personal fail moments


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Trad climber
Cali Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
Oct 12, 2012 - 05:57pm PT
Prollie my biggest "personal fail" moment was when ('89) I went to change the starter on my '81 chevie van and couldn't crawl under from the front to reach it because my head wouldn't fit under the front axle (twin I beam). So I went around to the side (between f&r wheels) and crawled under.

After changing it, I notice the linkage to the automatic trnasmission. I wiggled it a little, thinking it looked kinda loose. N00b alert, not recommended to try that!! Especially when your parked on a hill/incline and your emergency brake is shot and you didn't block your rear wheels as a precaution.

"KLUNK", was the sound I heard before the van slowly began to move (trannie slipped out of gear into neutral). I grabbed the exhaust pipe/muffler and attempted to stop it from moving. Made a nice try at it, but witin a few seconds it began picking up speed, so I did the only thing I could, wrap my feet around the friggin exhaust pipe, my arms around the muffler and hang on like my life depended on it. Because it did depend on it at that point, as far as I was concerned, since my head wouldn't fit under the front axle.

I recall screaming out at the top of my lungs "HELLLLLLLP", more of an impulse than anything since there was rarely anyone outside on our street. I lived at the top of the street/block and there was a busy, fast moving intersection at the bottom. Cars were generally traveling at the 45 mph speed limit. That's where I was headed, and if I made it through that, I would come to an immediate stop by either hitting one of the pepper trees that lined Pepper Dr., our the building directly across the street.

I had gotten up to 35-45 mi an hour while in neutral and attempting to jump start the van (auto), so I new I was in deep sh#t as it quickly picked up speed. I didn't know what the hell to do. It was kinda like, "How do I wanna die?" time. Let go and get my head squashed like a watermelon, or live a few more seconds and hear the screetch of tires a second before a car T- bones mine and prollie ends up killing them also. Or, maybe it would be a sudden death impact with the tree or building. Neither scenario looked good. Six of one or a half a dozen of the other. Looked like I was gonna end up belly-up in the morgue.

All I remember is that I had a death grip with my arms wrapped around that muffler and my feet on the exaust pipe. Nothing could have pried me off of there. So about three quarters of the way down the street (going @35 mph+) I did the only thing I could think of doing, I yelled at the top of my lungs "JESUS PLEASE HELP ME!" What happened next was, imo, a miracle. My arms/grip was ripped off the muffler. I recall seeing stars, a bright flash of a thousand white pinpoints of bright light (knocked out). And as I came to I heard a voice screaming "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" It was me.

I was pinned under the axle by my hip. My head had made it through, but I had a major headache and it was soaked in blood. My left hip/buttocks felt like it was on fire as it drug along the blacktop until the van slowly came to a hault. I was able to turn sideways/lay flat on my back and unpin myself. I lay there for maybe 2-3 seconds and suddenly notice the van is rolling once again.

I didn't know if I could even stand let alone walk or run I was in so much pain. But instinctively I jumped up, ran down the street after the van and pulled open the drivers door. Then I ran as fast as I could towards the back of the van and turned around. The van was already moving as fast as I could run so I was stairing, for a split second, at the door coming at me and it was about to clip me good if I couldn't get inside. It worked. I managed to jump inside and hit the brakes. Just feet from the busy intersection.

I remember being really shook up. Felt very funny, woozy and light headed. Prollie should have called an ambulance, but I new I couldn't afford that, so I dove myself to the hospital. They said I looked "White as a ghost." when i arrived there. I had two bumps the size of hard boiled eggs on either side of my head. And my levi jeans and boxer shorts on my left hip had a hole worn through the size of a volleyball. And my left hip/buttocks was ground down to the bone. Otherwise I was okay. But, evidently had a concussion, and they kept putting me through the catscan machine monitoring any buildup of blood/swelling under the cranium which would have necessitated a stent/shunt, but it wasn't necessary.

