ZM, Cancer, and the end of a Dream

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Messages 201 - 220 of total 683 in this topic << First  |  < Previous  |  Show All  |  Next >  |  Last >>
dirt claud

Social climber
san diego,ca
Nov 15, 2012 - 03:04pm PT
So sorry to see this. Never knew Ian except through here but he obviously had a very positive influence on many people. His legacy will live through great memories I'm sure. Condolences to friends and family.
Ron Anderson

Trad climber
USA Moundhouse Nev. and land o da SLEDS!
Nov 15, 2012 - 03:04pm PT
damm...
climbski2

Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
Nov 15, 2012 - 03:14pm PT
I climbed my last El cap route about 26 years ago. Since that time. there's been some key negatives in my life, mainly, alcoholism and cancer. But I can say this with 100% certainty - since that last climb, even in my darkest hours, not one single day in my life has gone by where I haven't envisioned myself back on the big stone. Often, when I couldn't sleep, just picturing myself pasting a head or lounging in a portaledge would be enough to calm my mind down and get me to sleep.
So almost a year ago (and I'm 53 now), I started planning out my comeback to the vertical world - I had finally beaten alcohol (so far, and one day at a time), and in November (last year), I would be declared "cancer free". So this was going to be my gift from me to me - going back to what I loved the most.
I trained like a madman, and slowly but surely, built up a modern wall rack (my first El Cap route was before camming devices were available). I set my sights on ZM, and this was to be a solo - something I had never done. Mark Hudon literally taught me how to solo correctly and efficiently through many emails, complete with videos and photos, and chats on the phone - the man is SUCH a wealth of knowledge!
Fast forward to 3 weeks ago - I was sober still and had been declared "cancer free" last November. Life was good! Then I had a routine blood test for an unrelated issue. As soon as my oncologist got a copy of the test, he IMMEDIATELY ordered a CT scan. 2 days later, I'm in his office and get a brick in the face - cancer was BACK - in a big way. So they order the PET scan. Not only do I have cancer in the lung, liver, 2 lymph node masses, and possibly the spine, I've also got a failing kidney, which they need to put a stent in to restore its function.
Alright, so I've got cancer -I beat it once, and I'll do it again. But this is pretty bad timing, seeing as I'm supposed to leave for the ditch in 10 days from today. But the kidney thing is my worst enemy right now. It throws off your electrolyte and enzyme balance, and hinders red blood cell formation, causing anemia, which in turn causes fatigue, shortness of breath, increased hear rate, etc. So THAT'S why I couldn't finish a 27 mile bike ride 3 night ago - something that is so EASY for me
So it's the 11th hour now, and I'm pretty crushed. With big time cancer treatment coming up, I know this is probably the only chance I'm gonna get to live out my dream. I was hoping to keep climbing until I was too old to do it, but that's over with now.
My gut is telling me - "Don't be light, just go!" And I feel like I CAN climb - I just can't carry the bags up to the base or off the top, and am having a hell of a time trying to find a summit team.
Stage 4 cancer with a failing kidney, and I still want to solo El Cap - people who aren't climbers think I'm absolutely nuts!
I meet with the doctors on Thursday - they've already told me to go, but they don't know how much this kidney thing is affecting me. But I HAVE to do it!! I've worked too hard for this, only to get bitch-slapped by cancer again!
Whatever happens, SOOO much thanks to Hudon, and to Ekat and GAGner for keeping the stoke alive!!! Oh yeah... and F**K cancer!


Ian


Ian Gill

You don't even have to be religious, but just believe that there is something on this earth that is more powerful to yourself. For instance, man could never build Half Dome or create the Sierras. And that is good enough for me - to know that there is a power greater than man. TRY praying to that power and turn your problems over to it - take the weight off your shoulders, relax, take it all in, and regain that sense of self Learn to love yourself, and you'll realize what a tragic waste it would be to just do away with yourself. Life can be great again - persevere and believe in it.


Ian Gill


Capt Kirk talks about "hugging the mountain". Gee I feel all warm and fuzzy.

But "highly illogical"! Beam me up Scotty, I've done boogied myself out!
Cragman

Trad climber
June Lake, California....via the Damascus Road
Nov 15, 2012 - 03:40pm PT
"Oh yeah... and F**K cancer!"





Yep.
Gene

climber
Nov 15, 2012 - 03:56pm PT
Sad. But............

Ian/Charlie and Paul/Disaster Master are kicking it together now. To be a fly on that big wall.

g
locker

Social climber
Nov 15, 2012 - 03:58pm PT


My sincerest condolences to the family and friends of Ian Gill...

nita

Social climber
chica de chico, I don't claim to be a daisy.
Nov 15, 2012 - 04:07pm PT
I am so sorry to see this news...
Sending Heartfelt condolences out to ...Michelle, Trevor, Audrey, and Ian's friends and family.

