And then I woke up


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Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Topic Author's Original Post - Jan 13, 2013 - 05:40pm PT
I must be the most boring Taco Stander.

I start what I think, is a meaningful thread, several times and like, I get a dozen or so responses, if I am lucky.

I thought the slacklining gorilla would be amusing, and of course the Pat is Shat thread, looking for sympathy.

Okay so I want you all to know. Wednesday I soloed the Willis Wall on Rainer, flew in my private jet and soloed the Cassin Ridge, (remember, I just got my private pilot jet license).

Took the Learjet down to Argentina and chopped all of Cesare Maestri's remaining bolts.

On Saturday, I soloed Ama Dablam (always my dream) then Cho Oyo...

Oops, I forgot, the Eigerwand on Friday, in Converse tennies and cut-off jeans (well, climate change you know, the White Spider is not quite white).

Okay tomorrow, I'll pay off the Chinese authorities and solo Everest North Face.

The downside is the damn expensive jet fuel.

"And then I woke up" (my epitaph, though I want to be buried at sea, seriously. I don't want to be put into the ground, or pulverized into ashes. Make me fish food. Dump me off the Farrallons, at least then I will be of some use).
Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 13, 2013 - 06:02pm PT
Somebody told me I try too hard.

Heck Jesus Christ (a far better man than I am, and I am an atheist, but I believe in the dude) tried too hard, and look where he ended up, in a cave with scars on his wrists.

Gosh, to be nailed to a cross. No kidding.

I was nailed more than once, by the CHP.

But all joking aside. I wish all Supertopians a great 2013.

We do not know what lies down the road. But let us be prepared. Let us belay one another through life's ups and downs.

Trad climber
Jan 13, 2013 - 06:16pm PT
Hey Pat-

Yeah; I understand.

Trad climber
4 Corners Area
Jan 13, 2013 - 06:19pm PT
Patrick, you're trying too hard ;)

Ice climber
chingadero de chula vista
Jan 13, 2013 - 07:05pm PT

Not long after this second brush with death Dr. Lilly's close friend and Ketamine research partner, Graig Enright, was involved in a head on collision in the fog on coast Highway One. As Enright lay upon his death bed, he was visited by Dr. Lilly, who took Enrights hand in his, and made the following statement: "It's not so bad to die, Craig. I've been to the brink myself a few times, and I've seen over the edge. The Beings have told me on several occasions that I was free to go with them, but I decided to stay here and continue my work in this vehicle that everyone calls John Lilly; they showed me that I am one of them. 'You are one of us'. I know that you know this because we've been there together. Whatever you do, Craig, I love you." On the very next morning, Dr. Graig Enright shed his mortal coil.


Trad climber
AKA Dwain, from Apple Valley, Ca. and Vegas!
Jan 13, 2013 - 07:08pm PT
I'd Illustrate for your threads but then
people would probably stop clicking on your threads if I did.


Jan 13, 2013 - 09:19pm PT
...and then I woke up.
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Jan 13, 2013 - 09:37pm PT
"......."--Y D Face
"......."--Y D Face
Credit: mouse from merced

Thread (0 pics) = 0
Dingus Milktoast

Gym climber
And every fool knows, a dog needs a home, and...
Jan 13, 2013 - 09:41pm PT

Art is the communication of emotion. Math is the language of science, art is the language of the heart.

When you write? For better or for worse you speak from the heart, every time it seems to me.

I'll offer another Milktaoist observation ... art is the process of showing part of your underwear drawer to the world and declaring,

Behold, this is who I am.

As much as the artist would like? She can never control the observer, she can never dictate to the recipient of her art, what to think, feel, say or do. It is the proverbial message in the bottle.

You toss out out a thousand messages in bottles just to get one back... the kindred spirit, the sympathetic soul, the 'I get it's of the world!

Art doesn't happen though, when you open your underwear drawer and reveal your secrets of the heart. Tossing a message in a bottle into the North Atlantic is not art. No.

