Sobriety (off topic or not)?

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Messages 1001 - 1020 of total 1619 in this topic << First  |  < Previous  |  Show All  |  Next >  |  Last >>
Jaybro

Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
Jan 16, 2013 - 10:15pm PT
Good on you Michelle. That was about as succinct and well expressed as it gets. You've good your eyes wide open! The best of everything for you!
Michelle

Trad climber
Toshi's Station, picking up power converters.
Jan 16, 2013 - 10:31pm PT
thanks folks. I'm struggling right now with mindfully and objectively looking at myself and how my behaviour. accepting the ugly parts of me is just no fun. I hurt myself and people that care about me way too many times and like I said, the cost is just not worth it. I've been sort of cruising along and living an unauthentic life. I want to be a shining, loving light that the people around me get nourished from but I'm afraid of being that person. one thing in my favor is that I am stubborn as hell.

on the God topic. I just don't know. I've been casting my pain out to something out there, seeking guidance. no burning buahes but its good mindfullness practice.
Largo

Sport climber
The Big Wide Open Face
Jan 16, 2013 - 10:50pm PT
Way to go Michelle. We all had the speed wobble at first but they don't last forever - easy to say, hard to believe if you're just hanging on.

Per the higher power thing - an imagined metaphorical crutch is just one way to configure it. The mistake is in believing that God MUST be this or nothing else. Most of the people I know who seem to radiate the charmed connection with and apparently are hard wired into that most nebulous higher power vibe cannot quantify or explain it and insist the trying to do so is just another adventure in spinning in the toilet. The trick, I believe, is to get that power to work in your favor, or put differently, to somehow align ourself with that power, which is a behavioral, not a cognitive process. Remember the motto: Knowledge availed us nothing. Not something, but nothing at all. It's very counterintuitive to a mind spinner like me.

But I've seen miracles . . .

Again, hang in there Michelle. You have all of us at your back - of that you may be sure.

JL
Michelle

Trad climber
Toshi's Station, picking up power converters.
Jan 16, 2013 - 11:48pm PT
mostly I approach things in a Zen sort of way. I'm a strong advocate of personal responsibility and that I am totally responsible for the choices I make. sometimes, like now, the image in the mirror is ugly. avoidance only makes it worse. In a way, I feel sort of free and awake. I've been snoozing at the wheel. I hope that someday someone may find my story as usefull as the stories of others have helped me.

I've been around on ST for a while and while I like to make fun of it, I've met some awesome people and made alot of e-friend that are valuable. its nice not to be alone :)
Vegasclimber

Trad climber
Las Vegas, NV.
Jan 17, 2013 - 12:08am PT
Good for you, Michelle. Glad to hear that you're taking this step. If you need any support or need to talk, please send me a message. We are all here to help each other.
Plaidman

Trad climber
South Slope of Mt. Tabor, Portland, Oregon, USA
Jan 17, 2013 - 12:41am PT
Michelle sending good vibes your way. That personal inventory part can be hard to handle. Just get it done and move on. It really is worth the effort. I just love living in my own skin. Even when I am in pain.

I don't get down on myself for stupid stuff. I just say I will learn to do it better. I really work on the self talk stuff and don't let myself say things to me that I would punch someone else in the mouth if they said it to me.
Try to be good to yourself through the tough parts.

It is always good to have friends and peers to help with the perspective part of getting sober. It helps also to have friends that will call you on crap too.

It really comes down to balance and patience.

Just letting you know there is another someone out there that cares.

All the best

Plaid
Jebus H Bomz

climber
Reno, Nuh VAAAA duh
Jan 17, 2013 - 07:54am PT
Work your own program. That's some of the best advice I've heard lately.
Gilroy

Social climber
Boulderado
Jan 17, 2013 - 09:07am PT
Best wishes for finding what you need, Michelle. I come here often for strength and counsel in the daily struggles we all face. Most helpful. Though a life of sobriety is not my expectation, I am 3 months now without intoxicants. I'll be back to check in but without a chip in my pocket. You guys and gals are my program.
Largo

Sport climber
The Big Wide Open Face
Jan 17, 2013 - 12:18pm PT
"Work your own program. That's some of the best advice I've heard lately."

That's all we can ever do IMO.

Our tendency to work someone else's program (and the insanity and grief that causes) is why Alanon was created. That's an exceedingly slippery but effective program if you can ever get hold of it.

The greatest advice I ever got in Alanon was from an old timer. I was complaining about not knowing what to do with an impossible significant other. He said, "Leave her alone." In other words: Let her work her own program. Or not. Anything else is playing God, and that doesn't work for sh#t.

