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tarek
climber
berkeley
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Topic Author's Original Post - Mar 8, 2010 - 12:57pm PT
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Tried to get it done in an hour, took an hour an a half back in 2006. Don't know how people do this kind of thing in real time. Anyhow, kinda fun trying to distill a trip.
Let's have'em.
Epic on Charlotte Dome
Eschewing the topo would add adventure to Charlotte’s moderate face.
Back from bear trees looking for the start among many at its base.
Dike missed, cruising, then indecision over choppy seas of rock.
Must-be-the-traverse followed by stout moves reversed to take stock.
High up on delicate face as a wayward rowboat tied long to shore
recriminations fade as resolve directs feet pasted and set--above lies more.
Finally the headwall of plates and scoops hardly a pause yet the smell of home
known false as light wanes and the last rolling pitch means running but the dome
whose top was for skipping is an edge mounted by blocks awkwardly passed.
Still the yet unripe foolishness praised by 12,000-foot peaks in snow last
bordered by red compressing to black. One headlight, slabs of glass
for this the 8-mil dragged up the face to be thrown over its ass
Trees mute, triangulation failed by one false memory is a repeated
slog giving in to shivering sleep that fully refreshes when finally we are treated
to the full color snapshot of bright nylon against shiny green.
[edit: you guys showed me space for pace]
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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For TR's that rhyme
Most won't find the time
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Melissa
Gym climber
berkeley, ca
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To Whitney one must loose a lung.
From Russell, please, remove your dung.
The Mountaineers Route is for many so scarey,
That their zeppelins of waste did they cease to carry.
Enter my sweetie, good steward of the lands.
He'll pack out your poo. (But did he sanitize his hands?)
In the Bishop ER our vaycay did end,
It took a good month for his innards to mend.
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Up and down
Up and down
When will I
Get off the ground
Here I go
I think, I know
Better place
A piece down low
Halfway there
I look, I stare
Cant find a placement
Anywhere
Finally
I think I see
A climbing sequence
To a tree
There I go
Oh no, OH NO!
Thank god I put
That piece down low
not a TR, just a made up poem an the spur
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steelmnkey
climber
Vision man...ya gotta have vision...
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I went climbing wit a guy named BrassNuts,
Took a few photos, but they were all heads and butts.
We pulled and pulled and then pulled some more,
Headed for the car 'round about four.
That's all there is, ain't much more to tell.
That Queen Creek rock is rough as hell.
Tip yer waitress, I'll be here all week.
Secrest out.
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drljefe
climber
Old Pueblo, AZ
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I went to the Stronghold with a guy named Survival,
he was having sort of a granite revival.
Also along was a dude named Buggz...
he brought the Schaffer
I brought the nugz.
I figured they could walk five ten with swagger,
until the yell came down "Jefe's a sandbagger!".
So I met em on top with the dogs and a smoke,
guided the descent with stories and jokes.
These dudes were cool and I made new friends,
umm, hmmm.....
ok, the end.
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TwistedCrank
climber
Ideeho-dee-do-dah-day boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom
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Jam jam crank.
Clip flip breath.
Jam jam crank.
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Guernica
climber
s x sw
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Half Dome in a day
Aaron and I enter the fray
Sketchy early season snowfield
Leads to acres of crystal, vertical granite & psyche briefly healed
Eyes wide peeled
Fate shut, sealed
Summit mushrooms in our pack go uneaten
But the new moon stars were still unbeaten
Lovely assignment Tarek, you're a literary master
While I'm still a poetaster
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guido
Trad climber
Santa Cruz/New Zealand/South Pacific
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Survival
This whole thing stinks
A toke and a joke
What am I to think?
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nutjob
Trad climber
Berkeley, CA
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TR: 2010-02-28 (Yosemite Cragging by Nutjob and Le_Bruce)
Le_bruce and I planned for the Center of Geek Tower,
but in the winter misty morning our spirits did cower.
So instead we took pictures and cruised over to Reed's...
At the turn-out the 'topians moved slow as our speed!
There we found scuffy and spyork and ablegable,
also susu and kev were at the table.
