Sobriety (off topic or not)?

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Messages 1661 - 1680 of total 1794 in this topic << First  |  < Previous  |  Show All  |  Next >  |  Last >>
SC seagoat

Trad climber
Santa Cruz, Moab or In What Time Zone Am I?
Sep 16, 2015 - 08:31am PT
Treez and Weedge.

A pub or a spa?


Susan

Chief

climber
The NW edge of The Hudson Bay
Sep 16, 2015 - 07:17pm PT
This may be one of the more important threads on ST, certainly for those of us who feel alcohol gets the best of us.
Thanks to all for sharing their efforts at the alternative lifestyle whether it's your first week or nineteen years. (Way to go happiegirl!)
Largo

Sport climber
The Big Wide Open Face
Sep 16, 2015 - 09:33pm PT
One of the things that has been helpful to me over the years is the refrain, "the insanity of the first drink." Whenever I feel the slightest urge about John Barlycorn, I recall those days of waiting outside a 7/11 in the morning, waiting for 6am to roll around so I could get a 12-pack and maybe get a few hours of sleep. One drink and I'd be right back there.

JL
bvb

Social climber
flagstaff arizona
Sep 16, 2015 - 10:16pm PT
I remember bribing a Circle K guy 100 bucks to sell me a pint of vodka at 2:15 in the morning. But those hours waiting for someplace to open at 6am...trying to pay with hands shaking so badly I could not hold or open my wallet...good lord.
BLUEBLOCR

Social climber
joshua tree
Sep 16, 2015 - 11:24pm PT
Weeg that gave me goosebumps.

Print on Brother 8^D
Norwegian

Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
Sep 19, 2015 - 06:36am PT
the subtle rumblings
of my addiction rise
just before the sun;

certain songs,

especially herald my yearnings,

and i sincerely
want to just go sit
by the lapping
lake shore and
f*#k around while
watching the sun
climb the far
side of the mountain.
Bushman

Social climber
Elk Grove, California
Sep 19, 2015 - 06:39am PT
Yes.
This is true, my friend.
T H

Boulder climber
ne'erdowell
Sep 20, 2015 - 09:11pm PT
I don't drink anymore - but then again, I don't drink any less.
thebravecowboy

climber
The Good Places
Sep 20, 2015 - 09:11pm PT
^amen, slurrrrrp
Jebus H Bomz

climber
Old West Crackramento
Sep 20, 2015 - 09:35pm PT
I've gotten in a different frame of mind, a different way of thinking, I mean, sobriety has really gotten me in the zone:

Burch Lyfe
Burch Lyfe
Credit: Jebus H Bomz

I'd say I've straightened up a lot.

Edit: I would have started a ballcupping Burch while sober thread, but it seemed a little too niche.

^amen, slurrrrrp

Slurping on that glass dick, huh? Careful with your depth, vomit aspiration is a bitch.
thebravecowboy

climber
The Good Places
Sep 20, 2015 - 10:26pm PT
Credit: FM
Bushman

Social climber
Elk Grove, California
Sep 21, 2015 - 12:08am PT
Transitioning Sober

Adjusting to mainstream society after being sober for a bit and being surrounded by 'normal' friends, family, and work can be a difficult time. There are triggers to drink and use too numerous to mention and my own experience is a good example of this. Luckily my path was through AA and volunteering for service with them in several capacities, the most difficult of which was volunteering to go into AA mtgs at Folsom and Mule Creek state prisons as a guest or guest speaker about once a month for eight years through AA's hospitals and institutions program (H&I). It completely opened my eyes and drove home the severe implications of what a single moment of bad judgement or relapse could mean for an alcoholic or addict. I discovered through conversations with inmates that a person didn't always have to become a hardened criminal to wind up sentenced to hard time in a penal institution. Three Strikes legislation has made it possible for multiple drug dealing or possession convictions to get one sentenced to a year or more, along with multiple DUI and/or DUI manslaughter convictions as well.

