Jeff Batten (Juan de Fuca) Memorial Thread

"Free climbing is for losers."

"Get a %$#%#$^ hammer, and have your self some fun. "

I blame the programmers that wrote the code for this simulation called the planet earth.

What goes on this piece of cooled silicon is ridiculous.

I used to care, now I just laugh.

I blame the programmers that wrote the code for this simulation called the planet earth.

What goes on this piece of cooled silicon is ridiculous.

I used to care, now I just laugh.

And he was no troll. He was just way, way, ahead of most everybody else.

Q: But what sort of trad climbing is near LA and how easy is it to get to? (DanielB)

A: I hope you like large magnitude earthquakes. Nearly all the trad climbing areas in S. Cal are threatened by large magnitude earthquakes.

*Taqhuitz: Our most popular trad area is less then 10km from the San Jacinto Fault. A mag 7 earthquake is expected in the next few years on this fault. Anyone caught on the rock will be killed for sure. Also, since the rock only takes small cams, and is rotten, many climbers have problems finding good belay anchors. Also, the local SAR team does not have ropes longer than 200 ft, so it takes them 12-24 hours to get you off the rock, assuming they drop the stokes only twice. A local climbing club also lets woman do routes as teams of two, very scary. The hike in takes 3 hours on loose sandy rock. By Mar the temp has climbed into the 100's and lasts until late summer monsoon.

*Joshua Tree is not much better, with the nearby rift valley that is Yucca Valley. Large Tornado's also sweep through the park. The rangers carry M16 guns and are not afraid to use them on climbers that try to bandit camp. The whole place is a paved parking lot. It takes 30 minutes to get into the park, with the new homeland security. Marines back from Afganistan are a big problem at the local bars, etc.

*Your best bet is to stick to sport at Mt. Williamson (aka Williamson Rock). All the nearby faults are considered dead, and the bolts are only 3 ft apart. The rock is sound, and everyone climbs in a quite and respectful manner. No drinking or drug use is evident, and the sheriff is never called. No dogs, hunns, or brits are every seen. The women all dress in a conservative manner, and do not climb in swimsuits.

If you do not mind dealing with drunk mexicans driving home, and rice rockets on the morning drive in.

The traffic in Los Angeles is also very bad. I have to leave for for my 8am aerospace job at 4 am, and get back home by 10pm.

We also have a large problem with illegal aliens and leaf blowers.

Our new governor is a movie star.

Hello,

My local Boy Scout Troop has been given permission to give a rappelling
demo at a local college. All the kids want to take part so it should be alot
of fun for the parents to watch. The rappell will be down a 150 ft wall.
The kids have to take off their shoes as to not damage some new artwork
halfway down.

The kids will clip into the rope, and climb over a small 3 ft wall to begin
the rappell. They have all been practicing using the brakes over the summer,
on our 20 foot practice wall.

We plan to give fireman belays from the ground.

At the planning meeting earlier in the week, one of the parents
was giving us alot of trouble, saying we needed more advice on
how to do the demo.

It seems quite safe to me. I figure once they are on rope, if anything
goes wrong, we can brake them from below.

Any input would be appreciated.

Thanks

Henry

confessions of a serial troller - posted 6/19/2003 to rec.climbing

Trolling - why do I do it?

For me, trolling can arise out of boredom, an opportune post, a
current event, it's my "devilish" side that sometimes needs a release,
it's a desire to test my wit and humor and pass some time. The primary
reason I troll, however, is because I have a need to laugh, and boy do
I. I can't tell you the number of times I've sat at my computer at
home or bored to death at work and have just laughed and laughed and
laughed. My co-workers sometimes ask me across the cube farm, "what's
so funny over there?" I just tell them they wouldn't understand. My
girl friend who understand "me" pretty well doesn't even understand
(although she is getting an official BURT BRONSON thong), which may
make this post, this confession of a serial troller, all the more
stupid and pointless as some of you may not understand - my hope is
that you will, though.