Art happens and only happens when the observer receives it, sees it, listens to it, feels it, reads it. And every interaction between artist and viewer is unique, a one-time experience that can never be repeated, never be replicated. Each and every time a person reads one of your heartfelt posts, for better, for worse, for indifference, or for explicit praise; it is a unique experience for both, never to be repeated, ever.

So, respectfully, I wouldn't fester on post-counts. Its a rather meaningless measure of art, really. You're not in it for the money and you don't get paid that way, anyway.

I would suggest, rather, you acknowledge to your own heart, that your posts are read and you have touched the hearts of many on the taco and some of those folks are always there for you to offer a kind word, a reassuring 'e-hand' on the shoulder. You have touched the lives of many who have never and likely will never, meet you.

An artist should never expect praise or even acknowledgement. Its nice, don't get me wrong, and even nicer when accompanied my a royalty check. But don't expect it or you will be disappointed.

But make no mistake, you have observers, you have an audience. Make the best of it, make your art count.

But don't ever lose your sense of humor.


Sport climber
mammoth lakes ca
Jan 13, 2013 - 09:43pm PT
Dingus....Don't you have a plane to catch...?

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
Jan 13, 2013 - 09:44pm PT
"...and then I woke up and realized I was still Irish and I was booked at a riot about a bloody flag."
Dingus Milktoast

Gym climber
And every fool knows, a dog needs a home, and...
Jan 13, 2013 - 09:46pm PT
rottenj.... I'm still in the Big Apple man. Just had dinner at Mortons.... mmmm, not every day you get to scarf down a $50 steak on someone else's dime, nawmean? Think I'll stick around for a few days more :-)

mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Jan 13, 2013 - 09:50pm PT
I agree with DMT, heartily. The gang knows boring. You are far from that...

It's a stagnant pond you are stuck in, one that many here have had to traverse.

If things seem to be getting worse, fight like hell. Others are standing by on the belay.

We have neebee as back-up, too. And she's got some back-up.

Keep that noble head up, Mate.

Sport climber
mammoth lakes ca
Jan 13, 2013 - 09:53pm PT
Milkman...Just drop some of that 50 dollar steak when you fly over the minarets and i'll quit heckling you...Tell Morton hello...RJ

Sport climber
mammoth lakes ca
Jan 13, 2013 - 09:54pm PT
Patrick....Don't " bog " down over there mate...RJ
Dingus Milktoast

Gym climber
And every fool knows, a dog needs a home, and...
Jan 13, 2013 - 10:19pm PT
Going AND coming!
Going AND coming!
Credit: Dingus Milktoast

Times Square madness
Times Square madness
Credit: Dingus Milktoast

Foggy morning on the 35th floor
Foggy morning on the 35th floor
Credit: Dingus Milktoast

mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Jan 14, 2013 - 02:39am PT
Than you, DMT. This country fool suddenly sees why climbing is like it is today, rather than what it used to be.

Those shots of the city of money--a hugely busy place. It is no f*#king wonder YOU and OTHERS LIKE YOU are climbers. You could as easily be fishermen or have a singles scull or be into painting. The potential for recovering from the grind your lives have you in is there, being alone with your thoughts on belay, thinking about the harshened red in the eyes of the portrait, it lets you unwind.

It's plain as the nose on my face, Patrick Sawyer needs to go climb his ass off for a week and get fresh perspective.

It's "me" time, Patrick. Nothing selfish in it. Jen would sanction it, surely, and even if she didn't, you need to be good to yourself. I know you don't have a halo. (You wouldn't believe what a hassle they can be!) None of us own one, or even expect or want one, especially. They are conventions given out by a catholic society which demands slavery to a creed and way of living in grace few of us are equipped to lead.

I think that if you subscribe to atheism, then this should make you laugh, bitterly, probably, but at least you will or may laugh. And it is up to you to effect the climbing jaunt, too--arrange to pay a substisitter, etc., all of which may most likely be beyond your means. Maybe if you hit up a friendly priest...