At a regular AA meeting on the outside one time I met and heard the story of a woman who volunteered go to meetings in woman's institutions on a regular basis. She told the story of how H&I service had literally saved her life. She was a young government employee and career woman with a husband and two small children, she had a problem with alcohol, but didn't believe she was an alcoholic. One night after work she was driving home alone drunk in a blackout when she ran over and killed a small child. She was arrested and convicted on manslaughter charges and was sentenced to two years in a woman's correctional facility, but she was sent to a state hospital to serve out her sentence after being diagnosed with severe depression. During that time her husband divorced her, he took custody of her two children, and she attempted suicide twice by cutting her wrists because she could not live with the guilt of having taken the innocent life of a child and the pain of losing her family over it because of her mistake.

She talked about how she began going to AA in the institution and learning about the H&I program. She began attending AA meetings regularly on the outside after her release, and after a short period sober she got a security clearance through H&I, and began attending the different prison and institution meetings. She attested to the fact that without volunteering in this way she would not have been able to come to terms with the terrible guilt she had learned to live with. Fortunately after several years sober she found a new job in a civil service position and was able to get shared custody and be with her children again.

I don't think I have ever heard a more poignant example of how a seemingly ordinary person could so quickly find themselves on the wrong side of everything and lose all hope of ever living a normal life. What would be a gradual decline for many alcoholics and addicts was a sudden and violent upheaval for her, the likes of which might have spelled her undoing. It really hit home with me. I realized that after so many years sober i was still only one drink away from being a drunk again, I was also one drink away from losing anything and everything that was dear to me. The taste of liquor in my mind had been replaced with the idea that it tasted of death, if not instantaneous, then gradually by degrees until I would lose health, family, sanity, and any modicum of self respect I had gained back after so many years sober.

The triggers to drink are still there for me; I recognize them but do allow them to affect my behavior drastically, I do not peruse the liquor isle or think romantically about the certain high of a drink or a drug, I do not linger at social gatherings where drinking friends are imbibing beyond my requisite polite stay and I always make my farewells certainly well before the obnoxious drunken stage of some participants. I do not try to prop up, rescue, or bail out drunk friends or try to preach to those who have no interest in getting sober.

These are things that work for me and I am able to negotiate delicate family situations with more tact than in years past by getting out of the way. I will buy liquor as a gift for friends or family members on special occasions but do not imbibe. It holds no attraction for me. I do not recommend this for any newly sober person in recovery, it is a sure trap that will get most nubes and some old timers drunk again. I do not drink near beer, Odouls, or virgin mixed drinks, and always snif test my sparkling cider (substitute for champaign) at any formal toast before I drink it. I drank and used alcoholically and addictively for twenty years before I got sober.

I have been clean and sober continuously for twenty seven years since. I don't do meetings regularly any more because I don't feel comfortable anymore in them, but I did do regular AA mtgs for twenty years because I definitely did need them. Though I seldom lose my temper I sometimes do, or say or write or post something insensitive from time to time. If I catch myself or it is pointed out to me I try to own up to it. I make the occasional social faux pau from time to time, but this is not about me. It's about sobriety and living sober, and trying to let anyone know who is trying to come to grips with it that there are techniques that work for some, but not for others. I'd say it's a lot like climbing in that respect, and it's a transition, like going from offwidth to lie backing, then to stemming, and finally coming off as you slap the dyno on the lip, and hopefully stick to pull the mantle. I'm not pulling mantles anymore, but I'm still sticking with sobriety. I hope that if you want it and need it but are having any doubts, you can stick with it too.

-bushman
Dr.Sprock

Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
Sep 21, 2015 - 12:17am PT
spoke at a speaker meeting last friday, first time, 60 people, everything was cool until i got to the part about being hungover at Sambo's and hurling on a grill full of food that the replacement cook unknowingly sent out, for some reason that was a turn off, what a mushroom cloud o puke,

so i followed that with the time the CHP threw me up against the wall so hard at the Stockton jail that i crapped my pants and had to wonder around in the freezing cold for two days until the wrecking yard opened so i could get my car back, that cab probably still stinks, took the skin off my legs, real fun times, get the car back and pick up a 12 pack and start out looking for another DUI,

then the CHP outside yuba city clocking me at 120 on 99, i get out of car and run, cop knocks me down with his open door, too old to chase me, then the billy club to the shoulder and face plant, wake up in hospital, yank tubes and run but cop hand cuffs me to gurney,

then there was the face plant crash and DUI on my bicycle, stanford hospital, los altos cop writing ticket as i wake up with stitches, made the san jose merc the next morning,
Pedaling While Pickled,

on 3....everything is beautiful...in it's own way...

