Topic Author's Original Post - Jun 24, 2012 - 05:25pm PT
It's taken me over a week to put this post up - I guess it's a place I just didn't want to visit in my mind. I couldn't officially accept the answer "No". If you read my last post, you know that for almost the last year I've been training and outfitting myself to get back on the big walls with a solo ascent of ZM, as a gift to myself for beating cancer and alcohol. I just wanted to climb again until I was too old to do it anymore. Ironically, with a month to go, I get smacked in the face with a cancer diagnosis again. I was still planning on going - but since that time, things have gotten much more complicated, and I'm officially one sick puppy.
I'm writing this because so many of you showed your true colors and stepped up with offers of help in getting my bags up to the base and off the top, mega moral support - even a few who couldn't be there offered $$ to anyone else who could help me haul my stuff. The power of the TacoStand truly came through, and I'm proud to call myself a member of this climbing community. I was not only touched, but completely overwhelmed at the selflessness of you all - and so many that I didn't even know! - in short, it blew me away!
Maybe that's why this is hard to write - in a sense, I feel like I've let people down. I know that's not the case (maybe except for the free beer that would have been available), but that's the way it feels.
It turns out that I have not one, but TWO cancers to deal with (very rare). The tumor in my lung tested positive for Melanoma (I once had a pre-cancerous lesion removed off my back), while the others appear to be colorectal cancer (my original cancer) that has metasticized to various parts of my body. But just to make sure, I have to have my liver biopsied this Wednesday to make sure which kind of cancer it is. They couldn't put a stent in my kidney to unblock it, because when they went in, they found that another tumor had eaten its way through the ureter wall and was causing the blockage. About 2 weeks ago I started to develop "lymphodema" in my right leg, meaning that my right leg is constantly swelling up due to a cancerous lymph node mass on my right side near my groin. If it was swelling up that much just from walking around the house, how bad would it get after climbing all day? I find myself prone to lightheadedness and short dizzy spells, which is probably not the best thing to have in the middle of a hook lead.
I finally had to make the call. Hudon assured me that if things went medically wrong, and I had to bail from say, 1,000 feet up ZM, that it would be a major ordeal. Seriously, it hurts more to know that I possibly may not climb a wall again (I'll be 54 this year) than it does to know I have cancer again. Sound crazy? Well, its the truth! I don't know what lies ahead now, I just know I have to find a way to beat it any way I can.
I will never forget all the support, well wishes, and people willing to give of themselves just to make my dream come true. That memory will live with me while fighting this f**ked up disease one more time. I know it's going to be a rough ride this time. Thank you all again, SO many times! And Hudon, Ekat, and Gagner? Extra thanks, you are all class acts!
Crap. Being a colorectal cancer survivor myself, I was pulling for you to get up that wall, but it sounds like you are making the right call.
I work in the health care industry and have plenty of contacts. Feel free to message me if you have questions or want advice and I will help where I can.
Thanks for sharing Ian and I'm terribly sorry about your situation. Metastasized melanoma is a grave diagnosis indeed. I'm a Heme/Onc nurse and I spend far too much time thinking about (and far too many dreams about) how I would feel and what I would do if I was diagnosed in the manner that so many of my patients are. It seems like you and I have had the same idea because if I could pull off one more El Cap route that's definitely what I would be doing. It pains me to see that that dream is not a likely one for you. Please take care of yourself and find a new outlet for your "one more shot at" dream. I know we will all be watching to see what you come up with and eager to help if we are able.
When you mentioned the leg swelling I kinda knew in my heart what it was and that it would put the brakes on your climb. I too know more than I care to know about cancer.
I've seen some very bad cases beaten. I can be done! When you do finally come back to the valley there is going to be one hell of a celebration .. I hope it will make the shindig that cheered on Alex and Hans pale in comparison.
Here is to bravery and balls and to someone..(you) who has tons of both!
Ian, I hope we get to meet sometime in a place with clear skies, grand, clean stone, and fire in our hearts for life's adventures. Be well. Fight hard. We're thinking of you!
Ian, sorry to hear the news, and good luck with your journey.
Just a thought - let's say that you got to the point where you thought you had a decent chance at ZM, but were worried about what to do if you ran into problems. Maybe, just maybe, it could be arranged that there just happened to be an experienced and prepared team following you up the route, a pitch or two behind. There if needed, as it were. I don't know if one can get down from ZM without major shenanigans, but maybe something of the sort would work. You'd still be soloing, but also prepared.
i had not known of this... as to your other thread, or, if i did, i may have put it to shelf, thinking it was well and fine now, :(
say--when folks do their 'trail duties' of setting up things for life, and such, this is NOT letting folks down, when the trail 'suddenly changes'...
chin up, as to that...
next--we will be praying, and whatever ever else folks can do, for you to tackle this, and see some kind of a victory...
keep hanging in here and sharing, and getting support...
surprises can happen up trail, you never know...
there are treasures to find, whether new or different, in the midst of any new trail, even if it seems far to hard to tackle...
whether the big wall comes true or not, the main point is to get well first...
there will be new joys found in whatever climbs open, after that...
and--just sharing your life with others that have hurt, in these same situation, will bring new life to folks that you have never even seen, met, or heard of, yet...
Dreams add sparkle to life and purpose to our play. Chasing that dream over the last year probably added some sparkle to your life. Keep dreaming even if it seems further away if not impossible today. Find other dreams, too.
I am rooting for you to have as much fun as is humanly possible.
Obviously tough to write and hard to read. My thoughts are with you. In the grand scheme climbing aint no thing. Toughing this sh#t out is, for however long the nasty stuff lasts.
You know that already. It aint as much fun as being on elcap for sure but it is an amazing and painful journey of discovery. If the time comes and you get a chance to get back on elcap I'd be happy help make it happen in any way possible.
I had a good reminder this week from "the gift that keeps on giving", it really isn't how much power we put out short term but how much endurance we have in the end.
I know that midstream HOPE can be really hard to come by. Let your friends, family and medical staff help when you are finding it hard to come up with any. You have more climbing yet to do Bro. And you have the power and endurance to see this through.
Ian, there is a saying "one loves ones desires, not what is desired". No matter how many times you climb El Cap, or other walls, and no matter how many times you get off the top and say "never again", the desire to return always seems to come back. You are lucky that you've already had an El Cap experience - most people can't say that.
Sorry to hear the turn of events. Ovarian cancer survivor here. I recall all too vividly those dark days of the feeling of letting people down. I know we didn't but it still is there. Keep your strength up for the really big wall facing you.
ian, my thoughts are with you tonight. i'm glad you found a lot of friends and support here on the taco. el cap can wait for now. just try and get better. steve
I was hoping you would still somehow pull it off although from your symptoms I was pretty worried about you.
Don't know you at all but you are a kindred spirit and therefore a brother.
I'm very sorry and please know you are an inspiration and the exact opposite of a disappointment.
I'm a nurse also and if you need anything please write.
Keep fighting and keep the dream alive in your heart.
I find myself prone to lightheadedness and short dizzy spells, which is probably not the best thing to have in the middle of a hook lead.
Seems like a benefit while on A4 hooks ;)
But truly, hang in there and don't give up hope. Fight out of this current nadir and find your next window of opportunity. Then... get after it. Best wishes from the east coast.
Sometimes amazing cures happen. I had a friend with acute leukemia - white cell count 5 times higher than "normal" leukemia, total liver and kidney failure, and he still pulled through all that - 12 years ago. He had good doctors, but most importantly an indomitable spirit. You want to get through the cancer to climb but maybe you climbed so that eventually you could survive even cancer. My friend rode a motorcycle across the Sahara desert among other things, and he said that experience helped him get through the leukemia.
Wishing you the best over the next few months and never give up on the dream. Perhaps when you are better we can pull together and get you up the big rock one more time.
Attitude is everything Ian you know that. You can win this but you have to believe you're the one going to win.
I've only read your posts but your situation has really touched me and I can only send you many many positive thoughts from France and tell you to hang in there, give it everything and I hope you get the best best luck you deserve to get back on the rock. Bon courage
"maybe you climbed so that eventually you could survive even cancer"
I so believe that was my case. During treatment I pulled on so many climbing metaphors. You can do this Ian. Live your life well no matter what is thrown your way.
Climbers Rise Above Cancer. Even when we feel like we fail to red-point, let alone on-site, we WILL try again. That is the difference between a soul who collapses and a soul who soars.
Paul, Disaster Master, had posted this on one of my cancer threads. Says a lot.
Keep soaring in spite of all the crap being thrown your way.
