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nature
climber
Tucson, AZ
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Topic Author's Original Post - Aug 14, 2009 - 07:19pm PT
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I'm just looking for general discussion on the subject.
I know I'll get another. I don't know when. I'm lonely and like the companionship. But I can't help but feel that if I do it soon something isn't right about that. I'd feel like i'm trying to replace her. I'd feel like that maybe I'm not doing the memory of her justice.
But I also know I'll never forget her. There's a place in my heart she lives and nothing else will ever enter. There's another room, sorta the same size, just in a different place for my next best friend.
I get her ashes back Monday. I'm taking a trip to northern arizona next weekend to spread some of them.
On friday of next week I'm getting my first tattoo. a mountain peak with an Om symbol at the top and the words "Summit" underneath.
All thoughts are welcome here. There is no right or wrong answer.
I miss her... so much.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Aug 14, 2009 - 07:23pm PT
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The time will come, and you'll know it, when it arrives. Namaste
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Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
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Aug 14, 2009 - 07:26pm PT
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Like I told you, get a "rescue", but down south you might look for a short haired candidate.
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Aug 14, 2009 - 07:26pm PT
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Something that I've posted previously, that may be some comfort. Our last family dog died in spring 2008.
The great Swedish physician and humanist, Axel Munthe, was renowned for his love of animals. His lyrical romance, The Story of San Michele, is as much about animals as anything. It was one of the best selling books of the 20th century, and one of my favourites. He had this wisdom on a sad subject:
"Alas! the life of a dog is so short and there are none of us who have not been in mourning for a lost friend. Your first impulse and your first words after you have laid him to rest under a tree in the park, are that you never, never wish to have another dog; no other dog could ever replace him, no other dog could ever be to you what he has been. You are mistaken. It is not A dog we love, it is THE dog. They are all more or less the same, they are all ready to love you and be loved by you. They are all representatives of the most lovable and, morally speaking, most perfect creation of God. If you loved your dead friend in the right way, you cannot do without another. Alas! he also will have to part from you, for those beloved by the gods die young."
Munthe lived from 1857 - 1949, was the youngest doctor then qualified in France in 1880, and was renowned for treating anyone, from the very poor in the slums during epidemics, to the royal family of Sweden. San Michele was his villa on the island of Capri, where he spent much of his life. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Axel_Munthe
I don't think Munthe got it quite right - all dogs are a little unique. I've lost several over the years, and often remember them, each in its own way.
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kc
Trad climber
lg, ca
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Aug 14, 2009 - 07:32pm PT
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There is definitely no right or wrong answer. In my experiences running an animal hospital, some people would get a new pet the next day, some would never get another one, and most would fall somewhere in between. I think that there should be at least a little space in between to let the proper grieving take place and not let it be interrupted by a new animal. Also, there is the possibility of communicating sadness/grief on to the new animal, and that can be very confusing and lead to behavior problems or insecurity for them. Give it at least enough time so that your sadness isn't so raw and that your need isn't so huge, and then you'll find that the right animal will walk into your life at the right moment.
You'll find your way through this--after all, Summit would want you to remember her, of course, but not be torn up over her. You'll get there.
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Ricky D
Trad climber
Sierra Westside
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Aug 14, 2009 - 07:32pm PT
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Nature - you are right about not moving quickly on this decision.
For some reason or the other, I have always seemed to channel the spirit of Doctor Doolittle when it comes to animals. Every time I turn around, one animal type or the other somehow appears in my life.
I dug them all - but the special ones were the friends that just appeared - not quite the same relationship with the ones I picked out intentionally.
My current mutt flame is Nellie (you met her at Facelift). I had no intention of having a dog at that time, but she/I ran into each other in a hotel parking lot in Morgan Hill on a skydiving weekend. I said "Hi pup" and gave her a piece of Clif Bar and thought no more of it. Two days later I go to leave for home and there she was, sleeping behind my car and refusing to leave. I gave her a ride home thinking a friend would take her stray fanny in - they didn't, I did, mutt has been one of my best animal friends ever since.
Keep your eyes and heart open and the dog that is seeking someone like yourself will come into your life.
Rick
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Denise Umstot
climber
somewhere by the beach
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Aug 14, 2009 - 07:39pm PT
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Nature,
Summit will always be with you in your heart. Do what you feel is right. Just because you are thinking of getting a new dog now does not mean you are replacing Summit. Companionship is a great thing!
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Pennsylenvy
Gym climber
A dingy corner in your refrigerator
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Aug 14, 2009 - 07:39pm PT
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Took me a while Doug. Same issue, felt like a replacement scenario. What I did was enjoy my freedom from responsibility,... read go climbing in the National Parks.....