got a new boss, new group of friends, 2 meetings a day,

lose the steps 1 at a time, quit going to meetings, get complacent,
get struck by lightening, next time out always worse, never better,

i don't have to quit forever, just 10 more years maybe, 17 hours at a time because i can sleep now,

tradmanclimbs

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Sep 21, 2015 - 03:15am PT
I work with a guy who thought he could have the ocasional drink. he is back to drinking every day.
Jebus H Bomz

climber
Old West Crackramento
Sep 21, 2015 - 04:54am PT
Good Lord, TBC, don't tell me you're tubing the cans!

Damn, Dr. Sprock! You did the drinking thing, for sure. Glad you are here to share your stories from the other side.

As somebody in the healthcare calling/profession/biz, my sobriety is helped tons by seeing/helping/trying to f-ing survive my brethren who wind up in the hospital and are detoxing. It's pretty easy to see where the gig is headed when you get that end of it.
Norwegian

Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
Sep 21, 2015 - 06:06am PT
i got ten years lower case,
self-imposed. actually
my celestial wife gently,
uh, encouraged me with
lazer beams from her heart,

but on my own i promised
my daughters a 10-year dry run,

then after that i cop,
and bade the whole lot farewell,
anna will be 21 and maki 19,
and to hell i'll travel, alone.

in the next ten, sober years
my empire will expand,
my liver will idle,
my brain will fire on time and time again,
and i'll leave my two youths
with some commodities.

then after that,
after that first round of beer
with my twenty-something daughter,
after 10 years sober,
i'm to get on my bike
and pedal north. up the
pacific coast. thru
California, then Oregon,
Canada, and i'll stop in
Alaska in late fall,
put down a deposit on
a small cabin and
lite a fire,
put my aching feet up,
stock up on some reading
and winter over
while drinking heavily.

mostly in my private digs,
i'll drink alone.
with my heart bouncing off the floor
though occasionally i'll
drink in the pub,
where i can polish my
social knob hopefully
against something other
than the floor,

and her eyes, though
they'll be yellow with
jaundice and gaunt
with too much sorrow,
i will find in her gaze
the blue truths of
her yesterdays, pre-alcoholism
and we'll make
drunken, bad-breath mostly
limp love in my dusty
disease crib and in the morning
we'll have greasy eggs and
frozen hash-browns as
her boob rests on her knee
and my tongue is dry and
caked with hate
and we'll both wonder
of the days when we used
to shine in the sand
like micah and i'll
remember my prouder ascents
and she, her perky breasts
and me my happy heart,
now all sold to
blanketing the ache.

ahh, my future looks bright.

then one day my two loving daughters
will show up at my cabin door,
and they'll be strong and
beautiful and full of the life
they made holding a cup full
of the life i sold them,

my youngest will be an alcoholic
and my oldest sweet though extremely selfish
and we'll together find
the edge of whatever town and
walk down a muddy path together,
ruining shoes and
mining memories
not even trying to
find the love that binds us
because it'll always
be everywhere,
easily accessible
on the tip of our
tongue and in
the core of our heart.

"dad. your 55. you
always told us that you'd
die when you're 56."

"you speak the truth, Annapurna."

"i know, dad. we want to take
you to Norway, and ride the
train for a month. because
you never did, you ol' son-of-a-bitch."

"that sounds lovely. can jessica come?"

"sure dad, if it makes you happy. mom'll
be there for 10 days. she and carson
plan to meet us."

"capital. that'll be just capital."

thanks.

Bushman

Social climber
Elk Grove, California
Sep 21, 2015 - 01:46pm PT
Charles Bukowski Is Dead at 73; Poet Whose Subject Was Excess
By WILLIAM GRIMES
Published: March 11, 1994

Charles Bukowski, a poet, novelist and screenwriter whose heavy drinking and hard living were brought to the screen in the 1987 film "Barfly," died on Wednesday in San Pedro Peninsula Hospital in Los Angeles. He was 73 and lived in San Pedro, the Los Angeles port neighborhood.

