I need some jokes - short ones.

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Gene

climber
Dec 4, 2012 - 08:41pm PT
Not short, but not overly long.

The Pope is working at his desk when a senior Cardinal rushes in.

Holy Father. I have the most incredible good news and bad news for you. Which do you want first?

Give me the good news first, my son.

Holy Father. Jesus has returned. He’s holding on the phone to talk to you.

My son, what possible bad news could there be on a day like this?

He’s calling from Salt Lake City.

Plaidman

Trad climber
South Slope of Mt. Tabor, Portland, Oregon, USA
Dec 4, 2012 - 08:50pm PT
There is a new drink out at the bars in New York.
It's called a Sandy. It's a watered down Manhattan!

I'll be here all week!
froodish

Social climber
Portland, Oregon
Dec 4, 2012 - 09:25pm PT
A baby harp seal walks into a club.
bajaandy

climber
Escondido, CA
Dec 4, 2012 - 09:44pm PT
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll drink beer all day.
cliffhanger

Trad climber
California
Dec 5, 2012 - 02:18pm PT
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took
the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
TGT

Social climber
So Cal
Dec 5, 2012 - 08:25pm PT
Hardman Knott

Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
Dec 30, 2012 - 01:26pm PT
I was in bed with a blind girl the other night.

She said I had the biggest c*#k she had ever put her hands on.

I told her she was pulling my leg.
Mighty Hiker

climber
Vancouver, B.C.
Dec 30, 2012 - 01:42pm PT
Why was the squirrel doing the backstroke across the pond?

To keep his nuts dry!
weezy

climber
Dec 30, 2012 - 01:55pm PT
what does a nosey pepper do?

it gets jalapeño business.
Fish Finder

Social climber
THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART
Mar 25, 2013 - 06:49pm PT



Her legs were like butter




















































































































































































They spread easy
Norwegian

Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
May 4, 2013 - 09:31pm PT
have you heard the one
about the rich man's widow?
she filled her dress with
stolen eggs!

the people of the town
a gathered 'round
to laugh her down.

when those eggs all broke
and ran down her leg.

[Click to View YouTube Video]
goatboy smellz

climber
Nederland-GulfBreeze
Jul 10, 2013 - 08:39pm PT
Why is your oven smoking?


























Because it just finished fvcking the dishwasher.

Trad is Rad

Trad climber
San Luis Obispo California
Jul 11, 2013 - 12:17am PT
What do you call a 16 year old girl that can run faster than her 10 brothers?
A virgin

Whats the worst part about blow up dolls?
They smell and you have to drain them every two weeks
hairyapeman

Trad climber
Fres-yes
Jul 11, 2013 - 01:54am PT
A termite walks into a bar and ask's "Where's the bar tender?"....
nature

climber
Boulder, CO
Topic Author's Reply - Jul 11, 2013 - 02:02am PT
manzanita man +1 LOL!

goatboy smellz too!
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Jul 11, 2013 - 05:15am PT
"Although I've never read a book all the way through, I'm sure excited to write one," Short joked in a statement. He added, "I haven’t named my book yet, but I’m toying with the title If I’d Saved, I Wouldn't Be Writing This."--Martin Short in an article, well, most of an online article, on the Splitsider comedy website


What do you call a dog with no legs (besides Shorty)?

It doesn't matter, he can't come to you anyway.


Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Wherever you left him.
tooth

Trad climber
B.C.
Jul 11, 2013 - 09:09am PT
A friend's mom actually told me this story from last week.

She was in Canada shopping for something for her son and daughter-in-law's baby shower.


She wanted something Canadian. Maybe one of those cute little canadian hats, but she couldn't pronounce toque.

She asked some guys who sent her to a pot shop. I guess she pronounced it toke!
WyoRockMan

climber
Flank of the Bighorns
Jul 11, 2013 - 03:40pm PT
Two lawyers are walking down a street when they see a very attractive lady walking on the other side.

The first lawyer says, "I think I would like to fvck her!"




The second replies, "Outta what?"
Gary

Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
Jul 11, 2013 - 03:47pm PT
The Pope is doing a crossword puzzle. He asks the Cardinal, "What's a four letter word for a woman that ends in u-n-t?"

The Cardinal says, "Aunt."

The Pope says, "Got an eraser?"
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Jul 11, 2013 - 04:13pm PT
What is the best time to visit the dentist?

Two-thirty.
Messages 221 - 240 of total 1042 in this topic << First  |  < Previous  |  Show All  |  Next >  |  Last >>
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