Breakfast on campstoves and leisurely starts,
with regales and climbing tales flowing from all parts.
When the time came we pulled on our gear,
I hiked to the base in flip-flops, I fear.
Le_bruce took the first lead on Reed's Direct,
and I had the nice second pitch next.
I wanted to finally get on the third,
the offwidth pitch where my pants risked a turd.
But alas the start was covered in water,
which cooled my resolve, I'd wait for days hotter.
But le_bruce led away on Bongs Away Left,
and I quickly followed that fun little cleft.
And then we set toprope for doing the Center,
of Bongs Away which was a nice short adventure.
We then set our sights on Chingando that day,
scuffy_b said we might need #6 on the way.
Well we didn't have it so I tried for a toprope,
but got lost in wet mossy chimneys - dope!
Away from Reed's, to Pat and Jack
Lots of fun for my first attack!
I linked Knobjob pitches one and two,
then we top-roped Book Em' Dano too!
As the light faded and cloud ceiling dropped,
We had but time for one little romp.
We set the top-rope on Generator Crack,
I wanted to stick it on my first whack.
I proceeded to flail, swinging past the tree,
A handful of times, even more maybe.
Le_bruce then took charge and got up quite high,
Using the tree by it made my confidence fly!
I then tried again, more humbly with the tree,
and used that baby as high as could be.
Eventually I grunted right into that crack,
and buried my leg past the knee, with handstacks.
And armbars, and whatever silliness I could contrive,
my body was trembling like an angry bee hive.
Somehow I got my right lower foot in the crack,
And proceeded to ratchet up it for a tack.
Then I was tired and it got more tough,
I came with bravado, it called my bluff.
I grunted and nearly pissed myself blind,
scratching for inches and bruised my behind.
Eventually I reached up high for a flake,
from which I could hang and give my arms a shake.
And that let me switch sides to get right-side-in,
and I finished that bad boy after an hour of hidin'.
We drove home that night, feeling all smug
Such a fine outing was like a drug
The first day of sunshine to visit in weeks,
We made the most of it, we two little geeks.
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W. S.
climber
Montana/France
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Je suis allé au Russan, dans le Gard
Les voies y sont longue et costaude, aux départs
C'est un couenne sympa pour eu qui grimpe dans la 8
Avec les goujons partout et les pas durs aux sorties
La j'ai vu des mecs Americain et Anglais
Ils avaient pas de topo, et dans le 6 ils galèraient
Mais en face sud, dans l'abri du vent et en pleine soleil
On etait content de regarder et crier, "Allez!"
Translation:
"I went to Russan, in the Gard
The routes there are long and burly at the start
It's a nice crag for those who climb 5.13
With bolts everywhere and cruxes near the top
There I saw some American and English dudes
They didn't have a topo, and they struggled with 5.10
But facing south, sheltered from the wind and bathed in sun
We were happy just to watch and scream, "Allez!""
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Paulina
Trad climber
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Thanks for posting! You guys rock!
Know no fear no writer's block!
I could read your rhymes all day!
Keep'em coming! Yay! Hurray!
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tarek
climber
berkeley
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 8, 2010 - 06:43pm PT
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Some clearly have the knack
like gear, shaken from a pack
Fun reading these!
keep 'em comin' please
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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I think that I shall never see,
A mountain lovely as a tree.
In fact, if off this rock I fall,
I'll never see a tree at all.
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Melissa
Gym climber
berkeley, ca
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Bravo, Mighty Hiker.
Bravo!
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tarek
climber
berkeley
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 8, 2010 - 06:58pm PT
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Mighty that's so nice I'm afraid it might pop into my head at some crux someday
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Adapted from a famous poem by Joyce Kilmer called Trees, from his book Trees and Other Poems.
I think that I shall never see,
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest,
Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;
A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in Summer wear,
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joyce_Kilmer
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BooDawg
Social climber
Paradise Island
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Here are two reports on events from about 1965:
This one from Camp 4 Terror:
There once was a climber named Bridwell.
When climbing Grade 1's he did well.
But on a Grade 6,
He got in a fix
And rappeled to the talus and hid well.
That was a very good song
Sing us another one
just like the other one
Sing us another one do...