So what am I laughing at? I am laughing at the hilarity of my post
but even more so, the hilarity of the posts I receive from others who
know I'm a troll. Very rarely have I laughed at a response from
someone who thought one of my characters was real. I actually don't
get many replies from people who think a character is real because –
well, how could anyone think they are real? I like the wit and humor
that people who know I am a troll bring to my posts. I liked how Karl
Babba replied to BURT'S Yosemite TR about how he had to be lying, not
about the routes he did and the crazy times he did them in, but about
Breakfast at Curry being good. I rolled on the floor with that one.
Additionally, I about died when Andy Gale and Jason Liebgott did the
"whose cock" "Ron Cock" bit. Just like Mad Dog said, perfectly good
beer right out the nose. Beyond that, someone has gone to the trouble
of creating official BURT BRONSON wear - are you kidding me? That
stuff can't be planned - and that is why I troll. Those laughs are
needed in today's world of bullsh#t, deadlines, stress, traffic, rain,
death, smog, deforestation, war, taxes, cubicles, blue screens of
death, shitty bosses - should I go on?


The key here is that all those people that made me laugh so hard knew
I was troll. In a way, they're trolling, too. All those people that
responded with more than a "please turn off your caps lock", are the
ones I'm after. Trolling for me isn't about getting the new blood,
it's not about hiding my IP address or getting punk'd, it's not about
flaming some poor lost soul that can't figure out how to put an
ascender on a rope, or beating down somebody cause he wants to use a
llama to get up to the Cirque, it's about coming home from a hard day
dealing with sh#t and needing to laugh instead of watch the TV and
learn about some poor 19 year old kid dying in Iraq. It's about
punking a stereo-type, about getting through my 8 to 5er, about
dealing with the goddamned rain that won't let me get out and climb.
It's about my wit and humor and even more so, the counter wit and
humor that you guys bring to the table. It's about laughs. It's as
much about my laughs as it is yours.


So am I a washed up troll now? Maybe. Have I gone soft? Maybe.
Will someone flame me for posting this? Probably. Do I care? No.
When I bring in a new character will someone look for my IP address
and say "it's BURT"? Maybe.


Will I still make you laugh? Probably, unless you're a sorry old soul
too caught up in your ego to allow yourself the freedom to laugh.


Do I hope you still laugh? Absolutely, because you're part of the
process.


And will I still make myself laugh? You f*#king better believe I will
cause that laugh is one of the only things that keeps me sane in this
crazed world.


Sincerely,
E.B. Shoe, BURT BRONSON, Igor Slovaceikqi, and a few others who didn't
quite make the cut.

I recognize that photo in josh. And I think I remember that day. We all met climbing, and Top roped somewhere, I think the Rusty wall. I remember talking with Larry especially, and eating red licorice.

CROTCH. BURT BRONSON HERE.

CROTCH, ARE YOU SERIOUS? IF YOU ARE, THEN YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS.

BURT BRONSON

I also didn't know BURT BRONSON was one of Jeff's characters, funny.

Jeff Batten is a box of matches...rec.climing is puddle of white gas.

(Sketchball)

I am happy to tell everyone that I just was issued a patent for my Dynamic Biner Design. It is a hybrid metal, polyomer design. The Biner will be sold under the name "The Mexican". It looks and acts like a regular biner up to 800lbs. After that it starts to deform, it then acts as a constant force spring. It will deform up to 1.5 times its length. The anchor never sees a load over 800lbs. Or will your harness, or the aid placement you just took a 60 foot fall on. Still trying to work out a few UV concerns. These will probally be in the REI stores by Christmas. One will never again have to worry about sliding X type concerns, so that thread is now dead. If you post anything about the sliding X you are stupid.

(Batten)

Williamson Rock Code of Conduct by Batten

The climber shall not assault or attempt to cause physical injury or behave in a manner which may reasonably cause physical injury to a fellow climber is prohibited.

The climber shall not possess, handle or transmit a weapon or a firearm, or any other object that reasonably can be calculated to do injury or bodily harm to others climbers.

The climber shall not possess, sell, transmit, use or be under the influence of any drug including alcoholic beverages as well as any other intoxicant or stimulant.

