Sobriety (off topic or not)?


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McHale's Navy

Trad climber
Panorama City, California & living in Seattle
Feb 18, 2013 - 01:30am PT
I thought about having a beer earlier and then forgot about it. I enjoyed the thought though.

Trad climber
South Slope of Mt. Tabor, Portland, Oregon, USA
Feb 18, 2013 - 01:54am PT
Still in the life. Living is so good. I was with my dad today. He has 9 more years than I sober. We are better for having quit before it took us out. Today was a gift to be there for him when he needed me. He is almost 80 and moving once again. New house for him and so I wanted to be there to make sure the transition went smooth.

Living sober is more a habit now. Thankful for every day. Even to feel pain is OK. It all passes. Even the good stuff. I am able to live in the ebb and flow of life.

For anyone struggling... Hang in there... It gets different... then it gets better ... Then we are able to put life into perspective ... It's all a gift ... share the good and the bad and forget about the labels. What I used to think was bad and what I thought was good has morphed over the years. I am in a good space now.... that could change. Just grateful RIGHT NOW!

Trad climber
Feb 18, 2013 - 10:11am PT
Dirtbag - I am so very sorry to read of your pain. F*#king alcohol.... While for sure it doesn't ruin the lives of everyone who touches it, the ruin it causes in enough lives is more than devastating.

I have "thought" about having a drink a few times in the past week. Not serious really, but there had been several events which were triggering emotional points.

I don't think about having one(that would be ONE bottle of wine, ONE HALF dozen beers or harder drinks on the ONE day which would be but the first in many, of course), but it always sends a chill when it does happen. It is such a fine spider web line which divides my life between sober and over....because I do know that if I pick up, the game is over. When I accepted sobriety I made a deal, and it was a 'til death do us part' commitment.

But looking at those things which caused me so much pain today is so miniscule. I wish I could mean that in an "oh, yeah, I realized they were meaningless" way, but that is not the case. Those things were very real and damaging to my emotional well-being. It's just that in comparison to what is going on now, they were just sort of the early sprinklings on a"when it rains, it pours" segment of my life.

I am very frightened right now, because the deal I had with my apartment in NYC is going to end, and my intentions are to turn the place back over to the landlord. The sublettor who has been there for 2.5 years has given notice, and I just don't have the stomach to go again with a new person, because it is not a legal sublet.

Sure - if I didn't care about the lives of others, I could easily rent to somebody....

I am glad I care about the lives of others, even those of whom are just shadows in the imagination. Those shadows DO represent real people. Sobriety has given me that ability to make the connection between my actions and those of people whom I would meet in the future.

God, grant me the serenity....

Today I am going climbing and will try to keep my mind off this problem. It won't hurt to "do nothing" about this problem today.


Trad climber
Santa Cruz
Feb 18, 2013 - 12:39pm PT
Man you guys are tough! I am IMPRESSED!
All those "couldas, wouldas, and shouldas" can be awful downers.

Stay strong,


Trad climber
Feb 22, 2013 - 11:54pm PT
Having a very tough time with the worst fears for my future I have ever encountered going on.

I don't WANT a drink, but I do really wish there was some way to avoid dealing with my life right now.

The other day I was at the Valerjo in JT and happened to see the wine bottles. First, it was a little six-pack of single drink ones and I thought "Isn't that cute. I wonder who buys that sort of thing."

Then I noticed the bigger bottles and was looking at the labels. I remembered that, because I was clueless about wine, I used to choose a bottle based on the label(hey, I never got a bad bottle!). THis was all as I waited for someone, and I really felt like I was just passing the time, looking at scenery as I might do in any circumstance while I waited.

Then, I heard a little voice inside say "Buy one." It was almost more like a command.

Luckily, I do seem to have gotten some kind of stubborn version of sobriety that knows the truth. That to "buy one" really means, one today, and then tomorrow, and then again, and again and again. But I cannot guarantee that stubborness is something I can count on.

I know drunkeness will not help. Even as I think things can't really get worse than they are right now(though of course they could), to slip back into drinking might enable me to avoid taking responsibility for events I must manage in the next few weeks, but at what cost?

I am so scared, and so tired.

Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Feb 23, 2013 - 12:03am PT
ahh happy,
lay down and let it run you over.
then get up and shake it off,
and go for a hike.

Social climber
Feb 23, 2013 - 12:16am PT
what weeg said.

when you return from the beleaguered distance
pray the van starts
look off toward the gem of tomorrow
and breath deep of that strong woman stuff

get on with it

Social climber
Toshi's Station, picking up power converters.
Feb 23, 2013 - 12:18am PT
Ya, I just don't want to stop right now.