The cause was leukemia, said Harvey Klinger, the agent for Black Sparrow Press, Mr. Bukowski's publisher.

Mr. Bukowski was a bard of the barroom and the brothel, a direct descendant of the Romantic visionaries who worshiped at the altar of personal excess, violence and madness. In works like "Flower, Fist and Bestial Wail," "Poems Written Before Jumping Out of an Eight-Story Window," "Legs, Hips and Behind" and "Ham on Rye," he acted as a tour guide to the nightmare of his own personality, writing in tough, direct language. Indeed, the title of one of his best-known works, "Erections, Ejaculations, Exhibitions and General Tales of Ordinary Madness," can be taken as the author's guide to living. Born in Germany

Mr. Bukowski was born in Andernach, Germany, and was brought to the United States at the age of 2. He once said in a magazine interview that he began drinking at 13 to dull the pain of being beaten continually by his father. After attending Los Angeles City College from 1939 to 1941, he moved to New York City to become a writer. Over the years, he supported himself by working as a dishwasher, truck driver, mailman, parking-lot attendant, elevator operator and Red Cross orderly. He once hung posters in the New York City subways.

In 1946, as the rejection slips piled up, Mr. Bukowski set out on a decadelong period devoted to drink and travel. In 1956, near death, he returned to writing. His poems were first published in Los Angeles newspapers like Open City and The Los Angeles Free Press and in little magazines. "Flower, Fist and Bestial Wail," his first poetry collection, was published in 1959, and over the years at least 40 more books followed, all of them rooted in the experiences of a loner and outcast with a keen eye for the absurd.

In novels and short-story collections like "Notes of a Dirty Old Man" (1969), "Post Office" (1971), "Factotum" (1975) and "Ham on Rye" (1982), Mr. Bukowski relied on an alter ego named Henry Chinaski, a down-and-out writer with a fierce dedication to women, drink, gambling and failure.

Mr. Bukowski wrote the screenplay for Barbet Schroeder's "Barfly," in which Mickey Rourke portrayed the poet in his younger days. His experiences as a screenwriter led to the novel "Hollywood" (1989).

Just before his death, Mr. Bukowski completed "Pulp," a mystery novel that will be published in the summer. An anthology of his work, "Run With the Hunted," was published in 1993.

He is survived by his second wife, Linda Lee, and a daughter, Marina, of Bellevue, Wash.

Bushman

Social climber
Elk Grove, California
Sep 21, 2015 - 01:55pm PT
Are You Drinking?

washed-up, on shore, the old yellow notebook
out again
I write from the bed
as I did last
year.
will see the doctor,
Monday.
"yes, doctor, weak legs, vertigo, head-
aches and my back
hurts."
"are you drinking?" he will ask.
"are you getting your
exercise, your
vitamins?"
I think that I am just ill
with life, the same stale yet
fluctuating
factors.
even at the track
I watch the horses run by
and it seems
meaningless.
I leave early after buying tickets on the
remaining races.
"taking off?" asks the motel
clerk.
"yes, it's boring,"
I tell him.
"If you think it's boring
out there," he tells me, "you oughta be
back here."
so here I am
propped up against my pillows
again
just an old guy
just an old writer
with a yellow
notebook.
something is
walking across the
floor
toward
me.
oh, it's just
my cat
this
time

-by Charles Bukowski
Charles Bukowski
Charles Bukowski
T H

Boulder climber
ne'erdowell
Sep 21, 2015 - 10:02pm PT
Thanks Sprock.
BLUEBLOCR

Social climber
joshua tree
Sep 21, 2015 - 10:38pm PT

spoke at a speaker meeting last friday, first time, 60 people,

Hope it went as good for you as it did for Bubbles in "The Wire"!

Maybe you haven't seen it? Best show on TV ever. ImO. It helps me to watch other addicts to know whence I came. Having now the ability to decide where I'm going is the glory :)
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