(Climbing) Partner Disappointments, Delusions and...

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happiegrrrl

Trad climber
New York, NY
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 10, 2006 - 05:20pm PT
CIS - I am without a doubt the partner has a story about the girl and the friggin' dog(unless.....life just doesn't register very deeply). I thought I had alluded to that, and also said that I take responsibility for my side.

What I had issue with had nothing to do with the dog, other than it probably darkened his perception of me and led to the behavior - It was about a person hearing their partner in distress, and ignoring it. Actions speak louder than words, and there are plenty of of situations where trouble could occur in a more dire situation. Do I want to pair myself, again, with someone who has demonstrated that they may ignore me if I am in trouble?

No.

And yes, I'd partnered with the person before, with the dog, and "dog mode" was supposed to be in play that day. From the start, it had been ignored, even though I explained more than once, the limitations I needed to impose.

Anyway - the thread isn't supposed to be about Terrie and Teddy and the evil moss-covered boulderfield of Sleep Hollow(a damned cool place, by the way, though not with a small dog). I intended th thread as a chance for people to offer their own experiences with partnership foibles, faux pas and other experiences where they lived to tell the story.


Crimpergirl

Sport climber
St. Louis
Apr 10, 2006 - 05:30pm PT
Here here Jaybro! I'm with you 100%.

I hate to get outside with someone who goofs off, piddles around, etc. meaning that at the end of the day only a couple routes have been accomplished. That is maddening. If I don't leave mentally and physically exhausted, filthy and with some bruises or blood, it wasn't a successful climbing day...
Ouch!

climber
Apr 10, 2006 - 05:34pm PT
Hey Locker! Were you mean to Happi's dog?
Mike.

climber
Apr 10, 2006 - 06:58pm PT
Just acknowledgment once again to Rick the Dick. Now, being a dick is not a horrid thing in itself. In climbing it can even be a good thing. But,

Flat broke at the store after a day of desert cragging with RtD, the member sympathetically coaxes me from the car with offer to buy me a drink. Hello, cold Bud. In the store, he eyes my product selection, "No, I meant like a drink-drink," and immediately recants the funding.
caughtinside

Social climber
Davis, CA
Apr 10, 2006 - 07:48pm PT
Happi,

Sorry, I didn't mean to bust on ya. Yeah, it was really lame of that guy not to check to see if you were ok.

Seems like I constantly have to relearn the lesson that not everyone climbs like I climb. And I mean climb as every step of the process. Fortunately, most of my partners have been great, and I'd bend over backward to help them out, even away from the rock.

But sometimes, I'm blinded by my own stoke as well as a few, eh, misrepresentations. Which can lead to some exciting and/or excruciating times at the crag. Plus, a few of my partners have been, well, a bit dramatic.

Naturally, I'm as much to blame for these misadventures as the partner I didn't mesh with. Sort of. It's just another one of those risks you take when you climb...
aldude

climber
Monument Manor
Apr 10, 2006 - 08:07pm PT
Partners who toprope laps - bugs
locker

Trad climber
Joshua Tree Ca
Apr 10, 2006 - 08:43pm PT
as with all realtionships, healthy communication is key...

Terrie, pick and choose wisely young lady!



EDITED in later because somehow I missed reading it...

"Hey Locker! Were you mean to Happi's dog?"...

Fuk dude you did it again... Busted me up big time...
Toker Villain

Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
Apr 10, 2006 - 09:24pm PT
Several times I've had partners on walls who, given the easier free pitchs because of their lesser experience, somehow have come to the conclusion that despite agreeing to FIX THE LEAD ROPE AND HAUL THE BAG they now feel obliged to ignore the agreed upon protocol and first haul the bag, then pull up the slack and put me on belay.

Twice now wind and position have made communication impossible and I've jugged and cleaned only to discover that the rope isn't tied in and my partner is wimpering and whining about not being able to hold me much longer...

I wish I could remember the name of the first guy (its been 30+ years) but the second was Rick McKinney. I post this as a public service to others as this person is walking proof that the term "common sense" is a contradiction.

If I ever find myself in that position again (and I will try HARD not to) and my erstwhile belayer whines, "But its freeeeeeeeeee." I'm gonna say, "So are you." and execute my very first mid-wall divorce. I mean, its one thing if you AGREE to wait for him to haul and then belay you (very inefficient), but if he is so stupid that he thinks there is some kind of unspoken rule against jugging a free pitch and you MUST follow not jug then this person is dangerously stupid.

Cut 'im loose, or better yet, avoid roping up to begin with.
locker

Trad climber
Joshua Tree Ca
Apr 11, 2006 - 12:45am PT
My Armchair Psycho bull sh#t follows...

Most of we ingnorant beings have the tendency to "expect" others to think like we do. And with that expectation comes the set up for failure. Though it is rarely done, a good way to avoid this type of mess is to openly communicate each others "Do's and Don't" and "Wills and Won'ts" and so on and so on...But for the sake of climbing, we head out with practicly anyone willing to tie in... and if they don't know their sh#t, you teach them on the spot... Stupid! Just begging for trouble... I have done it too many times and most likely will contiue to do it... for the sake of climbing!!!...
Toker Villain

Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
Apr 11, 2006 - 12:50am PT
And then there are people who can't keep their agreements.
Karl Baba

Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
Apr 11, 2006 - 01:35am PT
I climb with strangers all the time but ever since I had a website, I've never had a bag experience with anybody. I think the ones who wouldn't like me figure it out in advance.

and over the years I've developed a sense of climbers and what they're probably capable and incapable of.

