thanks for the stoke, hippielogger. after three weeks it got a LOT easier.
made it a whole month as of last thursday (i think?). i was at a friend's bbq tonight and i fell off the wagon in two ways. i had some ribs and a bacon wrapped stuffed jalepeno (i'm a vegetarian but it was tasty) and i made a jack-lemonade-tonic which i consumed. that was it though. i just finished my drink and went home. didn't even get that buzzed but still didn't get any urges to keep drinking. i'm pretty proud of myself for going a month, though. i had a really nice epiphany the other night while i was driving around and thought "it is not possible for me to get a dui right now."
Just checked my sobriety counter and I've 1 1/2 years tomorrow! Awesome life, chock-a-block full of "24 karat regular-people problems." It's marvelous when you don't bother to even keep track anymore. But I am gonna pick up that "whiner chip!"
I was about as tempted as could be, the last few days. There was a bad personal situation that I Coud have just numbed and tried to avoid with say a pint of vodka. But I didn't, and im feeing better just living through it.
This just out, 33 days. Girlfriend no likey me drink. Hasn't been the first one . Gave it up, took it out of the equation. Feel better being a real person for her. She's ecstatic,I don't feel like sh#t some mornings, my mind feels clearer and I feel mature, go figure. Oh and my belly has shrunk ! I would sell any beer industry stock you hold before they get wind of this new development. For some reason I can't stay away from macaroni and cheese though, and chocolate. HELP !!!!
Having contemplated my experience,
Having ingurgitated unequivocally on a road not unlike Norwegian's road,
Well, not all the same little side roads and scenery,
Not all the little bumps or steep mountain grades,
Nor even all the little dips and deep valleys,
But at the centerline of mutual death I've stared,
At the participate experience we've risked,
Where with minor swerve or misstep the serpentine tragedy of Nephthys unfurls to plunge her viperous claws through sinew, nerves, and bone,
Or if not with merciful death she would leave us lingering to lie awake to waste to rot,
Exploding our swollen organs slippery and brown,
The purple veinous puss bloated skin rupturing and spilling gangrenous lime ripe stench,
About the empty room,
Where our last breaths to take,
Our tear ducts dried and puffing dust to hitchhike onto the humid vaporous fumes of our wet brained last exhalations,
I believed that the one good woman I ever loved,
Had walked out of my life for good,
Good on her I said,
And I drank as yet my final bender,
Stacking the bottles high,
Onto my rickety homemade desk,
With cinder blocks and shelves of gray,
There were red ones and green ones and hues of blue,
Bottles of beer from England to Mexico,
From Amsterdam to Tokyo,
And from Dublin no doubt,
Sudzenly the red brick of the dawn horizon dawned down on me,
Me and the fried sick pain brain of my alcoholic beer infected bodily tissues,
Of course it was all only for effect,
Alone alone alone at last,
No woman or kinders to pester me,
Or to give warm embrace and laugh,
Or to see my eyes seeing in their eyes what love we had,
What love we felt,
Oh gone she was,
What love she was,
And I alone at last,
To drink myself to death,
A lonely bitter alcoholic numb and selfish death,
F*#k all that.
How would I learn to live with myself?
How does a person learn to rectify past mistakes?
How can they live by themselves with themselves and being alcoholic, decide to live and not drink, and not die alone from the drinking?
Such an ugly, desperate, lonely, sickening death.
It's was a choice.
I wanted to live.
And she came back,
And she wanted nothing to do with watching me dying.
And she was ready to leave me again,
Before letting me take her over that centerline,
One more time again.
Best of luck to those recently quitted, and on the 1.5, BVB!
Good for you, Jaybro, for choosing not to drink.
I have my next anniversary coming next Wednesday; 19 years it will be. I cannot believe how lucky I have been. Plenty of people have worked a lot harder than me to stay away from drinking and still succumbed. Nonetheless, if I try to imagine what my life would be like had I picked up somewhere along this continuum, I don't see something very enticing. Yes, I did like the lushy feeling of being drunk, but I can say for sure that I would be one yucky lush. Not someone others would want to be forced to tolerate.
19 years sober, today. It often feels like just a few months have gone by since "that day," but so much has happened since. Don't miss the drinking, one bit. (But notice that I NOTICE that I don't drink....still crazy, after all these years...).