Sobriety (off topic or not)?


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The Granite State.
Apr 7, 2014 - 09:24pm PT
I wrote that to the woman I love.

It's such a struggle, now that I have someone else in my life.

It's easy when she's around, but I give in to addiction more often than I should when I'm alone.
SC seagoat

Trad climber
Santa Cruz CA
Apr 7, 2014 - 09:32pm PT
Brandon, think of the views from Cone Peak we were just e-chatting about. Substitute those memories for the beer....and forgive yourself for the relapse...


Apr 7, 2014 - 09:37pm PT
Yikes man just stop now,

This only has to be as bad as you make it.

If you stop with this three beers and having had written this letter regardless of how she reacts you don't have many pieces to pick up at this point if any,

Worse case move out, find your own place, learn to get used to being alone again and make sure you don't drink. Sure that might be a sh#t ton of work and you can't see from here how to get there from where you stand now but its nothing like the damage a full on bender will create,.

It can get much much worse real quick and chances are will. Nothing quite sucks like picking yourself up off the ground when nothing is left, there is no where to turn and not a soul willing to help and or wants anything to do with you.

That sh#t takes years to rebuild from. This "what you are dealing with now" drinking a few beers, hurts like the hurt everyone has to deal with that does not self medicate. You back peddle out real easy still.

A few beers, cut yourself some slack. Get up tomorrow figure out what is not right in your life enough to motivate you to pick up and start walking in the opposite direction of it and don't look back.

If you hesitate you could end up f*#ked real fast. If you just don't drink again this can be a little tiny blip in the grand scheme of things..
Flip Flop

Trad climber
Truckee, CA
Apr 7, 2014 - 09:55pm PT
Man the custody battle really changed my drinking habit. I've been a 1-3 beers 3-4 nights a week drinker forever. Social beers. Big euro guy with no DUI's. I don't like being drunk. For the first time ever, and for a year now, I think about beer every day. That's probably bad. I'm just heartbroken and miss my kid and really want a break from the hurting most evenings. I'm uncomfortable with the new normal. I should take a long walk and clear my head. Jail is the other real possibility as I've been served with an arrest warrant by my baby mama. Dark days.

Apr 7, 2014 - 10:02pm PT
Hope you guys are just f*#king around,

I would think if you know enough to worry about a few drinks you dam well know the difference between a momentary lapse in judgment and being scrapped off the ground and dumped in detox.

The later you pay the price for and feel the pain for years, the prior hurts now but subsides in hours, days, weeks, worse case months.

Putting yourself back together after you let everything go is a big f*#king job!

Wishing you both the best.

Social climber
Joshua Tree
Apr 7, 2014 - 10:17pm PT
Many ways to get a break fellas.

Occupy your time, tire yourself out. The gym works for me, but I grew up training in one kind of gym or another from about 13yo, so I feel at home in them and if I go after work, train til 8, drive home, cook dinner, eat...then it's bed time. No time for temptation.

Not a long term solution, but it can get you through some of the rougher spells.

Apr 7, 2014 - 11:23pm PT
Been sober about 6 years man,

Sadly not a substance known to man I have not had to kick at some point in time...

Apr 7, 2014 - 11:31pm PT
Yeah too many years f*#king around when I shoulda been learning to spell. Well there is more to it than that but whatever.

36 and been fighting this fight since 13. My neighbor at the time an old timer brought me to my first AA meeting at 13. As she said it was clear I was not just experimenting like other kids. By 15 I had my first year. I won't go into much more than that but let's just say I got many a 24 hr chips before I got it. Then I got it for many years in a row and gave it away, then I took it back you get the idea.

Now I suppose I am addicted to recreating but I consider that pretty productive by comparison. And at least thus far my addiction has very little negative impact on me those who love me or society. It's a hell of a lot more than I use to be sold to say. Maybe not much to some but tell that to anyone who loves me and has seen me in through tuff times.
Jebus H Bomz

Peavine Basecamp
Apr 8, 2014 - 12:28am PT
At the end of my drinking days, I was having some transcendent glory drunks. As good as it got, really. And it took a whopping epiphany to see things for what they were, and the path I was really headed.