My life has been full of major FU/personal fails, but that one seems to be the first one that comes to mind whenever I end up on one of those Youtube sites/vids that have "major fail" incorperated into the title! lol

edit: "nice road-trip report"! -- Haha, double entendre there, lol! It wud probably qualify as a failed attempt, and be classifed under Epic, eh?
beef supreme

the west
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 12, 2012 - 06:04pm PT

no, seriously, i don't know what to say. that's insane. fukin palm sweat and everything reading it.

nice 'road-trip' report...? oh gawd.

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
Oct 12, 2012 - 07:00pm PT
I was pumping gas into the company van on Sunset Blvd while my co-worker sat
in it waiting to head out of Sin City back to nice, safe, boring Seattle.
A late model Caddy pulls up next to me. The door opens and I see about
three and a half feet of prime gam extend outwards as if to exit. When I
look at what the gam is connected to I felt a slight arrhythmia. Then the
blonde head nods towards me in the unmistakeable gesture of "Come hither."
I look around behind me to see who she is really trying to communicate with
and all I see is George in the van. I guess she means me. I walk over to
her and in a well-honed purr she intones,

"So, do you know where a girl can get a bite to eat in this town?"

Seattle? Job? George?

"Uh, well, gee, La Cienaga is right around the corner and there are lots of
good restaurants on it. Now you turn right out of the station and then you...


Still traumatized.

Oct 12, 2012 - 07:14pm PT
Should have stuffed that frozen burrito in Limping Crabs pocket as he climbed that tower.....zaaapppp. Heated right up.

Peeling the hot cheese off Crabs face would have been troublesome right at dinner and all.....

Trad climber
The pitch of Bagalaar above you
Oct 12, 2012 - 07:20pm PT
I sank a 22 foot danzi in the middle of the Lake of the ozarks in missouri.

Party cove 99'

Sluts everywhere, beer and drugs everywhere, titties everywhere.

We had just arrived, and were hammered. Commence the debauchery and realize the boat was going down.

Did all of the drugs and then called for the water patrol.

3 of them huddled around us, threatening DUI.

We payed another boat to haul us in for party favors.


Failed that day.

The Hot Kiss on the end of a Wet Fist
Oct 12, 2012 - 07:25pm PT
Oh Hanky Panky, DO tell more! Pleeeeeze.

The Granite State.
Oct 12, 2012 - 07:33pm PT
I've only read the OP so far, and that sh#t had me laughing.

Funny thing is, I've done the same exact thing.

You get home and then, thirty minutes later, your quick calorie fix is ready in the oven.


Trad climber
Cali Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
Oct 12, 2012 - 07:48pm PT
I bought this klunker '67 ford mustang real cheap back in the 80's for like $450.00, and it smoked liked hell and leaked traniie fluid like a freakin sieve. But it was a good deal, all I could afford (until I got the money to overhaul it) was all I had for transportation and figured I might as well make the best of it and drive it 'as is' for a while.

So, in regards to the smoke blowing out the back, I was accustomed to people coming by me and holding their nose, or holding a hand around their throat like they were choking to death, or shaking their head back and forth/from side to side with a disgusted look, or simply giving me the finger, or as I recall one lady doing, frantically waving as she pulled up along side of me and screaming "YOUR ON FIRE, YOUR ON FIRE!" lol!

So, this one day after I had just filled up at the local gas station, I just rolled along and went with the usual finger pointing and frantic waving, etc! Prollie flipped a couple peeps off, and yelled FU back a few times cuz that was what I figured they had come to expect from the local dirtbag ... or wudevah!

So, you can imagine my surprize, and how big of an A-hole I felt like when upon getting out of my stang I notice that I took the friggin' gas pump hose with me. Drug the sucker all the way home (3-4 blocks)! I recall paying my five or ten bucks cash to fill-up, or close to it (gas wuz cheaper then) and sticking it in the gas tank and cleaning my windows while it was filling. Just like I have done all my life. I don't recall how I got distracted that day after cleaning the windows, but I prollie started talking to someone or whatever and then just climbed back in while waving goodbye, or giving them the MF if it was'nt a complemenatary discussion, happens ever so often, eh? ... prollie the most likely scenario (somebody was in need of an attitude adjustment/most likely me, lol)!

