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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Oct 30, 2014 - 06:31am PT
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i take notes on my meandering relationship with alcohol.
the pattern for me, lately is this:
life is in order. bills paid. businesses thriving.
relationships hearty.
emotionally i celebrate my accomplishments
by f*#king off and drinking into oblivion.
i still take compromised care; i continue to push the cart.
though, understandably my achievements diminish
inversely proportional to the flow of my diesel.
then things come apart, slowly.
i see them fraying so i reel in the beast
and clean out the hydraulics because
i fear for the greater health of my father-sphere.
slowly shite coagulates and again i'm floating
on top of the pond, sc#m-like.
my heart reddens and i lean again towards celebrating
the shine all about me.
so i f*#k up. unf*#k up. and then repeat.
i propose to myself that alcoholism
really becomes a problem for me, if i continue
to micro-drink when i see things coming apart.
so i stop just long enough to get the ship a-righted,
and then i walk the plank thus upsetting the
center-of-life's-gravity and the ship tilts askew.
i only imbibe when there are rays of warm sun on my toes.
right now them toes are freezing and i'm staying out of adolf's bed.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Bump for sobriety, n all it's shapes and colors.
I thought about having a drink once while I was in migration from the east coast. SO glad that it was a fleeting thought, that I was bedded down for the night(I am lazy and unlikely to get up once I'm comfy in bed), and that my next thought(I do talk to myself. Frequently, out loud and in my head) was "Ummm, bad thinking. Change topic!"
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bvb
Social climber
flagstaff arizona
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One year in ~nine weeks. Boom.
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Seamstress
Trad climber
Yacolt, WA
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Cheering for you.
I know the holiday season is tough.
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Edge
Trad climber
Betwixt and Between Nederland & Boulder, CO
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Congrats, Bob!
New Years Day will be exactly 4 1/2 years for me, and just seeing this post again shocked me into remembering that oh yeah, I'm an alcoholic. I genuinely don't think like that anymore, it's not even in my realm of possibility.
I know it's not like that for everyone, but it will get easier regardless if you find what works for you and continue work it.
Keep up the good work!
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Woody the Beaver
Trad climber
Soldier, Idaho
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I surprised myself this summer. Got to the top of Borah (idaho high point) with a couple of people I met on the hike up. We figured out the date from the summit register: August 15, my 12th anniversary of no flammable fluid intake! I'd forgotten! Man, am I grateful. One of my fellow summiteers that day is an old drug/drink refurb job like me and we had a laugh about it. Turned out we'd both known and admired Bill Forrest from long ago, and said RIP to that graceful guy. Good day to be high and sober.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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BVB, you got around New Years? You brave dog, you! Or maybe it was "you tired dog, you" hahah Good Luck!
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Vegasclimber
Trad climber
Las Vegas, NV.
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Heyas gang.
I haven't posted on here in a while, but after reading back a bit I have seen a lot of talk lately about the good and bad in AA.
I was sober for about 2 years before I went to an AA meeting. It was a good thing that I did, because I was on the edge of picking up again. I spent the next few years in AA, and contribute that as an important part of my sobriety.
Keep in mind that my personal journey through AA was different then most; I didn't follow the "canon" to a T but took what I could use and set aside the rest. Everyone has the right to work their own program, and I had serious issues with the religious part of AA and never got into that. There was also a lot of hypocrisy and "us versus them" mentality in a lot of the rooms that I went to, and a huge amount of drama which is anathema to me. In the end, I couldn't find a room that didn't have these elements, and I set the meeting aspect of AA aside and continued my program with the added tools that I found in the rooms. It's continued to work for me for over 14 years now.
One thing that people should realize is that when AA was formed, religion was still a driving overall force in society. Nearly everyone went to church then and religion was taken as a social standard. Being as the books hold true to the original works, it will probably always be a part of AA. That doesn't mean that you have to accept that part - I have seen the religious aspect scare off a lot of people who truly need the help that AA can provide.
There has been mention here that "5 to 10% of people in AA succeed" but remember this - if there was no AA, that success would be 0% for some people.
It IS possible to attend AA, work the steps, and get sober without becoming religious or becoming a "book beater." So you shouldn't let that stop you from at least giving it a try. Like me, you can decide to attempt to work the program using what works for you and leaving aside what you can't come to terms with. But you need to accept the fact that your recovery may be harder, and you may not succeed the first few times.
The truth is that if you go to AA, and follow every single line, you will stay sober. You may only be a dry drunk, but you will be sober and can hopefully "fake it until you make it."
I am coming up on a trip which is probably going to stress some very deep and very emotional triggers for me. I am going back to my home town for the first time in over 10 years, and will be dealing with family and friends of my family that I haven't spoken to since I was a kid. I will have to deal with discussing the rift with my father, whom I have not spoken to in 20 years. All of these things are troubling to me, and I know that even with the time I have, I am going to have to be on "high alert." Even in longer term sobriety, you must never let your guard down.
The holiday season can be one of the toughest for those of us who are alcoholic. Stay strong, keep your phone close with a friend you can talk to, and take it one day at a time. Or a minute at a time. Or a second at a time. Strength and positive thoughts to you all.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Dec 13, 2014 - 07:17pm PT
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Hoh man, what a powerful movie!
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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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Whiskey. Todilhil, the Navajos had a named it. Water of Darkness if you translated that word into bilingaana language. But Navajos sometimes mispronounced it. Todilhaal, they'd say. Making it mean "sucking in darkness," and enjoying the wry irony of the pun. Death slept in the bottle, only waiting to be released.
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pb
Sport climber
Sonora Ca
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just checking in, seems there is a need
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Jan 25, 2015 - 09:17pm PT
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Nice work, Treez!
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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Jan 25, 2015 - 11:01pm PT
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way to beez treez!
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John M
climber
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Jan 25, 2015 - 11:01pm PT
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I'm glad that you are keeping your head on straight Treez.. Thats great news. Good on you mate.
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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
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Jan 26, 2015 - 12:53am PT
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good work!
here is your 6 month chip,
the miracle is not that i do not drink, but that i have no desire to drink,
the message is hope, the promise is freedom,
and you don't have to climb with a hangover,
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bvb
Social climber
flagstaff arizona
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Jan 26, 2015 - 02:34am PT
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1 year in about 2 1/2 weeks. My god what an epic 6 or 7 years it's been. Truly should be dead, or in prison.
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Vegasclimber
Trad climber
Las Vegas, NV.
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Jan 26, 2015 - 11:27am PT
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Way to go, bvb - proud of you!
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Jan 26, 2015 - 12:14pm PT
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Way to go American legend
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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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Jan 26, 2015 - 12:21pm PT
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My god what an epic 6 or 7 years it's been. Truly should be dead, or in prison.
Need more details.....
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Jan 26, 2015 - 12:23pm PT
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Congratulations on the six month mark Treez. As well to you, BVB, in your path.
I've been doing well, no thoughts of drinking or smoking, despite seeing plenty of it on a regular basis. I just got too good a deal when I signed on the dotted line. I hope I never forget that even for a second, because that's all it takes - one second of forgetting my commitment to sobriety - for it to all be over.
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