This leads back to square one in a crazy-mouse trail, but I think I have the gist. It's up to the mouse to figure out how to get the cheddar, Patrick. It's not impossible.


Jan 14, 2013 - 05:11am PT
We are shadows that disappear when the light arrives
death is the light


Social climber
Jan 14, 2013 - 05:38am PT
hey there say, patrick...

thank you for sharing another post...

say, dingus...
as to your "Art is the communication of emotion."
that was a very nice and solid post of help, not only to
patrick, but to all of us...

well done, dingus...

patrick... keep sharing, or we'd have some serious
embroidery work on this taco-quilt, missing...

the quilt, personaly-special, warm, and efficient as it is, it
does NEED important intricate heart-felt stiches interwoven
through out it... it helps to not only to teach folks, about how
we all face parts of life, but it helps us all see how facing
hard things, goes SO much better, when we join with friends...

we have stitched reminders, you see? interwoven in our
shapes, on them, and around... (not only the basics, that sew us up together)...(basics, of course, which are needed, as well)...


Trad climber
Portland, Oregon
Jan 14, 2013 - 06:57am PT
Patrick: We do not know what lies down the road.

Knowing how true that is, and acknowledging I sometimes tip a bit for comfort when I am fatigued by it all, I've resolved never to lie down in the road always favoring the ditch instead.

Dave Kos

Trad climber
Jan 14, 2013 - 09:20am PT

FWIW, I read all your threads when I'm here, and enjoy them.

Funny how the good stuff often doesn't seem to require a response.
Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 14, 2013 - 08:03pm PT
Hey you all, you give me faith. You really do. No sh*t.

That is why I love this forum.

Thank you all for your thoughts.

And ChrisMac, keep this forum as it is.

And Cosmic, what are you going to do with the slacklining gorilla?
Mighty Hiker

Vancouver, B.C.
Jan 14, 2013 - 08:08pm PT
Patrick, can you arrange with the local authority for what we call respite care? Essentially, where they would take Jennie off your hands for a few days while you had a breather, perhaps on a regular basis? That sort of thing helps quite a lot.

The other thing, which I'm sure you know already, is to ensure that you get some fresh air and exercise every single day. Look after yourself, too!

Trad climber
Top of the Mountain Mun
Jan 14, 2013 - 08:36pm PT
Dingus, that was brilliant, thanks for your post. Join the club Patrick, we're just a bunch of wankers sitting around a fire trying to make some sense of the world.
Big Mike

Trad climber
Jan 14, 2013 - 09:12pm PT
I would suggest, rather, you acknowledge to your own heart, that your posts are read and you have touched the hearts of many on the taco and some of those folks are always there for you to offer a kind word, a reassuring 'e-hand' on the shoulder. You have touched the lives of many who have never and likely will never, meet you.

Dingus is wise.

Chin up Pat. Your posts here are more than welcome. I hope you can find a way to make some time for yourself.
Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 15, 2013 - 04:38am PT
Weesy, I never saw that movie, and I like Tommy Lee Jones, a fine actor. Is the movie worth seeing, it seems like it is from the YouTube clip?

Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
Jan 15, 2013 - 09:11am PT
Patrick, you've got a lot of admirers here. Keep on hanging in there.

If you like Tommy Lee Jones, you need to see this one too!


Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
Jan 15, 2013 - 11:24am PT
Waking up can be soooo deflating.
Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 16, 2013 - 08:26am PT
Jimbo Donini, don't give me hope. hah hah ;-) Gawd, I wish I could have climbed like you have. You, Guido (Joe), my brother Casey, my former editor Nick, and all of you Supertopians, what a crazy bunch that keep me sane.

Anders, yes, John the public health nurse is looking into a week respite care for Jennie. He just finished an intensive course on dementia, and is going to give me some buzzwords, of what to say and NOT to say to Jen.