You shouldn't consider it letting anyone down! I am inspired by your dedication and want to continue life. When you get better my offer still stands, I'll even do the wall with you. Once your free and clear let me know, I'll fly down for that.
I still have my moments where I get so pissed I'm just two steps away from throwing all my gear in the truck, buy some food, and head for the wall and let the chips fall where they may.
But on a sensible note - My son has never climbed. If I were to take him to Tenaya, Toulumne (before treatment kicks in), to learn the basics and do some Easy climbs (maybe up to 5.7 or so) just so he can take in the atmosphere and enjoy himself at the same time - any suggestions for some 'must do' routes?
I've already decided Great White Book would be on the list for him, just for scenic quality alone!
That's actually John Barbella in the photo. We were sittin' out a rain day. I took my turn after John (not to be out done) Yeah, we were a little bored!
Sorry to hear about your cancer returning, I'll keep you in my prayers.
Sometimes the planning and work towards our dreams is more important and helps us in ways that are more important than realizing the dream itself.
Definately take your son climbing, and spend time in Toulemne. It really doesn't matter what you climb together, the time you two spend together will be what matters more then exactly where it is, or what you are doing.
Bump for some classic "easy" route suggestions to take my 17 year old son on in Toulumne, Tenaya, etc. He has never climbed before. I may do this for 2 - 3 days before treatment begins.
Ian, at some point after climbing, don't forget to do the *Tenaya Lake lay back* with your son.
Lake Tenaya's white sandy beach can be so relaxing...It's a great place to have a picnic and take a nap.
The sounds of kids playing, people climbing, and the water lapping on the beach...aahhh..
Best Wishes on your Journey..
From your neighbor to the south of you.
Salud..
nita...
ps..
F*#k Cancer.
pss, note for above.... That's the~ Golfer's route..+1
Hi all...friends of Charlie Gill's (also known as Ian) and others who have posted here and been so uplifting to him...an update to what is going on with him as you have not seen him here in a while...he has been undergoing some heavy duty chemo every other week - which has been working, the swelling in his leg has gone down - but it is not without its many side effects. One of which is a lowered immune system, and currently he has been in the hospital for over a week with double pneumonia.
Needless to say, between the cancer and the chemo, he has been unable to work to support his family...so a fundraiser has been started to help his family with the enormous strain this battle with this dreadful disease has placed upon them more than once...financially, physically, and emotionally. Charlie/Ian, Michelle and Trevor have handled this adversity with humor, dignity, and love and have been an inspiration to many. I wanted to make you all aware of this fundraiser should you be in a position to help... no amount is too small...a little goes a long way and is so very much appreciated.
Then Ian/Charlie can get back to the task of kicking Cancer's ASS!! to get his own up on a wall again!! Thank you for anything you can do to help Ian/Charlie and his family!!
I've attached the link to the fundraiser here. If for some reason it doesn't work here, try to cut and paste the web address. You can also find it on his Facebook wall. If you are unable to donate, leaving him some words of inspiration either here or on Facebook goes a long way too in lifting his spirits!
But on a sensible note - My son has never climbed. If I were to take him to Tenaya, Toulumne (before treatment kicks in), to learn the basics and do some Easy climbs (maybe up to 5.7 or so) just so he can take in the atmosphere and enjoy himself at the same time
go, have a time with your son, become the Gargantua and Pantagruel (Giants) of Yosemite.
Hi Ian/Family,
Cancer sucks, my 82 yr. old father is currently going through chemo for lymphoma in SoCal.
I've never met you and would like to help with a donation but I'm only
employed part time, substitute teacher, so that is beyond my means. I also live in Redding and am willing to help out in other ways (yard work,
painting, etc.) if needed. PM me here if there is anything I can do to help.
Sending you positive vibes for your recovery,
Tad
Thank you so much to all of you who have responded with messages and donations.
Your support and inspiration means the world to Ian and has lifted his spirits greatly.
I am reposting the fundraiser link here for those who may have missed it the first time.
Let him know that ZM looks just like it has for years, and it will look just like that for years to come. I hear these massive granitic monoliths don't move anywhere quickly and it will be there, waiting for him when he is healed up and ready for some action!
It has been two weeks since my last update. Asking you all to pray to whatever God or power you worship or believe in, for healing and peace for Ian/Charlie and his family. Ian is still in the hospital (after a short two days at home) and has been on life support for 10 days now for lung and heart complications brought on by the pneumonia and also on dialysis for the one good kidney which has failed due to these complications. There have been small improvements and he is fighting with all he has!! They are not dealing with the cancer right now, just trying to get him well enough to get off the respirator and sedation and have a little more time with him.
There have been so many of you who have responded to the FundRazr and/or with messages of healing and inspiration.... his family thanks you from the bottom of their hearts. He's one helluva guy and one helluva fighter. Perhaps our collective healing energies can pull him through, I know he can feel us all.
You are one fantastic community, thanks to you all.
Here's a link to the FundRazr again:
https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/bMOnd
It has been two weeks since my last update. Asking you all to pray to whatever God or power you worship or believe in, for healing and peace for Ian/Charlie and his family. Ian is still in the hospital (after a short two days at home) and has been on life support for 12 days now for lung and heart complications brought on by the pneumonia and also on dialysis for the one good kidney which has failed due to these complications. There have been small improvements and he is fighting with all he has!! They are not dealing with the cancer right now, just trying to get him well enough to get off the respirator and sedation and have a little more time with him.
There have been so many of you who have responded to the FundRazr and/or with messages of healing and inspiration.... his family thanks you from the bottom of their hearts. He's one helluva guy and one helluva fighter. Perhaps our collective healing energies can pull him through, I know he can feel us all.
You are one fantastic community, thanks to you all.
Here's a link to the FundRazr again:
https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/bMOnd
This pic was mounted with varnish onto a piece of plywood that gives the pic the 'rustic' coloring. From left to right: Ian (Charlie) Gill, ec, Ed Samson, David Ohst. Ian and Richard Leversee ascended some fixed ropes up to Heart Ledges; hauling up all our provisions for our climb of the Salathe Wall, plus a case of beer and other goodies. We climbed the lower half of the route and they met us there. This eliminated a lot of work (and an extra day) on our part by them being 'porters.'
now here is an interesting and encouraging update on Ian posted on Facebook last night by his wife after Ian had been awake, coherent and responsive all day (couldn't talk though due to the breathing tube, and too weak to write):
OK folks, ready for a another, if not bizarre, Charlie Gill update? Charlie must have decided that he did not need the ventilator....he pulled it out on his own. Normally, that would have been an emergency, however..Charlie began breathing on his own, talking, etc. Trevor and I thought we must be dreaming or something. So far, this is a good thing, but the next 24 hours will tell if his lungs are well enough to sustain an airway, if he has the strength to breath on his own, etc. They said that it is not beyond the realm of possibility that he may have to be put back on the ventilator. But then he smiled and said..."I don't know about this guy though"! Please keep those prayers coming...cuz it sure looks like they are working. Trevor Gill is staying at the hospital with his dad tonight, dad wanted him there. Whatta kid, I tell ya!!
What a testament to that fighting spirit of his! I do not know if he was able to sustain his own breathing through the night, but this is very encouraging...Keep those positive healing vibes coming!
Sounds like Charlie's good and stubborn(wall climbers usually are).That's a very positive attribute at this stage.Stay stubborn Charlie! Positive vibes still bein' sent yer direction brother.
bump with update. after almost 3 weeks, Ian is moving out of ICU today. pretty incredible. he still has a rough road ahead but this is really good news. and truly, a miracle.
on behalf of his family, many thanks again to all of you for your continued support!
Here is the link to the fundraiser for Ian Gill again. His wife Michelle is taking a leave of absence from work to be with Charlie at the hospital, where he has been for over a month. Your help is needed now more than ever, as are your prayers! Your support is so appreciated!!
After such a brave battle overcoming tremendous odds for the past 2 months in the hospital, Ian is now resting at home with hospice care and the care of his loving wife and son. He does not have much time left in this world. Please say a prayer for him to ease him onto that next ledge, and know the next time you are on a wall he'll be watching over you from that great port-a-ledge in the sky.
Thanks to so many of you who have given him your love, support and inspiration. I believe he has inspired you as well. He will be missed. Even three days ago he told us he thought he might be able to climb again. You will Ian, you will.
He called me the other day, he sounded great and we were right back to giving each other sh#t and talking about climbing, he sounded great. I'm shocked to hear this news. I'm going to be pretty bummed to be up on El Cap and know he's not there.
He respected and admired you so much Mark, and spoke much of you over the last year. I made the trip from Wyoming to see him last week, he was home and although weak, seemed to be doing well and making progress, and was the same old Ian we know! This has come as kind of a shock to everyone, we really thought he had at the very least several months left (and knowing him maybe more!) But he's not in any pain and that is a huge blessing. I'll keep you posted.
