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Fossil climber
Trad climber
Atlin, B. C.
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Dec 10, 2015 - 08:42pm PT
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Annual checkup today. Asked the doc to look at a tiny, itchy birthmark. She checked it with a lens, said, "Must be a tattoo - it says Best before 08/99."
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LOWERme
Trad climber
NM
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Dec 10, 2015 - 09:20pm PT
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Next time, put the potato in the FRONT of your speedos!
(I forget the rest of it.)
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clinker
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
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Dec 12, 2015 - 01:38pm PT
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What you call a chameleon that can not change color.
A reptile dysfunction.
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Fritz
Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
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Dec 12, 2015 - 03:17pm PT
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How about short cartoons?
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Edge
Trad climber
Betwixt and Between Nederland & Boulder, CO
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Roger Breedlove
climber
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
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Two astrophysicists walk to the edge of a black hole....
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MisterE
Gym climber
Small Town with a Big Back Yard
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Jan 20, 2016 - 09:30pm PT
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A doctor walks into the room with a waiting patient,
"I've got some good news, some bad news and some really bad news"
The patient says, "Give it to me straight, Doc."
The doctor clears his throat,
"The good news is, we got your diagnostics back.
The bad news is you have a week to live...
the really bad news is: I meant to get back to you last week."
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Gnome Ofthe Diabase
climber
Out Of Bed
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Jan 20, 2016 - 10:45pm PT
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Argh fritz beat me to em
I like his 1st one a lot.
This one takes a bit - it almost seems over the Dr's head
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Gnome Ofthe Diabase
climber
Out Of Bed
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Jan 21, 2016 - 08:30am PT
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If a Bra is an
UPPER TOPPER FLOPPER STOPPER
And a Jock Strap is a
LOWER DECKER PECKER CHECKER
&
A toilet is a
SUPER-DUPPER PEE & POOP REMOVER
What do you call a Japanese drummer boy who's father has diarrhea ?
A SLAP HAPPY JAPPY with an UN-HAPPY CRAPY PAPPY.
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Larry Nelson
Social climber
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Jan 22, 2016 - 07:56pm PT
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A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says,
"Ah, I see you've regained consciousness since the auto accident.
You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything.
Unfortunately your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it.
You have $10,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.
They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch.
You must decide how many inches you want and it's important that your wife plays a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes," says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite counter tops."
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Jan 31, 2016 - 04:52pm PT
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My late wife used to tell me a bra was an OVER THE SHOULDER BOULDER HOLDER.
Have you ever bought gas and when you go into pay the guy inside says do you have gas?
I do not know how to respond,
"No, just indigestion,"
or "Pull my finger and find out!"
I heard on the news that Pluto and Neptune’s orbit cross every few hundred thousand years,
which made me think, eventually Pluto is going to shove Neptune into Uranus.
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Stewart
Trad climber
Courtenay, B.C.
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Jan 31, 2016 - 05:55pm PT
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A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
-H. L. Mencken
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Edge
Trad climber
Betwixt and Between Nederland & Boulder, CO
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Jan 31, 2016 - 06:37pm PT
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Edge
Trad climber
Betwixt and Between Nederland & Boulder, CO
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If you don't sin, Jesus died for nothing.
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Gnome Ofthe Diabase
climber
Out Of Bed
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Um,
T A C O C A T
Sorry I spelled it dackwardz, - bizleksea'z a ditch....
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Ksolem
Trad climber
Monrovia, California
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A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
-H. L. Mencken
"A cynic is a man who sees things the way they really are."
Mark Twain
On another note...
Two women in heaven are talking about how they died.
“I froze to death. It wasn’t so bad, once I stopped shivering I felt all warm and just slipped away.”
“I died of a heart attack. I knew my husband was having an affair. One day I came home early thinking that I’d catch him in the act. I tore the whole house apart looking for her and got so upset that I had a heart attack.”
“You should have looked in the freezer, we’d both still be alive.”
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Gnome Ofthe Diabase
climber
Out Of Bed
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Feb 19, 2016 - 12:39am PT
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Mountain Project,
17 pages in response to the JTree route name of the climb next to
Walk On The Wild Side, the person driving that shjt show
His name is now a short joke - Owen David....YMMV
Mountain REJACKED
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stunewberry
Trad climber
Spokane, WA
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Feb 19, 2016 - 06:25am PT
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Offthemark.com by Mark Parisi
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SuperTopo on the Web
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Nice shorts! Must be from Italy, right?
Let us know!