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yo
climber
The Eye of the Snail
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Topic Author's Original Post - Nov 30, 2006 - 02:57pm PT
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The desert wants to chomp on you. It’s evil like that. I mean actually evil. Possessed. Not just sitting there to get its picture taken and look pretty at sunset and make couples kiss and old people feel like they ain’t quite dead yet. In fact, the desert does look pretty at sunset, that’s how evil it is—makes you say to yourself, you know what, maybe I’ll step out of the car here for a bit and get a little more personal with this here desert. Such a sweet little pretty thing. And she beckons you in. So you saunter on in and yeah, admittedly there’s a few nasty looking plants and maybe some poisonous critters like scorpions that sleep in your boots and Australian wombats with enough venom to kill 187 men. But you’ll allow that because this desert mama is so hot. And she is, except when she’s dead cold. Then hot again. And at last she plops you on her couch and sits in your lap and up close you realize this gal’s been in prison and has three kids with three fathers and not only that but on one butt cheek she’s got a tattoo of the Streaked Wall.
Maybe evil’s not the word. Streaked Wall’s scary and all but it’s probably not criminal. Let’s call it odd. Just weird, if you think about it. Crapping in tubes and hanging off little carabinkles and clampons. Hooting like monkeys and yipping like coyotes and flying pirate flags as if you're ten years old. Getting to the end of each pitch and screaming, "Fuсk you, John Middendorf!" for entirely unclear reasons. Spending four climbing days and four more humping days to move up a piece of rock that doesn’t really have a summit. It just goes and then it stops, so you stop and come back down. If that’s not the stupidest thing ever.
Honestly, odd’s not doing it for me either. What I’d like to call this wall is alien. I have a thing for aliens. I saw a UFO when I was eight and just last summer I was grievously maimed in an intergalactic laser duel out by Rachel, Nev. But that Streaked Wall, kids, is from Mars. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Topping out was like landing on the moon. And lying there looking at the crazy stars before the clouds came in, I’ll admit it, I was thinking about aliens again. I lay there looking at all the stars I could see and thinking about all the jillions I couldn’t see and imagining all the planets that went along with those stars and I wondered if maybe, out of all those numberless planets with their numberless big walls, there was a wall like this and on top of that wall there was a guy like me lying on his alien foam pad, and I wondered if he felt what I felt.
You know what, let’s not be shy here. What’s really going through my mind after the Streaked Wall is a wonderment of what it all means. Not climbing, either. I’m talking about It. Yes, children, the secret of life. What we’re all doing here. Why couples kiss and why the desert looks like that at sunset. This is an Inturweb TR, let’s take it to the max. I discovered the meaning of our existence after the Streaked Wall and, like Billy Crystal said, it is one thing. Small enough to hold in your hand.
(Thanks to Matt for leading all the hard pitches. Thanks to the FA team even though I can't remember who you are. Thanks and apologies to Mr. John Middendorf and Jessica Alba. Thanks to Mr. Ammon McNeely who responded to a beta request with an email that read "...you'll want to bring a lot of beaks...I wish I could go up on that wall again for the first time...SEND IT DUDE!" Thanks to my producer and every one who believed in me and my photo editor. Oh wait, nobody edited anything--we used every photo we took.)
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Melissa
Gym climber
berkeley, ca
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Nov 30, 2006 - 03:03pm PT
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Gorgeous! And I'm calling them carabinkles from now on.
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Ouch!
climber
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Nov 30, 2006 - 03:04pm PT
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Bold. And really great pictures.
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caughtinside
Social climber
Davis, CA
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Nov 30, 2006 - 03:05pm PT
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hartouni told me to post in this thread.
Rad!
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, Ca.
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Nov 30, 2006 - 03:11pm PT
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Wow! Nice pics. Looks like you guys had some fun. I like that burger too. That baby probably went down good after eating noodles for days.
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426
Sport climber
Buzzard Point, TN
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Nov 30, 2006 - 03:12pm PT
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Rock on yo(s)..
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handsome B
Gym climber
SL,UT
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Nov 30, 2006 - 03:24pm PT
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Jeebus H. Crisco that wall is incredible. You may be getting a beta request e-mail from me soon enough.
Great Pics!
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imnotclever
climber
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Nov 30, 2006 - 03:28pm PT
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Awesome. Great TR.
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Euroford
Trad climber
chicago
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Nov 30, 2006 - 03:44pm PT
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super cool man, damn that wall is steap!
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spyork
Social climber
Land of Green Stretchy People
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Nov 30, 2006 - 03:45pm PT
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Wow nice TR. Shots of the beak (err, if thats what they are)placements made me a bit skeered though!
I used to live in the upper Mojave desert. Evil, I know.
Steve
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crotch
climber
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Nov 30, 2006 - 03:51pm PT
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Outstanding!
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ec
climber
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Nov 30, 2006 - 03:52pm PT
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Beautiful!!
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Josh Higgins
Trad climber
San Diego
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Nov 30, 2006 - 04:03pm PT
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I like to think that I'll be able to aid climb that well in the next decade or two. Nice send and great trip report!
Josh
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bringmedeath
climber
la la land
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Nov 30, 2006 - 04:27pm PT
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Nice, matt wanted to get on that wall since the first time I met him. Looks rad!
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Ed Hartouni
Trad climber
Livermore, CA
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Nov 30, 2006 - 04:36pm PT
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holy shizzle man! nice send... beautiful pix too.
I scream at the FA team all the time, I hope they understand... when I'm on the FA, I just scream at myself...
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Chaz
Trad climber
So. Cal.
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Nov 30, 2006 - 04:39pm PT
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Bitchen' Photos!
Thanks for posting THIS!
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feelio Babar
Trad climber
Sneaking up behind you...
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Nov 30, 2006 - 04:40pm PT
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Rope-a-dope! How many peckers on the rack? Were the new bigger ones usefuls for scars? word!
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funkness
climber
Ca.
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Nov 30, 2006 - 04:51pm PT
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Sweeeet!
Very nice TR, Thanks for post it Yo!
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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Nov 30, 2006 - 04:55pm PT
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Great TR particularly awesome pictures
Looks like an amazing line, and looks hard too.
Wonder how that sandstone will hold up with time. Any idea how the roue will stand up to repeated ascents
Thanks!
PEace
karl
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ZAllen
Social climber
the dirty south
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Nov 30, 2006 - 07:23pm PT
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Way to stoke it!
Awesome TR, thanks yo!
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