Maybe I'm too California and easy going.

I've done some climbing in the more distant past with a few folks that I knew rubbed me the wrong way. My best example is recorded in my Shield trip report here

http://yosemiteclimber.com/ElCapShield.html

Additionally I've taken a couple falls that were 15-20 feet longer than they needed to be due to bad belaying, but I don't fault the person for making a mistake (much) It helps forgiveness when you don't break anything before the rope stops you.

Puttering can be irritating, but I'm not shy about prodding a bit when time's of the essence.

Peace

Karl
426

Sport climber
Buzzard Point, TN
Apr 11, 2006 - 08:43am PT
Not only did I mess up with the "combustibles", I assembled the ledge wrong, ("2 am sooprise," **!), party fouled the last malt and put not one, but two core shots in the rope jugging over the Cyclops Eye.


I won't bore you with details, but suffice to say, they never climbed with me again.


Nice link, btw, KB...
Patrick Sawyer

climber
Originally California now Ireland
Apr 11, 2006 - 09:07am PT
Karl, great story about the Shield. Was that your first 'partner' that turned to a life of crime, robbing banks (he must not have been very good if he got caught), or do your other partners have a predilection for being Butch Cassidies and the Sundance Ki(n)ds. LOL ;-)

PS If we ever climb together, am I going to find myself fighting some hidden demons or desire to stick up banks? Can't hitting old ladies over the head and grabbing their bags suffice?
Karl Baba

Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
Apr 11, 2006 - 12:06pm PT
Some people have a subconscious need to subvert themselves. My partner was a smart guy who should have known he wouldn't get away with his crimes, and deep down he knew that he was setting himself up for a disaster.

First you paint yourself into a corner and then you've got nothing left to drink but paint.

Unless you have the vision to say "enough of this" and walk right over the paint and start differently

Peace

Karl
spyork

Trad climber
Fremont, CA
Apr 11, 2006 - 12:23pm PT
Wow, great story Karl.

Robbing banks, not for me. The feds have really long memories and constitute the largest armed gang of thugs in the world.
maculated

Trad climber
San Luis Obispo, CA
Apr 11, 2006 - 01:04pm PT
Hey Dave:

"But, I've stuck myself more than once with a partner who claims to be motivated to get out and climb. Only to find out that they they are the World's Slowest Hiker. Or they dick around at the car. Or delay some other way. Or spend all day babysitting a dog. Or want to do 2 pitches and go home."

Hee hee hee . . . that last one . .. reminds me of a guy I met who had me drive three hours to meet him to climb and then had to stop after the second route because his shoes were too hot.

Terri, sounds to me like you're expecting chivalry from your climbing partners . . . you'll find that most partners worth their salt won't put up with princessing but will work with you to save your asses on true rescues. I once went skiing with some guys that had never gone before, taught them how to do it, then I would pass them as they negotiated, screwing around in the trees. I finally ate it , thanks to hubris, and they skiid right on past me while i lay there, poles in one direction, googles in another, feet pointed at odd angles. I was all huffy when I caught up to them about their not stopping to "save" me, and they said, "Ehh, you were fine. You taught us!"

Woman, get yourself a dog that doesn't need carrying or don't take it! *I* would be annoyed by that.
caughtinside

Social climber
Davis, CA
Apr 11, 2006 - 01:20pm PT
Hah! Busted by maculated. In all fairness, we did 4 pitches that day (all led by me, eh?), and I would have kept climbing if I didn't have a blister on my achilles the size of a quarter. Note that I didn't hike slow, dick around at the car, or spend all day babysitting a dog. ;)

But I've had my gumb moments, yes I have!

In the way of full disclosure, I've driven from Sacramento to Arch rock for a day trip, and only climbed (read: dogged) the Gripper. Only thing I did that day, got too worked. Felt like I let my partner down. Ripped my shirt. Ate a big burger in Mariposa. Limped home.
happiegrrrl

Trad climber
New York, NY
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 11, 2006 - 01:41pm PT
Mac - I do not expect "chivalry." I expect the same thing I provide - common decency. Would I NOT think a woman would call out "Hey! Are you all right?" upon hearing a person fall????? It has NOTHING to do with gender.

You all know......I was hesitant to describe the experience that inspired this thread, for just such comments as have been directed my way.

Honestly - I had intended to bring a "climbing-related" thread to the forum. One about people's experiences gone wrong with climbing partners.

I did not solicit advise...don't recall any words whatsoever that were anything like "what do you think?"....and am a little annoyed that people have brought it upon themselves to go on about it.


MUR

climber
A little to the left of right
Apr 11, 2006 - 01:43pm PT
No sh#t, enough of the Anne Landers BS, bring on the stories. I demand entertainment.
maculated

Trad climber
San Luis Obispo, CA
Apr 11, 2006 - 02:02pm PT
Oh, Dave, can't pull the "I led all the pitches" this time - that was my first time out after my partner decked, man. :) You were my emotional ROCK. Ahem. Except for my needing to body belay you because of that crap anchor.

Chivalry exists in both genders, we just like to associate it with "knights."

Maybe my expectations are low for my fellow human. ::shrug::

I got stories, but they've all been told. I got wiser in my old age and don't put up with drama anymore so no stories.

Probably the best "read the signs" story I can think of is my Cathedral Peak story: http://www.rockclimbing.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=36148
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