I need some jokes - short ones.


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Dec 4, 2012 - 05:41pm PT
Not short, but not overly long.

The Pope is working at his desk when a senior Cardinal rushes in.

Holy Father. I have the most incredible good news and bad news for you. Which do you want first?

Give me the good news first, my son.

Holy Father. Jesus has returned. Heís holding on the phone to talk to you.

My son, what possible bad news could there be on a day like this?

Heís calling from Salt Lake City.


Trad climber
South Slope of Mt. Tabor, Portland, Oregon, USA
Dec 4, 2012 - 05:50pm PT
There is a new drink out at the bars in New York.
It's called a Sandy. It's a watered down Manhattan!

I'll be here all week!

Social climber
Portland, Oregon
Dec 4, 2012 - 06:25pm PT
A baby harp seal walks into a club.
Jebus H Bomz

Reno, Nuh VAAAA duh
Dec 4, 2012 - 06:37pm PT

Escondido, CA
Dec 4, 2012 - 06:44pm PT
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll drink beer all day.

Trad climber
Dec 5, 2012 - 11:18am PT
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took
the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

Social climber
So Cal
Dec 5, 2012 - 05:25pm PT
Hardman Knott

Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
Dec 30, 2012 - 10:26am PT
I was in bed with a blind girl the other night.

She said I had the biggest c*#k she had ever put her hands on.

I told her she was pulling my leg.
Mighty Hiker

Vancouver, B.C.
Dec 30, 2012 - 10:42am PT
Why was the squirrel doing the backstroke across the pond?

To keep his nuts dry!

Dec 30, 2012 - 10:55am PT
what does a nosey pepper do?

it gets jalapeŮo business.
Fish Finder

Social climber
Mar 25, 2013 - 03:49pm PT

Her legs were like butter

They spread easy

Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
May 4, 2013 - 06:31pm PT
have you heard the one
about the rich man's widow?
she filled her dress with
stolen eggs!

the people of the town
a gathered 'round
to laugh her down.

when those eggs all broke
and ran down her leg.

manzanita man

Social climber
somerset, ca.
May 4, 2013 - 06:41pm PT
this old couple goes to a marriage councilor. she askes what the problem is. the old man says its sex. she wants it infrequently. the councilor askes.

is that 1 word or 2
goatboy smellz

Jul 10, 2013 - 05:39pm PT
Why is your oven smoking?

Because it just finished fvcking the dishwasher.

Trad is Rad

Trad climber
San Luis Obispo California
Jul 10, 2013 - 09:17pm PT
What do you call a 16 year old girl that can run faster than her 10 brothers?
A virgin

Whats the worst part about blow up dolls?
They smell and you have to drain them every two weeks

Trad climber
Jul 10, 2013 - 10:54pm PT
A termite walks into a bar and ask's "Where's the bar tender?"....

Boulder, CO
Topic Author's Reply - Jul 10, 2013 - 11:02pm PT
manzanita man +1 LOL!

goatboy smellz too!
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Jul 11, 2013 - 02:15am PT
"Although I've never read a book all the way through, I'm sure excited to write one," Short joked in a statement. He added, "I havenít named my book yet, but Iím toying with the title If Iíd Saved, I Wouldn't Be Writing This."--Martin Short in an article, well, most of an online article, on the Splitsider comedy website

What do you call a dog with no legs (besides Shorty)?

It doesn't matter, he can't come to you anyway.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Wherever you left him.

Trad climber
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Jul 11, 2013 - 05:55am PT
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

Trad climber
Jul 11, 2013 - 06:09am PT
A friend's mom actually told me this story from last week.

She was in Canada shopping for something for her son and daughter-in-law's baby shower.

She wanted something Canadian. Maybe one of those cute little canadian hats, but she couldn't pronounce toque.

She asked some guys who sent her to a pot shop. I guess she pronounced it toke!
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