And I do recall getting inside and cranking up the stereo which was the usual procedure (always gotta roll with good tunes, if nothing else) and there being a slight tug as I pulled away from the pump, but couldn't see anything as I looked through the rearview.

I took the pump handle/nozzle and the 4-5 ft of hose that was connected to it back to the gas station. I was a little concerned about getting fined or sued or something, but he just said "Thanks for bringing it back, most people don't!" It had a breakaway connection/quick release (or whatever it's called) on the end that attaches to the pump, so I guess it was a regular occurance and an added safety measure so peeps didn't driveaway with the whole damn gas pump! LOL

edit: btw, i did eventually get pulled over and ticketed for the smoking (0nly had it a couple of months and rode my bike most places / cuz it took a quart of trans fluid to just go to the damn grocery store and back, for one thing). Ended up selling it real cheap since mustangs were a dime a dozen back then and it was purdy much a basket case once i did get around to tinkering with it! I learned a lesson there also, always send in your change of ownership/registration on vehicles you sell, because you can't depend on them doing so. I had just gotten the new tags/sticker for the year (CA) and he didn't change ownership, nor fix it. He just drove it and parked it in red zones. etc., incognito! I was getting tickets and notices to appear by the sh#t load until i went to court and told my story! The d00d was another dirtbag no doubt. I should of known better and just kicked his ass in advance before selling it to him! ;)

Trad climber
Starlite, California
Oct 13, 2012 - 02:12am PT
I thought this was the FALL thread! (you know, fall colors, like red black and blue all over)

Sorry, my bad.

but Splitter's busting me up. Did I ever mention the time...ah, it can wait..

Trad climber
Poughkeepsie, NY
Oct 13, 2012 - 11:32am PT
I think this qualifies:
Sierra Ledge Rat

Mountain climber
Old and Broken Down in Appalachia
Oct 13, 2012 - 11:42am PT
My worst FAIL moment was when I said "I Do" at the alter.

Or maybe it was when I proposed to the bitch.

Gym climber
Oct 13, 2012 - 11:43am PT

<<< 3 X wives, many times in jail, total loss of 2 careers, 4 DUI's, two totaled cars, "and a Partridge in a Peartree"



Northern Mexico
Oct 13, 2012 - 01:21pm PT
splitter, that van story is off the hook! More please!!!!!!!!!!

Locker your life story should by-pass the book and go straight to movie!


Social climber
Greensboro, North Carolina
Oct 13, 2012 - 03:38pm PT

I first did this problem when I was a teenager. Last year, after not having climbed much for 6 months or so, I thought, "Hey, I still own this thing." FAIL. And let the whining begin. I'm climbing regularly again, so I'm coming for you Red Giant Traverse!

Social climber
Greensboro, North Carolina
Oct 13, 2012 - 03:51pm PT

Crash and burn.
Andy Fielding

Trad climber
Oct 13, 2012 - 06:18pm PT
...and the reason for two spotters is... ask the person if they're ok once they've hit the dirt.

Northern Mexico
Oct 13, 2012 - 06:39pm PT
One of many............


Trad climber
the basement of Lou's Tavern
Oct 30, 2012 - 08:32pm PT
I came up with my name for this forum while sitting at home with nothing to do and nowhere to go because i just fractured my neck. (C7)

How you might ask? Riding my bike with my head down. I was on it for a while, 3 or 4 hours, and was simply resting my neck and let my head drop a little. The road was clear, no moving cars, no pedestrians. I passed a parked sedan to my right and used that to judge just where I was in the road (subconsciously since really my head was only down for 2 seconds or so).

Well, the RV in front of that sedan was about 3 feet wider than it, so even though they were both parked along the curb, i picked my head up in time to see the bumper of the RV and smacked that sucker with the top of my head and my body straight behind it. It it so square at 10 or 15 mph I bounced off it right back into the saddle before I hit the ground.

Minor neurological damage to my left side to go with the fracture. lots of numbness and tingling that got better overtime but is still with me three years later. Plenty of shame for almost getting paralyzed by a parked RV that serves as a frickin WALL in this case, ONLY because i wasn't paying attention.

It also happened on a (recent) ex-girlfriends birthday. Oh the irony.

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