Leaving people alone, to wrangle things their own way, but with mutual support, is the essence of recovery IME. The only thing I can say for sure about an alcoholic is that they should never take a drink. Beyond that is truly beyond me, and is none of my business.

JL
Vegasclimber

Trad climber
Las Vegas, NV.
Jan 17, 2013 - 12:30pm PT
Jebus and John, thanks for that reminder. It's a really good point to bring up.

I also had a problem with this earlier in my recovery, and found out that all it does is add to the exact type of drama that I have to avoid to stay sober. I have a hard enough time working with my own problems to try and "fix" someone else. All I can do is be there and try to help if they ask.

My sponsor told me frequently that I need to keep my side of the street clean, and let others worry about their side.
Plaidman

Trad climber
South Slope of Mt. Tabor, Portland, Oregon, USA
Jan 17, 2013 - 12:33pm PT
^^^Words never been better said. I am done babysitting drunks and willing them sober. I am there with support and love. If advice is asked I GIVE IT. BUT MOSTLY JUST MIND MY OWN BUSINESS. Sometimes it is difficult.
I don't have to be right all the time.
happiegrrrl

Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
Jan 17, 2013 - 03:11pm PT
I'll drink(a glass of juice) to that, Largo.

To understand where another ends and I begin, and to stay on my side of that fence. Easier said than done, but incredibly interesting to do my best to try. Nonetheless, I find drama toxic to my self, and cannot tolerate much of it. I tend to keep a distance from people I find tick that tock on my clock.


Michelle - Best of luck to you, and glad to see you were in the thread!
Michelle

Trad climber
Toshi's Station, picking up power converters.
Jan 17, 2013 - 03:39pm PT
Day 2 - this sucks balls. I forgot how much fun this is.
Marlow

Sport climber
OSLO
Jan 17, 2013 - 04:11pm PT
SCseagoat

Trad climber
Santa Cruz
Jan 17, 2013 - 04:18pm PT
Yeah Michelle....sucking balls may be bad but sucking the chrome off a trailer hitch is worse...hang in there!

Susan
notapplicable

Trad climber
richmond, VA
Jan 17, 2013 - 04:53pm PT
I find this thread very interesting. I am at this point, I suppose, off the wagon. At least technically. Between the ages of 15 and 24ish I would eat, drink, smoke and snort anything you put in front of me. Loved it all and I was no weekend warrior. All day everyday was my motto. Eventually it started making me feel worse than it did good. It was never a psychological thing or how it effected my life. It was purely physiological. It just didn't feel good to get f*#ked up most of the time. So I stopped. No meetings or anything, just stopped. Missed smoking pot some but never the rest.

8 years later I decided to get drunk over Thanksgiving and it felt good. I've pretty much been hammered since. Pharma and booze mostly but we'll see what else is out there. Most of the old connections are gone but drugs are a great social conduit. Not sure how long it lasts this time round. It's a fun hobby so I don't have plans one way or the other.

It's just interesting how and why different people put the poison down and why they pick it up again. Good luck folks - whichever side of the slope you're on!
tradmanclimbs

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Jan 18, 2013 - 08:03pm PT
Thank you. notaplicable. it's posts like your that help us stay sober and re assure us that we are on a a good path..
Norwegian

Trad climber
Pollock Pines, California
Jan 18, 2013 - 08:51pm PT
go n.a.
go until you threshold,
then go a little further.

go well beyond where the cowards cave and criticize.

beyonds that beg of you to crawl back towards
two livings.

nothing wrong with stimulating the warrior within,
in this absurd fight for a beating heart.

stay freaky,
run a marathon in shoes untied.

life is a fluid that freezes now
and thaws then.

get gills.
they swerve us well.

i hate the preachers on the path of
some self-prescribed holiness.




tradmanclimbs

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Jan 18, 2013 - 08:55pm PT
The weege is also a good reminder as to why i quit drinking. i still get pleanty freaky just do it without poisioning my soul....

Credit: tradmanclimbs
Looking down while soloing....
Credit: tradmanclimbs
soloing nekid.. Ice baby ICE:)
Nick Goldsmith P2 Black Dike 12-26-11 <br/>
Photo by Isa Oehry
Nick Goldsmith P2 Black Dike 12-26-11
Photo by Isa Oehry
Credit: tradmanclimbs
bvb

Social climber
flagstaff arizona
Jan 18, 2013 - 08:55pm PT
Took me 5 1/2 years to stop taking the ex's inventory. My first step toward actually getting my life back.
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