Sobriety (off topic or not)?


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Trad climber
Jan 2, 2013 - 06:44pm PT
When I quit, I was on a 3-daycycle. Drink massively (usually alone at home, always to blackout); next day a hideous hangover, and the next day feeling just a little funky still. The next night, ready to go again,and usually did.

I had no crisis bottom either, but I had known I was an alcoholic since I was about 24, and didn't get sober until 36....

One thing that always stuck when I heard it in meetings was when an older guy (it was almost always an older guy) said one day the went to drink and the booze didn't have an effect. They were physically addicted to the stuff, but the effect was gone, and that was utter hell. Even at my 3-day cycle, I could WELL imagine the horror of having the drink not work.

Social climber
flagstaff arizona
Jan 2, 2013 - 06:53pm PT
Yeah. It's bad.

Social climber
Jan 2, 2013 - 08:10pm PT
hey there say, all, had not stopped by here, to visit lately, on this post, as i been so busy... i used to try to stop at as many as i could, just see how folks were, what was up, or if there were any neats, or just good talk going on...

thank for the recent share, happiegrrrl...

i need to add on new info--not sure where i shared it, as to the whole forum--but i had shared how my ex son in law had stopped drinking, when his new gal back then, and mom of his newest baby (their only one--he had two others, by my dauhter) WAS going to leave him...

well, he stopped the excessive party stuff, and toned it way down and they got married... it was a huge change... however,
i just learned from her--due to them suddenly getting a divorce this summer, that: after they moved into their bigger house, and had more friends over that he had been stepping up the ladder, a wrung at time...

she did not want to be the naggy wife and since the worst had stopped and everything else was going smooth, she thought it only fair to 'sail along this way'... after all--as the common thought goes: a man works awful hard and should be allowed his relaxation(such DAMAGE that does!) (getting loaded only does causes the body MORE stress)...

well, sure enough,it was not just weekends, anymore, and unknown to me (being that i lived too far away then/and now, to know: he was becoming
his same old 'self', and always obnoxtious when drunk...

(thankful that the kids never saw, as they were asleep--and did not understand how the afterwork-at-home 'few drinks' was adding up all night... and all these years... :(

well, i said all this, to say THIS... (yep, i prep the soil before i sow
the few seeds that i share) :)


IN spite of any good intentions, one will never really stop drinking until one honestly STUDIES and learns WHY one is drinking and the all-fired URGE is for this need... (and it varies from personal thoughts of: just plain 'fun', to 'escapism of work or home pressures, bills, etc, or the work-day-troubles' to 'needing more backbone' to face things in life, wanting what is 'thought to be' persoanl freedom' and--'i got to be me'

more questions to ask then:

well, just who are you, when you are smashed?
are you really someone you want to be, then, or not?
do you really WANT to stop, or do you just feel pressured by
others to stop?

if you really DO want to stop you NEED to find the KEY/keys
as to why, and tackle each door... the doors start to open and work,

without 'self knowledge' though, you'll keep slipping
into whoever it is you 'think' you are, when you are drinking...
remember: it is only a temporary facade as to who you could REALLY
be, if you stopped:

there is a whole new field of life, and new things to grow...
sometimes it is hard to tackle, BUT--when you REALLY KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
you can actually ENJOY doing that and you will love the success...

now, as to my ex son in law, he is happy to be free to have his
daily buzz, and his 'own self to be true to' as long as his kids love
him, and they do... they share the kids and there is no more tension in the house... the girls are older and see this:

but, it was a LOT OF PAIN for these little kids...
and it was very confusing... with all adults working together,
and talking to them, we can only hope and pray that all turns out
well for THEIR adult life...

drinking may seem to join--in party sense... but it is a seperater:
it makes walls... it divides families... later, it eventually isolates
the drinker from all sound wisdom and stablity...

one true story that i like to always share:
and it has held true up 'til today...

mr james drury shared how he met his wife...
and that he USED to drink like fish--all day, and night, and start again
next day...

he stopped drinking for her when he met her, and never drank again...
we seem them together still, all these years later...
his wife is a very wonderful lady...
he can't seem to give up smoking, he said...

but smoking is not the same 'personality disorder hider' or
'personality display-creater' that buzzes/or being loaded, are...

lots of info here from off 'my shelf' of learning/observing...
hope it can help someone, in some way...

just a share, not a preach... :)


Social climber
flagstaff arizona
Jan 2, 2013 - 08:22pm PT
It's complicated.