I ask myself "is it worth it?" when I consider drinking now. And even with those great, ecstatic times I remember, it is not. All the facts are mostly the same now as then, but I see them differently. I can stack up all those ugly moments that rose from my addiction and not see them as cute little character building exercises, but for the backwards leaning BS they truly were.

For me, it took a smack down that I'm now happy to have received. I really don't know at what point I would have stopped abusing myself otherwise. I really feel for guys like you, Brandon, slow dancing yourself into a boiling pot of water with the losses so gradual you don't realize what is happening until it is too late. The smaller smacks seem more tolerable, the epiphanies aren't as dramatic, as binding. And maybe that's an inaccurate characterization of you and your situation, but I do believe it is what would have happened to me.

Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
Apr 8, 2014 - 05:44am PT
do you have to finish all the booze in the house?

do you drink til blackout?

you might be an alcoholic,

if that is the case, then a few drinks will cause a physical craving for more alcohol

this physical craving is driven by a mental obsession to drink,

i never went out for a drink, i went out for a drunk,

if you are an alcoholic and want your life to turn out great, then you must quit completely and forever,

this will prevent the positive feedback cycle that drives the physical craving,

how do you avoid that first drink?

remove the mental obsession.

you need help with this obsession as the urge to drink can hit you out of nowhere, just like a lightening bolt,

but doctors agree that no human power can completely prevent this obsession from leading to relapse,

if you are ready to surrender and do anything to stop the torture, then you will open your mind to the Great Spirit. this is the only thing known to man to cure people of the disease of alcoholism, period.

if you are not ready to surrender yet, then just stay home and drink until you really get beat down, but do not drink and drive as you could end up getting sober while behind bars.

when you know you are really ready, then go to an AA meeting and listen.

ask the person in charge about how to find a sponsor.

they will help walk you through the big book of alcoholics anonymous.

you will love the results you get if you do this.

good things will start to happen that will turn your life around.

if you just sit in meetings, you will feel better, but you will still be subject to relapse.

what the sponsor will do is sit down with you and help you make a list of people you hate and things you are afraid of.

if you are full of fear, guilt, shame and remorse, you will be willing to pray for the people you hate. this will replace the hate with love. sounds corny? fine. go find out what it is like to die an alcoholic death.

after you make progress, you will turn you thoughts and actions over to the Great Spirit instead of your self. you will ask Him how he would handle certain situations instead of using your own self will.

then you will make amends to people you have screwed over in your life.

by this time, your mind will be free to do prayer and meditation on a daily basis, which was hard to do with a mind full of resentments,

now you are making real progress. you are removing the reasons for the mental obsession to drink, and maintaining this state of mind by attending meetings of people who you share a common goal with.

you will feel so good that you will be able to help others.

you are now a recovered alcoholic and will stay that way if you do not drift back to your self centered ways and lose contact with AA.

you keep working the steps until you die a sober death,

think you have problems that make you want to drink?

listen to this story. if you do not feel like a complete wimp after you do, then i will pay you one million dollars>

Trad climber
Apr 8, 2014 - 07:29am PT

i never went out for a drink, i went out for a drunk,

That was me, except I rarely went out. 17 years,7 1/2 months after getting sober, I am still more comfortable with solitude than society.

if you are not ready to surrender yet, then just stay home and drink,... but do not drink and drive as you could end up getting sober while behind bars.

I've met a few who did that, and if that's the way it goes, it does make for compelling qualifications. But I wouldn't suggest it just to have a hold-onto-your-seat, this-is-gonna-be-a-good-one story.