Just to give you an idea of Charlie's attitude, he has his brand new ledge and all sorts of gear hanging on a wall near his bed so he can see it and dream about the day when he was going to get back on El Cap. When we were talking I asked him to put a note up there on the gear so his wife would know who to give it to if he died. We laughed and he said he was thinking he'd give it to charity and I accused him of not being that good of a friend and we laughed and laughed and called each other names and laughed some more. We even worked out a training regime that he could follow to get back to climbing and up on El Cap. We talked about how someone was going to make a movie of his life and about who was going to play him and me.
Oh, Mark. . . you will NEVER know what an inspiration you were to Ian!
We yammered, at length, about walls and soloing and life in general - and there wasn't a day that went by without him attributing some kind of enlightenment or hilarity to you. You were a very, very good thing for him!
Climbers Rise Above Cancer. Even when we feel like we fail to red-point, let alone on-site, we WILL try again. That is the difference between a soul who collapses and a soul who soars.
Disaster Master Paul shared this with me when we were both going through chemo. Clearly, Ian, is a soul that soars.
it is unfortunate he cannot do any more chemo because of the toll it took on his immune system and the resulting complications this time around, but he will indeed continue to SOAR, just in a different dimension...
I've never met Charlie, but I know some of the guys on this thread who know him and my heart breaks to hear of the struggle he's going through. It seems as if he has a great crew on this journey and I hope he sails boldy and bravely along the route that is ahead of him. May he have many more days of reflection, laughter and hope in the days weeks and hopefully years ahead. Never stop holding out for miracles. They happen. May God grant him and all those around him strength in the coming days.
Prayers and best wishes are great but don't forget to click on Audrey's link above and do the right thing. When a family loses the bacon bringer it compounds the heavyness of a life in transition. Give even a little if you're broke. What goes around comes around.
Never met Ian (charlie) and his family but now know they are great peeps. One of the best threads in a long time. Help a brother's family in any way you can.
Ian's hopes and dreams are part of the collective good that trancends the more than occasional bs that can dominate the front page of ST.
Don't know what else I can say but let the Gill's know you care in a tangible way.
so nicely said Andy and thank you. I wish Ian could read all these messages, and see the photos and videos that have been posted - you are an amazing community and meant so much to him, and I know he can feel all of it as he said he could when he was on life support. When his wife gets a chance to read these I know she will be deeply touched.
here is the fundraiser link again. Ian's wife took a leave of absence from her job several weeks ago to take care of him, so every little bit helps.
https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/bMOnd
God speed...I hope his dream will continue to live on through all of you.
Audrey you made me cry. Charlie I will bump you for eternity you will not be forgotten here I promise you that.
Get out and live tomorrow take that day off help that person you wanted to help. Go give your loved ones a hug, call your mom or,dad siblings tell em you love them.
Many thanks to ALL the comments here! It is truly powerful magic!
We are all a special breed, and I am proud to be one of you!
Keep,Charlie in your thoughts today he loves us and we need to keep letting him know we are here for him.
Miracles , magic and dreaming for you Charlie. I
I finally had to make the call. Hudon assured me that if things went medically wrong, and I had to bail from say, 1,000 feet up ZM, that it would be a major ordeal. Seriously, it hurts more to know that I possibly may not climb a wall again (I'll be 54 this year) than it does to know I have cancer again. Sound crazy? Well, its the truth! I don't know what lies ahead now, I just know I have to find a way to beat it any way I can.
I will never forget all the support, well wishes, and people willing to give of themselves just to make my dream come true. That memory will live with me while fighting this f**ked up disease one more time. I know it's going to be a rough ride this time. Thank you all again, SO many times! And Hudon, Ekat, and Gagner? Extra thanks, you are all class acts!
Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
The power, and the glory,
For ever and ever.
Amen.
For all our lives, we throw our best efforts at these stones in search of meaning or redemption, when in reality, it is here, on the flat plane, where our deepest of needs are met....when we are surrounded by those who simply love us....and we them.
I pity those who have never experienced the high and wild, but so much more those who have never known the joy of being loved to the fullest, right to our last day.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
― Theodore Roosevelt
Roosevelt was talking about people like Charlie.....who know what it is to soar.
we all strive for some fashion of a legacy- if we know it or not. Climbers are that way in large part. Charlie is such a legacy in climbing. One acquires good friends through good deeds and that is truly the mark and measure of a legacy-that will stand to eternity in the hearts and minds of the MANY.
Charlies eyes have been gifted in the vertical world, and that world has been gifted by Charlies presence. SALUTE to you sir.
We've never met, but I wanted to send my wishes of peace to you and your friends and family. I lost my mom to cancer earlier this year and know how difficult that can be.
This quote from Kubrick has always been comforting to me...
"The most terrifying fact of the universe is not that it is hostile
but that it is indifferent; but if we can come to terms with this
indifference and accept the challenges of life within the boundaries of
death — however mutable man may be able to make them — our existence as
a species can have genuine meaning and fulfillment. However vast the
darkness, we must supply our own light."
--Stanley Kubrick
Judging from the responses to this and the earlier threads, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that you've created a lot of light.
Way to go people rain down positive love and caring on Charlie and his family.
They need us now more than ever to keep believing and keep praying for Charlie and his family.
Steve that was powerful and I feel your loss as most of have either know or have lost loved ones to cancer. I miss my grandma and se friends who have been lost.
Me too me too. I don't know Charlie but it crushes me to know he is dying and not topping out on the big rock right now. Dreams are hard to give up even when they are not your dream sometimes. Charlie and I share that dream of going back and enjoying another trip up the big one.
I hope your ok Kat I know you are friends. I'm thinking of you as we'll.
you are all incredible, i have tears in my eyes for not the first time. i have told Ian's wife about all the comments here...i don't know if she's had a chance to read them herself or if Ian has the attention span to have them read to him...but i'm sure he knows they're here and the sentiment they convey. thanks to all. i am still holding out for a miracle.
We all are Audrey we all are holding out for a miracle, and I'm not going to let this tribe forget our brother who is fighting for his life whether we know him or not.
Big thoughts n prayers for,Charlie and his family.
All of the sentiments shared here are amazing... Thank you to all willing to let their "guard" down....
Kath, Ian's family, and the many many friends who have been able to experience the beauty of this wonderful man first hand... much respect to you, for so many many reasons. This thread restores my faith in the amazing folks here on the Taco, and this thread deserves, and than some, to be at the top... now... and always.
~peace, positive energy, and the reminder to live IN THE MOMENT, and with kindness.
Thanks Nita for the quick link...it's almost at the goal, but that will only scratch the surface considering all the care he's had and will need. It should be easy to meet the goal and then add on to it.
It's a really straight forward process to give....
Ian, I have had the same feelings as the past year I broke my neck and back in a fall. I'm in severe pain and people don't understand since I don't have any visible signs of anything wrong with me. Prior to this I had announced to people that I was beginning training to do the Eiger. Most everyday now someone asks me how my training is going. Since I own a climbing gym I feel embarrassed to say that everyday and sometimes several times. Next comes the big question - "Well then, when do you expect to go?"
I have not been allowed to try to climb and everyday I walk into the gym and get a knot in my stomach. I've been climbing now for 45 years (I'm 54 years old) and climbing has been my whole life since the age of 10.
I am still hopeful to climb again. I'm having a tough time finding a surgeon around my city that I can trust to keep from screwing things worse.
You keep fighting as I am also. We both have just one real problem - We can't do what ware genetically made to do. - Climb
The Bible says that after Jesus returns from Heaven with a shout we who are dead will be raised. After this happens lets you and I find the time to climb something together.
Last night Ian's wife Michelle spent quite a while reading the super-topo thread to Ian/Charlie. She could tell at times that he knew what she was talking about. She said he smiled and nodded a few times and it looked like it make him happy. Thank you all.
"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours."
“For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one. In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond; And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring. Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.”
That is beautiful Leggs, thank you. And so appropriately timed.
"And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.”
Then he is truly dancing now...on some big wall up there somewhere...and some of his last memories are all your messages being read to him. I cannot tell you how meaningful I'm sure that was. And I'm sorry to have to share this sad news.
I know I speak for his whole family when I say thank you for all your support here over the recent months and days. And to so many of you who had never even met him who donated to their fundraiser, heartfelt appreciation.
For anyone wishing to send cards to his family:
The Gills
469 Tourmaline Way
Redding, CA 96003
and here is the link to the fundraiser again (I don't know how to do it in clickable form, I'm sorry!)
https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/bMOnd
Keep following your dreams, and continue to take good care of each other!