Trad climber
San Diego, CA
Jan 2, 2013 - 09:39pm PT
"It's complicated." to stop any addiction, I'll agree in that it can be, that's for sure! But I've learned that the solution is a simpler concept to prevent, than it is to clean up, and that the addiction isn't really the problem in the first place, but the "fruit," the product, the result of roots that we chose to establish. We all have a "love" problem folks. We love ourselves more than where love is due, and because of that, we've got our focus on the wrong thing the minute we finally decide that we need help in the first place! It's a vicious cycle, getting over one addiction, only to pick up, and/or continue another. Confused yet? I know I was!
Jebus H Bomz

Reno, Nuh VAAAA duh
Jan 2, 2013 - 11:10pm PT
Elcapinyoazz wrote:

This thread is a pretty good little repository of support for some of us. Probably especially for the non-joiners among us. It isn't likely you'll ever find me at some kind of organized AA meeting, but it's still nice to get the sense of shared experience and community from peers sharing their stories and trials here. And you don't even have to deal with bad coffee or chain smoking old timers.

It's funny, the only AA meeting I've gone to was for a class assignment. And I thought it was a cool thing, just not something for me. I don't know, I guess the whole non-joiner thing you mention is at work, and certain things that smack of religion, maybe focusing on the work of the program becoming its own self-serving addiction... I dunno, I don't want to slam something that obviously works for many. I heard some powerful shares from people, and the power to mentor others and truly help them is also something I respect, so I won't speak ill of something so undoubtedly good.

This thread is something that has served to give me the community support that helps back up my decision. My peers, people I respect, speaking to me. Sobriety, especially from alcohol has become something I must do, not something that would just be nice. It really came in a forced epiphany for me, where, finally, I could see the entire course of my addiction, all these experiences I had once viewed in a romantic light finally revealed for what they were. I was not sexy, brave, or funny, I was just a slurring nimrod who made bad decisions in the service of something he ultimately could not control. I wasn't getting away with anything like I thought. I wasn't the blessed exception. Not by a long road.

Maybe one day I'll get more specific, more helpful to those on the fence, but I also know that for people like me they'll have to go too far before the pathetic absurdity catches up to them. The power to fool ourselves is pretty impressive, and who knows how many more illusions of equal strength we each hold. But I will take this break in the chain for now.

El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
Jan 2, 2013 - 11:18pm PT
Dude, you're a good writer.

To everyone in this thread, respect.
Jebus H Bomz

Reno, Nuh VAAAA duh
Jan 2, 2013 - 11:28pm PT
Thanks, Jefe, I'm glad my writing is occasionally not just an egotastic wankfest. Respect to all who share in here is well-deserved, it is one of those special threads for sure.


Social climber
flagstaff arizona
Jan 2, 2013 - 11:36pm PT
What Jefe said, JeebzBombz. Nice prose. Kinda descibes my experience as well. I gave AA a good whirl bt it took become completely spiritally and emotionally bereft for me to stop. And lord knows what tomorrow will bring. My track record over the last five years has not been good.

Trad climber
Jan 3, 2013 - 07:29am PT
This thread actually reminds me quite a bit OF a NYC AA meeting! I will also say, I have never seen "NYC-style AA" in any other place I've been to, though I have never been to AA in any other very larger metropolitan area.

Sure we had some Bible Thumper, and crotchety "take the cotton out a yer ears and put it in yer mouth" meetings and AA'ers in the city, but for the most part, Agnostics and Atheists were as important to a groups strength as any traditional organized-religion viewpoint.

We also had the ones sharing who were not quit, but for some reason liked to be in the group(after all, we ARE birds of a feather!) and then the secret drinkers - stopping drinking and becoming part of a group, slipping but deciding not to say anything about it. Holding up a facade of sobriety but unable to stay sober. I had a sponsee once who was in that predicament. Luckily she did come clean, and man - what a surprise that was. I never would have guessed, except that she did seem to be having a rather negative attitude about life and people in general, which I though didn't seem to fit the path she had been on when she first came in(live and learn). It turned out prescription painkillers had been at the root of her stumble back into it).

Trad climber
San Diego, CA
Jan 3, 2013 - 08:06am PT
It turned out prescription painkillers had been at the root of her stumble back into it).

Not true.


Social climber
Joshua Tree
Jan 3, 2013 - 08:13am PT
Don't be an as#@&%e, preacherboy.