Crazy thing was I thought I had it figured out and wanted a smart dog aka border collie , Australian etc mix from the shelter and look what I got: SNOOK. I was in PetSmart and the Second Chance Shelter had a little cage in the middle of the floor. I looked over and there was that handsome dog.......he looked at me and started barking his head off...ah love at first site. Enjoy what you can about your situation and then be patient that mutt will find you! TGIF
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atchafalaya
climber
Babylon
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Aug 14, 2009 - 07:44pm PT
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Dood (Doug), a dog NEEDS you, as much or more than you need them. You are one of the good ones, who knows, loves and treats them as family.
I said after my last dog passed that I needed time before I got another one. Took me about 6 to 8 weeks of coming home to an empty house, sitting in silence, eating without being stared at... I went to LOOK at some puppies, and could not leave without bringing one rowdy pup home for a new life.
All dogs are unique and never "replace" eachother. When the time is right for you, make yourself and another dog happy again.
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Aug 14, 2009 - 07:48pm PT
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Nature, whether your next dog arrives in your life this evening, this week, or next month, it will be exactly right. And your new dog won't be Summit's replacement at all, so don't put yourself through that anguish.
I met a couple on the train this spring, coming home from New Paltz. They saw Teddy, and he reminded them of their old dog from many years ago, and we began talking.
They had a kitten in a carry case, and of course I asked about it. The man told me about his companion cat of many, many years. How deeply connected they were to kitty, and that about a month ago, that cat had passed away, similarly as Summit. At an older age, but still too soon, after an illness.
They were distraught.
Less than a week later, this kitten(the one in the carry case) simply appeared on their doorstep. They thought it must have been put there from a well-meaning neighbor, and were going through the same thoughts. Too soon? Will we have time to cherish our cat and grieve her death? During that day of thought, the went round to talk to all their potential "kitty givers," and they were as surprised as the people! Nobody had done so. The kitten really did just somehow get connected to these people.
And so, they took this kitten in as p0art of their family. They were amazed at how the kitten seemed to bring out memories of the most wonderful qualities and times with the cat that had passed. Not in a comparing way, but as if the universe were saying something like "I know you miss cat, but you have a heart that needs to share love, and we(universe) have a lot of kittens that need that love too. Your kind of caring is so special, we(universe) don't want to lose out on one moment of it's use. So we have taken the liberty of helping you out...."
Another story - one of the people who live in a building I have clients in had 2 Bijon Frise dogs, whom they utterly adored. About a year ago, one had a health issue, again similar to Summit, where it was diagnosed and not much time on this earth was left. These people suffered in their pain. It was so obvious. Seeing them carrying the dog out to go potty. They were in such pain they could not even talk abut it. It was torture for them to even be seen, because they couldn't deal with people asking after doggie. They would just break down in tears whenever someone did.
Finally the day came when doggie passed away. Even knowing their friend was no longer in pain wasn't easing their own heartbreak. Plus, they had the other dog, and the two had been true buddies.
They were saying they needed time, but felt they would eventually bring another dog into their lives. And of course people said "take your time; you'll know when it's right."
Well - what a surprise when two weeks later, they found another wonderful Bijon and brought him into their lives. And though it happened very quickly, it was just so crystal clear that it was right.
And again, this new doggie did NOT act as a replacement. No - animals each are who they are, and as much as they will do anything to please their people, they simply cannot pull off the trick of being a surrogate.
So, even if you have that worry, try not to let it get in the way of seeing, when your new friend makes their appearance. For sure, if you miss it, the universe will try again. There are just that many wonderful dogs out there, and the dog *factory* has a pretty quick production schedule, that in short order another dog will come knocking on the door to see if you can let them in.
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nature
climber
Tucson, AZ
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 14, 2009 - 07:51pm PT
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thanks everyone.
I started crying again when I read what pc wrote.
I got to what lockern00b wrote and started laughing my ass off.
Great tips and insights.
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Sarah Funky Fresh
Trad climber
Fresno, CA
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Aug 14, 2009 - 07:54pm PT
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I am VERY sorry about your loss. I have two cats (I'm an apartment dweller, but would love a dog one day). If I make the mistake of even thinking about life without one of my companions, I get teary-eyed.
Be patient with yourself mourning your loss. You are in a process.
Can I help? I was considering doing some photo gallery pages devoted to crag dogs on my Web site but never got around to it. Your note seems to be the universe's way of saying "Go for it." We can honor your dog with a little tribute to her. Send me a photo and I'll post it.
Anyone else who wants me to put up a photo of your beloved crag companion, send a photo with your name and your dog's name to: clearascent@yahoo.com
Sarah
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Melissa
Gym climber
berkeley, ca
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Aug 14, 2009 - 08:09pm PT
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Only you can know what's right for you, but here's my story about making new furry friends after loss...