Oh noooo...just came back from a bike ride, never ever wanted to see this.
"Be now forever taken from my sight, though nothing can bring back the splendour in the grass, glory in the flower, we must grieve not, but rather find strength from what remains behind" Wordsworth.
So sorry to see this. Never knew Ian except through here but he obviously had a very positive influence on many people. His legacy will live through great memories I'm sure. Condolences to friends and family.
I climbed my last El cap route about 26 years ago. Since that time. there's been some key negatives in my life, mainly, alcoholism and cancer. But I can say this with 100% certainty - since that last climb, even in my darkest hours, not one single day in my life has gone by where I haven't envisioned myself back on the big stone. Often, when I couldn't sleep, just picturing myself pasting a head or lounging in a portaledge would be enough to calm my mind down and get me to sleep.
So almost a year ago (and I'm 53 now), I started planning out my comeback to the vertical world - I had finally beaten alcohol (so far, and one day at a time), and in November (last year), I would be declared "cancer free". So this was going to be my gift from me to me - going back to what I loved the most.
I trained like a madman, and slowly but surely, built up a modern wall rack (my first El Cap route was before camming devices were available). I set my sights on ZM, and this was to be a solo - something I had never done. Mark Hudon literally taught me how to solo correctly and efficiently through many emails, complete with videos and photos, and chats on the phone - the man is SUCH a wealth of knowledge!
Fast forward to 3 weeks ago - I was sober still and had been declared "cancer free" last November. Life was good! Then I had a routine blood test for an unrelated issue. As soon as my oncologist got a copy of the test, he IMMEDIATELY ordered a CT scan. 2 days later, I'm in his office and get a brick in the face - cancer was BACK - in a big way. So they order the PET scan. Not only do I have cancer in the lung, liver, 2 lymph node masses, and possibly the spine, I've also got a failing kidney, which they need to put a stent in to restore its function.
Alright, so I've got cancer -I beat it once, and I'll do it again. But this is pretty bad timing, seeing as I'm supposed to leave for the ditch in 10 days from today. But the kidney thing is my worst enemy right now. It throws off your electrolyte and enzyme balance, and hinders red blood cell formation, causing anemia, which in turn causes fatigue, shortness of breath, increased hear rate, etc. So THAT'S why I couldn't finish a 27 mile bike ride 3 night ago - something that is so EASY for me
So it's the 11th hour now, and I'm pretty crushed. With big time cancer treatment coming up, I know this is probably the only chance I'm gonna get to live out my dream. I was hoping to keep climbing until I was too old to do it, but that's over with now.
My gut is telling me - "Don't be light, just go!" And I feel like I CAN climb - I just can't carry the bags up to the base or off the top, and am having a hell of a time trying to find a summit team.
Stage 4 cancer with a failing kidney, and I still want to solo El Cap - people who aren't climbers think I'm absolutely nuts!
I meet with the doctors on Thursday - they've already told me to go, but they don't know how much this kidney thing is affecting me. But I HAVE to do it!! I've worked too hard for this, only to get bitch-slapped by cancer again!
Whatever happens, SOOO much thanks to Hudon, and to Ekat and GAGner for keeping the stoke alive!!! Oh yeah... and F**K cancer!
Ian
Ian Gill
You don't even have to be religious, but just believe that there is something on this earth that is more powerful to yourself. For instance, man could never build Half Dome or create the Sierras. And that is good enough for me - to know that there is a power greater than man. TRY praying to that power and turn your problems over to it - take the weight off your shoulders, relax, take it all in, and regain that sense of self Learn to love yourself, and you'll realize what a tragic waste it would be to just do away with yourself. Life can be great again - persevere and believe in it.
Ian Gill
Capt Kirk talks about "hugging the mountain". Gee I feel all warm and fuzzy.
But "highly illogical"! Beam me up Scotty, I've done boogied myself out!
"When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
~Kahlil Gibran
Sincere condolences to all who loved Ian/Charlie... those who actively supported his endeavors and all those impacted by such a brave, wonderful, strong survivor and soul.
As Audrey stated earlier,
Keep following your dreams, and continue to take good care of each other!
~peace... we are all under the same moon and stars...
As I may have said elsewhere, I met Ian around 78/79 in the valley - we were living the dream. I hadn't though seen or heard from him since around the early 80's, until last year. He had posted the classic picture of my long time partner Barbella doing pull-ups off his port-a-ledge on Mescalito. I saw the name Ian, and wondered if it was the same Ian from so long ago, so I connected with him via SuperTopo, and sure enough it was him. We chatted a lot since that time, reminiscing about the ditch, and making plans for the future. I really wish he had been able to make that last climb up ZM ... but it wasn't meant to be and now he is flying high.
And i wished for so long, cannot stay
All the precious moments, cannot stay
It's not like wings have fallen, cannot stay
But still something's missing, i cannot say yeah
Holding hands are daughters and sons
And their faiths are falling down down down down
I have wished for so long
How i wish for you today
Will i walk the long road (the long road)
Cannot stay (the long road)
There's no need to say goodbye say goodbye
All the friends and family
All the memories going round round round
I have wished for so long
How i wish for you today
And the wind keeps roarin'
And the sky keeps turning grey
And the sun is setting
The sun will rise another day
I have wished for so long
How i wish for you today
I have wished for so long
How i wish for you today
Will i walk the long road
We all walk the long road
Will i walk the long road
We all walk the long road
i will take this from nita, as she knows all the names:
I am so sorry to see this news...
Sending Heartfelt condolences out to ...Michelle, Trevor, Audrey, and Ian's friends and family
my that balm-love still work, but this time for the those left behind...
may time, as well, turn the pain of loss, into precious memories that hug, instead of hurt... :(
a sad night, hearing this... must turn it to do something good, or at least try:
will surely pray, and may something good be there for you, as you take care of his resting place, and gather with family...
god blesss, and again, my condolences to you all...
I have the sadness of not knowing him, but I appreciated his posts on his desire, then the frustration of not being able to climb his last chosen route.
Paul Gagner thanks for that history on your friendship with Ian and I'm sorry for your loss as well.
Just a thought but perhaps when you and Jeremy are out on a tower putting up an FA you name it after yer friend.
Just really thinking about this tonight. Really see how important it is to get after life every day and not take for granted you'll get another day or chance or opportunity to do or say something. Seize it folks and tell the ones you love that you love them just don't think they know it you have to tell them.
Goodnight and may Ian's family find some peace tonight knowing the pain and suffering of this disease is over and he is free from a state of being none of us would ever want after living in the high and wild places we seek as climbers.
Ian,
You kept your dream alive in all of us.
I wish your family the peace and love that many of us have felt for you on this journey.
We're all just pilgrims on this road.
Ian and I started exchanging emails just about a year ago and it wasn't too long before we were insulting each others climbing ability and mothers (Jeremy style). He was going to solo ZM and I was planning to solo Lost in America. We joked about lobbing sh#t bags at each other and also swinging over and enjoying a non alcoholic beer (neither of us drank) together. He'd send me a web link of a water ballon launcher he had found and I'd tell about a dart gun I had found or the super duper Wrist Rocket I was going to get. We'd laugh and laugh and laugh.
Right now, I think Ian would enjoy it if we had a full on, typical ST, name calling, fake avatar commenting, rude private email sending "discussion" about who was going to get his gear or how we were going to divvie it up!
Cragman, if Ian had said that to me I'd have told him that he had better have his aiders reinforced since the regular ones wouldn't support his fat ass!
I had known Ian Gill through his partner BITD, Richard Leversee as we crossed paths in the Southern Sierra. We would frequently hang out at Leversee's parents summer home in Camp Nelson. I'm sure Leversee's parents had no clue of the goings-on of the very first (and only) climbers' haven in The Needles area; certainly at times a cross between Camp 4 & Animal House. Nonetheless, many an adventure had been launched out of that place, fostered by many a late-night 'enhanced' bullsh*t sessions. 'Truth was, we frequently turned that BS into reality. Ian had been a regular participant in what most people thought was madness. We looked back at those days as some of the best times of our lives.