There once was a climber named Dozier
who was keenly attuned to exposure.
When stumped by the riddle
Of the Square Slot on Middle,
He suddenly lost his composure.
That was a very good song...
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BooDawg
Social climber
Paradise Island
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Here's a report that's set to music and commemorates Guido's, BooDawg's and our ladies' 1986 passage thru a violent storm, sailing from NZ to ... well, we ended up in the Cook Islands...
Before he was known as Guido, his friends knew him as Dr. McQuacken...
Dr. McQuacken (To the tune of "Casey Jones")
Come all you dieters we have right now
A program to help you lose some weight, and how!
If you have excess baggage that you'd like to lose,
Sign up with us for the Doctor's cruise.
Chorus:
Dr. McQuacken, hand upon the wheel;
Dr. McQuacken with the jib sheet in his hand;
Dr. McQuacken has the weight-loss program for you,
And you can't get off it 'til you reach dry land.
Oh, the doctor's wife, Nancy, she's a might fine cook.
She'll whip up any meal from the old cook book.
She make up any meal that your heart could wish,
But you still lose weight because you feed the fish.
The exercise program, it's a might fine treat.
You dance rock & roll to a windward beat.
You do isometrics with each move you make.
And to lose your cookies is a piece of cake.
You're up after midnight in the pouring rain.
The doctor's orders are to reef the main.
You pull in sail 'til you're soaking wet.
And there goes another seven pounds in sweat.
And when you've arrived at your port of call,
Your excess baggage, you'll have lost it all.
At the celebration party, there will be no lack,
And in one night of feasting, you will gain it back.
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L
climber
Hangin' by a thread and lookin' for my wings
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Well laid were our plans
for that easy East Face
Whitney-in-a-day
would demand a killer pace
From Portal to Peak
my partner knew the trail
he'd done this thing before
thrice without fail
But Murphy came with us
on that fateful day
and my partner's memory
was sadly MIA
We got lost in the bushwhack
we missed the Ledges
Boyscout Lake wasn't there
Where the hell were the sedges?
I almost bought the farm
on the slippery slabs of death
he argued with the map
we went right--shoulda gone left
At the Fresh Air Traverse
he turned into a panicky nut
he wanted to bail right there
rather than bivy in Stone Hut
This epic ends just fine
there was no blood shed
I slept between 2 farting strangers
but at least I had a bed
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Mike Bolte
Trad climber
Planet Earth
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from his crusty appearance you wouldn't know it
but jim donini is a poet
-------------
(folks - I am way impressed. Nutjob, nice photos too)
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Buju
Trad climber
the range of light
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Yosemite Valley was quite nice this Sunday
The rain had held off so we went out to play
Serenity was nice, but Adrenaline was better
Then it started to rain, and the rock just got wetter
Now it is Monday and I’m back to work
Im in the office, so on the Taco I lurk…
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Melissa
Gym climber
berkeley, ca
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MH, I got the parody. That's why it was good.
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David Wilson
climber
CA
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we tried to proceed with boldness
across granite cracked and hold less
one day we surmised
under patagonian blue skies
would ensure success in the coldness
but the cracks were ice filled
and our progress was stilled
as we arrived at a ledge near the summit
night came along and our talk turned to song
stomping in place we waited for dawn
only then to have done it
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survival
Big Wall climber
A Token of My Extreme
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We once journeyed forth to the Stronghold
Hoping that it wouldn't drop down and be too cold
We recruited a Jefe
Our fears to allay
but he led us astray
and made us do seven leads of 5.10 in a day.....
There once was a climber named Guido
Who should never be seen in a speedo
If his daughter gets married
And Joe isn't buried
Then he'll have to endure a tuxedo
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nutjob
Trad climber
Berkeley, CA
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Guido, speedo, tuxedo.... nice!
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L
climber
Hangin' by a thread and lookin' for my wings
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Ha Bruce! Fuuuuuuunnnnnnnnny!
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tarek
climber
berkeley
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 9, 2010 - 03:55pm PT
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the humor in many of these is terrific!