Trad climber
Santa Cruz
Feb 23, 2013 - 12:22am PT
Oh Happie, hang in there, Teddie needs you straight and sober.....

And Michele, a little cryptic there, but, be as tough as you can....the morning will be soon. Greet it with resolve...


Trad climber
Feb 23, 2013 - 12:32am PT
Thank God for Teddy, true that.
Jebus H Bomz

Peavine Basecamp
Mar 2, 2013 - 09:25pm PT
Four months down. Four months since a day I could have blown my future into a little white straw, or left somebody's loved one wearing a toe tag.

I have been saved by fate, illumination, and my will to change (not to forget forgiveness). If we can't believe in the possibility of positive change, we might as well go out in the yard with a bottle and start digging because nothing is worth a damn then anyway.

Trad climber
Yacolt, WA
Mar 2, 2013 - 09:37pm PT
Hoping that you found strength to deal with life's challenges without adding to them by drinking. Wish I had something inspirational that could lift your spirits or some wisdom that could mitigate your problems. Know that people are rooting for you and will extend their hands to you.
Jebus H Bomz

Peavine Basecamp
Mar 2, 2013 - 09:40pm PT
If you're talking to me, then, yes, I have. Thank you for your hopes. Hopes for good things are some of the better impulses we have. I am not down, if you read me that way, I am proud and happy ;).

Trad climber
New Durham, NH
Mar 2, 2013 - 09:49pm PT
Nice work, Bomz!

32 months yesterday, and it keeps getting better every day.

Jebus H Bomz

Peavine Basecamp
Mar 2, 2013 - 09:56pm PT

Trad climber
Mar 2, 2013 - 10:58pm PT
Congratulations on the sober days Edge and Jebus.

I made it through Part I of my problem, which was notifying the landlord that I was going to vacate the apartment(and break lease in process). They are being very good about the whole thing.

My sisters are doing me a favor beyond anything I ever anticipated, expected or deserved, and going to NYC from Wisconsin and Lower Michigan to clean out my place - a large studio apartment filled with furniture, personal effects and antiques.

Part II - how I will provide an income for myself, very quickly, that will sustain me - is still up in the air. As is Part III - whether I will be offered the caretaker opportunity/cabin at the Gunks this season, meaning where I will be living.

But, I don't want to drink....

The last few days a friend from NY has been in Joshua Tree, and I have been in the park and climbing. I have climbed VERY little this last year, for a couple of reasons, but one being that I was focusing hard on my businesses, trying to grow them. It felt very good to "be a climber" again today, even if I flailed absurdly on the two routes I tired(PewWee's Piton" and "Chalk Up Another One, or something like that).


A few different places
Mar 2, 2013 - 11:34pm PT

Congrats on your sobriety. I have struggled with drugs my whole adult life. Never had more than a month or two sober until 3 years ago I decided that enough is enough. The law became a problem, lack of cash, no more support from family, and lots of other sh#t. I did it thru a 30 day rehab stay, and I've been going to Narcotics Anonymous regularly. It's hard, but definetly gets easier the more time you get. I believe that without a doubt, the 12 steps have made me the person I am today.

On a side note, I'm from CO and you should check out . They provide free outdoor activities for people in recovery from drugs and alcohol. As a well established climber like yourself, it may not seem appealing, but there is a very hardcore group of guys that climb real hard that belong to the group. It's nice because its a crowd that is totally sober. I've climbed several technical alpine routes(longs, ellingwood etc.) along with many multiputch ice routes(Ames, skylight etc.) in CO and WY, just to give you an idea of the caliber of some climbers. Check em out. I'm in Cali at the moment prepping for El Cap or I'd offer to show you around.

It's nice to see that many people in this community struggle with these problems, as many people in this community drink/drug recreationally, which I have no problem with, other than my personal problem. One day at a time has given me 3 years of a life I only could have dreamed of while I was using.

Trad climber
Las Vegas, NV.
Mar 3, 2013 - 01:06am PT
RJ, thanks a lot for sharing your story and the group information.

I made 13 years on February 14th. Life is so good for me right now, I still have trouble believing it sometimes. It's nice to be living the "promises" that I was told of early in my sobriety, that I would get my life back. Thankful I got the chance to be here today.

Trad climber
South Slope of Mt. Tabor, Portland, Oregon, USA
Mar 3, 2013 - 02:27am PT
happiegrrrl both Peewee's Piton and Chalk Up Another One are 5.10a

From what I hear the rating's down that way are stiff. Good on ya for gettin' out there.


Social climber
flagstaff arizona
Mar 3, 2013 - 03:15am PT
Coming up on 5 months. Feels good.
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