Ian had a knack for laying monikers to his few and precious possessions. In particular, he drove 'The Mighty D,' a small Datsun pickup with a shell over the bed. On a late season trip to an obscure Kern crag, Leversee and I had discovered a small piece of rose quartz that resembled one hemisphere of a human brain (don't recall which side). In the area where we discovered this stone, the fallen oak leaves had gathered only in the tiny dry watercourse of the forest floor. Ian would frequently recite the 'tale' of our journey of finding this artifact, AND became the official keeper of 'The Brainstone' that was found by 'The Leafstream.' Ian would jokingly attempt to procure the 'ultimate climbing knowledge/power' from The Brainstone, only to 'bang' it against his head and find that, "It doesn't fit!?" Ian's levity had great entertainment value. I can still see Ian standing behind the Mighty D or on an El Cap attempt we did together doing his theatrics. The Mighty D years later, met an untimely demise with Ian at the wheel; Ian survived, however The Brainstone was thrown from the wreckage, never to be found.
On an obscure, but relevant note, Ian did the 2nd Ascent of The Romantic Warrior at The Needles BITD with Leversee prior to venturing to El Capitan.
Even though some people move on, lose touch and have to act like grown-ups, we are still bonded together from the experience forever.
Gosh, so sad to read this. When I read Audrey's post letting us know Ian had passed on, I was truly moved. There is a lot of love here. I think he went on his way in good style surrounded by many kind hearts.
I Didnt know him, but knew of him. The friends of my friends are my friends, and it was good to see Charlies friends gather for him. Im glad his suffering is through- ive experienced cancer in my family and know very well the struggles. I feel a loss when those in my own age bracket fall - a piece of my generation gone into the history books. And the older we get the more of these situations we go through. Good on all of you.. And may Ian"s Spirit be where ever he so chooses.
Turned the prayer wheels and banged the gongs and bells at Land of Medicine Buddha today. Very sad that the list of my remberances is getting longer from the Taco.
Safe travels, Ian, you have left behind a long trail of beautifully broken hearts.
The bells and gongs at LMB. Today they rang and pealed through the Soquel Hills for a fallen climber.
RIP Ian. Have some fun climbing in the next world.
My condolences to all his friends and family.
As a survivor of colon cancer, this one is close to home. Another reminder for all of you out there who are over 45 to get checked.
I just spoke with Ian's wife Michelle and she said that at some point she will get on here to thank you all herself, but in the meantime she asked me to let you all know how much she and Ian appreciate all the love and support that has been shown here.
Ian had told her he really felt like you were his people, this is where he truly belonged. He was so inspired by all of you and she let him know you were all inspired by him as well. She spent his last night reading him your messages, and he smiled and laughed and was aware of all of it. She really wants you all to know this, and how much it means to her and meant to Ian, and thanks you deeply.
super sad to read this. my condolences to his family and friends. I'll remember this thread for a really long time, it's so hard to lose great people. steve schneider
Bumping for Ian's family so they know I am still thinking of you and praying your days to come are better.
Gone but not forgotten peeps let them know where still here and if you can afford a buck or two throw it to Ian's family to help with the burdens of health care.
RIP, friend I never met. You ran it out to the end. Full value.
Climbing in the desert today, may have a chance to spin the Brutus wheel in person if not, I will soon, and am doing it in spirit.
Gone but not forgotten peeps let them know where still here and if you can aford a buck or two throw it to Ian's family to help with the burdens of health care.
Been thinkin' on this a lot. Many times, finding an appropriate way to express one's feelings on something is hard. The words fall short, for me at least.
Be at Peace, Ian. Where we go, you go with us.
My condolences to Ian's friends and family. He was a real man and a rascal I bet before this began to draw him down.
I had the pleasure of exchanging emails and phone calls with him while he was still fully stoked to get back up on the Captain. I traded him a couple of Camalots for a 1 1/4" Colorado Nut from the old days as he was trying to fill out his wall rack. We had some laughs about how much things had changed and how much impedimentia was getting in the way nowadays.
I am sorry that he wasn't able to visit with the clouds and stone before his vitality was taken from him but I am sure that looking back on his climbing days gave him some measure of strength in facing the inevitable so bravely. Having community here on the ST helped shore him up as well.
He lives on in our memory now and I am glad that I have a small aluminum reminder to tune me back in to his channel whenever I pick it up.
Rest in Peace Ian...and then come back and shake it up again with us!
Bumps for our man Ian and his family. We're still here for you. I'm hoping more stories will be told for the record so Ian's family might get some stories they don't know about his time in the mountains with his partners.
I can't remember if I posted this info but a quick scroll through I didn't see it, so here's info from Ian's wife on his memorial service to which all are welcome:
Charlie Gill --- Memorial Service ---Saturday November 24th 11:oo am. Allen & Dahl Funeral Chapel in Palo Cedro. From Redding, Take 44 to Deshutes, turn right....if you go more than 75 yards, youve gone too far. It is set kind of back in on the right side of Deshutes. Food & Drink to follow at my house, in Redding right by the Wed Nite Live Church. 469 Tourmaline Way, Redding. Or come to the service & follow the crowd. Any and all are welcome. It would have meant alot to him, now it means a lot to Trevor and I.
Thanks again everyone for all your messages of support.
Audrey
For those who have asked or are interested flowers can be sent to:
Allen & Dahl Funeral Chapel
9110 Deschutes Rd
Palo Cedro, CA 96073
Home address:
Michelle & Trevor Gill
469 Tourmaline Way
Redding, CA 96003
i just saw this thread again today. didnt realize that Ian was sick again. this is so sad. i hung with Ian and richard and eddie joe a bunch during the early needles days. I recall that Richard and Ian climbed the warrior in preperation for their shield ascent. How quickly the years pass and friends before you know it are gone.
May the suns first rays awaken you on your portaledge every morning for all time my friend....
I was out Christmas Tree hunting today, sans my two oldest kids, who have moved away.....and I found myself having a little pity party that they weren't along.
Then I started thinking about Ian's family, heading into these holidays without him....felt pretty stupid whining about my kids being a few hours away.
Ian,,how do i say this,,,we are all afraid of cancer,,and thats the way the AMA wants it,,there was once a man named RIFE who played with frequencys back in the 40Ds or so with great results,,,helping many ailments including cancer,,I know a personal friend 85 years old cleared of prostate cancer,,we all have plenty of worry and stress ,good to have options,,at Chelsea:s clinic in oregon,donations are accepted,,,peaceandlove,,
Hmmmm, probably not the time of the place to take a left turn, but I'd never heard of it Melski (Rife or the place). Quick google search/copy/paste for the next one of us blokes who may need it.
Gonna quote it, at the risk of sounding like an out of place Dr Bonner soap bottle.
"INFORMATION
Chelsea’s Sanctuary of Hope Society is Located in the small town of Lafayette, Oregon, about 5 miles southwest of Portland, on Highway 99 west.
Invited family and/or friends and their visitors are welcome to come and enjoy an easy, peaceful and healing environment while experimenting with the Rife technology. There is not charge at Chelsea’s Sanctuary of Hope for experimenting with our generators.
The goal of Chelsea’s Sanctuary has been to educate our friends and visitors in regards to the benefits of Rife technology and the basic protocols that address the cause and effect of most diseases. This education will help you to make informed decisions while working in conjunction with your preferred health care provider.
Each of us individually – not our doctors, friends or family – is responsible for our own health. Taking charge of one’s health demands a lot of research – experimental investigation with Rife technology is a complimentary option. It also means following proper guidelines for nutrition and maintaining a healthy lifestyle to prevent illnesses from returning.
We are all individuals; therefore, there are different response rates to the same program. A basic nutrition, hydration, detoxification and balanced pH body chemistry protocol is greatly encouraged, along with being supervised by a qualified health care practitioner knowledgeable in treating your particular condition. We urge you to advise your health care practitioners, should you choose to embark on experimenting with Rife technology.
*Please note we do reserve the right to ask any visitor to leave the premises at any time we deem necessary.
Chelsea’s Sanctuary Hours M-TH 9-5 Friday 9-1
293 West 3rd Street
PO Box 401
Lafayette, OR 97127
Telephone: 503-864-9494
Email: hope.can@verizon.net
ROYAL RAYMOND RIFE 1888-1971
Royal Raymond Rife was one of the most brilliant medical scientists of his century. After studying at Johns Hopkins, Rife developed technology that is still commonly used today in the fields of optics, electronics, radiochemistry, biochemistry, ballistics, and aviation.
Because Rife was self-educated in so many different fields, he intuitively looked for answers in areas beyond the rigid scientific structure of his day. He mastered so many different disciplines that he literally had, at his intellectual disposal, the skills and knowledge of an entire team of different fields.
Rife ignored debate, preferring to concentrate on refining his method of destroying tiny killer viruses. He used the same principal that made them visible to kill them: resonance. By increasing the intensity of a frequency, which resonated naturally with the microbe, Rife increased their naturally oscillations until they distorted and disintegrated from structural stresses. Rife called this frequency “the mortal oscillatory rate”. It did no harm whatsoever to the surrounding tissue.