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tarek
climber
berkeley
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 9, 2010 - 04:47pm PT
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We Climbed the Seven Summits
Off to Utah we three went
Driving all night not a dent
Our summits you see
Desert towers they be
All on just one continent
Tired on arrival we did cross
Into Colorado for some choss
Otto’s Route was the first
Tho by no means the worst
We just had to show who was boss
The mighty Lizard was the second
Then Ancient Arts did us beckon.
Our rope ends freely traded
3 summits down we celebrated
Some silliness we sure did take on
With Castleton and the Priest
We continued our feast
Some respectability thus gained
We nonetheless felt quite drained
And added the Owl as the least.
On our final day we got serious
And drove down to the imperious.
Primrose Dihedrals was number seven
And we indeed found seventh heaven
But the rappels made us quite delirious.
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steelmnkey
climber
Vision man...ya gotta have vision...
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The next day…
Dave and I tried once again,
To have an adventure in spite of the rain.
“Ain’t this supposed to be the desert?” he asked, looking out over the park,
“If this rain doesn’t stop, I’ll have to build an ark!”
“It’s gotta stop any time now, I honestly supposes”,
“In any case, you ain’t exactly Moses.”
When I got home, he was ready to go,
Some exercise was needed to chill out my bro.
“A mountain bike ride might be just the thing”,
“To stretch out the legs and make those muscles sing.”
So we loaded up the bikes, headed off down the street,
The rain was holding, we were feeling upbeat.
Onto the trail, over puddles and rocks,
Dave rides like a cat, me like an ox.
Out and around, and back to the start,
I damn near got creamed by a dude in a golf cart.
The trail went by, as did the miles,
By the time we were done, we were wall to wall smiles.
The ride behind us, the cleanup commenced,
It was surely time for some antioxidents.
Out came the glasses, in went the mixer,
Turns out Dave’s one helluva margarita fixer.
We followed the margs with a plateful of grub,
Then polished it off with a can of Old Chub.
the end.
The starting lineup...
The tequila seems to be evaporating... we started here...
...and now it's here.
Anyone drink this stuff? Pretty smooth!
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nutjob
Trad climber
Berkeley, CA
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Ha ha ha steelmonkey! nice one!
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justthemaid
climber
Jim Henson's Basement
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Cheating a little- I wrote this a couple of years ago and it's not precisely a TR...
Ode to Gym Rat Flunkies.
Oh you gym rat flunkies-
you flunkies I abhor.
You say you want to leave your gym.
It's padded walls are closing in.
To climb on nature's rock one day
would be so cool- oh Maid please say,
you'll take us out oh please oh please
and cure us of this gym disease.
Your excitement seems sincere
until it's time to buy some gear.
Or to commit to time or place
to feel the sun upon your face.
And then the ones who make the call
They show up late, or not at all.
Then the whining does ensue
Drive where?? Too hot, too dusty too.
Egads! The rock- it is so far.
They cannot even see their car.
To walk 10 minutes from the street
makes blisters on their widdle feet.
Yes there's a problem, one or two,
my teachings just can't make it through.
To penetrate these flunkie heads,
frustrates me to the point of dread.
I've totally abandoned hope
that you'll stop stepping on my rope.
You think top-rope is the bee's knees,
Lead? Not before all hell doth freeze!
Where's the tape? which way to go?
Your shiny webbing, is day-glow.
Begging, pleading and my rancor
won't pry you off that three-bolt anchor
Please oh please, our dark-haired maven
return us to our plastic haven.
Back to the loving, cool indoors
With colored holds and squishy floors.
Where gym rats go to romp and play
Outside?? Perhaps another day.
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hossjulia
Social climber
Eastside
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Mar 10, 2010 - 01:43am PT
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this is too good to go away just yet,
thanks! wow, am I mightily impressed.
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NutAgain!
Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
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Apr 16, 2019 - 02:25am PT
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A long reminiscence this night I've had,
of many adventures, none of them bad
Eighty-three trip reports, most pictures asunder
Will we look back and call this a blunder?
I am truly thankful for the kick in the pants
I've now captured the memories offline for perchance
the powers that be decide there's no ROI
and soon back to dust are these gleams in my eye
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