I need some jokes - short ones.

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Patrick Sawyer

climber
Originally California now Ireland
Jul 11, 2013 - 04:15pm PT
Me. I am the biggest joke. I never meant that to be, but...
Magic Ed

Trad climber
Nuevo Leon, Mexico
Jul 11, 2013 - 05:17pm PT
Guy walks into a bar with a giant frog on his shoulder. The bartender says "Where'd you get that?" The frog answers "New Jersey, there's millions of 'em"
goatboy smellz

climber
Nederland-GulfBreeze
Jul 11, 2013 - 05:23pm PT
A lawyer, a doctor, and a statistician go out duck hunting one day.

Some ducks come flying by and the lawyer pops up and shoots, way right and misses.

The doctor takes aim and shoots, way left, misses.

The statistician pumps his fist in the air and said. "We got one!".
WyoRockMan

climber
Flank of the Bighorns
Jul 11, 2013 - 05:24pm PT
^^^^Good one!



Why do lawyers wear neckties?



Keeps their foreskin from popping out of their shirt.
speelyei

Trad climber
Mohave County Arizona
Feb 28, 2014 - 07:11pm PT
A guy walks in to a bar and sets a car battery on the floor, and a set of jumper cables on the stool. He orders a beer. The bartender looks him up and down and says "Ok, but I don't want you starting anything in here".
Braunini

Big Wall climber
cupertino
Mar 1, 2014 - 12:22am PT
I like to mix it up with a couple of Jokes With Realistic Endings:



A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.



A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel stuck to his crotch.

The bartender says, "Hey, you got a wheel stuck to your crotch."

The pirate replies, "Yarr, me ship wrecked in a terrible storm and my testicles swelled with an infection while I was knocked unconscious against the wheel. Can you please call a doctor?"



A man and a woman are crossing the desert. They find a lamp in the sand. The man rubs the lamp and nothing happens. Afterward, he feels a bit foolish.




Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the chicken lacks reasoning or decision-making capabilities, it seems unlikely the chicken’s action was spurred by any particular motivation.
madbolter1

Big Wall climber
Denver, CO
Mar 1, 2014 - 11:48am PT
Build a man a fire, and you keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.
clinker

Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
Mar 1, 2014 - 12:27pm PT
Braunini's jokes suck.

Realistic ending?>

Braunini asks a large woman on Polk St., where is a good place to hang put and have a beer?
She replies, my place.
Jay Wood

Trad climber
Land of God-less fools
Mar 1, 2014 - 02:39pm PT
A harp seal goes into a bar...

"What'll you have?" asks the bartender

"Anything but Canadian Club"
Jay Wood

Trad climber
Land of God-less fools
Mar 1, 2014 - 02:51pm PT
My girlfriend says she thinks I might be a stalker....



Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
goatboy smellz

climber
लघिमा
Jul 23, 2014 - 09:21pm PT
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Jul 23, 2014 - 10:04pm PT
Yeah, and the joke about the bed hasn't been made up yet.
k-man

Gym climber
SCruz
Jul 24, 2014 - 10:22pm PT
The joke is in your hand.

(Written on the urinal wall, of course.)
deuce4

climber
Hobart, Australia
Jul 25, 2014 - 04:14am PT
Feeling a bit low on smarts the other day, i headed to the brain store.

Storekeeper told me, "i got lawyers brains for $5 an ounce, engineers brains for $25 an ounce, rocket scientists brains for $50 an ounce, and climbers brains for $1000 an ounce"

"$1000 for an ounce of climbers brain--why so expensive?" I asked.

Storekeeper said, "do you know how many climbers it takes to get an ounce of brains?!"
dirt claud

Social climber
san diego,ca
Aug 14, 2014 - 11:06am PT
A Japanese couple is having an argument over ways of performing highly erotic sex:

Husband: Sukitaki. Wife replies: Kowanini!

Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo Fook!

Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!

Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina tim kouji!

I can't believe you just sat and tried to read this -- as if you understand Japanese!

You'll read anything as long as it is about sex. You need help!!
Braunini

Big Wall climber
cupertino
Aug 14, 2014 - 11:19am PT
And my jokes suck?
clinker

Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
Aug 14, 2014 - 11:32am PT
Position 68

You do me and I owe you one;)






Credit Stan H
JonA

Trad climber
Flagstaff, AZ
Aug 14, 2014 - 01:04pm PT
Guy sitting next to me on flight: What do you do for a living?
Me: I'm a door-to-door salesman
Guy: Really...what do you sell?
Me: Doors....it never works out
Reilly

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
Dec 30, 2014 - 09:21am PT
I actually saw this on BBC, admittedly, BITD. An English, and I stress that
adjective, comedian was 'performing' in a club.

"Are there any Irish in the room?"

Silence...

"Is the question too difficult?"

Gary

Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
Dec 30, 2014 - 10:11am PT
I picked up a gal in a bar the other night. She said, "I don't do this normally." I said, "I'm a little kinky myself."
Messages 241 - 260 of total 1042 in this topic << First  |  < Previous  |  Show All  |  Next >  |  Last >>
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