When my first kitty, Little Girl, died, I adopted another one, Zoe, after a month. I just couldn't stop trying to do things to make the hole in heart smaller. After I was done making a scrap book, perfecting her resting place, buying and lighting candles, I ended up looking at kitties on line. I adopted Zoe not to replace Little, but definately, in part, because I hoped that we (me, J, and our other kitty, Sidwich, who was visibly mourning) would be less lonely and sad with her completing our little family.
Zoe is such a sweet and fluffy little monster, and I'm so glad to have her. However, in retrospect, I wasn't really ready to deal with the stress of co-adjusting with a new pet when I first adopted her. She wanted to dominate Sid, and he would have none of it. This story played out in urine. I was still grieving, and considering whether or not it would be necessary to rehome Zoe was very painful. Luckily, they came to some sort of co-dominance agreement although Sid never did care for her much.
When Sidwich died following a long, sad, and nursing-intensive illness, I waited a bit longer to adopt again. When the time came, I considered getting a rescue Abyssinian (Little was an aby), but I realized that popular purebred rescues tend to have a line of people waiting to adopt them. They are also likely to be inbred (if they are rescued from breeders) and have more health issues as a result.
In the end, I found the shelter in my area with the highest kill rate, and went to see if I would fall in love with any kitties. While I was meeting one kitty, a noisy guy a few cages over demanded to be introduced. And that is how I met Sandwich.
So now I have Zoe and Sandwich who love each other and me too.
I still miss Sid and Little all the time. Zoe and Sandwich can't replace them. There are times when I wish that they could. But each friendship that I share with an animal is as unique as the animal.
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klk
Trad climber
cali
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Aug 14, 2009 - 08:13pm PT
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This story played out in urine.
That seems to happen frequently on the Taco.
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steelmnkey
climber
Vision man...ya gotta have vision...
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Aug 14, 2009 - 09:44pm PT
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Doug, you said it best yourself:
"There is no right or wrong answer."
You'll know when it's time and it will be right.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Aug 14, 2009 - 10:15pm PT
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"each friendship that I share with an animal is as unique as the animal."
-Hipshot, putting Cilley in his place,
Hipshot and Alobar
Alobar
Natalie and Midnight
midnight one year ago
-Natalie and Dante
me and what's his name
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Captain...or Skully
Social climber
Boise....
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Aug 14, 2009 - 11:21pm PT
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You'll know when it's time.
There's a special arrangement between monkeys & dogs.
Did they befriend us, or us them?
It's lost, in the mists of time.
There's time.
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Ghost
climber
A long way from where I started
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Aug 14, 2009 - 11:26pm PT
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Doug
A year and a half ago we went through what you're going through now. Faraday lived 18 years, but at the end she... well, like Summit with you, she died in my arms, covered in my tears, and when she was gone there was a huge empty space in the house and in our hearts.
Somehow, we just couldn't bring ourselves around to the point of being ready for a "replacement." It just wasn't right.
But the day before christmas, about nine months after Faraday died, we were on our way somewhere and passed an animal shelter, and without even talking about it we both knew it was time.
When the time is right, you will know.
Here's Faraday. I've posted this before on some other thread, but it captures her so perfectly that I'll post it again.
And here is Mei Fu. A totally different creature, and not a replacement at all.
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Captain...or Skully
Social climber
Boise....
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Aug 15, 2009 - 12:18am PT
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They have their lives.....You have yours.
They cross...Who knows?
We ALL shine on.
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Aug 15, 2009 - 12:58am PT
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HWD, you're channeling LEB again. Stop it!
See post #48 of this thread: http://www.supertopo.com/climbing/thread.html?topic_id=478250
How weird is that, eh?
Edit: Post from HWD, 9:57 PM Aug 14 2009:
I wish to comment that the Universe "provides" cats. We just got "provided with" another one recently. They show up in your life whether you want them or not. I think everyone has a quotient of cats "assigned" to them - probably to make up for negative karma from the past. Depending on how bad you have been, you get more or less cats (we must have been wicked).
For this reason, it really does not pay to go out and acquire cats on your own. You will STILL get your pre-assigned quotient of cats and if you get one on your own, then you will just have extra cats to take care of.
Now, for some unknown reason, dogs are different. The universe does not seem to "provide" dogs to anyone. You have to go out and get them. I am not entirely certain why the universe automatically "provides" you with cats but not dogs.
Quote from LEB, from the link above: We are never really "done." There is always another pup around the corner for us. Life is just too empty without them. .......and then there is the whole "cat thing." I swear the universe "gives" you cats so as to help you atone for your sins. Right now, I am being systematically tortured by several such creatures. It is my karma to look after their needs while they MAY - allow some measured affection to slip through.
And, on one of the links posted below: Positively spooky, ain't it? The universe (or God, depending on your belief system) "gives you" cats. Everyone has a quota of cats which are thus "assigned" to them and it has some thing to do with your karma. Cats are put here to torture us at times (mine do so on a regular basis) and help us atone for our sins.
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