Sport climber
Redlands Ca
Jan 3, 2013 - 08:15am PT
climbing gets better too
Jebus H Bomz

Reno, Nuh VAAAA duh
Jan 3, 2013 - 08:16am PT
Preachers be preachin' ;).

My father in law (an alcoholic) is a big benzo abuser. For him, it may as well be alcohol, he is losing his mind as a result of the side effects. Alcoholics love those benzos, I hear they hit the same neurological sweet spot: Because both alcohol and benzodiazepines act on the same receptor in the brain, they can lead to addiction and severe withdrawal symptoms when abruptly stopped.

Read more:

Jan 3, 2013 - 09:00am PT
Lurker here...I salute all of you.

A lot of stuff hits home, not for me, but for someone close to me. Challenging, but maybe fruitful, times ahead--we'll see.

Boulder climber
Jan 3, 2013 - 09:01am PT
Hey guys, thanks for the encouragement. Still sober and coming up on 21 months. Just got a really nice promotion at work - gonna be less work and a way more money (doesn't get much better). When I was drinking this never would have happened. I was so unreliable, selfish, and self-destructive that I would have probably been fired by now. It feels like I am an adult now at 27 which is kind of weird. Anyways, I've been going to some more meetings which has been good, I'll have to check out that mens meeting in falls church. Life is crazy these days with way more drama than I'm used to, but I'm getting through it all. Love you guys.


Trad climber
San Diego, CA
Jan 3, 2013 - 09:14am PT
The power to fool ourselves is pretty impressive, and who knows how many more illusions of equal strength we each hold

Remember, what I'm about to share is what continues to change my families lives, my friends lives, those that I don't know's lives, and even my own life. If there's documentation that it changes peoples lives for the Good, then it needs to be shared, whether it offends or not...get over it.

Here's what answered the question proposed by the quote above for me, and until I accepted this, the root of my "strongholds" (plural) couldn't be addressed:

"And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually."

"But they hearkened not, nor inclined their ear, but walked in the counsels and in the imagination of their evil heart, and went backward, and not forward."

"And ye have done worse than your fathers; for, behold, ye walk every one after the imagination of his evil heart, that they may not hearken unto me:"

"And they said, There is no hope: but we will walk after our own devices, and we will every one do the imagination of his evil heart."

"And it come to pass, when he heareth the words of this curse, that he bless himself in his heart, saying, I shall have peace, though I walk in the imagination of mine heart, to add drunkenness to thirst:"

"This evil people, which refuse to hear my words, which walk in the imagination of their heart, and walk after other gods, to serve them, and to worship them, shall even be as this girdle, which is good for nothing."

"They say still unto them that despise me, The Lord hath said, Ye shall have peace; and they say unto every one that walketh after the imagination of his own heart, No evil shall come upon you."

"for the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth;"

"Behold, I know your thoughts, and the devices which ye wrongfully imagine against me."

"Which imagine mischiefs in their heart; continually are they gathered together for war."

"An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,"

"The wicked in his pride doth persecute the poor: let them be taken in the devices that they have imagined."

"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;"

"Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened."

"They also that seek after my life lay snares for me: and they that seek my hurt speak mischievous things, and imagine deceits all the day long."

"How long will ye imagine mischief against a man? ye shall be slain all of you: as a bowing wall shall ye be, and as a tottering fence."

"For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: All these evil things come from within, and defile the man."

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

etc., etc.,etc.,

"Bible thumping" opposed to ones own chest thumping? Herein lies the "root" of a problem!

Trad climber
San Diego, CA
Jan 3, 2013 - 12:03pm PT
^^^ Don't be an as#@&%e, preacherboy.

You lost me there Elcap...I commented that the quoted statement wasn't true.
Jebus H Bomz

Reno, Nuh VAAAA duh
Jan 3, 2013 - 12:14pm PT
To each his own ID, I don't come here for the intonations of a patronizing preacher, I come here for words (not yours) that ring true and help me in my own search for truth. Get over it, to use your own terminology, and please stop thumping the bible strapped to your chest, it is not necessary. We all believe you believe you're enlightened already ;). I wasn't addressing myself to you as you believed, so you doing likewise would be a better use of your salesmenship.

Trad climber
Santa Cruz
Jan 3, 2013 - 12:26pm PT
It feels like I am an adult now at 27 which is kind of weird

Good one, but a bit of advice from someone who has been around the sun many, mnany, many times, it may be better to act like an adult but always keep your feelings of youth!

Just a thought...


edit: oh yeah....incredible progress! Wowsa...
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