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nature
climber
Boulder, CO
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 3, 2018 - 07:54am PT
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wow... pushing 600. my longest op on the taco. strong work team!
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7SacredPools
Trad climber
Ontario, Canada
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A fine collection indeed. And that's no joke.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Henny Youngman, king of the "one-liners"
Getting on a plane, a man told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami."
She said, "We can't do that!"
He told her, "You did it last week!"
A doctor gave a man six months to live.
The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
A man pulls up to the curb in his car and asks a policeman, "Can I park here?"
"No" says the cop.
"What about all these other cars?"
"They didn't ask!"
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Ksolem
Trad climber
Monrovia, California
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What's the difference between a golfer and a climber?
The golfer goes Whack!!.......... Sh*t.
The climbers goes SH*T!!.......... Whack.
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Winemaker
Sport climber
Yakima, WA
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What do you call a Japanese girl with a food-mixer on her head?
Blenda............
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Ksolem
Trad climber
Monrovia, California
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A guy walks into his neighborhood bar, and there's a beautiful woman there he's never seen before. He walks over, sits next to her, offers to buy her a drink, and she accepts. As they're chatting, every few minutes he raises his left hand and holds his watch to his ear for a few seconds. Finally she has to ask.
"What's up with the watch?"
"It's my special watch. It tells me things I wouldn't otherwise know."
"So, what's your watch telling you right now?"
He holds the watch to his ear... "My watch is telling me that you're not wearing any panties."
"Well then you'd better not trust that watch, it's wrong on that count!"
He looks at the watch quizzically. "Oh, I'm sorry, it's an hour fast...."
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NutAgain!
Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
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If you guess how many chickens I have in this bag, you can have both of them!
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SuperSpud
Trad climber
Cayucos, CA
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What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
A violin has "strings", and a fiddle has "straangs".
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Winemaker
Sport climber
Yakima, WA
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A man goes into a bookstore and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?"
She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
"That's the one; I'll take a copy."
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norm larson
climber
wilson, wyoming
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How do you embarrass an archeologist?
Hand him a used tampon and ask him which period it is from.
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Ksolem
Trad climber
Monrovia, California
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^^^LOL
What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
Viola burns longer.
How many Juilliard School of Music students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One gets up on the ladder to do it, the other pulls the ladder out from under him...
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clinker
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
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AL MADRIGAL: TOO OLD FOR BREASTFEEDING
I got distracted by one of the hippie moms who was breastfeeding a kid that was way too old to be breastfeeding. You ever seen that before? It's disgusting. A child should not be old enough to comment on the quality. Like, 'Do you go to Cheesecake Factory, because this is delicious. It's like dulce de leche meets Riesling coming out of this thing, and I've got to say thank you.'
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10b4me
Mountain climber
Retired
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so a cop pulls over a speeding car, walks up to the driver and says "is that marijuana I smell in your car?" the driver reponds" no, but is that a jelly donut I smell on your breath?"
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Gary
Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
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How do you make a hotdog stand?
Take away its chair.
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norm larson
climber
wilson, wyoming
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What do you name a boy with a small penis?
Justin
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Ksolem
Trad climber
Monrovia, California
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The Doc looks at his patient and says "Well, I have good news and I have bad news."
"I guess you better give me the bad news first."
"I'm very sorry, your condition is terminal and incurable. I don't think you have much time left."
The patient clears his throat. "What could possibly be good news after that?"
"You saw the hot blond out at the nurse's station, right? Well, I'm doin' her."
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TradEddie
Trad climber
Philadelphia, PA
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What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
You're not allowed spill beer on a violin!
TE
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clinker
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
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JON DORE: DAD THE DOG
Growing up, we named our family dog after my dad. Our dog's name was Dad. That got confusing, as you can probably imagine. Like one time at a family gathering, Dad crapped on the carpet. I wasn't there to see it happen; I was out walking the dog. Ruined Mother's Day. 'Mother' is our cat.
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mtnyoung
Trad climber
Twain Harte, California
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^^^
Jesus Clink, every time you post I understand a little bit more....
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