The climber shall not disrupt or obstruct any lawful climb, climbing process or function of the crag in any manner, by the use of violence, force, noise, coercion, threat, intimidation, fear, passive resistance, or any other conduct.

The climber will not set fire to, mutilate, damage, deface, or destroy any natural feature.

The climber shall not use directed profanity, or provocative words or acts, or in any way verbally assault another climber.

The climber will not disobey or fail to comply with any reasonable rules or regulations defined in the climbing guide or stated by Troy Mayr.

The climber will not refuse to identify himself upon request of Troy Mayr.

The climber shall not smoke or use tobacco.

The climber will not deposit any human waste in the enviroment or environs surronding Williamson Rock.

The climber will not discharge any gastrointestinal gases.

Only adults (high school enrollment or higher) are allowed at Williamson Rock unless accompanied by a responsible adult.

Each climber must be attired in appropriate athletic attire suitable for the activity of Sport Climbing.

Individuals or single groups shall not monopolize a particular climb, thereby limiting use by other climbers.

Proper belay methods and rope signals must be employed at all times.

Use of a AIAA approved belay device is required.

Belaying directly off shunts is prohibitted.

Profane Language of any type is prohibbited.

Williamson Rock is open from Sunrise to Sunset.

Free soloing is strictly prohibitted.

All bolts on a particular route must be clipped.

Climbers that live in the city of Bishop, California are not permitted to climb at Willaimson Rock.

The climber will not plan, conspire with, or assist others in violating any of the preceding rules.

Please review and make suggestions - I want prevent any future misunderstandings. The Forrest Service wants this be weeks end, please do not delay.

I don't know how long you have been using the internet, but maybe
you should lurk a bit before you start posting.

Damm Newbies

Peace and Live

Batten

Oh since 1973.
Posting? Try running it.

Dawn, you should consider adding this to the faq under how to troll.
It's just beautiful.

Cheers,
Frank

Face it. Living in America you won the lottery. You have no idea of what it is to go Hungry or live in the constant fear of death. We hide in out material world and rarely think of the rest of the world unless it slows down our constant search for pleasure.

The more I study Buddhism the more I like it.

The Buddha said we do not even have a soul. I really like the idea of not having a soul.

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky
We know Major Tom's a junkie

Jeff Batten is a box of matches... rec.climing is puddle of white gas

Sketchball

Over the years I have sent 10 reports to the NPS detailing the severe
risk of the Lost Arrow Spire.

I have included the simulations that prove that the tensile strength of
the granite on the NE flank is approaching the failure value of granite.

I have pleaded they install a GPS receiver to monitor the tilt.

My current calculations prove that any earthquake within a 60 km radius
with a magnitude of greater than 6.5 will cause the spire to fail.

With many active faults in the mammoth area I grow very concerned.

The computer simulations assuming an isotropic granite place an upper
limit on the failure. We all know granite contains many cracks.

Assuming a failure drop to the south west, my fortran computer
simulations predict that the talus cone created will cover most of the
Yosemite Village. Deagans appears to be ground zero. Over a billion tons
of granite will fall. The acoustic wave alone will be recorded by
senstive seismographs 1000 km away. The seismic signal will probally be
recorded on the east coast of the united states. El Cap meadow will have
50 cm of granite dust deposited alone.

With proper funding the spire can be stabilized. We envision large
dampers that will absorb any seismic energy. Two can be placed in the
notch. The entire structure needs to be wraped in iron mesh.

Please write the NPS, and demand that they act before its to late.

As for climbers, if you have to do the spire, do not rig a tyro.
The torque will be more than enough to cause failure.

Wilson

Rockstar

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms;
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin'd,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav'd, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything."

— Jaques (Act II, Scene VII, lines 139-166)

if it's delphi, jeff would probably have been pursuing his seismic interests

one lesson I have taken is to try to be humane to all, to put our conversations here into perspective, and to try to keep the banter respectful of the fact that we aren't just what we appear to be here... someone is typing the words in... and we shouldn't loose sight of that.