 100% complete PhD dissertation?

Bidding will start at $1 million.
Bill Mc Kirgan

Trad climber
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
May 30, 2013 - 10:42am PT
Three cheers fer gettin' it done!

HIP HIP
HURRAY

HIP HIP
HURRAY

HIP HIP
HURRAY

Congratulations Dr. C!
Michelle

Social climber
1187 Hunterwasser
May 30, 2013 - 10:45am PT
Dr Christ.. oh dear.


Big Mike

Trad climber
BC
May 30, 2013 - 10:55am PT
Nice work Wes. A new handle to celebrate the occasion? Lol
moosedrool

climber
Stair climber, lost, far away from Poland
May 30, 2013 - 11:06am PT
The passion of the Mechrist is over!

Time for Mardi Gras?

Congrats Dr Christ!
rgold

Trad climber
Poughkeepsie, NY
May 30, 2013 - 12:24pm PT
Welcome to the wonderful world of the overeducated.
phylp

Trad climber
Millbrae, CA
May 30, 2013 - 12:55pm PT
Big smile for you!
Phyl
Mungeclimber

Trad climber
Nothing creative to say
May 30, 2013 - 01:11pm PT
1 million?

sheesh


how about a b.com discount?


nice, grats on the hardwork


SCseagoat

Trad climber
Santa Cruz
May 30, 2013 - 01:29pm PT
Congratulations! Now back in my day we had to do them on typewriters and always ran out of ribbon ink at the most inopportune time...

The objective always was to get it done...now there you are!

Susan
CalicoJack

climber
CA
May 30, 2013 - 01:38pm PT
Right on man - congrats!
Gal

Trad climber
a semi lucid consciousness
May 30, 2013 - 02:04pm PT
Sweet!!!!! Great job!!!!
ag.Fox

Trad climber
Reno, NV
May 30, 2013 - 02:24pm PT
Dr. Waters must be pleased.

Well done!
10b4me

Ice climber
Soon 2B Arizona
May 30, 2013 - 02:32pm PT
congratulations.
zeta

Trad climber
Portland, OR
May 30, 2013 - 02:39pm PT
Congratulations!!!!

It's the best feeling in the world to finish a dissertation. You'll feel good about it for years to come (I still do, even though it was so long & painful at times)

Enjoy your accomplishment!
DataMind

Social climber
May 30, 2013 - 02:41pm PT
Ph.D = permanent head damage (congrats?)
Brandon-

climber
The Granite State.
May 30, 2013 - 02:44pm PT
Congrats, that's a big step.

Now go marry that hot GF you keep mentioning.
TwistedCrank

climber
Dingleberry Gulch, Ideeho
May 30, 2013 - 02:47pm PT
Whatever you do, don't go into academia. Bunch of lazy slackers there.

How would you like to spend the rest of you life being proud of the 2 or 3 students you advised who got into grad school. Or the 5 or 6 papers a year you sweated blood over to publish, only to have been read by the same 2 or 3 people. Yeah, that is some accomplishment.



Gary

Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
May 30, 2013 - 03:09pm PT
Congrats on your PhD. When do you start flipping burgers?

splitter

Trad climber
SoCal Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
May 30, 2013 - 03:13pm PT
Congratulations on a worthy and most commendable achievement. May it serve you well!
Jebus H Bomz

climber
Peavine Basecamp
May 30, 2013 - 03:17pm PT
Congrats! But it's more like paying people to read your schlock than vice versa. I haven't even read my wife's and it is probably far more interesting than yours.
klk

Trad climber
cali
May 30, 2013 - 03:20pm PT
congrats on finishing. it's like climbing or moving, the last one percent just takes forever.

i just got back from the funeral of my mentor. he put in more than thirty years in the business-- not sure how many folks he mentored, but it was well into the dozens.
Ken M

Mountain climber
Los Angeles, Ca
May 30, 2013 - 03:23pm PT
Congrats!
jogill

climber
Colorado
May 30, 2013 - 04:34pm PT
Whatever you do, don't go into academia. Bunch of lazy slackers there. How would you like to spend the rest of you life being proud of the 2 or 3 students you advised who got into grad school. Or the 5 or 6 papers a year you sweated blood over to publish, only to have been read by the same 2 or 3 people. Yeah, that is some accomplishment

Unnecessarily pessimistic IMHO. But then I've been retired from the profession for about 13 years, and I worked at a small state college where research was a plus, but not really required. I'm sure KLK has an entirely different take on the subject!

Chiloe

Trad climber
Lee, NH
May 30, 2013 - 06:21pm PT
Congratulations, that's a milestone along the road.

Whatever you do, don't go into academia. Bunch of lazy slackers there.

YMMV. Personally I love my job, and work really hard.
Jan

Mountain climber
Okinawa, Japan
May 30, 2013 - 06:28pm PT
I knew you could do it!

And the best part is, you'll never have to do it again.

There's nothing more they can torture you with.

YOU'RE DONE !!!

Congratulations!




jabbas

Trad climber
New River, AZ
May 30, 2013 - 06:37pm PT
Quote Here
Time to hang out at Southwest Research Station in Arizona ...
lucander

Trad climber
Shawangunks, New York
May 30, 2013 - 08:24pm PT
I didn't catch your area, but keep your eye on SUNY Rockland, we've got a lot of people retiring. Heavy teaching load (5/5), pays is usually in the low-mid 50s. Kinda tough by NY standards, but I'm surviving with a mortgage on a house minutes from the Gunks and a good wife who is grossly underemployed. You could do a lot worse...
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