Today’s Rife instruments use harmonics of the frequencies shown on the display screen. This principal can be illustrated by using and intense musical note to shatter a wineglass: the molecules of the glass are already oscillating at some harmonic of that musical note; they are in resonance with it. Because everything else has a different resonant rate frequency, nothing but the glass is destroyed. It took Rife many years working 48 hours at a time, until he discovered the frequencies which specifically destroyed herpes, polio, spinal meningitis, tetanus, influenza and an immense number of other dangerous disease organisms.
In 1934, the University Of Southern California assigned a team of doctors and pathologists to examine terminally ill or incurable cancer patients using the Rife Beam Ray light device- if still alive –in 90 days. After 90 days of treatment, the Committee concluded that 86.5% of the patients had been completely cured. The treatment was then adjusted and the remaining 13.5% of the patients responded within the next four weeks. The total recovery rate using Rife’s light generator was 100%.
The Smithsonian Annual Report #3776 mentions that Rife’s light device was effective with many other diseases of his time, such as sarcoma, leprosy, tuberculosis and typhoid.
In contrast to the treatment devised by Rife, modern medicine attempts to deal with cancer by targeting drugs to specific cells and tissues that have gone awry. While advances in molecular biology have improved the targeting accuracy, and the newer varieties of drugs are a little less toxic to the body, it still remains that these formulas are not the best solution to eradiating viruses and disease.
Posted by Kristen Marie at 7:05 AM 1 comment:
ROYAL RIFE COMMENT
Not long before he became ill, Dr. Rife made the following profound (under) statement:
(quoting)
“I hope I have helped humanity some. I am just an ordinary man, doing the best he can.
We are all here to do our part. Each has a purpose as he lives it and thinks it. We need religion to balance scientific discovery, and the material and spiritual roust go side-by-side.
Religion guides scientific discoveries. Religion is a stabilizer. I sincerely thing and believe our Good Lord helps us in many ways to accomplish our desires. This has been proven in many cases where results obtained were from non other than our Almighty God.
The most important thing I ever did was build a microscope. The things I’ve done have possibly (!!!!) helped humanity. I have tried to create and develop things for the good of the Universe. I am grateful to God that he has allowed me to the things I have done.
(end quoting)
Is it any wonder why Dr. Rife was chosen to bring forth a gift of such vast good for humanity?
Posted by Kristen Marie at 7:04 AM 4 comments:
MANADATORY DISCLAIMER
This information in this brochure/blog is presented for educational purposes only and is not intended to be construed as medical advice, nor is it intended to lead anyone away from a qualified health care practitioner. We make absolutely no claims of any cure for any disease. Using a functional generator for other than equipment testing is considered you own personal experimental investigation. We cannot take responsiblility for those who treat themselves. If you have a medical condition, we urge you to be supervised by a qualified health care professional of your choice.
For more facts about Royal Raymond Rife, see the book “The Cancer Cure That Worked”, written by Barry Lynes, at www.barrylynes.com/index.htm
Posted by Kristen Marie at 7:03 AM No comments:
Home
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)
"
Bumping this Fundraiser link again for Ian Charlie Gill's wife Michelle Gill and son Trevor.
We don't always think of everything that goes along with losing a loved one...not only is there an emotional toll, but there can be a financial toll as well, losing the breadwinner with a house and family left to be taken care of....
Charlie had no life insurance, investments or benefits, was unable to work for many months, and Michelle took a leave of absence from her job to take care of him...so the burden is heavy...anything you can do to help Charlie's family is so appreciated...no amount is too small and every little bit helps...
And many heartfelt thanks to all who have so generously donated, it means so much!
Ian has a bunch of gear he doesn't need anymore, gear he was getting for his ZM solo. We need to figure out how we can, maybe, auction, that gear off to help Michelle make some money.
I know he has a Metolius double ledge and fly and I know both are brand new. I'm sure he has several dozen biners and a few sets of cams and all the rest of it.
Someone could set up a Merchant Visa account so they could take credit cards or maybe a Paypal account. With a PayPal account you can generate USPS shipping labels as well. I could do all that but Ian's gear is down in Redding and I'm several hundred miles away.
Parting it all out & sell it on eBay would yield the most dough. Loads of work to set up the web sales, even with the account(s) in place (as I do). The problem would be moving the stuff down from Redding. PM me. ec
Ian's gear was meant to go up on El Cap, it should do just that. His dream doesn't have to end just because he is gone...
Ian gave us some of the best threads I've seen on supertopo, I have been here since the start. I know some people say this thread is so sad, but there is so much of it that isn't. I hope people can see how much stoke was in the man. Enough to light a fire!
beautiful, you all bring me to tears. i know any help you can give michelle in selling/buying/auctioning his gear would be just awesome. I am not in Redding either, but can help in any way.
Thanks so much you guys
Audrey
HohMahn. . . Ian's gear. . . I'd find stuff on Craigslist and tell him about it and the next thing I knew, he owned it. . . he was SO looking forward to being on El Cap again.
We've been a community for long enough now to have weathered the passing of many of our friends over these years together. With each passing we are reminded we too shall pass this way, each in our own time.
And for all the various on an off topic bickering it's in these somber threads supporting and bidding friends farewell where we see the best of us. Ian, glad to have been able to learn about your through your friends here - farewell and godspeed.
If I can get the gear, I have a way figured out that I can sell it, accept payment and ship it out, it's what I do now anyway. I just need to get the gear!!
How about someone in Redding drive it north a couple hours, meet someone,, they drive it further and eventually I'll meet someone and drive it home?
We've been a community for long enough now to have weathered the passing of many of our friends over these years together. With each passing we are reminded we too shall pass this way, each in our own time.
And for all the various on an off topic bickering it's in these somber threads supporting and bidding friends farewell where where see the best of us. Ian, glad to have been able to learn about your through your friends here - farewell and godspeed.
How about someone in Redding drive it north a couple hours, meet someone,, they drive it further and eventually I'll meet someone and drive it home?
Dood. . . If I had gone to Shasta to ski this winter, I'd jump right on this proposal, but I'm afraid I'm clear up at the Canadian border in MT, these days.
POOP.
If there's anything else I can help with. . . PLEASE LET ME KNOW!
I can't come to this site anymore without tearing up. You all are the best, and Mark you are awesome!! You all blow me away. I should have been a climber; I hope you all know what an amazing community you have here!!
The Guide Tennies are gone but the Jetboil is still available. I don't have the gear yet so I can't take payment and send it to you yet. Email me with requests to keep my eye open for various wall stuff you might want.
Bear in mind that we are doing this to help Ian's family. I don't know how much he paid for anything so I'll be selling it with the idea to make some money for his family. If an item is brand new, expect to pay brand new prices for it, don't forget shipping. If it's a used piece, I'll research its new price and price it accordingly to how used it looks. I know he had a couple brand new ropes, steps, jugs, harness, gear sling (both Yates).
If anyone is driving up to Oregon and going through Redding, it would really be appreciated if you could stop by Ian's house, grab the gear and drive it up closer to me. I'm willing to drive almost to the California/Oregon border to meet you.
Email me and I'll give you Michelle's phone number and email so you can arrange with her to pick the gear up.
Sure, you can purchase any single item you want, don't forget, you're going to pay full boat for shipping.
What I'll probably do is to set up a website, probably on the Elcappanos page, with a list of all the gear and a Paypal BUY button next to it. You'll click the button, make your payment, I'll get an email, pack the stuff up, and ship it off to you.
Tell you what, anyone who spends $500 or more will get a free El Cap Pano of their choice from me (the 12x33 size).
This is good, a couple people have emailed me, asking for me to be on the lookout for certain gear they want, a couple of other have asked and offered to pay generously for a memento biner so that Ian may climb on with them. Greg Stock may also be able to drive the gear up to Hood River later in December when he comes up to climb Mt. Hood.
Awesome of you to pitch in like that Mark. Wow. Might be best to start a new thread so you can control it better and it can be better publisised. Good on ya. Keep us posted on when this happens so we can all try to contribute something too.
Just wanted to introduce myself, Michelle Gill, Ian Gill's wife. I've never posted before but I wanted you all to know that at the very end of his days, I would take my laptop and sit at his bedside and read this thread to him. Oh, how it made him smile. I did that on his last night here on earth. What a community you folks are. I can't get on here without crying. Thank you very much for recognizing what a special man my husband was.
Mark,
Ian's struggle, strength and story really touched me, though I never knew him.
I'd love to buy a couple peckers and cam hooks to have on my rack and to help the family. I'll pay full retail and shipping. Let me know as this thing starts to happen.