John, the carers (Linda, Emma, Katherine) and Jen's doctors as well as mine see that I am burning out. As the first booklet the Carer's Association sent me... "Running on Empty: Who cares for the Caregiver".

Linda says I am running out of steam. Last Friday in the village was a nightmare, but I finally got Jen home and "settled".

And the attempted break in...

We live at the end of a close (cul-de-sac), the last house of seven. While the front doors of our neighbours - Rita, No 1, the late Doreen (2), Donal and Kathy and kids, (3) Tom (4), Robert and Ann and daughters (5), Jim and Miriam (6) are all visible from the street/close (one side are houses, the other side, trees and shrubs), our front door is hidden down a 'pathway'.

But it has both a Yale and Chubb lock. The kitchen door to the side garden and the double doors to the back garden, have these newer locks, and we always take the keys out of the doors.

I had electric gates and a CCTV put in after Jennie's initial illness, to keep her from, well it used to be called absconding, then wandering, but John, the public health nurse just finished an intensive course on dementia. It is now called 'walking', he tells me.

Last Tuesday (Jan 8) we came home around 16:30 after a visit to the Sea Life Aquarium in Bray.

Our front door has nine little window panes. The middle right was smashed in (so the burglars could access the latch) and the door jam/frame chewed up, obviously from a crowbar.

They did not get in. But the glass was all over the hallway and some shards into the kitchen and living room. They/he/she/whomever, must have really busted that window pane.

The two Garda detectives, Joanna and Frank, reckon they went over the wall to the left of the gates (I am putting barbed wire across that wall). They both said "they are like rats, they can scurry up anything".

I showed them my safe (passports, jewellery, documents - an expensive safe) in the wardrobe in the little room (office). "Is it bolted down"? "No", I said, "but it is really heavy."

Frank said he investigated a recent burglary where it would have taken four guys to carry the safe, and they did.

So I have the bolts that came with the safe and it is going to be bolted down.

I have the crime report. Joanna (I think the senior detective of the two) said not to be paranoid, that we actually live in a safe (albeit secluded) house.

But it is still very unsettling.

Jim next door, he works from home (but wealthy, he says he lost about 15 million the past four years, and I believe him as he is not a bullshitter. But they still have their holiday home in Wexford and the farmhouse they are refurbishing in Tuscany (Italy). So I am not crying for them but Miriam and Jim are really nice people.

Anyway, Jim was home that afternoon and said he did not hear anything, but his office is upstairs and away from our house.

Jennie was freaked for several hours, but the next morning, she did not realize we had been nearly broken into. But that is dementia. She can remember events from 10-20-30 years ago, but not from a day ago. She does not suffer from retrograde amnesia, but from anterograde amnesia (short-term memory loss, the frontal lobe in the brain that Korsakoff's first affects).

Anyway, added stress I do not need. At least they did not get in the house and ransack it, as is apparently often the case.

I was burgled in my flat in September 2001 (they tried my landlord's - Des - front door with a crowbar, then went down to my basement flat and kicked the door in, ransacked my flat and shimmied up the drain pipes to an slightly open bathroom window and ransacked Des). I lost my favorite Mamiya/Sekor 1000 DTL, single lens reflex camera, an excellent camera that mom got me when I was 14. They emptied both 4-draw filing cabinets on the floor and all the dressers/drawers in the bedroom.

I felt, well, violated. You know, a man's home is his castle.

Thieves suck.

My brother Casey says that Jen and I are fortunate to live in a country with health care and support. He adds that if I was a 56-year-old out of work in California (actually I am not out of work, I am a full-time carer, albeit not paid well and running out of money), I'd be out on the streets with no support.

And yet, Jennie thinks that California or the south of France would be better. She just does not know. Bless her.

We are okay. There are other Supertopians that need our support more than I do, though I do greatly appreciate the moral support you are all giving me.

I wish I was uber rich, and pay for the medical bills that some of my fellow Taco Standers have. And buy the rest of you new racks and gear.
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