I need some jokes - short ones.

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Messages 501 - 520 of total 1042 in this topic << First  |  < Previous  |  Show All  |  Next >  |  Last >>
Reilly

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
Nov 5, 2017 - 09:51pm PT
Norm, we want jokes, not facts.
norm larson

climber
wilson, wyoming
Nov 6, 2017 - 03:52am PT
OK an old junior high classic then.
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

Because they stink and they are ugly.
Bushman

climber
The state of quantum flux
Nov 22, 2017 - 03:10pm PT

Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?














...because it was over 90°
the museum

Trad climber
Nov 22, 2017 - 05:58pm PT
How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

the museum
Fritz

Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
Nov 22, 2017 - 06:37pm PT
A black man, with a pegleg, pirate hat, eyepatch, & a large parrot on his shoulder, goes into an uncrowded tavern & takes a seat at the bar.

The friendly bartender walks up, takes his drink order & after bringing the drink says:

"That's really something! Where did you find it?"

The parrot replies,

"Africa, there's millions of them over there."
clinker

Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
Dec 1, 2017 - 03:14pm PT

What do you call a white duck?










A quacker.
originalpmac

Mountain climber
Timbers of Fennario
Dec 2, 2017 - 08:31pm PT
Why did Helen Kellers dog run away?
You would too if your name was "Baauuhh!"
yosemite 5.9

climber
santa cruz
Dec 10, 2017 - 06:16pm PT
I hate being bipolar. It's great!
throwpie

Trad climber
Berkeley
Dec 10, 2017 - 06:20pm PT
Bartender: can I get you a drink?
Jesus: waters fine.
(Jesus looks directly at camera)
Fritz

Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
Dec 10, 2017 - 06:51pm PT
Then of course, that brings up this classic cartoon.

Ghost

climber
A long way from where I started
Dec 10, 2017 - 08:06pm PT
Ah Fritz, you know how to push my Kliban buttons...

Winemaker

Sport climber
Yakima, WA
Dec 12, 2017 - 06:49pm PT
Two drunks were walking down the railroad tracks.
One drunk said, "Man, these steps are close together."
The other drunk said, "I can handle the steps, but why did they make the damn handrails so low?"
Fritz

Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
Dec 12, 2017 - 07:14pm PT
Ghost! Kliban got a little obtuse at times, with his humour.



hamie

Social climber
Thekoots
Dec 13, 2017 - 11:06am PT
What's the difference between onions and bagpipes?






No one cries when you chop up bagpipes.
Bushman

climber
The state of quantum flux
Dec 13, 2017 - 02:11pm PT
Why did the farmer get rid of all his chickens?










He wanted to be impeccable...
Fritz

Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
Dec 15, 2017 - 06:23pm PT
From my British joke connection.

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “ Perfect timing. You're just like Frank “.
Passenger: 'Who?'

Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'

Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'

Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'

Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.'

Cabbie: 'There's more ... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right'.

Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'

Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'

Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'

Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank, he died. I married his f---ing widow.'
Reilly

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
Dec 15, 2017 - 06:32pm PT
Finally, three decent ones in a row without some crankloon politard BS!
nature

climber
Boulder, CO
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 12, 2018 - 08:10am PT
Eight years ago I never imagined this thread would still be going this strong. There's some quality jokes in this thing. Good work everyone. Keep it up.
frank wyman

Mountain climber
montana
Jan 19, 2018 - 12:16pm PT
Did you hear about the guy who bought Neil Diamonds Volvo on E-bay.....He got a "Suede car on line"
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Jan 19, 2018 - 01:02pm PT
No, but I heard one about a dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.

What's red and smells like blue paint?
That's a riddle...sorry.
Messages 501 - 520 of total 1042 in this topic << First  |  < Previous  |  Show All  |  Next >  |  Last >>
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