Being Ian's wife, the reason I never posted on here before was because this was HIS deal, and I did not want to butt in my 2 cents. I would read it, especially when he would invite me to. And especially when I read it to him when he was too ill to do it himself. So PLEASE, don't think I'm like a snoot or something for just now posting, I just wanted Ian to have his own wonderful world.
Sincere condolescences to you and your son, Trevor, for your loss.
I don't think anyone thought anything "less than" about you not posting. I think you are very brave given the pain you must feel in missing your husband and now reading his posts and then the posts from the circle of support for him and you.
Don't stay away if it helps...
Greg Stock will be driving up from Yosemite, through Redding to Mt Hood just a few miles south of me just before Christmas and is going to grabe the gear along the way.
I am overwhelmed with grief at the the loss of my husband, but I am also overcome with gratitude at all of the kindness that I have been given by SO many. On this site with all you wonderful folks, ALL of whom I have never met in person and other places to, so sometimes my gratitude surpasses my grief, and that is a wonderful moment. Thank you all.
It seems that Ian Gill Momento Biners are a hot item right now! We've made a fairly considerable amount for the Gill family and have sold only three biners so far! Keep it up! You all are great!
A note about that. From the photo, it looks like Ian had a rack of biners from his old days. I know he bought new biners from Metolius so the people who pay for an Ian Momento Biner will be getting and old, used biner until we run out of them.
I'm going to investigate a Paypal "donate" or purchase button on my El Cap Panos site. I want one the has the space for a note for the piece of gear you want me to watch out for you. I guess it'll be a Purchase button since that way it will have your address also.
Thanks Mark....good on ya for what you are doing to help Michelle and Trevor.
I live with a view of the wall where I watched my friend Pete Schoerner die in an ice climbing fall in 1996. That experience still haunts me....and for the longest time, the view of that wall brought only tears.
Now, I choose to look out on the beauty that surrounds us, think of those we've lost....and smile for the beauty that was their lives.
Keeps their memory alive in every vista....like this one from the livingroom....rest in peace, Ian....we'll remember....
Mark Hudon, Happy Birthday man. Thank you so much for doing what you are doing for my son and I. Ian felt so guilty about not having life insurance, savings, pensions etc... Thanks to you and to everyone who purchases a piece of gear, between that and Audrey's donation site, we still have a roof over our head. Hey Mark, whoever picks up the gear might be getting a "little bag of Ian" for you to take on your next climb. Dammit, he's getting on that rock, right??
Ha! A little bag of Ian! Dang! I'm gonna have some fun with that!
Okay, I'm working on a Donate button on my El Cap Panos website (http://www.hudonpanos.com/). I want there to be a space someone can leave a message for me and also require that you leave your address. Could someone check that out for me?
Hey Mark, When Ian was apologizing to me for not being more successful financially for us (which I said was BS), he also told me "Trust Hudon", so I do. Whatever you say goes. Whomever you have helping you, if you are cool with them, then so am I. My husband wouldn't steer me wrong. It looks to me like you are actually as cool as he said you were. Thank you from the bottom of my heart...or is that from the heart of my bottom? Oh well, either one works.
Michelle, youve never known me but many do, and i too vouch squarely for Mark and his ethics. You couldnt be in better hands now...Again my most sincere condolences . Ron Anderson
Things are moving along nicely. I have a friend in Redding who is going to get the gear from Michelle, inventory it and hold on to it for Greg. Greg is going to bring it up to me around the 22nd of December and I'll get it all online ASAP.
Max is buying the ledge, fly, haul bag and a Yates gear sling so that's a nice chunk of change right off the bat! Thanks Max!
I've sold a couple biners and have made almost $200 for MIchelle! You guys are great!
If you send me an email with a request, or Donate, try to make sure you give me all the information I need, paper is starting to pile up here!
Purchases of Ian Gill Momento Biners continue to roll in. We're going to keep Ian pretty busy checking out all the places his gear is going. You all rock!!
I should have an inventory in a week or so. I'll post the list ASAP with my suggested price. You can "Donate" and then email me which piece you want. Don't forget that out of your donation comes shipping and Paypal fees. I get the boxes free from the USPS but shipping is simply expensive and I can't send a ton of time figuring out the absolutely cheapest way to send the item to you.
Mark, when you get it all set up, I was thinking I could post something on Facebook as well, with a link to your site....what do you think about that as another way of getting the word out?
Thanks again, this is awesome!!
A big thanks has to go out to Cory McCandless and his wife, Shelley for going over to Michelle's house and getting Ian's gear. It was hard for Michelle to see such a connection to Ian walk out the door, I'm sure, but Cory and Shelley are great people and made her feel as good as they could.
Further, Cory spent a good amount of time photographing the gear and making a pretty good detailed list of it all. I need to work the list a bit before I post it here and I'll try to get to that tonight.
If you have not read this thread and Ian's story yet, I guarantee you will be touched by it once you do.
Here's a picture of Ian's Wall of Inspiration. You can keep his spirit alive and help his family with the financial toll they are facing by purchasing some of his gear from Mark Hudon, who will be providing more information here in the next day or so.
Or you can donate to Ian's fundraiser by clicking on the following link. No amount is too small, even the price of a cup of coffee goes a long way and is so appreciated
Tell ya what, Ian started emailing and calling me right around Thanksgiving of last year, all this gear he bought is partially because of me. It's going to be sad for me to take possession of it, see it in real life knowing what it all meant to someone. It's only gear, but don't we all lovingly fondle our gear sometimes, remembering moments on rock, in the mountains, with good friends?
You inspired him and helped him so much Mark. And while it may be only gear...it is so much more than that... it symbolizes dreams and hopes, being inspired and inspiring others, perseverance and so much more...and nothing brings that home more than this, Ian's journey, of which you were/are so big a part. Heartwrenching and heartwarming at the same time. Dang is right.
It's really a life line...and me thinks you're trying to be brave, but this gear, as any other fallen, or aged-out climber's gear is passed on, not just for functional use; but the carrying on of a spirit and a life well lived. As much as climbers do indeed, look upon their gear with great fondness, this gear goes beyond just the person that receives it...it becomes an honor and a privilege to that climber to keep Ian's spirit alive and protecting the new user....karma, I guess...
This gear contains CHI. The Chi of Ian is in each and every piece.
But there just pieces right? Hardly- i gave my best buddy the stopper on my first ever leader fall, which hangs from his truck mirror to this day.
Safe to say there is as much feeling in this gear as a wedding ring.
After all, climbing IS like a marriage- between climber and stone- for the good the bad and the ugly.
Yes, a huge thank you to Cory and Shelly, what great folks! My son Trevor said he was glad he didn't have to handle our finances along with the the emotional toll, so I'm pretty sure he appreciates what I am going thru as I try to understand his plight as well. I am glad that Ian's gear will get to see the rock, he would want that. I hope nobody thinks I'm gross, but I got "a little bit of Ian" in the form of a couple scoops for Hudon to scatter up on his next climb. You think getting his gear together was hard.....
you know how much it would amaze and overwhelm and touch Ian's heart to know that people are actually buying 'memento biners' of his ?? he wouldn't believe it!
If you have not read this thread and Ian's story yet, I guarantee you will be touched by it once you do. You can keep his spirit alive and help his family with the financial toll they are facing by purchasing some of his gear from Mark Hudon, who will be providing more information here in the next day or so.
Or you can donate to Ian's fundraiser by clicking on the following link. No amount is too small and is so appreciated
Michelle and Trevor were so gracious and it was pleasure to spent time with. You guys have great hearts and we look forward to seeing you around Redding.
I have something I need to do today but getting Ian's gear online with Purchase buttons is my project for this weekend.
ALSO. I NEED a VERIFIED address for you from Paypal. I CANNOT send anything to a NON-VERIFIED address.
If for some reason you don't want to deal with PayPal, (and I really wish you would, since it will save me a ton of time and work) PM me, I'll send you my phone #, you can call, I'll get your credit card # and run it through Hood River Coffee Co. (PLEASE do Paypal).
NICE job Mark.. Ill be interested in a rurp or sumpn.. Ill pay more than premium price and then some. but it will be a few days to get paypal funds on line.
PM me with your order, Ron. Max just bought some hooks in addition to Ian's ledge, fly and haul bag! Yeah, Max!
So far, including purchases from yesterday we've raised almost two grand for Michelle and Trevor! You all rock!
I have one $500+ order out there waiting confirmation also!
this brings tears to my eyes. thank you Mark, and everyone!! so many of you have also donated to their fundraiser and i just can't tell you how much it means!
