I need some jokes - short ones.


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Dec 30, 2012 - 01:55pm PT
what does a nosey pepper do?

it gets jalapeŮo business.
Fish Finder

Social climber
Mar 25, 2013 - 06:49pm PT

Her legs were like butter

They spread easy

Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
May 4, 2013 - 09:31pm PT
have you heard the one
about the rich man's widow?
she filled her dress with
stolen eggs!

the people of the town
a gathered 'round
to laugh her down.

when those eggs all broke
and ran down her leg.

manzanita man

Social climber
somerset, ca.
May 4, 2013 - 09:41pm PT
this old couple goes to a marriage councilor. she askes what the problem is. the old man says its sex. she wants it infrequently. the councilor askes.

is that 1 word or 2
goatboy smellz

Jul 10, 2013 - 08:39pm PT
Why is your oven smoking?

Because it just finished fvcking the dishwasher.

Trad is Rad

Trad climber
San Luis Obispo California
Jul 11, 2013 - 12:17am PT
What do you call a 16 year old girl that can run faster than her 10 brothers?
A virgin

Whats the worst part about blow up dolls?
They smell and you have to drain them every two weeks

Trad climber
Jul 11, 2013 - 01:54am PT
A termite walks into a bar and ask's "Where's the bar tender?"....

Boulder, CO
Topic Author's Reply - Jul 11, 2013 - 02:02am PT
manzanita man +1 LOL!

goatboy smellz too!
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Jul 11, 2013 - 05:15am PT
"Although I've never read a book all the way through, I'm sure excited to write one," Short joked in a statement. He added, "I havenít named my book yet, but Iím toying with the title If Iíd Saved, I Wouldn't Be Writing This."--Martin Short in an article, well, most of an online article, on the Splitsider comedy website

What do you call a dog with no legs (besides Shorty)?

It doesn't matter, he can't come to you anyway.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Wherever you left him.

Trad climber
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Jul 11, 2013 - 08:55am PT
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

Trad climber
Jul 11, 2013 - 09:09am PT
A friend's mom actually told me this story from last week.

She was in Canada shopping for something for her son and daughter-in-law's baby shower.

She wanted something Canadian. Maybe one of those cute little canadian hats, but she couldn't pronounce toque.

She asked some guys who sent her to a pot shop. I guess she pronounced it toke!

Flank of the Bighorns
Jul 11, 2013 - 03:40pm PT
Two lawyers are walking down a street when they see a very attractive lady walking on the other side.

The first lawyer says, "I think I would like to fvck her!"

The second replies, "Outta what?"

Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
Jul 11, 2013 - 03:47pm PT
The Pope is doing a crossword puzzle. He asks the Cardinal, "What's a four letter word for a woman that ends in u-n-t?"

The Cardinal says, "Aunt."

The Pope says, "Got an eraser?"
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Jul 11, 2013 - 04:13pm PT
What is the best time to visit the dentist?

Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Jul 11, 2013 - 04:15pm PT
Me. I am the biggest joke. I never meant that to be, but...
Magic Ed

Trad climber
Nuevo Leon, Mexico
Jul 11, 2013 - 05:17pm PT
Guy walks into a bar with a giant frog on his shoulder. The bartender says "Where'd you get that?" The frog answers "New Jersey, there's millions of 'em"
goatboy smellz

Jul 11, 2013 - 05:23pm PT
A lawyer, a doctor, and a statistician go out duck hunting one day.

Some ducks come flying by and the lawyer pops up and shoots, way right and misses.

The doctor takes aim and shoots, way left, misses.

The statistician pumps his fist in the air and said. "We got one!".

Flank of the Bighorns
Jul 11, 2013 - 05:24pm PT
^^^^Good one!

Why do lawyers wear neckties?

Keeps their foreskin from popping out of their shirt.

Feb 28, 2014 - 07:03pm PT
Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by. One of the old Grandmas yelled out, 'Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how old you are!'
The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess my age!
One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.'
Embarrassed, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and then jump up and down several times.
Determined to prove them wrong, he did it.
Then they all said in unison, 'You're 87 years old!'
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, 'How in the world did you guess my age?'
Slapping their knees, high fiving and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily crowed..... 'We were at your birthday party yesterday.'

Have a good friday

Trad climber
Mohave County Arizona
Feb 28, 2014 - 07:11pm PT
A guy walks in to a bar and sets a car battery on the floor, and a set of jumper cables on the stool. He orders a beer. The bartender looks him up and down and says "Ok, but I don't want you starting anything in here".
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