Turtleback webcam  today..11-15-2012..The last rays of  daylight light...
Turtleback webcam today..11-15-2012..The last rays of daylight light up the Captain.
Credit: nita

Rest easy..
Saludos..
nita.


Strength in numbers.." One winter night.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvX4bqQsbjY
Mark Hudon

Trad climber
Hood River, OR
Nov 15, 2012 - 04:36pm PT
Goodbye, Ian.
splitter

Trad climber
Cali Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
Nov 15, 2012 - 04:41pm PT
Thank you for letting us get to know you, and for sharing your hopes and dreams with us, Ian! RIP, Bro!!
eKat

Trad climber
BackInTheDitch BackInTheDirt BackInTheDay
Nov 15, 2012 - 04:53pm PT
Ain't it rotten for the world!

:-(
froodish

Social climber
Portland, Oregon
Nov 15, 2012 - 04:56pm PT
I'm saddened to hear the news. R.I.P. Ian. My sympathies to Ian's friends and family. Take care of yourselves now.
Leggs

Sport climber
A true CA girl, who landed in the desert...
Nov 15, 2012 - 04:59pm PT
"When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

~Kahlil Gibran

Sincere condolences to all who loved Ian/Charlie... those who actively supported his endeavors and all those impacted by such a brave, wonderful, strong survivor and soul.

As Audrey stated earlier,
Keep following your dreams, and continue to take good care of each other!

~peace... we are all under the same moon and stars...

The Full Moon in the Desert.... Spring, 2012
The Full Moon in the Desert.... Spring, 2012
Credit: Leggs
Credit: Leggs
March 2010
March 2010
Credit: Leggs

*Kath* I love you.

SCseagoat

Trad climber
Santa Cruz
Nov 15, 2012 - 05:48pm PT
Turning the prayer wheels at Land of Medicine Buddha for Ian tomorrow.

Safe travels,

Land of Medicine Buddha
Land of Medicine Buddha
Credit: SCseagoat



Susan


Dean, yup.



drljefe

climber
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
Nov 15, 2012 - 05:55pm PT


My condolences.
eKat

Trad climber
BackInTheDitch BackInTheDirt BackInTheDay
Nov 15, 2012 - 06:10pm PT
Thank you, dear sweet Leggs and Silver.

Gagner

climber
Boulder
Nov 15, 2012 - 06:19pm PT
Super sad. Take care my friend....

As I may have said elsewhere, I met Ian around 78/79 in the valley - we were living the dream. I hadn't though seen or heard from him since around the early 80's, until last year. He had posted the classic picture of my long time partner Barbella doing pull-ups off his port-a-ledge on Mescalito. I saw the name Ian, and wondered if it was the same Ian from so long ago, so I connected with him via SuperTopo, and sure enough it was him. We chatted a lot since that time, reminiscing about the ditch, and making plans for the future. I really wish he had been able to make that last climb up ZM ... but it wasn't meant to be and now he is flying high.

I love you Ian - and I'll miss you...

Paul
eKat

Trad climber
BackInTheDitch BackInTheDirt BackInTheDay
Nov 15, 2012 - 06:22pm PT
You are a wonderful friend, GAGner!

oxoxo
drljefe

climber
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
Nov 15, 2012 - 06:24pm PT



And i wished for so long, cannot stay
All the precious moments, cannot stay
It's not like wings have fallen, cannot stay
But still something's missing, i cannot say yeah

Holding hands are daughters and sons
And their faiths are falling down down down down

I have wished for so long
How i wish for you today

Will i walk the long road (the long road)
Cannot stay (the long road)
There's no need to say goodbye say goodbye

All the friends and family
All the memories going round round round

I have wished for so long
How i wish for you today

And the wind keeps roarin'
And the sky keeps turning grey
And the sun is setting
The sun will rise another day

I have wished for so long
How i wish for you today
I have wished for so long
How i wish for you today

Will i walk the long road
We all walk the long road
Will i walk the long road
We all walk the long road
neebee

Social climber
calif/texas
Nov 15, 2012 - 06:37pm PT
hey there say, all... oh no... :(

i am so sorry and sad to hear this...

i will take this from nita, as she knows all the names:

I am so sorry to see this news...
Sending Heartfelt condolences out to ...Michelle, Trevor, Audrey, and Ian's friends and family


my that balm-love still work, but this time for the those left behind...
may time, as well, turn the pain of loss, into precious memories that hug, instead of hurt... :(


a sad night, hearing this... must turn it to do something good, or at least try:
will surely pray, and may something good be there for you, as you take care of his resting place, and gather with family...

god blesss, and again, my condolences to you all...
Fritz

Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
Nov 15, 2012 - 07:07pm PT
Condolences to family and friends of Ian.

I have the sadness of not knowing him, but I appreciated his posts on his desire, then the frustration of not being able to climb his last chosen route.

Best Wishes to all.
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