I really felt pain, as I read your story. I have had some health problems
of my own and understand how debilitating they can be. You are a great
fighter and one of those true climbers who love the sheer beauty of
being up there in those places of grandeur. I guess life itself is
a place of grandeur, if we look at it from the right perspective.
I can only hope perhaps I could be some kind of friend, an old sage
from another time, before yours, and that you might draw some
little strength from such friends. You seem ready to make the fight.
That is a good mentality, better than mine... in that I often am
about ready to throw in the towel. But then some inspiration pulls
me forward for another try. I wish you all the best, Pat
just wondering...if it gets down to where everyone on here has had their pick but there's still stuff left... if it would help to start another thread titled 'gear for sale' or 'gear for a good cause' or something to that effect, to maybe attract people who aren't reading this one ?
I suspect I'll end up with a fair bit of gear that doesn't get sold. I'll keep a thread going here and I'll have it all listed and priced out on my hudonpanos.com website.
Well, kids, you should all be proud of yourselves, today I'm sending a check to Michelle for $900 and Audrey is sending her one for a grand, all from gear sales!
I'd say we're not quite halfway through the gear although we've sold some big ticket items, we still have a couple brand new ropes, cams, helmet and other stuff.
Christmas is coming so check the list, contact me and make a donation!!!
"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in Heaven
Where the love of our lost ones pours through and
shines down upon us to let us know they are happy"
Once again,I must refer to Mark Hudon as a hero coming to my aid, for a friend he never even met face to face. And Audrey, my guardian angel, who stepped up to do something nice, and did so much more. The generosity of this wonderful community, actually several communities takes my breath away. What started out as an act of kindness turned into something more. You actually changed the course of my life, My house payments have been made, and that is a miracle considering not only did I lose my best friend, I lost a breadwinner,so I thank each and everyone from the bottom of my heart!
Things are looking good, donations continue at about $100 a day! Thank you very much, you awesome Supertopians!!
I'll be taking possession of the gear in the week before Christmas but will be leaving right then till then end of the year. When I get back, I'll start getting everyone's packages out.
Oh Michelle...I can only begin to imagine the hurt. I never met him, nor you, and yet thoughts of him and you and your son popped into my mind today. I have no sentiments to offer, which would likely only feel hollow, but I offer a cyber hug or shoulder. Really big sigh...
The gear is now at Greg Stock's mother in laws house in Portland, Oregon. I'm in Utah right now but will be home soon and will drive to Portland sometime next week to get it. I'll send out the gear that's been paid for and then set up a way for people to merely click a Paypal "Purchase" button on my El Cap Panos site (www.hudonpanos.com) for the gear they want.
Remember, I'm offering a 12 x 33 El Cap pano of your choice to anyone who buys at least $500 of Ian's gear.
oh i wish i had known the stock's were involved in this, i would have had them grab my gear, and store it untill i returned. tell granny (sarah's mom/ greg's mother-in-law) i say hello.
Those ARE quite cool pieces!! Very good of you! Applause to all here who have donated.!! People can take care of their own. Just a little from many add up.
I thank everyone for their empathy and for your generous purchases. Ian spent a year putting this gear together and training for a solo climb up ZM. It was about 3 weeks till climb time when his cancer returned 10 fold. He said it hurt more to not make that climb than it did knowing his cancer had returned. He was going to go anyway, but the cancer reared it's ugly head to quickly and he was not able. Selling his gear was a heart-wrenching move that I knew I had to make. Poor Ian, he was going to be celebrating 5 years cancer free, and instead found that he was dying. He felt like a failure because there was no savings or life insurance, just bills. I told him I didn't care about any of that, I just loved him. He whispered to me that he had his gear, to sell it, and to trust Mark Hudon. My husband hadn't climbed a big wall for close to 3 decades, but he never lost his heart & soul for Climbing. I don't know why I'm writing this, I think I just wanted you to know him just a little bit better. Thank you for reading it.
Well, I just picked up Ian's gear in Portland, I have it all now and will be starting to send it out soon.
On the drive back to Hood River, I was thinking about Ian and him buying all this gear and fondling it, like we all do, dreaming about using it up on El Cap. Dreaming how he'd use a hook or place a cam and how he'd feel, moving onto it, far up on El Cap, being scared, sweaty, happy, hearing the Swallows, the wind, the monkeys on the Bridge. We all do that.
I haven't actually touched any of the gear yet but I think I might cry a little when I do.
Thank you Mark, I wish above all else that he could have made that climb. Yep, he fondled all the gear, and when he couldn't sleep he would think of the tedious placement of some of it (sorry I don't know all the lingo), and it would help him sleep. Maybe when you go through the stuff, you'll feel the love the Ian, Trevor and I had for each other. Sorry to be so sappy, I'm just in one of those moods of missing him very badly.
I am so very sorry for your loss - my heart breaks for you and your family.
Thank you for sharing more about Ian - I had actually contacted him when he first posted this thread and I tried to arrange for him to go up a few pitches with my partner, Kate, and her climbing partner, Erik, on their spring El Cap route. He wanted to, but was having too many medical issues at the time.
I hope that this thread offers you some comfort during this difficult time - we all grieve with you.
I have all of Ian's gear now, aside from the two ropes, I'll be getting those in a couple of weeks.
Thanks go out to Cory and Shelley McCandless, Greg Stock and his mother in law, Martha.
I'm going to start sending some items out in the next few days. Bear with me here, I have two big tubs of gear and have to sort through everything, figure out who gets what, generate some shipping labels, box the stuff up and send it out. Even aside from Ian's gear, I have a busy two weeks coming up and then I'm getting an operation on my hand on the 15th.
Sonya, there a bunch of old, wired stoppers and nuts that will be great for want you do. I have to call someone else about the same batch of gear but I'm sure there is enough to go around. That is my project for tonight.
If all goes well, I'll send out about ten packages today and in the next few days! I could be Christmas a over again!
Again, don't take the political threads here on ST for the definition of everyone on ST. I've received many wonderful emails from people who "don't really need the gear" but just want to help out.
People tell me that I'm so good for doing this, but really, its totally selfish of me since I get to deal with so many great people! You are all awesome!
sofcookie, whats your address I'll send you some old sh#t, err, Chouinard wired stoppers. Your donation was appreciated by more than just the family. Good on you for jumping in and helping out.
Hey Sonya, I don't have a paypal account, so you can send me a check if that's ok....Michelle Gill
469 Tourmaline Way
Redding, CA 96003
And thanks to folks like you, I still live here!! Sooo much appreciation.
He said it hurt more to not make that climb than it did knowing his cancer had returned.
HI Michelle - Mark told me about Ian a year ago when he coaxed me out of climbing retirement to climb El Cap after not being up there for 30 years. The quote above really hits home.
The gear I was able to purchase from you has a very special place in my heart. Very much like obtaining treasured family heirlooms. Which I guess it is as we are all a climbing family. Especially on this thread.
Ian's gear will be put to good use. I know Mark cannot wait to watch ME put up Ian's ledge this fall on El Cap.
Michelle, it is an honor and my pleasure to be able to contribute. I'd love to make you a necklace with one of Ian's stoppers on it - please let me know. Susan, please pm me your address and I will send your necklace out to you.
I would LOVE that Sonya....however I was in such a bad way when Ian's gear was going bye-bye that I didn't save anything for myself. Thank for the offer. It's very sweet.
Um...oops! It was Mark's idea - I thought he was suggesting it to me so I would take the hint and make one (sorry, Mark). So Michelle, pretend you never saw this part of the thread... ;)
I'm in my mid-50s and continue to dare to dream. Ian had the audacity and courage to dream, and truly be alive for his life.
My mom had cancer three times, and chose to live as much as possible depite carrying that parasite in her body. As I get closer to the age of my mother's early demise, I look at each day as a gift.
I continue to be overwhelmed by the spirit and generosity of all of you. Not only is Mark selling gear at a good pace, but we STILL after 4 months have donations coming in on Fundrazr...people here who don't know Ian but have been moved by his story. I am sincerely blown away by the generosity and kindness being shown, and I know Michelle is too.
Mark what you are doing is a ton of work, once again major kudos to you.
Since we're still seeing action on the Fundrazr, I will post the link again for those of you who don't need gear but want to help Ian's family: http://fundrazr.com/campaigns/bMOnd
My wish for all of you is that the new year bring you an abundance of good health and great adventures!
Audrey
Bump for a "Thanks Mark", stuff just arrived and I was surprised that it was brand new still in the wrapper. Bonus and extra thanks.
sofcookie, whats your address I'll send you some old sh#t, err, Chouinard wired stoppers. Your donation was appreciated by more than just the family. Good on you for jumping in and helping out.
ec
