I need some jokes - short ones.

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hobo_dan

Social climber
Minnesota
Jan 6, 2015 - 06:56pm PT
a travelling salesman knocks on a door and it is answered by a little girl wearing a bra and panties. She has a snifter of brandy in one hand and a cigar in the other. Surprised, the salesman asks "Is your mommy or daddy home?" And the little girl says: 'What the fukc do you think?"
zBrown

Ice climber
Brujò de la Playa
Jan 6, 2015 - 07:07pm PT
Political OK?

(I'm a) Newt Gingrich


Boehner & Weiner. hahahahahaha


D#@&%e Limbaugh. hahahahahaha [wow censored]

Doooche Limbaugh heehawheehawheehaw


On the Senate washroom wall.

Don't look here for the joke, it's in your hand.


glen prior

Trad climber
truckee, ca
Jan 6, 2015 - 07:21pm PT
Meanwhile, out in the desert, two arabs are eating their dates...
Kalimon

Social climber
Ridgway, CO
Jan 6, 2015 - 07:22pm PT
"What's one thing women and police cars have in common?

They both make a lot of noise to let you know they're coming."
alannamal

climber
B.C.
Jan 6, 2015 - 07:31pm PT
What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

If it was forced upon you as a kid, you won't enjoy it as an adult.

Boom.
Stewart

Trad climber
Courtenay, B.C.
Jan 6, 2015 - 07:32pm PT
Bill O'Reilly
Gary

Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
Jan 6, 2015 - 07:45pm PT
I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
Gary

Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
Jan 6, 2015 - 07:50pm PT
A bum asked me, "Give me $10 till payday." I asked, "When's payday?" He said, "I don't know, you're the one who is working!"
zBrown

Ice climber
Brujò de la Playa
Jan 6, 2015 - 07:54pm PT
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Gary

Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
Jan 6, 2015 - 07:57pm PT
Did you here about the Polish pirate? He wore a patch over both eyes.
Gary

Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
Jan 6, 2015 - 09:05pm PT
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
Gary

Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
Jan 6, 2015 - 09:09pm PT
I had an uncle who was a psychic. He knew the exact day he was going to die.

The warden told him.
BuddhaStalin

climber
Truckee, CA
Jan 7, 2015 - 02:47am PT
What does a gay horse eat?


<those who think theyre clever will say 'haaaaay'>

<a punch in the arm while you deliver punchline>
No! He eats c*#k!

...unfortunately isnt as funny when the recipient doesnt give the token 'haaaay' response....
clinker

Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
Jan 7, 2015 - 06:21am PT
Yosomighty tried some naked hot tubbing with the temp in the 20s.

He put up a route the next day, calling it Inchworm.
WyoRockMan

climber
Flank of the Big Horns
Jan 7, 2015 - 08:23am PT
What's this? A banana.

What's this? A bininya.
tew

Trad climber
ATX
Jan 7, 2015 - 08:45am PT
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra...
ground_up

Trad climber
mt. hood /baja
Jan 7, 2015 - 08:51am PT
Hear about the dyslexics who worship Santa ?
Larry Nelson

Social climber
Jan 7, 2015 - 09:29am PT
Take my wife... please.
Came back into town last week after a 2 week business trip. I pull into the driveway and 4 guys run out of the house. The last guy stops and says "Get the Hell out of here, her husbands home".
Larry Nelson

Social climber
Jan 7, 2015 - 09:31am PT
My wife's cooking is so bad, in the springtime the flies pitch in to help put up the screens.

edit: Hat tip to Dangerfield for both of the above.
Larry Nelson

Social climber
Jan 7, 2015 - 09:35am PT
She's getting better now though.
She just mixes the Rolaids in with the food.
Messages 261 - 280 of total 1042 in this topic << First  |  < Previous  |  Show All  |  Next >  |  Last >>
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