I don't know I have been so lucky to have, as they say, "had the obsession lifted," but have to wonder if it is because I would not make it if tempted by the thought of a drink. In some ways I am a true Taurus. I joke: "When I make a decision I STICK to it. Even when I'm wrong." But on other things, I have so little tolerance for discomfort that I give up without even trying. That's why I don't climb very hard - I "can't go through with it" when reaching past my comfort zone. Without being one of those lucky ones who doesn't get tempted, I'd have hang-dogging sobriety that tired even the most patient belayerrr...I mean sponsors.

For some reason, I want to add that with all the luck of easy sobriety that I have, sponsorship/being sponsored has never been a strong part of my story. I have had sponsors/been a sponsor, but it has never been one of those close relationships that some people talk about having. It is hard for me to be vulnerable(as a sponsee), and I also haven't got very much tolerance for people's drama(as a sponsor).

Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
Apr 8, 2014 - 08:56am PT
I just realized it's been four years, as of a couple weeks ago (3/24)

Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
Apr 8, 2014 - 02:04pm PT
Happy Birthday Jaybro!
Jebus H Bomz

Peavine Basecamp
Apr 8, 2014 - 02:35pm PT
That is awesome, Jaybro. Losing track of the time spent sober rather than counting the days since I was drunk sounds like the place I want to be too.

Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
Apr 9, 2014 - 01:36am PT

probably the best youtube for AA, Joe and Charlie, 10+ hrs, takes you thru the whole book,

Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
Apr 22, 2014 - 10:30am PT
i spent last night on the wrong pillow.
when i awoke, i felt like shite.
for the first few blurry moments
i thought, with neutral emotion,
that i must have imbibed the evening before.

then clarity reared it's ugly head
and i knew that my pristine behavior
was not only upheld, but promoted to new
heights last night: my evening cocktail was
organic aloe juice cut with a nip of coconut water for flair!

in fact, my recent conduct has been so commendable,
that it can reach right into my dark past and rip
from it's concrete stance,
all of the ill-guilt of my naughty soul.

i'm sober today, and i've sworn off all future sin,
and then i went on executing myne demons and every
drink that i ever took has been exorcised from my past
so i never was even a drunk, i might as well apply for saint-hood;

and now,
my cleanliness is astute today, and probably will be tomorrow too,
so that i'm storing up a surplus of righteousness that i'll surely need
some day soon when i'm a f*#k-up again and i'll blanket that passed out
bastard with some protective cloak that i weave today,
as a respectable sober citizen with upstanding pen strokes
that scribe calculations which orchestrate the erection
a soul's superstructure.

ahem, pass the duct tape,

Social climber
1187 Hunterwasser
May 11, 2014 - 02:55pm PT
I'm not having fun with this. I was making a real effort and life showed up. Back to the beginning I guess.
John M

May 11, 2014 - 04:03pm PT
It happens Michelle. It took me at least 4 times to make quitting stick. I say at least 4 times because those years are a bit of a blur to me and I just don't remember all the times I went back. its probably more then 4, :-) but I did it and now don't have any issues with alcohol. which is a relief.

Just get back on the horse and start over. Thats all you have ever had to do. Decide who you want to be in each and every moment and remind yourself why. I would also say don't waste a lot of energy beating yourself up. You can't change the past. You can only choose what you will do today. Today is a new day and it sure is a pretty one.

Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
May 11, 2014 - 05:46pm PT
i used to cast a valiant stare
that gleamed my soul's conviction.

i did.
i could answer to anyone.

somewhere, though,
that substance eroded
and now i can only author a shifty glance,
as my mounting failures cast a dark shadow
upon my distant successes and
not much longer can i lean on
that which i used to be.

the present beckons the warrior,
but i've only to offer a coward.

Social climber
flagstaff arizona
May 11, 2014 - 08:06pm PT
Coming up on 4 months. It's been not too bad so far, for a 56 year old retired gentleman living in a halfway house with a bunch of neurotic 20 year olds. It was this or die. Feels awesome.
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